Bring Me To Life
by ksjf2012
Summary: Kogan college drama. Heavy, real life kind of story with some heartbreaking aspects. Also a continuation of my one shot One Night Stand.
1. Chapter 1

"This place is a lot bigger than my dorm in the 80's." I smiled as I glanced around my room but ignored my dad as he walked past me going to the bed in the corner that was empty. "I see Carlos thinks he needs to bring his whole house with him." I crossed my arms over my chest and couldn't stop smiling. This was finally happening. It was real. I was a week away from college starting and I was moving into a dorm room. "Look at how happy he looks Jo-Ann." I snapped out of my thoughts and grinned even bigger at my parents, who were both looking at me. I rushed to them, throwing my arms around their necks and hugged them tight.

"We're so proud of you Logan!" I felt my mother clutch onto me as one of the tears coming out of her eyes touched the side of my face. I sighed and rolled my eyes but continued to smile feeling my dad rub my back.

"We are Logan. SO proud. And so happy for you." I slowly let my parents go and my dad sighed shaking his head. "I saw a bunch of parents leaving already. Don't want to embarrass you." I frowned, keeping both my hands on each other shoulders and my mom cried out throwing herself at me. I hugged around her tight and gave my dad a pleading look making him laugh out loud. "Jo…come on. He's not going to be gone forever. We live 20 minutes away from me." I laughed squeezing my mom tight one last time. My dad gently pulled her off me, after she kissed my cheek and wiped her face.

"You call us for anything. And if this doesn't work out you can stay with us." I nodded and started to turn, glancing around the sort of big room shrugging.

"I think I'm going to love it here." I turned back around to them and sighed out. "Thanks for…everything I guess. I love you guys." My dad laughed and extended his hand. I took it, shaking it softly, and let my mom throw herself at me one last time. "Thanks for helping me move in everything." My dad nodded, and I squeezed around my mom one last time before letting her go. "I'll walk out to your car with you." My dad nodded, and I let my mom link her arm with mine and led her outside.

Four more hugs from my mother and being told to call them whenever, and they were leaving. I waited to see their car disappear into the huge crowd of cars on campus before turning and practically running back into the dorm hall. I walked up the two flights of stairs to get to my shared dorm with Carlos and rushed into my room. I glanced around at the duffle bags of my clothes, the two totes of things to decorate with and the two backpacks full of my books, binders and my laptop. I walked over to my bed quick however and sat down looking over at Carlos's side. He text me early this morning and said he was already starting to bring stuff in and by lunch time he would be able to get away from his mom and dad and we could explore. Well it was almost 1 and I was eager to start walking around campus and looking at all the stuff. Just as I pulled my phone out of my pocket it vibrated and my cheeks flushed seeing the text from a guy I was seriously into. I laid back on my bed and raised my legs not realizing how big my smile was. The text only said can we hang out tonight, but it was enough to make my heart flutter and the butterflies to throw a rave in my stomach. All I could think about was the night I met him and had sex with him. More than once. And ever since then I've been head over heels. We haven't seen each other all summer because I was on a three-month long road trip with my parents. And because we only came back yesterday, and I had to do a lot of shopping to get ready for college, I couldn't see him. But we still texted. And every now and then, while I was on the road, I would send him pictures and he'd send me pictures back of him and James. Sometimes even with Carlos. The fact that he was 22, and the a-typical bad boy, didn't faze me. All the late-night conversations we had about his life, and mine was enough for me to feel like I could fall in love with him. Even as I text him back, saying I would love to see him, I knew I probably already was in love.

I managed to get all my bags and totes unpacked and my half of the room set up to how I liked it, by the time Carlos finally came in. I was listening to music and folding all my sweats and shirts, and boxers when the door to our room burst open and Carlos rushed in. I jumped up from the floor as he rushed into me hugging me tight. "Welcome home and to college buddy!" I smiled as I hugged him and let him go quick as he pushed away from me and went to his bags on and around his bed. "I like what you've done to the room so far.

"Thanks…I hooked up the mini fridge because my mom sent me with food of course." Carlos grinned big sitting on his bed and I walked to his desk by it and sat on the chair pulling my legs up to my chest. "So…what…"

"Are you and James's step brother dating?" I blushed looking down and hugged around my legs looking out our window at the blue sky. "Cause I'm alright with it, and so is James but the dude is 22 Logan. What have your parents said about it?" I snorted loudly turning back to him and he raised an eyebrow. "You haven't told them?" I shook my head which made him laugh and take off his backwards baseball hat. He tossed it onto his bed and stood up puling his graphic t-shirt off his body. He tossed it on the floor and I looked at his bare back, which to me looked a little bigger. Muscular. I looked away quick and fiddled with the denim on my jeans.

"He's really sweet Los. And yes, he is older, but I don't see what about that, that's bad."

"It's not dude. I just don't want to see you get hurt." I glanced back to see him kneeling in front of his back pack and pull out a plain black short sleeved shirt.

"I appreciate that. And to be honest…I'm not sure if we are dating. We've hooked up once and have been texting all summer. I'm not sure what that is." Carlos nodded pulling the shirt on his body and stood up.

"Well maybe you can figure it out right now. James wants us to come over to see his place." He paused as I stood up and gave him a weird look. "Right…James and Kendall are living together. Kendall has his own apartment and James didn't want to live on campus." I nodded slowly as he walked to me and grabbed my shoulder and started to pull me towards the door. I grabbed my keys and phone before he pushed me out of the room, and locked the door behind him, feeling those butterflies I felt earlier come back. I was going to be seeing Kendall for the first time since I left for the summer and all I could think about was the last thing he said to me was he'd see me when I got back. And I dumbly said A-Okay. As Carlos walked me out of the dorm hall, talking fast about all the things he wanted to do before class started, I suddenly started to question why Kendall even liked me in the first place.

I tried to walk to my car, but Carlos told me the apartments James and Kendall lived in were right across form our huge campus and followed him as he walked us to it. They were nice apartments, that were in fact across from the school and it made me happy. Because seeing Kendall would be a lot easier living so close together. As we walked into the complex, and he led me to building with four apartments, I spotted James's little BMW and got nervous. I still followed Carlos however as he walked up the stairs and went to the apartment to the left. 13M. I swallowed hard as Carlos knocked and stood behind him putting my hands into the pockets of my jeans. The front door swung open and I had to smile big. James walked into the door frame and smiled big. "What up guys! Come look at my cool apartment!" Carlos laughed pushing past him and walked in pulling his sunglasses off his face. I took a step forward and opened my mouth to ask him how his summer was, but he put up a hand and set it on my shoulder. "Before Kendall gets back from the store I just gotta know…are you guys dating?" I rolled my eyes pushpin past him and walked into the bright living room. It was what you would expect a college apartment to look like. The TV was a huge flat screen, hanging on the wall, with a big stereo system underneath with about three different game consoles. The had a long three-person black leather couch and matching love seat, along with two soft, comfy looking recliners on either side of the couch. The living room was huge but before I could look around at the book cases and entertainment system I was grabbed and pulled off towards the right. I stepped into a sort of large kitchen complete with a tiny island in the middle and all stainless-steel appliances. I whistled low pulling myself up onto the bar stool next to Carlos who was already sipping from a Coke can. "Knowing the little bit of information, I know about Kendall…I don't think he gets in too many relationships. I just don't want you to get hurt."

"Do you two share the same brain?" I glanced between Carlos and James and at the same time they spoke.

"Maybe." I rolled my eyes taking the unopened coke can from James who then pulled himself up on the counter by the sink.

"I like him James. He can have full conversations with me about things other than music and pop culture. I like him. And not to toot my own horn, I think he likes me too." James nodded swinging his legs and sipped from a red solo cup. "Did he tell you we talked over the summer?" I asked it quietly making both Carlos and James burst into a chorus of laughter. I rolled my eyes again and pushed away from the island sliding off my stool. I turned and quickly made my way down the long hall with five different doors lining it. I looked in the first one and smirked at the bathroom that screamed James.

"Don't snoop through my stuff you punk!" I flipped James off over my shoulder as sort of loud rock music started to play from behind me. I opened one door, sort of by the bathroom and frowned at the laundry room complete with high tech looking washer and dryer and shelves on the walls, holding the soaps and random things. I shut the door fast and looked to my right to see a door shut tight. I put my hand on the knob and turned it walking in slowly. My mouth parted just a little as I walked into the sort of messy room, with a huge king-sized bed, a dark wood dresser with a medium sized flat screen on it. There was a computer desk pushed under a window straight across from me, with a nice Mac computer on it, along with piles of books and random papers. As I stepped in further I saw a closed door, probably a closet, along with an open one leading into a bathroom. I walked to the end of the bed and glanced around at the pictures on the wall. I leaned against the bed putting my hand on the soft, plush comforter and saw hanging on the wall sort of close to the desk was a picture of Kendall. I stood up straight and walked over to it. He was in a hockey jersey, holding onto a trophy with an older woman hugging around him. Probably his mom. As I walked right up to it, I smiled and looked down at his younger looking face. I turned my head slowly to look at the stacks of papers on the desk but a sound from behind me made me jump and turn quick. Standing in the doorway sunglasses hanging off his face, chewing rather loudly on some gum was Kendall. I swallowed hard trying not to look like I was just going through his personal stuff and started to walk to him.

"Hey…" He pulled his glasses off his face and smirked as he continued to smack his gum in his mouth.

"I didn't take you for someone to snoop through other people's stuff." My cheeks went hot, and I shook my head as he walked into me tossing his sunglasses onto his dresser.

"No…I wasn't. I just…" One of his hands went to the back of my head while the other grabbed my hip and pulled me into him. Our lips touched quickly, and he pushed down into me, making me grip onto the open black button up shirt on him. Before he kissed me, I noticed his all black outfit, complete with black and white Chuck's, but couldn't compliment him on how good he looked. He was kissing me, and I was doing everything in my power to keep myself standing. I clutched onto his shirt but moved one hand up quick, to place it on his neck. I raised up on my tippy toes and pushed back into him, just as he pulled away. I gasped out opening my eyes and let my hands drop from him. I closed my mouth fast and watched him smirk as he shimmied out of his button up shirt and threw it to the end of his bed. I turned as he walked past me and went to the desk kicking out of his shoes. I swallowed hard and wiped my mouth finding my voice. "Did you just get off work?" He nodded with his back to me and to my surprise lifted off his plain black undershirt. I held back my excitement seeing his bare skin covered in tattoo's and bit my bottom lip.

"So, you don't have any plans tonight?" He turned slowly and leaned against his desk putting his hand sin his lap. I was stuck staring at his naked torso and the colorful tattoos on his pecks leading up to his neck. I nodded, and he chuckled quickly working on his belt. I looked up to his eyes fast and he stood up straight. "James was saying a few of his friends were coming over tonight for a small party. I was hoping you'd be here."

"Yeah-yeah…" I paused hating that I stuttered and watched him pull his belt off from around his waist and stood up straight. "I think that's why Carlos and I came over so early."

"No, I mean…" He put his hands on the button on his black jeans and walked to me. He craned his neck down ever so slightly and put his mouth right by mine. "I was hoping you'd be here. In my room, with me." My lips parted just a little and he smirked leaning in and kissing my cheek softly. "I'm gonna jump in the shower. You can stay in here or go out to the living room. Make yourself at home." He walked away from slowly unzipping his jeans and something snapped in me. I followed him fast, turned him roughly and threw myself at him. I put both hands on his neck and pulled up on his body forcing his arms to go around my back. I put every ounce of energy into our kiss and opened my mouth biting at his to also open. When he did I swiped my tongue inside and felt the gum he'd been chewing on. I know both of us heard the floor creak outside his room because we both pulled away. I turned wiping my mouth again and breathing hard watching James walk in. He looked between the two of us and sighed rolling his eyes looking into his step brothers room, away from us.

"You guys going to be a while? Carlos wants to get drunk and play King's cup." I blushed stepping away from Kendall and smiled up at James.

"I'm down to play. You'll have to teach me though." I started to walk out of the room glancing over my shoulder seeing Kendall giving me a devilish grin and smirked back.

"Where did you get gum Logan?" I laughed loudly walking out of the room and blew a big bubble with the light pink gum a huge grin on my face as I went.

 **Hey y'all! New story! It's a continuation of my one shot, One Night Stand. I've never done a college, Kogan drama and have a lot of cool ideas for it. Much like most of my stories, it's gonna be heavy, heavy drama…maybe even some sad parts so be warned. Also, you guys know I love to write smut. Especially of the Kogan variety so be prepared! Let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**(so usually I do at least two P.O.V.s but I think I'm just going to keep this as Logan's. If I change it, I will let you know, but for now this story will be told from Logan's P.O.V.)**

Being drunk is such a weird thing for me. I don't drink usually, and the times I have, I've been buzzed at best. I don't know how to hold my liquor and I don't know how to pace myself. That's why sitting at the table in James and Kendall's dining room with a half empty red solo cup in front of me, was odd. My head…well my whole body felt light. I felt like I wanted to dance. And every time I looked over at Kendall who was sitting next to me, all I could think about was having sex with him. Over and over. But with my best friends sitting very close to us I had to keep my hands to myself, and my thoughts in my head. "Who needs another drink?" I glanced up to see James standing, drinking down the rest of his beer and swallowed hard.

"I'll take another beer." I looked over to Kendall quick and saw him also drinking the rest of his beer until it was empty. I swallowed hard sitting back and pulled my legs up onto the chair. I crossed them and set my hands in my lap looking across the round table to Carlos who was furiously texting on his phone.

"Everything alright Los?" He nodded still texting and I sighed out slowly. "How come Samantha isn't here yet?" He looked up fast and I leaned back raising an eyebrow at him.

"She's hanging out with her girlfriends. Something about a sorority party." I nodded watching James come back to the table handing a beer to Kendall who quickly took it, twisting the top off. "I may have started a fight…" Carlos set his phone on the table and I leaned forward putting my elbows on the table putting my chin in both hands. He sighed out taking a quick sip of his drink in his red solo cup and set it down leaning forward looking at the table under him. "She asked me to go with her to the party tonight and I told I didn't want to. That somehow turned into me not trusting her and now she's drunk and telling me about all the guys flirting with her." I shook my head sitting back and grabbed my drink. "I want to go but I don't because of all the frat dudes who will piss me off and…"

"I'll go with you dude. We can all go." James looked over to me and I groaned putting my head down on the cold table, closing my eyes. "Okay…I'll just go. Come on…it will be the first college party we go to. You can surprise Sam and I can find a slutty sorority girl to sleep with." I groaned louder this time as my shoulder was gripped and there was laughter around me.

"You don't mind do you Logan?" I shook my head slowly on the wood of the table and I heard chairs scoot back. "And you don't mind watching him Kendall?"

"No. It's not my first time babysitting a drunk 18-year-old."

"Fuck you Kendall." I smiled sitting up seeing James looking at himself in picture above my head and gently slapped his stomach making him look down at me. "What?"

"Protection." He rolled his eyes walking to Carlos who was putting his baseball hat back on, grabbing his phone and keys off the table.

"Back at you." I blushed looking down and grabbed my red solo cup.

"Call me if you guys get too drunk please. Your dad will kill me if something happens to you." James gave thumbs up over his shoulder and opened the front door of the apartment, letting Carlos walk out first. When the door shut I set my cup on the table and glanced around at the cards face down on top of it, our poker game ignored. I felt my stomach toss and groaned again putting my head back onto the table top. "You are a light weight." I laughed in my groan as two hands went around my sides and rubbed soothingly. "You want to lay down?" I only hummed a yes in response and let the two hands pick me up out of my seat and put me on my feet. I gripped onto him quickly feeling the floor move underneath me and tried so hard to focus my vision. "Are you going to throw up?" I shook my head as I looked up to him, but he clearly didn't believe me because he basically dragged me to the hallway and shoved open the bathroom door. He put me on the ground carefully in front of the toilet and without even thinking I was going to, I threw up. Hard and loud. It was gross because it was all the alcohol I've been drinking for the past 6 hours along with the greasy pizza and the handfuls of chips I ate. It smelled so bad and the sight and smell of it all made me throw up some more. I had my head in my hands, resting against the toilet and after I threw up all that I had the energy for, I sat back a little on my feet and closed my eyes reaching up for the handle. I closed the lid quick and let the toilet flush, leaning back onto it. I swallowed hard wiping at my face just as a cold wet cloth was put on the back of my neck. I tensed up and shivered, turning my head and had to smile at Kendall. He looked so good it hurt me. His tattoos on his neck were so beautiful in the lighting of the bathroom and had the cutest little smirk I'd ever seen. "What a light weight." I laughed out going to sit all the way back on my butt and lean against the tub, but he scooped me up quick. He put me in his arms and carried me down the hall to his bedroom. I put one arm around his neck while the other took the wet wash cloth from my neck and wiped my mouth with it.

"I'm not a big drinker."

"Couldn't tell." I groaned, feeling my cheeks flush and shoved my face into his neck just as he knelt on his bed. When my back touched the softness under me, I put my hands on his arms, still around my body and we locked eyes. My drunk idiotic brain was telling me to pull him down to me and kiss him. So, I did. I put my hands on his face and pulled it down to my mouth puckering my lips. However, he turned his head quick and pushed himself up, so he was kneeling next to my body. "You're too drunk. It doesn't feel right." I nodded, awkwardly and turned away from him feeling like I had been set on fire. "Here…" Kendall slid off the bed and I watched as he untied my Nikes from my feet and set them on the floor beside his bed. When my shoes were off he started to tug at the blankets underneath me and I took the hint. I moved a little, so he could get me under the blankets and once he did he kissed my cheek softly standing up straight. "I'm going to go clean up out there. Just relax and let me know if you need anything." I nodded only once before I closed my eyes and drifted into a much-needed sleep.

I am not sure what woke me up first. My urgent need to pee or the slamming of a door and the giggles of a girl. But I sat up fast in the huge, warm bed and squinted around at the dark room I was in. I had a huge headache pounding behind my eyes and when I pushed out of the bed and my feet touched the floor, my stomach fluttered. I felt like I was hungry, but it could have been that I needed to throw up. Whatever the case, I hurried out of the bedroom and went to the bathroom down the hall turning on the light quick and shutting the door softly. I went to the toilet and lifted the lid peeing hard. I put my head back breathing out hard and shivered as I peed for at least a solid minute. When I finished I flushed and went to the sink washing my hands and then splashing some water on my face. As I dried off my face and my hands I felt my headache pound loudly and set the dark blue hand towel on the counter by the sink. I opened a medicine cabinet and saw a bottle of Advil grabbing it fast. I turned and shut the light off and opened the door.

I could hear laughing and what I had to assume to be someone stumbling around in the back room, I knew to be James's as I made my way to the dark kitchen. The dining room was clean and there was no alcohol in sight. I sighed out walking to the sink and grabbed an over turn glass by it, quickly filling it up with water. As I set my glass of water down on the counter I glanced out to the living room seeing the TV on. Just as I looked down to open the Advil, I saw movement on the couch and froze. I squinted in the darkness and occasional flash of the TV and saw a long body sprawled out. There was a blanket covering them and they way they were laying, all I could see was feet. I frowned quickly putting three pills' in my hand and put them in my mouth. I drank at least half of my glass of water before I set it down at walked out to the couch.

I couldn't help but smile seeing Kendall lying flat on his back a small pillow under his head. He had a plain brown blanket over his body and as I knelt beside him on the ground I saw he was shirtless. I leaned into the couch and gently put a hand on his stomach. He turned his head slightly and opened his eyes, looking down at me. I smiled big and he chuckled pulling his arms out from under the blanket. He rubbed his eyes and yawned loudly. His arm closest to me reached out and set on my neck. "How do you feel?"

"Terrible headache…but I found some Advil, so I should be okay." He nodded, and I chewed onto the inside of my cheek on the left side. "Thanks…for letting me lay in there. But you didn't need to sleep out here. It is your bed after all." He laughed pushing himself up on the couch and I sat back a little watching the blanket fall off his body. I hated how good looking he was and that it had an obvious effect on me, and I looked down blushing.

"I was going to go in there with you but…" I looked up to watch him push his blanket off and turn on the couch, putting his feet on the ground. I swallowed hard seeing him just in his boxers and started to push myself up. "You looked to peaceful and after seeing all that vomit that came out of you, I figured It'd be better to leave you be." As I stood up straight he got up right next to me, slipping an arm around my waist. I set my hands on his shoulders and watched him start to lean into me. I pushed back just a little however and swallowed hard.

"What are we?" He furrowed his brows together and I shook my head. "Are we…dating? Are we friends with benefits? I just want to know so I can give my friends an actual answer." He laughed leaning in and put his forehead on mine.

"I think I would be a really good boyfriend. And I would love to be able to show you off to people." I closed my eyes shaking my head on his as he leaned in and kissed me. I wanted to ask him to give me a defined answer, but his lips kissed hard into mine and he picked me up from under my butt. I wrapped and locked my legs around his waist as he walked me back to his room, shutting the door loudly as soon as we were in it. I giggled out as he threw me to his bed and crawled over me quick. I turned my head letting him kiss onto my neck and thought about how great my freshman year of college was going to be, knowing I would be spending it with him.

I couldn't believe I fell asleep after only one go around of sex with him. He let me collapse on top of him and did nothing when I fell asleep. And when I woke up, I was extremely happy to see we were in the same position from last night and blinked lazily at the sun coming in through his blinds on his window. I yawned quietly looking to the alarm clock on his nightstand and frowned at the time. It was almost noon. I raised my head carefully and saw him still asleep. I slowly moved my body off his, still looking at his face and felt relief seeing him still sound asleep. I slipped out of the bed while grabbing my boxers as I went and quickly went to getting myself dressed never taking my eyes off his face. I wanted to give him a kiss before I left, because I had an orientation at 1, but I didn't want to disturb him. So, I dressed myself pushed my sneakers on my feet and walked out of his room, shutting the door quietly behind me.

I walked out to the rest of the house, slowing down immediately when I saw James sitting at his dining room table, with a thin, busty blonde girl sitting on his lap. I smiled awkwardly as I approached them, and she grinned big up at me after putting a forkful of eggs in her mouth. "Holy shit dude…you're alive!" I glared at James going to my phone and key son the island and turned to him. "Uhm Logan…this is…" He paused and turned to her. She glared him down and he smirked. "Katie." She nodded quick kissing his cheek and I widened my eyes making him chuckle. "Katie this is Logan, one of my oldest friends. We've known each other since diapers."

"Nice to meet you Logan!" She waved big at me and I waved back walking slowly towards the front door.

"You too Katie…uhm James I gotta go get ready for orientation. I'll let you know when Carlos and I get there." He nodded picking up a coffee cup and opened his mouth to say something, but I shook my head. "Before you ask, Kendall and I are dating. And if you wouldn't mind just letting him know why I left I'd appreciate it." James laughed nodding and I left his house quick. I kept my hand on the door knob as I stood in front of it and had to smile. Telling James, I was dating someone made me feel great. And I couldn't wait to rub it in more people's faces because for once, I wasn't the lonely single guy. I had a boyfriend. And at this moment that was all that mattered.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm a nerd. I like to read and learn. College is going to great for those reasons.

I forced Carlos to go to the orientation early with me and his girlfriend Sam. Sam, also a nerd like me had a lot of advanced classes like me, but they were unfortunately at different times. We still walked around the quad together, Carlos following, not excited one bit. I took a lot of fliers from different clubs and outside of school activities. Sam told me all about the sorority she was pledging and tried to convince Carlos and I to join a frat. We both said no. Carlos was a big hockey player and all the frats were football based. I didn't want to join one because of the whole gay thing. I honestly don't think a lot of people care now days, but there could still be the one bad seed in the group and I didn't want to deal with it. Besides…I was going to school to become a doctor. Wasting my time in a frat seemed stupid. We had made our way around the quad by the time James showed up and while Sam went to hang out with her sorority sisters, James and Carlos said something about going to check out the small hockey rink they had so I decided to map out where all my classes were, and physically go to them. Again, giant nerd.

I walked into the building of my first class I would go to on Monday and glanced around at all the pictures hanging on the walls and felt giddy. The building was rather large, mostly because it housed several class rooms and because it was the main science building. I checked my schedule once more before looking at the different classrooms I was walking past. When I saw room 113B, I smirked and stood in the frame of the door looking up at the rows of seats that went up at a slant. I saw no one inside and decided to walk in, seeing a long table alogn side the room with the windows, that had several diagrams of the human body. Anatomy would be one of my favorite classes I could tell, and as I walked closer to the table I saw a stack of old worn out looking books on the human body and resisted my urge to take one. "Can I help you?" I jumped up quick and held onto my scheudle seeing a young looking guy walk into the room and go right behind the desk in front of the two huge chalk boards.

"Sorry…I'm a student here. I was just way too excited for my first class." The guy smiled and raised his wrist looking at his watch.

"You mean the one that starts in 6 days?" I laughed and nodded walking too him. "That's refreshing to see...most kids don't like to see text books or black boards until they absolutely have to." I stopped in front of his desk and glanced down seeing his name plate. Professor Smith. "What's your name?"

"Logan. Logan Mitchell." I looked back up to his face and saw him frown.

"Is your named Chuck?" I nodded chuckling and he laughed sitting down behind his desk. "I know him. He's a great doctor. Always has time to talk to me about new finds in medicine." I nodded knowing that was exactly how my dad was. "Well Logan Mitchell…I look forward to having you in my class. I now know there will be at least one reason to come to work every day." I let my smile fall slowly as he stood up. I couldn't help but notice him look me up and down as he stood up straight and I cleared my throat.

"Nice meeting you. I'll be here…bright and early Monday morning." He smiled, sort of oddly, and I turned quick, walking out of his room fast.

I shook my odd feeling of meeting one of my professors off me as I went to my next couple of classes getting back to my normal giddy self. When I walked out of my English class, the fourth one I've been to, I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket and pulled it out, frowning. It was Carlos calling me and as I answered it, I quickly put my brown leather messenger bag over my shoulder and put my schedule into it, putting my phone to my ear. "Dude…where have you been all day? There are food trucks out here with everything from Thai to vegan! You need to get over here?" I smirked pushing open the door to the English department building and walked outside.

"Where is here?"

"The parking lot right outside the football field." I sighed and nodded looking up. Thankfully I did because before I crashed hard into a guy walking right to me, I was able to tense up and reached out grabbing his arm, so I didn't fall back. Because he was about a foot taller than me, and had muscles on top of his muscles, I smacked into him hard and my phone went flying out of my hand. I groaned loudly looking up to his face to see a very good-looking guy, pulling off a pair of headphones covering his ear completely.

"Thanks a lot!" His mouth fell open and he glanced around me. He quickly bent down and grabbed my now broken iPhone giving me a worried look.

"I am so sorry…I wasn't paying attention."

"No shit!" I yanked my phone out of his hand and he sighed over me.

"Why don't you calm down tiny one and just let me but you a new phone." I gave him a dirty look looking up at him and shoved my broken phone into my bag stepping closer to him.

"I'm not a tiny one, dick." I harshly poked his chest and narrowed my vision at him. "And you are damn right going to be buying me a new one!" He laughed over me and quickly pulled out a wallet from his jeans.

"Technically you ran into me. Besides…" He pulled out, to my surprise, five one hundred-dollar bills and put them on my chest. "I'm not really that hard to miss." He made a step to go around me, but I moved and blocked him quick.

"Do you think five hundred bucks is enough? This is the iPhone 10. That's a grand."

"Again…you're half at fault." My mouth fell open and he shrugged. "We can either walk away from this as friends or you can make an enemy 6 days before your first day of freshman year of college." I closed my mouth quick and crossed my arms over my chest turning as soon as he walked away from me. I followed him quick looking up at his face shaking my head.

"How do you know I'm a freshman?"

"The book bag…that eager hopeful look on your face…your sweater with the school name on it." I rolled my eyes and looked forward walking right beside him. "If you want my advice…you should ditch the school gear, maybe not be as ballsy to a senior, who happens to be a linebacker for the football team and maybe, just perhaps…not take shit so seriously." I scoffed laughing as he continued to walk with me, up some stairs towards the parking lot full of bodies and food trucks.

"I don't take shit seriously. And just because you are a football player and the size of Shrek doesn't mean I shouldn't stick up for myself. And you telling me not to wear school gear, is the kettle calling the pot black. You wear a uniform in the school colors with the name on your helmet and back." He laughed loudly beside me and said hi quietly to some guys walking by, just pissing m off even more.

"You're a fucking riot dude…what's your name?" I sighed and lowered my arms from my chest letting a small smirk spread across my face.

"Logan." I looked up to him and he smiled down at me nudging me gently with his arm.

"I'm Matt. Welcome to college tiny one. I'll see you around." He turned quick giving me a quick wave as I shoved the money he gave me into the pocket of my jeans, sighing out frustrated. I started to scan the crowd looking for either James, Carlos or Sam and when I didn't see any, I forced my way into the crowd. I sort of bobbed to the rhythm of the song playing loudly from a DJ booth between two trucks and walked towards one that had deep fried written in big black bold letters. As I walked up to the line I went to get my phone but stopped groaning out in frustration. I crossed my arms over my chest, inhaling all the glorious smells around me. I watched the lien move forward and took a step forward as well, just as a body shoved into mine, and an arm wrapped around my neck.

"Did you hang up on me?" I shoved Carlos off me and pulled my phone out of my bag raising it up to his face. Sam came forward quick and took my cracked and busted phone from my hand. "How the hell did that happen?" I felt someone come on my other side and turned to make sure it was James, and it was.

"Well…I was looking down at my bag walking outside a building and ran into one of the linebackers for the football team. My phone flew out of my hand and broke." I saw James open his mouth to protest but I raised my hand and took my phone from Sam and shoved it into my bag. "He gave me money for a new one."

"He gave you a thousand bucks for a new phone?!" I shook my head at Carlos and pulled out the five hundred. "Only five hundred? Where the fuck is he? I'll kill him."

"No…he was actually pretty funny and nice. He's a senior and wanted to be my friend I think." I shrugged looking ahead of me at the four people still in front and felt my stomach growl. "So now I need to either ask my parents to buy me a new phone, which they will hate because I've been gone from home for one day, or I get a job and pay for the rest myself."

"Logan, only child, spoiled since the day he was born, Mitchell is going to get a job? Not in this life." I elbowed James hard giving him a dirty look as he shrugged looking to the food truck in front of us. "Where would you want to work?"

"Well…my parents have always said they need administrative help at the hospital. I think it would be great experience to when I actually become a doctor, ya know?" I glanced over to see Sam and Carlos hugging onto each other, whispering secrets and stealing little glances. "You know what would be super cool?" I looked back over to James who gave me a confused look down. "If my two best buddies went to get a job with me, say tomorrow?" He shook his head fast and I pouted stomping my foot. "Come on! It will be fun! We could earn extra money for ourselves and you could be a pervert and hit on all the nurses." He tilted his head slightly and I tugged on his arm sticking out my bottom lip. "Please James…" I turned to Carlos and I tugged on his arm as well. "Please Carlos…"

"Sure Logan. Whatever you want." I gasped loudly turning to James who was giving Carlos a dirty look over my head.

"Fine…" He gave Carlos one last look before looking down at me shaking his head. "But I'm not cleaning up any one's shit." I chuckled taking a step forward and nodded letting them both go. "How do you do that? How do you convince us of shit so easily?" I shrugged feeling mighty proud of myself and kept my head raised high as I slowly approached the front of the line, my stomach still growling.


	4. Chapter 4

"I still am having a hard time believing you ended up in bed with a senior, the first night of college." I smirked over to Carlos who was pouting. Pouting because James has been non-stop bragging about the hot piece of ass he fucked two nights ago. His words, not mine. I mean…yes, she was pretty. But I wouldn't consider her a hot piece of ass. Besides…it was a one-night stand as far as James was concerned. Why did it matter?

"Just because you brought your high school relationship to college without realizing there is a whole new playing field of chicks doesn't mean I'm not allowed to have some fun." I rolled my eyes looking straight ahead of me and glanced around my mom's office. Just like James and Carlos promised, they were at the hospital with me, applying for a job. After filling out our applications my mom took them up to her HR person and made us wait in her office so we…rather James and Carlos didn't run around the hospital acting like idiots. "Besides…it was a one-night stand. I'm pretty sure she had a boyfriend."

"You're disgusting." I snapped my head over to James who shrugged and glanced down to his phone. "Do you have to play with your phone in front of me?" James laughed and raised his phone in my face shaking it.

"Ha. Ha. Ha." I shoved him away and stood up from the couch the three of us had been sitting on and walked to my mother's desk. I smiled at the pictures of myself with her, and then of the ones of my dad with her and I. As I sat down James stood up and walked to the Minnie fridge in the corner of my mom's office. "Why don't you just tell your mom about your phone? I know she won't be as pissed as your dad will be. And just tell her with your job, you'll pay her back the other 500. You really shouldn't be without a phone dude." I shook my head quickly pulled up the solitaire game on my mom's computer and started to play. "Also…when you going to tell your parents about you and…"

"Okay boys!" We all snapped to the door to watch my mom walk in, doctors coat on, three separate stacks of paperwork in hand and huge smile on her face. "I may be the hospital director of this place, but you boys wrote all the right answers on your applications. You are now hospital employees!" I stood up grinning and walked to my mom as Carlos and James did. "Carlos, I got you a job as a patient transport…in the pediatric wing. You'll be helping little ones to and from surgeries…up to the cars with the parents. That kind of thing." Carlos grinned big and took the stack of papers from my mom. "James you are going to be…against my better judgement helping in the ER with the security team." James frowned taking the stack of paper from her and I laughed.

"Why against your better judgement?" She gave him a typical mom look and I shook my head reaching for the stack of paper with my name on it, but she pulled it back quick and glared at me.

"Can you two give us a quick second?" I sighed out loudly walking back to her desk and sat down hard huffing out, watching my two best friends walk out giving me sad looks. "So…you want to explain why you put down Carlos's phone number for yours?" She started even before the door to her office shut, and once it did I sat up and went back to playing solitaire on her computer. "Logan Mitchell…"

"My phone broke yesterday." I looked up to see her let her mouth drop open and I shook my head fast. "I ran into one of the linebackers on the football team. He was nice and gave me half to get a new one. That's why I wanted to get a job, so I could pay for the other half."

"And did you honestly think your dad and I would wait that long for you to get your phone back?" I shrugged looking back down and sat back. "Here…scoot over." I watched her walk around her desk, and I pushed back in her chair watching her open the top drawer of her desk and pull her purse out of it. She pulled her check book out and I stood up, feeling uncomfortable.

"Mom…"

"Logan you need a phone. You're going to be getting a job, you are going to be starting school…your away from home. If you need to contact someone, and Carlos isn't there, you need your phone." I nodded softly letting her put the check in my stack of paper and hung my head down low. "Now…here is all your paperwork for your job which will be front desk." I looked up smiling small and she sat on the edge of her desk crossing her arms over her chest after giving me my papers. "I figured You would be a little easier to train with the computer system and you have a much softer demeanor than the other two." I laughed nodding and sort of flipped through the packet. "So, you're going to get a new phone right now, right?" I looked up and nodded again making her smile. "And are you going to tell me about the boy who gave you that?" She pointed to my neck and I quickly covered it, blushing. "I just wonder if it's the same boy you were texting all summer long while we were on our road trip?" I opened my mouth, but she jumped off her desk and grabbed my arms. "Oh my God I forgot to tell you. I met Christopher's new wife!" I swallowed hard as she pulled me to the chairs in front of her desk and sat me down. "Your dad and I went over there for dinner last night. You know Chris Diamond. Dinner isn't just a meal. It's a show. He had beautiful landscaping done while we were gone." I raised my eyebrows at her and she giggled shaking her head. "Anyway…his new wife, Jennifer, is the sweetest women I have ever met. She has two kids, one who still lives with them, a little 15-year-old girl Katie. But her son…he's 22 I think…his name is Kendall…wait until you hear about this Logan." I tensed up not sure I wanted to hear whatever was about to be said and sat back, clutching onto my papers. "The reason Chris and Jennifer met is because he was her sons lawyer." I froze and furrowed my eyebrows together as she shook her head softly. "I guess about three years back, Kendall got mixed up in the wrong crowd and was dealing drugs. Hard core drugs like heroine. When he was arrested he claimed he was just a runner and not an actual drug dealer, and his mom got him a lawyer. Well Chris made quite the case for the kid, but he still got sent to prison for one year. Can you believe that? Chris married this woman who has a criminal for a son. Talk about irony." I frowned looking down and felt like I was going to throw up. "I'm pretty sure James lives with his new criminal step brother. Have you met him yet? If so just keep close to James. I don't want the guy any where near you." I closed my eyes looking away from my mother and stood up.

"I'll keep that in mind mom…I gotta go. Get my new phone and all." I opened my eyes and walked to her closed door, not looking back once.

Instead of going to the AT&T store, I told James I wanted to hang out with him and Kendall and thankfully Carlos came with us. I only say thankfully because if I questioned Kendall about this and we got into a fight, I would at least have both my best friends there with me. Maybe, subconsciously I wanted both to overhear our fight, so they tell me I'm crazy for being with him. Neither of them questioned me as soon as we got to James's apartment and I didn't see Kendall in the living room, and said I was going to go talk with him. I kicked my shoes off by the front door and set my paperwork from my mom, along with the check on the coffee table and walked down the hall to Kendall's half-closed door. I stepped in quietly pushing the door open and squinting in the darkness of his room. I know Kendall works weird shifts, mostly nights. He is a bartender at a big fancy club and is on his feet for 8 sometimes 10 hours at a time. On top of that, he is always lifting heavy kegs, and sometimes, eh told me over the summer, must break up bar fights. Honestly that's probably why I was so attracted to him. He was such a dude's dude. Something I wasn't.

I shut his bedroom door completely and pulled my black hoodie off my body putting it on the dresser as I walked by. I tried to figure out the best way to get on his bed with him, seeing as he was sprawled out over it, each limb nearly touching every corner of his mattress. I decided to just carefully climb up from the bottom, between his legs, and as soon as I was on it all the way, he raised his head and blinked several times at me. "Am I dreaming?" I laughed quietly, putting my head down and crawled up to him, over him, putting my legs outside his body. He closed his own legs and stretched his arms over his head yawning quietly. "Did you get a new phone yet?"

"Not yet." I paused as I sat down on top of him and put my hands on his bare torso. "I wanted to see you. To talk about something." He lowered his arms and slowly pushed himself up sending me back on my butt, on the mattress. He put his hands on my arms as my own hands fell onto his clothed crotch. "I…" I paused again as we locked eyes and he chuckled.

"This can't be good." His raspy, just woken up voice turned me on and made me frustrated. "Logan…what's going on?" I looked back up to his eyes and groaned quietly falling back between his legs covering my face with my hands.

"My parents had dinner with your mom and James's dad last night." The room went quiet which just validated why I kept my face covered. I couldn't' look at him. Not without knowing how pissed he would be that his mom aired out his dirty laundry.

"And?"

"And…my mother found out that you went to prison." I said it as quiet as I could and tensed up feeling his hands leave my body. "I want to tell my parents I'm dating someone but the way my mom talked about you was like you were this cold-blooded killer who sets puppies on fire or something." I heard him chuckle and it made me lower my hands from my face and stare up at him. He was shaking his head looking out towards his window, swallowing hard. "How come you never told me?"

"Because it's not something I'm particularly proud of." I frowned pushing myself back up and held myself up with my hands behind my back, giving him space. I raised my legs over his and watched as he turned to me, face blank. "Yes…I did go to prison for a year. On a drug charge that has haunted me ever since I got out." He shrugged looking down and fiddled with his hands on his lap. "My dad has always been a real piece of shit but when I graduated high school I decided to go live with him, so my baby sister could have a shot at a better relationship with him, than I did. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to help him. But he was a ragging alcoholic and stubborn as hell. He refused to get a real job and when I found out what his job was I…" He looked up at me and I carefully set a hand on his cheek leaning forward. "He was selling drugs for some gang and I lost it. I told him he had to stop, or he'd never see his daughter again and he told me there was no way out of it. Except there was." I put my other hand on his neck and shook my head. "I knew if he got out of that situation he'd have a better chance at getting help. So, I offered to pick up where he left off, and a year later I was pulled over for a busted tail light. They did a search of my car because it smelled like weed and found 6 ounces of heroin in it." I looked down quick and tense dup as his hands touched my sides. "Chris…James dad took my case and talked me up something sweet. I could have gone for 5 years for conspiracy to distribute but he got me only one year." I moved both hands to his neck and held gently as he leaned into me and set his forehead on mine, forcing mine to raise up. We locked eyes in the very dimly lit room. Both his hands went behind me and locked over the small of my back sort of pulling me into him. "I would have figured James would have told you to sort of detour you away from me." I shook my head softly on his and rubbed my fingers on the skin of his neck gently. "I get it…I am not the best guy in the world. But I'm trying to get my life on track and there is something about you that makes me think having a normal life is possible." I felt my heart swell and he kissed my lips softly. "After spending three months texting you non-stop and after our first night together I can't help but feeling like…you were supposed to come into my life. Like you were supposed to met me at that party. Your innocence and your brain and…and your heart makes me have hope that I could be a good guy again."

"Kendall…" I scooted on my butt closer to him, so close that I was basically sitting on his lap and shook my head. "You don't need to try to be a good guy. You are one. And I don't care about your past. All I care about is that you make me feel safe and special. Two things I've never had before in a relationship. Not that I have a lot of relationships to base that off but…" I paused and raised my hands putting them on the sides of his face. "I don't care what anyone thinks of you. And I don't care if people, like my parents and my friends think that us dating is a bad idea. I don't care." He pulled me in tight and kissed me hard forcing my eyes closed. I gently pushed his lips away from my lips, so I could smile and continued talking. He just put his lips on my neck and started sucking. "All summer long you told me about your life…about how your parents divorced, and your mom struggled to support you and your sister…and I told you about how scary it was for me to come out to my parents and my friends. Even after everything you told me…and now finding out about this…" I moaned quietly as one of his hands reached down and palmed over my crotch in my jeans. I quickly grabbed his face and made me look up at me, panting slightly. "It doesn't change how I feel about you. I don't think a whole lot could." He laid back quick, pulling me with him and turned us fast, so I was lying under him. I gripped onto the blanket under me as he sat up on his knees and started to tug at the button and zipper on my jeans. "Are we okay?" He chuckled leaning down to me and kissed my nose softly as he continued to tug at my jeans.

"As long as you want to be with me and don't mind my past we are better than okay." I smiled putting my hands on his face as he trailed his kisses down my face and down my body. He kissed over my shirt and as he pulled my jeans and boxers off, my dick popped out and he put it in his mouth, moving down ever so slightly. I groaned out loud, and turned my head to the side, running my fingers through his hair, tugging gently.

I dare someone to try and stop me from being with him.


	5. Chapter 5

I look ridiculous. I feel ridiculous. And no matter how much I tug and pull at the button up shirt and stupid suit jacket, I don't feel better. Fancy was never my forte. I am a very simple kind of guy. One who thinks burgers and milkshakes, followed by a walk around a park is the perfect date. I don't really like super extravagant food. And I don't like fish. But when my boyfriend, who I was beginning to realize likes to spoil me, said he was going to take me out on a real date, on his first day off since I've seen him, I couldn't say no. Kendall wanted to take me to a restaurant I've heard my parents say they like. Which meant a lot of money was going to be spent. That made me uncomfortable. Especially if I didn't like the food. And to top it all off, I looked ridiculous. Like a boy playing with his dad's suit. But if he was going to shell out the money and has taken the time to plan this date, I would play my role and look the part.

"You look so handsome!" I glanced over my shoulder, in the mirror and smiled at the two people walking into my dorm room. Carlos was holding a take away bag in one hand with Sam's hand in his other. She walked to me fast and I turned raising my hands.

"A tie would be too much wouldn't it?" She nodded gently brushing off my shoulders and I lowered my arms looking down at myself. My white button up shirt was tucked into a pair of black dress pants being held up by a skinny leather belt. My suit jacket was about also black, and I completed the look with a pair of simple black dress shoes. "What will you two be doing tonight?" Sam finished brushing off my shoulders and giggled turning and running to Carlos's bed. She jumped on it, right next to Carlos who was already sitting on it, leaning against the wall stuffing his face full of what I assumed to be chow mien. She shoved his right arm up and dove under it, grabbing another box of food smiling at me. "Cute. Hopefully I don't wake you up when I get back, but I don't know how long I'll be gone." Carlos only nodded turning on our medium sized flat screen looking up at me.

"Let me know if…I don't know…he acts like a dick or something. I'll come pick you up." I rolled my eyes but gave two thumbs up, heading to the door. "Have fun dude and don't worry about how tomorrow is the first day of college! I know you!" I gave him a stupid grin as I walked out of our dorm and shut it fast.

I waited outside our dorm hall, quietly saying hello to the few guys I recognized from my dorm hall. I didn't want Kendall to come up to my dorm because no matter how much I told myself I didn't care if people knew I was gay…I did. I didn't feel quite comfortable yet with every guy I walked past knowing I liked dick, so I told Kendall I'd wait outside. And just like he said, he was there at 6:45. I saw him park on the curb and quickly walked to him, seeing him get out of his car. For some reason as he stood up straight and pulled his sunglasses off his face, I felt even more ridiculous. He was wearing essentially the same thing as I was. Except his white button up shirt was unbuttoned from the top three exposing the little bit of beautiful chest hair and tattoo's he had there. And his sleeves of both jacket and shirt, were rolled up just a little. He had his hair gelled back and off his face and I swear to God if he hadn't walked to me smiling wide and reaching out for me, I would have collapsed. "You look great." I managed to make a little bit of air escape my lips that sort of sounded like yes, or just a puff of air. He laughed in my face and turned putting his arm out in front of us to show his car. "After you." I swallowed a hard lump and took the first few steps realizing it wasn't that hard to walk and got to his car. Because of the things that I told him…about how I didn't want people to know I was gay yet, he let me open my own door and get in by myself. Once I was seated however, things seemed to get worse. He walked around the front of his car, a tiny little Mustang GT, and while he walked in front of me, I noticed how tight his pants were. Tight in all the right places. His ass looked great and there was a bulge in the front. Once he was seated next to me, and turning his car back on, revving the engine for good measure, I let my eyes wonder down to his crotch and blushed seeing that the bulge even more defined. I looked away quick, smirking to myself knowing this date could be anywhere and we could do anything; as long as we were screwing in the back seat of his car at the end.

We didn't really talk on the drive to the restaurant. I grabbed his free hand and held in both mine, turning my body ever so slightly to look at him as he drove. He asked me how my day was, and I gave a blunt answer, not being able to take my eyes off him. He chuckled every now and then, looking at me. I blushed hating how plain and boring I looked next to him, but more than twice he told me how good I looked, and I didn't argue. I didn't pay attention to where we were going but when he let my hand go and cleared his throat I glanced around and laughed seeing we were at a nice-looking restaurant. I took off my seatbelt and got out of his car looking over at him. He shut his door hard and walked around to the front as I shut mine. He waited for me to get next to him, and when I did, he started walking putting his hands in the pockets of his pants. "You told me you know how to read Italian right?" I nodded looking at doors to the dark looking restaurant and he quickly pulled one open, letting me step in. "Good. Because I don't. And no matter how well I know the owner, doesn't make it easier for me." I turned fast mouth hanging open and he smirked gently pushing me in. I looked back to the front and smiled small at the young-looking women standing behind the podium.

"Good evening. Name of the reservation?"

"Knight." She looked down and nodded grabbing two menus.

"Right this way." Kendall stepped out of her way to walk in front of us, and we both followed her close, watching her led us down a row of small tables, with only two chairs and a candle burning in the middle. I tensed up seeing her leading us to a very secluded, quiet looking corner and wonder to myself, what else Kendall hasn't told me. "Here you are gentlemen. Can I get you started on a glass of wine?" I quickly took the seat facing the rest of the restaurant and shook my head slowly.

"I think we'll both be having non-alcoholic drinks tonight." Kendall sat down slowly, and the woman nodded, putting our menus down in front of us, putting her hands behind her back.

"Your waiter will be Tony tonight and he will come by to get those drink orders."

"Thank you. Can you let Bill know I'm here?" She smiled wide and nodded, turning and walking away. Once I knew she was gone and wouldn't be able to hear me I leaned over the table and glared at Kendall who opened up his menu.

"How do you know the owner?" He chuckled glancing over at me from his menu and leaned forward as well.

"He owns the club I work at. It's how I was able to get a reservation so easily and on short notice. I'm one of his best bartenders and wanted to give me…rather us, a nice night." I sat back nodding slowly and picked up my menu, one eyebrow quirked up. "And to answer your next question, he knows I'm gay and doesn't have a problem with it. And very eager to met you because I can't stop talking about you at work." I peered over my menu at him and he smirked looking back down to his. "I think James is getting sick of hearing me talk about you, speaking of. He is actually looking forward to classes starting and going to work."

"Maybe you shouldn't talk about me then." He again chuckled, and I quickly looked down to the part that had the nonalcoholic drinks shaking my head. "Even the soda is expensive."

"Not for you to worry about." I sighed finally taking a look at the menu and cringed. "Just order what sounds good. And not what the price tag says."

"A plate of pasta is 15 dollars Kendall!" I whispered it aggressively over to him as he smiled big and lowered his menu standing up fast.

"Hey Bill." I swallowed hard, sitting up straight and looked over my shoulder seeing a rather attractive, older man with grey hair, and a matching grey beard, walking towards us, a dish towel over his shoulder, and an apron around his waist. He approached Kendall and they shook hands hard. I stood up and also extended my hand seeing him turn to me, smiling big.

"Kendall good to see you. This must be Logan." I nodded and let his hand go.

"Nice to meet you sir. You have a beautiful restaurant." He chuckled and rubbed his hands together, looking around it shrugging.

"It's not much but cooking has always been a passion of mine." I nodded again, not quite sure what else to do and he laughed quietly, clapping Kendall's shoulder. "Take a seat guys…have a great night and don't worry about the bill. It's on the house tonight."

"No Bill I can't do that to you…" Bill put up his hand, shook his head softly.

"After everything you did for me this week, this is the least I could do. So please order whatever you like and enjoy it." He gave me one last friendly smile and turned walking back to the kitchen taking the dish towel off his shoulder. I sat down quick and picked my menu back up shaking my head.

"Well…I guess that's that." I watched Kendall sit down and he also picked up his menu. "I guess that means I'm having the seafood platter." I laughed making him look over at me and smile. "You do really look great tonight. I was convinced you only had sweaters and black jeans in your closet." I rolled my eyes looking back down at my menu and he sighed. "So…how excited for tomorrow are you?" I couldn't help but look back up at him and fell like maybe this little relationship I've been in with him for the past 6 days, was starting to turn into love.

The night went by fast. Between ordering the food for both Kendall and I, in Italian, which I guess was a turn on for Kendall to hear me speak Italian (him whispering it in my ear after the fact) to talking the whole dinner over candle night about my classes and my new job I started tomorrow it felt like no time if any had gone by. But when our waiter came by and took our desert plates away, I saw my watch and frowned at it saying 9:15. We had been sitting here for two hours, nonstop talking. It felt amazing. And even though we didn't have to pay for our meal, Kendall left a 20-dollar tip to our waiter and we walked out, actually hand in hand. He held my door open for me and waited for me to be inside before shutting the door. I again, like when we left the campus, watched him walk around the front of the car. Except this time, I noticed that slight bulge just a little bit bigger. Before he got in his car I unbuttoned the top three buttons on my shirt, to maybe get him a little more interested. And when he got in his car and turned it on fast, I turned in my seat, facing him. He glanced over to me as he backed out of the parking spot and without me noticing, he reached out with one hand and set it on my thigh. "You wanna go back to my place?" I sat up straight and also reached out, except I didn't put my hand on his thigh. I slipped it down over his crotch and cupped his dick. He sucked in a hard breath and pulled out of the parking lot of the restaurant. "Maybe somewhere closer?" I smirked like a villain in a superhero movie and sat back pulling my seatbelt on and shrugged. "Do you even realize how fucking cute you are?" I glanced out my window putting my elbow on the door, and bit on the nail of my thumb. "Can I ask you something?" I nodded turning back to him and saw him carefully drive down the mostly empty street and stop at a red light. "You told me before that you've only been in one gay relationship…right?" I nodded again and frowned pulling one leg up to my chest hugging around it with one arm. "What did you parents say about it?" I laughed looking back to the front and watched him turn into an empty parking lot of a closed store, and drive quickly behind the empty store, to the empty loading dock area.

"My mom invited him over for dinner, my parents tag teamed the poor guy. Asking questions about how serious they were going to be if he hurt me. They basically acted like any normal parents would be if they found out their 16-year-old son was in a relationship." He nodded shutting his car down and turned a little to face me. "I think when we broke up my parents took it harder than me. Because I was the one to end things…I guess they thought I would marry the kid." He laughed, and I pulled off seatbelt glancing to the backseat of his car. "I'm climbing back there." He looked back fast, but before he could stop me or say anything, I started to climb in his small backseat, gently pushing a black button up shirt I recognized as one of his work shirts. I twisted my body a little and eventually sat down on my butt in the seat directly behind the one I was just sitting in. I sighed out and eyed him as he shook his head quickly pulling his jacket off. I followed suit, and also took my jacket off, throwing it up to the seat I just abandoned. Once I did I watched him open his car door and step out just to pull his seat up and put one leg in at a time. I pushed my shoes off as he climbed inside, while shutting his car door and leaving the seat pushed up. I pulled my white shirt out form my pants and unbuttoned it starting at the bottom. "How come you asked that? About my first relationship?"

"To prepare myself for when we eventually tell your mom and dad about us." I rolled my eyes sitting back up and throwing my shirt to the front seat. Before I could sit back, his hands were on my hips and he was roughly pulling me down on my back. My legs bent at an awkward angle, but he was quick to straighten them out and put them out and around his body. "I would like to tell them soon Logan. They already have a bad taste in their mouth about me. Hiding our relationship isn't going to make it better." I sighed putting my hands on his shoulders and pushed him away from me as he tried to lean in to kiss me. He sat up and craned his neck a little, so he didn't hit his head on the top of his car and started unbuttoning his shirt.

"I don't want to tell them yet."

"So when?"

"Why does it have to happen anytime soon?" He stopped unbuttoning his shirt half way down and stared down at me, confused. "Why can't this just work for us right now?" I pushed myself up a little and eyed his exposed torso to me and shook my head. "My parents are very…sheltered. The idea of anyone stepping a toe out of line of the law is horrific to them. They aren't understanding."

"So, you're worried they wont like me and make you dump me?" I gave me a look that clearly said, duh, and he laughed unbuttoning his shirt all the way. "Would you actually dump me if they asked you too?" I groaned out loud and fell back onto my back clenching my fists outside my body. "If that's you saying no, why do you care? Why do you care what they say? Or think?"

"Because unfortunately they are my parents and they are paying for my entire college tuition for the next 8 years. If I do something they don't like they will cut me off."

"I don't believe that." I glared up at him as he balled up his shirt and threw it to the front of the car leaning down into me. He put his hands under shoulders and nipped at my bottom lip. I closed my eyes putting my hands on his ribs on either side and let him kiss his way to my right ear, where he blew into and then licked the skin under my lobe. "If by the end of this week, you still don't want to do it, we'll wait. But I would like you to consider telling them very soon." One of his hands shoved into my pants, that were already tight around my waist because of my belt, but even more so now because I had a raging hard on. He gripped onto my dick over my boxers and I groaned out turning my head even more so away from him. "Deal?"

 **Hi! So, I just wanted to say really quick, I have sort of noticed this story is going kind of slow right now, and I don't want anyone to be discouraged by that. It will start to get juicy, I promise, I'm just building some things up that will make all of these first couple chapters make more sense along the road. Thanks for reading and leaving comments!**


	6. Chapter 6

I was like a little kid in a candy story looking up at the black board in front of me. I had excitement oozing out of every pore. I had my anatomy text book on one side of my shared table, while I had my open, new clean notebook directly in front of me, trusty number two pencil in hand. I was early, but I was eager. Every student that walked in the classroom, seemed to give me a weird look. Everyone. Probably because I looked like a nerd and wanted to learn. I never understood the mindset of school is boring and lame. Where else are you going to be learning this kind of stuff, if not by someone who has studied it their whole lives? I didn't dwell too much on the thought as I watched the professor walk into the classroom and set a briefcase on the desk right up front. I sat up straight and watched the clock strike 8 am on the dot and breathed in deep. My very first college class.

"Okay." He clapped his hands a couple times and walked to the middle of the room and smiled bright. "Welcome to Human Anatomy. This course is designed to help you get ready for the rest of your college career as either a biology student, or medical student. How many of you in here are here for a medical path?" I raised my hand half way and glanced around seeing about half the other students doing the same. "And how many of you that raised your hand, know what type of medical direction you want to go?" I kept my hand raised and looked back to the front to see him smile small at me, put his hands behind his back and walk to me. "Logan, correct?" I blushed lowering my hand and nodded. "You want to be a doctor?" I nodded again, and he stopped right in front of my table looking over my head. "What kind of doctor?"

"A surgeon sir." He laughed quietly and looked down at me nodding.

"Can you tell me what the diencephalon is?" I opened my mouth slightly and he raised an eyebrow. "How about the choroid plexus?" I closed my mouth quick and lowered my head sitting back. "Can anyone here?" I saw the girl sitting two chairs away from me shift slightly and the professor chuckled. "It's going to be a long year folk. I suggest…"

"Sir?" I raised up a little and looked behind me to see a guy almost to the back of the classroom with is hand raised. "If I may?"

"Go ahead?" I looked to the professor seeing him give the guy a weird look before I looked back to the guy who was leaning forward.

"How are we supposed to know something, your supposed to teach us, when you haven't taught us yet?" I raised an eyebrow and the whole classroom went quiet as I turned back to see Professor Smith completely still. "I know it's customary to prove your dominance the first day of class, but just because Logan I believe it was, wants to be a surgeon, doesn't mean he can already preform one. And as far as I know, he never said anything about being a brain surgeon so your questions on the diencephalon and the choroid plexus weren't smart ones." My mouth fell open slightly and I glanced back to the guy who had a smile on his face and looked down to me. "Continue." I turned back to the professor who only smirked slightly and put his hands in the pockets of his pants and cleared his throat.

"As I was saying…I suggest you take a lot of notes and asked questions as soon as you have them and talk to each other. Outside this classroom you will find it easier to get a hold of each other than me. Make friends." He turned quick and walked to the black board grabbing a piece of chalk as soon as he got to it. "Now…Please open your book to chapter three and pay attention."

I sat through an hour of intense and almost exhausting lecture of the basics of the human body, which I already knew. But instead of being a show off and bringing any attention to myself I kept quiet and just wrote down every note he wrote on the board. When class was done, he excused everyone, grabbed an empty water bottle on his desk and left the room before anyone else. I sat back shoving my book and my notebook into my bag feeling the need to hide. Or crawl into Kendall's huge bed and let him kiss me to sleep. This wasn't how I expected college to be. I was supposed to be the smartest one still, and have every teacher adore me, just like high school. But I wasn't and so far, Professor Smith didn't like me. It pissed me off, but I was a hell of a lot stronger than that. To let one bad class, ruin my whole experience. I shook off my sad thoughts and stood up from my seat putting my pencil in my bag as I walked down the one step walking to the classroom door. "Logan?" I jumped slightly and turned seeing the guy who defended me, coming down the stairs pulling a back pack up on his shoulder waving at me. "Hey…I'm Steven." I smiled big at him and walked along beside him outside the classroom. "I just wanted to introduce myself seeing as were going to be in this class the whole year together." I nodded and sort of turned to him frowning.

"Thank you, by the way. For sticking up for me in there." He nodded grinning big and I looked away from the thick black rimmed glasses on his face and the slight acne on his chin and cheeks. "It's not as fun as I thought it would be. I love to study the human body and now…I feel like an idiot."

"Don't. I was serious. There has been studies done on college professors, and they found out that they find the person most likely to question them, and bump heads, and embarrass them on the first day. For some reason he thought you would be that person."

"Probably because he knows my dad, who is a doctor." He nodded slowly, and I turned to him. "Are you a med student?"

"No. I'm really into well…everything I guess. I like science and I like math. But I also really like to talk. I'm majoring in education. Of either the math or science variety." I nodded smiling and he looked down t me, as he pushed open the door leading out of the building. I noticed just then how tall he was. He had to be at least a foot taller than me, but a lot skinnier than me. "You aren't going to be a brain surgeon, are you?" I laughed crossing my arms over my chest and he smirked. "If you wanna hang out and study any time, that would be cool." I nodded and smirked pulling out my phone.

"Here…put your number in my phone." I pulled up my contact list and handed my phone over to him seeing his eyes widen. He took it glancing around and I frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just thought you would be way to cool to hang out with me." I chuckled and clutched onto the strap of my bag as he quickly typed. "I saw you walking around campus with a football player and a guy dating a sorority pledge. And another guy who I swear looks like a model." I rolled my eyes and looked back at him shaking my head.

"If anything, I'm not smart enough to hang out with you. Being cool is more of the high school speed, don't you think?" He looked up and gently handed me my phone. "I'll see you in class on Thursday Steven." He nodded quick and I turned walking away slowly looking down at my phone. He put his name in, with a parentheses and anatomy in it, and I chuckled to myself. I glanced back and saw him walking away, a small smile on his own face. That actually made me feel really good.

I didn't have my next class until 1 that afternoon and decided to go see Kendall and James and find out how James's first class went. I walked to their apartment quickly feeling giddy about my new friend and could not, literally could not wait to see Kendall. I climbed the stairs two at a time and was so excited to see them, I didn't even knock. I shoved the door open hard and stepped in, all smiles. However, seeing the three men stand up from Kendall and James's couch made me freeze in my tracks. Before any of them said a word, or before I walked out, Kendall came out from the kitchen with a brown lunch bag in hand. I swallowed hard seeing him walk to the guys, smiling small. "Hey…come in Logan." My legs moved on their own and I quietly stepped out of the way closing the door. "They were just leaving." I nodded not looking at any of them and looked down at the light brown carpet under my feet. "James told me you had your anatomy class this morning?" I looked up to see him giving me an odd look and I nodded watching one of the guys look in the brown bag and glance up fast extending his hand.

"See ya around Kendall." They shook hands fast and all three guys started walking to the door. I gave a small smile as I stepped away from them, smelling cigarettes and weed on them and went sort of behind Kendall. I glanced over his shoulder seeing the guy who took the brown bag from him, and the last one to leave, look back at us and smile big. Once he was gone and the door shut Kendall walked to it quick and glanced out his peep hole. I heard the concrete and metal stairs creek as the three bodies walked down them and then the lock get put in place. I frowned taking my bag off my shoulder and walked to the big comfy recliner Kendall usually sat in.

"Who were they?" He laughed pushing off the door and walked over to the love seat by me and sat down on the edge leaning into me.

"No one. How was your first class?" I frowned putting my bag in my lap and opened it quick pulling my notebook out. "That good huh?"

"Who were they?" I looked back up at him and he groaned out rolling his head back and forth, in the front and I sat back shaking my head. "They looked like thugs Kendall."

"And oddly enough they weren't." I rolled my eyes kicking my shoes off and pulled my legs up and crossed them setting my notebook on my lap and pulling out the worksheet I had to do for class. A diagram of the body, and I had to name all of the parts. "Just some friends from work."

"What was in the bag?" I quickly started to write, not looking up at him but heard him sit back scoffing.

"Why does it matter?" I glanced up and stared at him, seeing him turning his TV on. When I remained quiet he turned to me and laughed. "Babe…it was nothing. Nothing thuggish about those guys. I promise."

"Then why can't you tell me what you gave them?" He turned back to the TV and I huffed out shutting my notebook and quickly shoving it into my bag. I stood up, stepping into my shoes as I did. I threw my bag over my shoulder and took one step around his coffee table to go to the door.

"Seriously?" I ignored him as I continued to walk to the door and he laughed. "Fine. Be that way." I grabbed his door handle and unlocked it, swinging the door open hard. It smacked into the wall next to it and I stepped out fast. I grabbed it looking over my shoulder to see Kendall locked on his TV and shook my head disgusted. I roughly and harshly slammed the door, even making me jump. I made my way down the stairs quickly and shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans kicking at the grass as I left his apartment complex.

I don't understand why if it was nothing like he said, why he couldn't' tell me. That just made me think it was something horrible, like drugs or a gun. Or a finger of the guy they pissed off. I don't know. My mind was going a billion miles a minute and because he wouldn't tell me what it actually was, I thought the worst. "Hey tiny one!" I stopped walking as soon as I stepped into the quad and froze hearing the voice of the linebacker, Matt, who was sort of my friend. "Dang man…look at you. No school gear." I turned slowly and watched him jog to me, a black back pack over his shoulders, a plain black binder in his left arm. "So…you have your first class yet?"

"What do you want Matt?" I started walking again and he walked next to me clearing his throat.

"You know a guy named James Diamond?" I glanced up to his face but kept mine blank, so he didn't know I did, until I knew why he wanted to know. "I know you do Logan. I know you guys are friends. I need you to introduce me to him."

"Why?" He looked down and gave me a sort of scary, mean look.

"Because he fucked my girlfriend."


	7. Chapter 7

The fact that Matt followed me, harassing me the whole way to my dorm room, didn't bother me. Him calling me tiny one and ruffling my hair didn't bother me. Hell…even the constant threats of beating up my oldest friend had no effect on me. It was the pacing. Back and forth between my bed and Carlos's. He looked pissed, but I was starting to think it wasn't because he found his girlfriend cheated. I think, as I sat back against my wall on my bed, he was pissed because his girlfriend cheated with a freshman. Who in my eyes was hotter: Not that Matt wasn't cute. He was just way too big for me. I digress. "Has it occurred to you that you might be mad at the wrong person here?" He stopped right in front of me and frowned. I shrugged looking back down at my open text book and worksheet bending slightly to start filling it out.

"Your nerd is showing Logan."

"You can leave whenever you want asshole." He snickered, and I eyed him as he walked to my desk and sat down huffing out. "You know I can't let you just pound my best friend to the ground, right?" He put his head back and sighed out putting his hands into the pockets of his tight black jeans. "How come you're nice to me?" He snapped his head to me fast and I blushed sitting back tapping my pencil on my textbook. "You are like…a typical jock. I'm a nerd as you call me. What gives?"

"Considering the reason, we met and I'm waiting in your dorm room to beat the hell out of your friend, I can't really call this a nice thing." He motioned between the two of us and I shook my head.

"Yeah…I remember us meeting. You broke my phone and gave me 500 dollars in cash to pay for it. And you and I know you wont beat James up. So yes, we can call this a nice thing." I looked back down to my worksheet and smiled. "And let's not forget the cute little pet name you gave me."

"You called me Shrek." I looked up laughing and so did he sitting forward on desk chair. Lacing his fingers together between his knees. "You remind me of my little brother. A short, smart, brave guy who stands his ground when he needs to." My smiled fell off my face and I nodded looking back down to my work. "I remember being that nervous but excited kid on my first day of college. I was nervous because I hate school and only came here to play ball. And I'm allowed to feel bad for breaking your phone. If all of that information means we're friends, then so be it." I nodded again daring to glance to him and he sighed standing up. "Tell your idiot friend to stay away from girlfriend, tiny one."

"Maybe you shouldn't give her any reason to look elsewhere, Shrek." He paused his walking to my door and I grinned big waving at him. "Thanks for hanging out!" He laughed rolling his eyes and walked quickly out of my dorm room, shutting the door softly behind him. I sighed out and made a movement to get up, but the door opened up fast again and I watched Matt walk to me, his phone out.

"Let's hang out sometimes." He put his phone right in front of me and I took it eyeing him carefully. "I'll let you know about any parties and you can…I don't know tell me when you need to study hard and I'll come over to pick on you." I couldn't help but laugh as I quickly put in my contact information and hand him his phone back. "See you tiny one." He ruffled my hair quickly and rushed to my door shutting it softly again. I sighed out slipping off my bed and grabbed my textbook and notebook along the way. I walked to my desk and set the two things down quickly sitting down. I put my elbows on my desk and then put my face in my hands groaning out quietly. Why couldn't I seem to get myself to concentrate on my homework?

I knew the answer. I just didn't want to admit it. Matt was the perfect excuse to not think about Kendall and our fight. Matt was with me for a solid thirty minutes thinking James would show up in that time. However, now that he was gone, all I could think was what if Kendall was dealing drugs? I hated myself for the thought. But he didn't really give me any other reason to believe that what was in that brown bag, wasn't something bad. And I hated him for that thought. But on the same hand…why couldn't I just trust him when he said it was nothing? I hated myself for that thought.

"Well, surprise, surprise!" I looked up from my desk and glanced over my shoulder to see James and Carlos walking into our dorm, school books under their arms. "Dude…you've had one class. It's okay to not do the homework right off the bat." I spun in my chair giving Carlos a dirty look and watched him throw down his math and history books. "I finally understand all this shit you've said over the years. About how learning is fun." I smiled big at Carlos as he sat on his bed and sipped from a Starbucks cup.

"Yeah it was lots of fun sitting next to a man child who constantly asked me if I would screw our history teacher." I turned to James who was already laying flat on my bed looking at his phone.

"Speaking of screwing…" James looked over to me with a disgusted look. "You remember Katie?" He nodded slowly sitting up. "You'll never guess who her boyfriend is."

"Batman?" Both James and I turned to Carlos who was looking at his phone. When he noticed the silence, he laughed and showed us his phone, a picture of batman. "Sorry…Sam is already planning our Halloween costume…want's me to go as Batman…carry on." He motioned to us and I rolled my eyes turning back to James.

"Who is her boyfriend?"

"Matt. My friend…you know the huge 220-pound 6-foot 5 linebacker for the school's football team?" His mouth dropped open and he scooted closer to me on my bed, a wicked grin spreading across his face.

"No way! Not only did I fuck a cheerleader, I fucked a football players cheerleader." I shoved him hard and got up from my chair walking to our shared Minnie fridge.

"You're a fucking pig. Don't do that again James and do not talk about women as if they are some prize to claim." I heard laughter from both guys and tensed up hating them. I slammed the fridge door hard after grabbing my bottle of Gatorade and turned back to them. James was giving me a worried look, but I didn't say a word to him as I went right back to my desk.

"Damn dude…I'm sorry. I didn't realize you cared so much."

"Well how could you not? She isn't just a piece of meat and no matter how drunk both of you were, she is a human being and should be treated with the same respect you give me or Carlos." I picked my pencil back up and sighed out hard seeing I was about half way done with my worksheet.

"Dude…what is going on? Did you and Kendall get in a fight?"

"I don't want to talk about it James." I said it quietly, scribbling onto my sheet and rested my head in my hand.

"Is it about his gun?" I dropped my pencil from my hand and turned to him fast seeing him nod. "Yeah it is…look whatever he decides to do with it, is his choice. You know I have my dads old 9mm. It's just for protection."

"He has a gun?" James opened and closed his mouth a couple times before I spun to him and shook my head. "What decision was he going to make?"

"Dude what hasn't this guy told you?" I looked over to Carlos who was giving me a very serious look and he stood up going to his wardrobe cabinet. "I like Kendall…he's fun and he gets us beer. But of all the shit you two supposedly talked about over the summer he seems to have left out quite a bit of important things."

"Kendall isn't a bad guy Carlos. He just doesn't want to freak Logan out." I looked back to James with my eyes widened and he shook his head raising his hands. "He asked me not to say anything. All I know is he has had this gun since he got out of prison."

"Yeah stand up guy…" We both gave Carlos a dirty look as he pulled his shirt off his body and James stood.

"He wanted to get rid of it, because he's afraid it will only bring trouble. He asked me if he should sell it and I told him it was his call. When I left this morning, he told me a few guys were coming over to buy it as long as everything was good." I got up from my desk and walked to my shoes by the door shoving my feet in harshly. I turned back to my bed and grabbed my phone and my keys not saying one more word to either Carlos or James.

I practically ran to Kendall's apartment feeling guilt and anger seeping out of me. I should have trusted him. I should have just let it be and stopped trying to make it into something I didn't have to be. Just like he said, it was nothing. But my brain doesn't just think, nothing is nothing. Cause I'm an idiot. Just like before I took the steps two at a time to his door and instead of just shoving in, I knocked. I breathed out hard thankful I took my sweater off because I was hot. Not just because the summer heat was still making its presence known. I raised my closed fist again, to knock but the door swung open to reveal a very tired and worried looking Kendall. He was in a pair of grey sweats and a plain white short sleeved shirt. But he looked like I may have woken him up from a nap. "Logan…" He stopped and stood up straight, shaking his head. "Look…as hot as you are when you yell at me and get pissed off, I'm tired. I worked all last night and I have to work again tonight. I just want to nap before I have to go in and I don't want to fight."

"I don't either. I…" I paused and looked down at my feet shuffling. "I don't need to know what was in the bag. I don't care." I looked back up at him as he leaned up against his door frame and rested his head on his forearm, up on the door frame. "I'm sorry. I freaked out, over nothing." My voice was small and hopefully convincing enough to him for him to forgive me. When he didn't say anything, our eyes locked, I nodded and started to turn. "I just wanted to apologize…I'll let you go back to sleep. I'm sorry."

"You wanna lay with me?" I stopped short of my turn and looked back up at him. He lowered his arm and stepped back pointing into his apartment. I nodded once and walked in going past him slowly. I glanced to his couch seeing a blanket and a pillow on it. I gently kicked out of my shoes as he shut and locked his door. "What time is your next class?"

"One." He nodded falling back down onto his makeshift bed on the couch and before pulling the blanket over him he motioned me to get over top of him. I giggled and quickly moved over him putting my body gently on top of his. He covered us with the blanket and rubbed my back yawning loudly.

"I'll set an alarm for you, so you aren't late." I nodded against his chest and looked at the bright TV that was on very low volume and listened to his heart thump under my ear. "Comfy?" I nodded again, and he sighed out dragging his fingertips up and down my back, letting me happily, close my eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

First week of college, gone!

Normally I wouldn't be so excited for the weekend. Because in high school weekends meant parties. Parties I wasn't invited to unless James and Carlos were throwing them. In that case, I just locked myself up in one of their rooms and did homework and watch movies. But college was SOOO different. I am making friends as easy as it is to breath. Besides my anatomy class, which I thankfully had Steven, class was a breeze. All of them seemed easy, and if it seemed hard for some reason, I asked questions and got it figured out. All of my professors were nice. And treated me like an adult, and not a child. And it wasn't like my anatomy class was hard…but Professor Smith, in the two classes I had with him this week, liked to call on me at random and try to stump me. I hated it. Because if I got it wrong it was almost like he mocked me. Again, thankfully I had Steven. Because he would comfort me and explain why my answer was wrong through notes we passed each other. So, all around my first was a success. And because of how well it went, I decided to have some fun. Convincing my two best friends to go hang out with my two new friends wasn't easy but when I bribed all of them…well just James and Carlos, with homework help, they said yes. Matt said he would hang out with me. I thought that was weird. He was a senior and a football player. Why he wanted to hang with me and my freshman friends was a mystery but when he walked into the sort of expensive burger restaurant chain, the first one of my friends to do so, I had to smile. Like I've said. Matt is cute. But he's no Kendall. "I knew this was a set up." He sat down across from me at the sort of large round table, that was bar height. He put his keys on the table and I learned forward smirking.

"I'm surprised you can fit through the door Shrek." He threw his head back, laughing out loud, fake of course and I chuckled feeling gitty. "Thanks for hanging out with me. My friend Steven is excited to meet a real football player."

"Steven is one of your friends from childhood?" I shook my head and casually sipped the soda I got for myself while I waited. "Right…anatomy class. See I remember stuff." I smiled as he set his phone on the table as well and glanced over to where the line was to order food. "You ever been here before?"

"No…but a girl in my Italian class was telling her friends about it. I guess it's super popular with the college kids." He nodded looking back to me and just as he did, I saw someone walking in, over his shoulder. It was James and suddenly the talk I had with Matt on Monday occurred to me and I panicked. "Shit…you aren't going to do anything to James are you?" Matt laughed and glanced over his shoulder as James approached our table. "Hey buddy. How was work?" I said it with a big grin that made him give me a death glare as he took the seat next to me, eyeing Matt. "Uhm James this is my friend Matt…Matt this is James."

"What's up man?" They did a quick bro type hug and I tensed up as they let each other's hands go and James sat back pulling off a leather jacket. "How come you don't play football?" I saw James smirk as he looked down at his very well defined, sculpted body and rolled my eyes.

"Living in Minnesota means hockey. It's all I've ever played."

"That's a damn shame." They both laughed, and I felt a wave of relief seeing my very awkward, and quirky friend from anatomy class walking towards us. He was wearing his usual black rimmed glasses, and to my surprise, instead of his khaki pants, and polo shirts, he was wearing a band shirt and black skinny jeans with holes in the knees. As he approached us I saw, since I saw him last on Thursday, his acne had cleared up quit a bit. And once he took the seat next to me and Matt, I noticed how good he smelled.

"Hey Steven…uhm these are my friends…James and Matt." Matt smiled at him big and James leaned forward extending his hand.

"Hey…Logan says you stuck up for him on his first day. That's good enough in my book." I rolled my eyes seeing Steven blush as he looked around the restaurant swallowing hard. "So instead of waiting for Carlos, because I know he wouldn't wait for me, I'm going to go order." James slid off his chair and set his car keys on the table walking around it.

"I think I'll go with you. I'm fucking starving."

"Well look at your size Shrek." Matt gave me a dirty look as he put a brown coat on the back of his chair, and they both walked away thankfully not talking. I sighed out, happily and turned to Steven who was looking at me. When he saw me looking at him he looked away fast and leaned forward on the table. "You don't have to wait for Carlos either. He usually takes his time getting places."

"It's alright. I'll wait with you." I nodded sitting up straight and grabbed my cup. "Is it weird to tell you I was nervous about coming tonight?" I frowned sipping my drink and he shrugged rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't know if you've noticed this about me but I'm kind of awkward." I swallowed my cherry coke quick and shook my head.

"You are not. You're just smart. And nice. A lot of people find that intimidating." He laughed shaking his head at me and I smiled small. "I was nervous too. I have made two new friends who I really like, and I want them to like my two old friends, so we can all hang out and do stupid shit together. But idiot James slept with Matt's girlfriend and I'm worried they are going to kill each other and ruin my evil plans of having friends." Steven laughed quietly, and I laughed with him, feeling really at ease. I put my elbows on the table and crossed my arms over each other glancing around the restaurant. I was about to look back at Steven and ask him if he'd been here before, but something caught my eye. Someone caught my eye. Professor Smith.

"Hey…isn't that professor Smith?" He nudged me gently and I nodded seeing Professor Smith drink form a tall glass of beer sitting at a table with a bunch of loud, obnoxious men. They were looking up at one of the many flat screens cheering every so often. When I started to look away from him, he lowered his glass and spotted me. He wiped his mouth slowly, putting his glass on the table and when his hand lowered from his mouth, he gave me a smile. I looked away quick and saw thankfully, Carlos walking towards us, face in phone.

"Hey Carlos." He looked up from his phone and quickly took the seat that didn't have keys in front of it. "This is my friend Steven I told you about. From anatomy." Carlos quickly extended his hand and Steven shook it smiling small.

"Nice to meet you Carlos."

"You too man. Logan is a great friend. You made a good choice." I blushed looking between the two and Carlos sighed out. "I'm fucking hungry…can I go order?" I laughed out loud and nodded also sliding off my chair seeing James and Matt walking back to us, plates full of a burger and onion rings and fries.

"Uhm Carlos this is Matt. Matt, Carlos." They gave the classic head nod greeting and as James and Matt sat down, myself Carlos and Steven all got up and walked towards the line, my face starting to hurt from the smiling I've been doing.

The greatest thing about my four friends was, as the night progressed, all of their different personalities came out into the light, and it seemed to make them all like each other. None of them were left out of any conversation because they all seemed to agree on one topic where no one disagreed on: sports. I didn't peg Steven as the athletic type, but I found out he played basketball in high school and loved to watch the hardcore sports, like Rugby. So once the topic of Matt being on the football team came up, all four of them went off. I engaged because I liked sports too, but not as much as these guys. James and Carlos already promised they'd go to all the home games and when Matt invited Steven to come too, I swear Steven was going to pass out. It made me sad for a just a second, because I don't think Steven has ever really had a lot of friends but when I realized now he did, my sadness disappeared. It made me feel so happy, but also proud by the time our dinners were gone, and we had talked and laughed for over two hours, everyone was exchanging phone numbers. I walked out with all of them and as we all said our goodbyes, I realized I had to pee and quickly ran back inside after saying goodbye one last time. I hurried into the bathroom and went to the urinal. I had my pants unzipped and I was peeing when I heard someone come in as well but kept myself standing up straight and looked ahead at the wall, ignoring whoever it was. When I finished, I zipped myself and flushed turning. I froze quick seeing Professor Smith leaning against the sink, staring at me. I swallowed hard and made a movement to go forward to wash my hands, but he pushed off the counter and took a step towards me. "You know…it's not very nice to ignore someone you know in public." As he got closer to me I could smell the alcohol on his breath and it made me step back.

"I didn't know you were here." He took another step towards me and laughed quietly, almost in a scary way. I tried again to walk around him, but he was faster. He pushed into me hard and shoved me up against the wall by one of the urinals. I gasped out and tried to shove him off me, but he turned me quick and shoved my face into the wall, covering my mouth with one hand, while, somehow, he got both my arms behind my back pressing hard into me with his own body.

"Don't lie to me Logan. I saw you looking at me. I saw you practically drooling over me. All night all your body language told me was you wanted me to give you a proper fucking." I squeezed my eyes shut hard feeling tears coming out of the corners as he shoved his crotch into my butt and squeezed harder onto my mouth. "And don't get me started on what a fucking cock tease you are in class." He let my hands go and I put them on the wall to push off it, and push him away from me, but I froze instantly when I felt his hand go onto my belt around my waist. I opened my eyes feeling my body go limp as he worked fast to get my belt undone. "If you fucking say a word of this to anyone, I will make your life a living fucking hell. And I will twist it to look like you made a move first. That you bribed me to give you a's if we fucked." He whispered it in my ear with such venom I felt scared. And my fear was making me do absolutely nothing to stop it. When he realized I wasn't going to do any fighting, he let my mouth go and to my horror I heard his zipper get pulled down behind me. I placed my head on the cool tile of the wall and let out a small sob as my own zipper started to get pulled down.

"Hey! You can't lock this door!" Hearing the pound on the outside of the bathroom door made me act quick and turn, pushing him hard. I buckled my belt back up and ran to the door, turning the lock. I shoved the door open hard and ran out, wiping my face. I know a lot of people were staring at me, as I ran through the restaurant, but I didn't stop. I didn't want a single person there, to know what happened. As soon as I got outside, and safety in my car, I locked my doors and looked inside the building seeing everyone going back to normal. No one was questioning Professor Smith as he walked out, rather stumbled out to his table of friends, who all at the same time jumped up and yelled at the TV. He joined in fast, glancing around, probably for me, which to me, just made me realize I needed to leave. And quick. But as I pulled out of the parking lot, shaking and crying quietly, I pulled my phone out, and texted the one person I felt like I could take this too.

I parked outside the club Kendall works at right next to his car, sort of towards the back of the building. I got out and quickly texted him telling him I was here and leaned against the hood of my black four door BMW. I didn't tell him why I needed to see him, I just told him it was sort of an emergency and I wanted to see him. He told me to come back his work and he'd meet me by his car. I slipped my phone into the pocket of my jeans and shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans looking at the very crowded looking club. I sighed out, finally calmed down. I mean enough to where I wasn't crying anymore. I still felt like I was gross, and that I wanted to take the hottest of showers to get the feeling of his hands off me but knew seeing Kendall would make me feel better. Hopefully. "Hey!" I looked to the right and stood up straight seeing him walking towards me, a dish towel over his shoulder. I had to smile seeing his very hot, yet simple work uniform on him. It was a plain black button up shirt he wore tucking into a pair of black skinny jeans completing the look with army boots. "I wish this was a happy visit…but from the look on your face, I can tell it's not." I looked down as soon as he got in front of me putting his hand on my face. "Weren't you hanging out with James and Carlos?" I nodded and bit my bottom lip feeling tears coming out of my eyes, just thinking about how I would tell him this. I didn't want to because I was embarrassed. But as he pushed my head up sort of fast, probably feeling a tear on his hand, I realized I was going to have to. "What's wrong? What happened?" I let a sob leave my throat which only furthered my embarrassment. He put his other hand on the other side of my face and bent slightly to look in my eyes. "Logan. What's wrong?"

"I…" I paused pulling my hands out of my pockets and set them on his hips. He wiped my tears with his thumbs and I took in a deep breath. "We went out to that hamburger place downtown." He nodded slowly, concern washed over his face. "We had a great time and as we were leaving, I had to pee. Everyone was already gone…" I hated to think how different this would have gone if someone had been there when I ran out of the bathroom but didn't dwell on it. "I was…" I locked eyes with his bright green one's and sobbed again shoving my body into his. "Someone attacked me in the bathroom." I said it as quietly as I could into the skin showing on his chest which just made him push me back gently and force me to look into his eyes again.

"What?" His face was blank. I couldn't tell what he was thinking and that worried me. "Did you say someone attacked you in the bathroom?" I nodded biting my bottom lip looking down. "How?" One of his arms dropped down my body and gently started to rub on it. Probably looking for some kind of wound, I guess.

"He…he shoved me into the wall and covered my mouth and started to pull my pants off." His hand went back to my face and tilted it, so we were looking in each other's eyes. "He started to take off his, and then someone tried to come in, and I shoved him off me and ran out of there." He closed his eyes and started to breath heavily. I put my hands on his chest and stepped closer to him.

"Do you remember what he looked like?" His hands left my face as he reopened his eyes and looked down at me, putting his hands on my hips, squeezing softly. All I could do was nod my head and he swallowed hard, locking his strong jaw into a straight line, in a very mean way. "Can you tell me?" I nodded again and looked down closing my eyes putting my forehead on his collarbone on his right side.

"It…it was my anatomy Professor."


	9. Chapter 9

"How you doing?" I looked up and over my hug coffee cup and forced a smile. He smiled back looking down and picked up his white mug drinking the rest of it quickly, and then putting it back down licking his bottom lip. I raised my head off my arms and glanced out the window we were sitting next to and sat back putting my hands in my lap.

"Thanks for getting out of work. I appreciate it."

"Not a tough decision. Although If you weren't with me, I'd be out, hunting this douchebag down and beating the shit out of him." I shook my head looking back over at him and he smirked leaning forward. "I don't want you to think I'm trying to tell you how to feel…or how to handle this but I need to know someone is going to know about this at your school. Because I have to tell you Logan…I won't be able to think straight if I know he is sitting in a classroom with you twice a week for two hours." I watched a waitress walk by our little table in the corner and gave her a soft smile as she smiled down at me. "Either the police or your Dean Logan." I laughed looking back at him as he gave me a pathetic face. "Logan…"

"When I came over here…when you were asking your boss to leave I got a call from my Dean." His face went blank and I shook my head grabbing my almost empty coffee mug. I drank all of it, loving every ounce of black coffee that came into my mouth. When it was empty I set the cup down and started to pull the leather jacket of his, on, that he let me wear as soon as he came into this little café. "He told me to be in his office at 8 tomorrow morning for a very important discussion about my anatomy professor."

"What did you say?" I shook my head quickly pulling out a twenty from my wallet and got up throwing it on the table.

"I didn't answer. I saw it was the school and got afraid. But the voicemail only said I needed to be there for a meeting." I turned and walked quickly to the door leading out to the parking lot, not looking back at Kendall once.

I walked into the parking lot where both our cars still were and pulled my keys out of my pocket hearing footsteps behind me. The club Kendall just left was still going loud and strong, at 11 at night and couldn't believe they let him leave. But as I got next to my car I turned and felt grateful they did. Ae he approached me, his keys in one hand and his phone in the other, I had the urgency to run into his arms and force him to kiss my fears away. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed with him, hide under the blankets and fall asleep in his arms. And when he got right in front of me and set his hand on my neck, while he kissed my forehead, I knew that's what I was going to be able to do. "You wanna come home with me?" I nodded softly under him and he gave one last kiss to my nose and turned to his car. "Be careful." I chuckled unlocking my door and opened it fast, sliding in. I turned it on and rolled down my window watching him get in his car. He slowly pulled out of his parking spot and I followed carefully.

His work was pretty far away from his apartment which meant I had some time to think. To me, going to Kendall first was the right thing to do. I couldn't tell my parents. They would pull me out of college and make me live at home with them for the rest of my life. I honestly didn't feel like the cops could do anything. After all, the worst thing he did to me, was shove me into a wall. He was planning on doing something else, but it didn't get that far. So, the cops wouldn't do anything. And I feared if I had told James and Carlos, they would have gone postal. Which actually surprised me that Kendall didn't. He was such a bad ass…a tough guy who looked like he would kill someone for looking at him wrong. It worried me how calm he was. And it confused me to know he wanted me to go tell someone about this. I know were dating and caring for each other is important, but it wasn't something I was expecting from Kendall so early on in our relationship. I guess that makes me a shitty person. But he didn't seem like the type.

I tried to understand my feelings of embarrassment, anger and fear as we pulled into his complex. I parked in a guest spot and walked in the dark just 20 feet from his own car where he was patiently waiting. All of my fears and sadness washed away as he extended his hand to me, and let me wrap around his arm, lacing our fingers together. He led me up the stairs and untangled our arms putting it behind my back as he put his house key into the lock on his door. I was expecting his house to be dark on a count of James fast asleep. But when the door opened, and he pushed me inside gently, my embarrassment came back in full force seeing my two best friends standing up from the couch giving me sad looks. "Logan." I pushed away from Kendall and glared at him as he locked his door and threw his keys and phone to the coffee table as he walked by it. "Are you alright? Kendall told me…"

"I'm fine. I just want to go to sleep." I avoided eye contact with James and Carlos and hurried past them. Well, I tried at least. My right arm was grabbed softly, and I turned looking at James who honestly looked scared. Like whatever Kendall told him, made him afraid. For me, or for him, I'm not sure. Nut I gently pulled my arm out of his grasp and he sighed.

"You could have called me. Or Carlos." I only nodded looking away and glared at Kendall as I walked down the short hallway to his bedroom. He was leaning against the dining room table arms crossed over his stomach, staring at me with a blank face. He didn't even look sorry he told my friends about my embarrassing night. That irritated me beyond belief. But I went into his bedroom, shutting the door softly behind me and undressed myself as quickly as I could. I kicked my shoes off my feet to his dresser and pulled the leather jacket off, tossing it to his desk chair and pulled my black shirt off, letting it fall to the floor. I sighed out hard, crawling on his bed as I heard his door open and flopped down fast closing my eyes and pulling one of his pillows on top of my head. I heard him walk around and even heard the light on the nightstand next to me, turn on, but I remained lying down with my eyes closed and pillow over my head. I even remained still when he got on the bed next to me and set a hand on my back.

"So…"

"It wasn't your place to say anything to them." He chuckled, and I felt my temper rising as I pushed the pillow off my head and turned so his hand was off my back. I glared up at him as I laid flat on my back.

"You can honestly tell me you were going to tell them? They are your best friends Logan."

"First of all, fuck you. Whoever I tell, whenever I tell them is my business and my business alone. I don't care if they are my best friends. I didn't want them to know. And I would have hoped you would understand that."

"Wouldn't you want to know if something had happened to one of them?" I rolled my eyes pushing myself up and pulled my legs up to my chest.

"The difference is Kendall, nothing this embarrassing and stupid would happen to them." He sighed out next to me and I glanced to him squinting my eyes at him, hoping and praying I didn't cry out. "Do you have nay idea how demeaning it is to be shoved into a wall and have someone take complete control of your body? To not be able to stop what they were doing? And have to wait for them to be done with you? No…he didn't actually do anything but if that guy hadn't knocked on the door, I would have let him. Do you know how embarrassing that is?" He got up on his knees and crawled to me putting a hand on my face. I turned away from him and looked at his dark bathroom swallowing a lump that would have bene a loud sob. "He told me I was giving him a look that told him I wanted him. And then he threatened me. All while using his strength to overtake my own. I'm pathetic."

"I don't think James and Carlos think that. And I know for sure I don't." I closed my eyes as he turned my head back to me and clutched onto the fabric on my jeans. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told them until you were ready to talk about it with them. I just…I just got scared that if someone didn't know about this, I'd go out and find him, and literally slice his throat open." I opened my eyes letting tears fall out. Tears that didn't go very far, because he wiped them away and leaned into me kissing my forehead. "All I feel is anger that someone I care deeply about got hurt. And I wasn't there to stop it and can do nothing to make you feel better."

"Just being here…and letting me cry on your chest is what will make me feel better." He pulled me in quick and I wrapped around his warm body putting my face into his chest. "And maybe if you come with me tomorrow to see the Dean."

"Of course." He said it quietly and sweetly over me as he rubbed my back and kissed my head. "Why don't you get in bed, and put something on the TV, and I'll get us some food and drinks." I pushed away and nodded watching him get off his bed. He pulled his shirt out of his jeans as he walked around the bed and sighed deeply opening his door and stepping out. As soon as it shut I slid off the bed and pulled my jeans off quickly. I picked them up, along with my shirt and set them on his desk. I then jumped back on the bed, pushing the dark blue comforter back and crawled inside, sitting up against the headboard. I grabbed his remote on the nightstand and turned on the TV feeling, if nothing else, just a little better knowing he was going to take care of me tonight.

I didn't get much sleep. Kendall and I touching and kissing almost the whole night. We didn't have sex because I think he thought he would further scar me. I didn't care either way. Just letting him feel me up, and him letting me feel him up was enough. When I did fall asleep I kept having bad dreams. Dreams that replayed everything that happened to me in the bathroom, and then some. I couldn't keep my eyes closed for more than 30 minutes without feeling like Professor Smith was coming after me again. I finally had enough and at 6:30 I woke up once more and kept myself awake. Kendall was sound asleep next to me, holding onto me like his life depended on it. I laid there, just looking at his flawless face, and hated to think of what I would have done…who I would have gone to if I wasn't with Kendall. I probably would have gone to my dorm and have told no one. If there weren't enough reasons for me to be with Kendall, I had another one.

I took a shower in his bathroom, as quiet as I could and as fast as I could. I snuck into his dresser before going in the bathroom and grabbed a clean shirt of his. When I got out of the shower, I dried myself, got dressed and used his comb to push my hair back. When I finished I hung my towels on the two hooks on the back of his shower door, and walked out, being as quiet as I could. However, it wasn't necessary because Kendall was sitting at the end of his bed jeans already on his legs, tying some plain black Vans on his feet. He was shirtless which was a sight that always made me happy. I smiled as I walked to my shoes and socks by his door and grabbed them, quickly walking to him, sitting down right next to him. "I stole one of your shirts."

"It looks better on you." I laughed as I pulled my socks on and looked up to the TV that we kept on all night. It was the news the weather and it was mind numbing enough for me to forget about the meeting I was about to have. Until, of course my shoes were on, Kendall was fully dressed putting a black zip up on, and taking my hand, leading me out of his warm, comforting room. I was honestly expecting to see Carlos and James sin the living room like last night but sighed in relief seeing it empty. Kendall grabbed his keys from the coffee table and walked me out of his apartment shutting and locking the door behind him. "Let's go get some coffee beforehand." I only nodded walking down the stairs with him, hand in hand. It was just now a quarter past 7, so we had some time to kill but I worried the less time I spent dealing with this, the worst off I would feel when it came time for it. I kept those thoughts to myself as Kendall took us to Dunkin Donuts and got me a plain black coffee, and himself a latte. I sat almost completely still in my seat as he drove us back to the campus and parked in front of the main building with 10 minutes to spare. I sighed out feeling something weird rush through me as I opened the car door and walked out shutting it kind of rough. I left my coffee in the car and regretted as we walked up to the doors. If I had a coffee cup in my hand I would have a distraction. And I had this horrible feeling they wouldn't let Kendall in with me, so I regretted not bringing it. That horrible feeling intensified when we walked into the building and just down the long hallway I saw Professor Smith standing in front of the Dean, both looking like they were about to go to the golf course. They didn't look like they were about to discuss an attempted assault. It made my stomach turn.

"Logan Mitchell." I forced a smile to the Dean, not once looking at Professor Smith. "Thank you so much for coming. We need to have a very serious talk about what happened last night, and I want you to know that this matter is going to be handled very carefully."

"So, he will be fired?" I turned to Kendall shaking my head pleading with him, in my mind, to keep his mouth shut. But he wasn't looking at me. He was looking to Professor Smith. I could tell.

"I'm sorry sir…this is going to have to be a closed meeting." I turned back to the Professor seeing him motioning me into his huge office, where Professor Smith already was. "if you will Logan." I nodded swallowing hard and walked in fast staring at the back of Professor Smith's head as he sat in front of the Deans desk. "Okay…" I heard the door shut and remained standing still even as the Dean walked by and took a seat at his desk. "Please, have a seat Logan." I shook my head fast, and quick shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans. He sighed out and nodded looking down at the paper in front of him. "From the phone call I received last night from Professor Smith it appears that we need to do something to ensure that what happened last night, never ever happens again. Before I make any calls, I would like to hear from you Logan, what happened." He looked back up at me, folding his hands on his desk and I cleared my throat.

"I was in the restroom at the burger place downtown, and Professor Smith came in, drunk. He shoved me into a wall between two urinals and covered my mouth. He…" I paused and saw Professor Smith look down and I started to breath hard. "He tried to pull my pants down while pulling his down." I said it quietly and felt my cheeks flush red. I looked at the Dean who gave a nasty look to Professor Smith and wished Kendall was with me.

"Is that all Logan?" I nodded quick and wiped at my face to get the few tears off. I had become so used to Kendall wiping away the tears, my own hands felt weird. "As much as I appreciate all you have done for this school, and even though you are a great teacher, I can not let you continue teaching here." I saw the Professor raise his head and on instinct I stepped back.

"You're firing me? After I came clean to you and told you I fucked up?" I gritted my teeth hard and watched him sit forward on his chair. "I will never be able to find another job again Dean. I have a family." I glanced away from him and some wheels started to turn in my head. "I will take a leave of absence…I will go to counseling. I'll take a pay cut. But I can't lose this job."

"This is something I cannot waver on Michael. You have crossed the line and I can't bring you back again." I turned back to see the Dean writing something down fast shaking his head. "Logan on behalf of this school, I am giving you my sincerest apologies and hope this doesn't make you have a bad idea about college." He looked up and stood up and the same time handing a piece of paper down to Professor Smith. "I can assure you that this will never happen again, and Professor Smith will no longer be employed here, and you won't have to have any other interaction with him again." I nodded once and felt my body start to relax. "If there is nothing else you would like to say, you may leave." I turned quick and walked out not even taking another chance to see Professor Smith again.

Kendall was sitting in a chair outside the Dean's office and when I walked out, I grabbed his hand as I walked by and dragged him to the doors. "What happened?" I shook my head walking him out of the building and took in a deep breath of the fresh air letting his hand go. "Logan. What happened?" I gently shoved him towards the dorm rooms and had to smile.

"He fired him. At first, I thought he was going to just give him a suspension, but he fired him. I never have to see him again." I looked up at his smiling face and had to smile even bigger. "Of all the stories I've heard about assault victims it never goes this well. It's almost too good to be true but it is. He's gone." Very quickly Kendall leaned down and kissed my temple gently squeezing my ass.

"I'm really happy about that babe." I blushed glancing around the campus we were walking through wondering if anyone saw us but couldn't have cared less at this point. "And we are going where now?"

"Well I have to work at 2 this afternoon so I was thinking I could just get my scrubs now and then go to work from your place."

"Sounds great to me." I chuckled opening the door to my dorm building and let him walk in. "I haven't been to your dorm yet. To bad Carlos will be there, because we could really have a go in it." I rolled my eyes glancing back at him, as I led him up the two flights of stairs to get to my room. "How late do you work today?" I walked us down the hall to my room and just as I stopped us in front of it I turned to him, smirking.

"Right when you have to go in." He laughed out and I shoved my door open after unlocking it, but before he let me walk in, he grabbed my face gently and shoved his tongue in my mouth, making me laugh and grab ahold of him, pulling him into my room with me. But a throat being cleared behind me made me let him go after taking just a few steps inside. I spun fast and felt the color drain from my cheeks. My parents were standing by my bed, while Carlos walked towards us, mouth slightly open.

"Logan…I…after last night I…" He stopped, and I watched my mom walk towards us, her mouth hanging open low. "I didn't think your parents should be left in the dark." I straightened up, staring my mother down and felt Kendall touch my back gently. She looked over my shoulder seeing a tall, tattooed, bad looking dude, who she knew has been to prison, and gave him a very dirty look. This was about to get very, very nasty.


	10. Chapter 10

No one was making a move. Or sound. I wanted to, more than anything, to push Kendall out of the room and deal with my parents by myself. But I couldn't. I was stuck in my spot staring at my mom who only had eyes on Kendall. She looked like she wanted to kill him. She looked like a villain. All I wanted was to grab my work uniform and go snuggle with Kendall. Definitely not going to be happening. "Logan…" I tore away from my mom seeing my dad walking towards me and tensed up seeing him sad looking. "Are you alright? Carlos said you were attacked and it made me sick to my stomach." I lowered my head fast and nodded. "You have to know you can come to us for anything. No matter what it is…and especially with something like this. Because I would have been out there looking for this asshole and killing him." I glanced up to my dad and swallowed hard seeing how different he looked. He no longer looked sad. He looked pissed. "I might just go see Mike and give him a piece of my mind."

"Chuck…" My mom stepped forward and grabbed my dad's arm gently pulling him back to stand next to her. "Logan…I'm glad you are alright." I crossed my arms over my chest and glanced to Carlos who was sitting on his bed looking up at us, guilt washing over his face. "I hate getting a call from your best friend telling us you have been struggling and…"

"I'm sorry. I'm struggling?" I raised my eyebrows at Carlos who stood up and opened his mouth.

"You've been acting differently ever since you started dating…Kendall." He said his name quietly and I lowered my arms from my chest laughing quietly.

"Why didn't you tell me you were dating him, when I told you he had been to prison?" Kendall's hand that had been resting on my back this whole time, left and I stood up straight shaking my head.

"Because I know how judgmental you can be mother." She scoffed looking away and turned completely making me stare at the back of her head. "I really like Kendall…he likes me. No matter what bullshit story Carlos gave you, he's fucking lying."

"Watch your language young man." My mom turned her fiery gaze back to me and I rolled my eyes at her. "What has happened to you? You're dating a 22-year-old ex-criminal, from what Carlos said, you've been drinking heavily…" I felt my mouth drop open staring at Carlos who stepped forward. I could tell he felt bad, but the damage has already been done. "And with what happened last night…"

"What does that mean?" Every single person turned to Kendall who stepped forward, face completely blank. "What happened last night was a man tried to rape your son in the bathroom of a restaurant. That was not his fault, and as far as I'm concerned you should be listening to your son, and not his friend."

"Well I am sure there is more to that story then everyone knows." Instead of feeling angry for what she's said, I felt my heart break. She walked to me and grabbed my hands looking directly into my eyes. "Your dad and I have been friends with Mike for a long time. I know him Logan…he's a good man."

"Are you deaf?" I looked away fast and put a hand on Kendall's chest hearing him breathing the same way he did when I told him I was attacked. He was pissed, and I needed to calm him down before worst things were said. "That son of a bitch called the dean himself and told him what happened. He was fired for it. And you still don't want to think your son is telling the truth?"

"Go wait outside…please." My voice was quiet and shocking to know one, it wasn't enough.

"Stay the hell away from my son. I do not need someone like you corrupting him into a life he will regret. He doesn't need anymore reasons for people to not like him. Having someone like you around will only make it worse." I spun fast and felt a tear leave my left eye seeing my dad pulling my mom back.

"Jo Ann that is enough." I walked to them and pushed my dad to the side staring my mom down.

"What do you mean anymore reasons for people to not like me? Why do you think people don't like me?" I felt more tears fall out of my eyes and she carefully reached out cupping my cheeks.

"Sweetie…society can be nasty. When people find out your gay, they see it as a target." I shoved her hands off my face and stepped back. "I have always wanted you to find a nice young girl to be with, so you could have a normal life. If you hadn't told your professor, you were gay…"

"I didn't mom! I didn't ask for what happened to me last night, to happen!" She jumped slightly hearing my voice raise and I stepped up to her again. "I can't just find some girl to be with, because I'm gay! That's it mom. I'm gay! And I know how much you are ashamed of that fact but it's the truth! I'm not going to change just because it makes you uncomfortable! And just because I'm gay doesn't mean I deserve to be assaulted in a bathroom!"

"I never said that Logan!"

"Get out!" I turned and pointed to the door watching Kendall move out of the way, sort of standing close to my wardrobe closet. "Leave!" She jumped grabbing her purse and sweater off my bed and rushed out, crying quietly into her hand. I sobbed out quietly wiping my face and turned my attention to my dad. "I am not…"

"I love you Logan." I sniffled quietly and bit my bottom lip watching him walk to me. "You are my son. My only child and there is not a God damn thing in this world that I wouldn't do for you. I have always, always loved you for the strong, brave, smart, handsome man that you are, and I admire your commitment to be true to yourself." I cried quietly closing my eyes and put my head down. Instead of fighting him off me, I let him pull me into him and hug me running his hand through my hair. "No matter who you fall in love with…no matter where your life takes you, I will always be by your side. And everything your mother said is never, ever going to represent what I think." I moved quick and wrapped my arms around him tight shoving my crying face into his neck. "I am so sorry Logan. I am so sorry that sick fuck did that to you last night and that your mother isn't happy for you to be with, from what I've heard a great man." I sobbed louder into his body as the door to my dorm shut and there was a squeak of a bed. "I will say I do agree with her that we shouldn't have to get calls from your best friend when you get hurt or are afraid. Even if I come by myself, I will come to help you in whatever way I can." I nodded feeling my body calming down and turned my head, so my cheek was lying on his shoulder and I was looking at Kendall who was sitting on the edge of my bed looking down at his hands in his lap. "So, your Dean fired him?" I nodded slowly seeing Kendall glance up and I gave a small smile. He smiled back but looked down quick. "Thank you for taking care of my boy last night." I closed my eyes turning my head back into my dad's neck and sighed out. "Although Carlos seemed to be a little more dramatic with his story telling but he did say Logan went right to you and you took care of him. It brings me comfort knowing he can go to someone like that. Thank you."

"I would do it again if needed." I opened my eyes and slowly pushed off my dad looking down, feeling my cheeks burn. My dad gently cupped my neck before letting me go and sighing out.

"I suppose I need to go check on your mother. Make sure she hasn't' burned anything down." I looked up wiping my face and my dad quickly kissed my forehead before walking to the door groaning quietly. "Lord give me the damn strength…" I chuckled watching him pull it open and look back at me. "Call me. For anything. And please do not worry about your mom. I'll deal with her." I nodded as he stepped out pulling the door closed. "I love you Logan."

"I love you too dad." He gave me one last sweet smile before the door shut, and I turned to Carlos, my anger rising again. He got up from his bed and raised his hands.

"I just thought your parents should know Logan. I didn't know your mom would freak out." I shook my head and rushed to him roughly, but gently shoving him back down to his bed.

"You did fucking know Carlos. My mom has always been ridiculous. You had no fucking right to tell someone, even my parents, my business!" He stood up quick and glanced over my shoulder pointing.

"I'm going to guess here that he got a pass for doing the same shit I've done! This is what I'm fucking talking about!" I rolled my eyes turning and walked to my wardrobe swinging the doors open hard and reached in grabbing a black duffle bag. "You are so different now Logan! Like when was the last time we hung out?!"

"Last night jackass." I roughly and aggressively shoved my work uniform into the black duffle along with an extra black sweater. I bent slightly opening the drawer underneath eh part of my wardrobe that had my hanging clothes and grabbed a pair of boxers, and an extra pair of socks.

"Fine. I'll once again let you walk away the poor wounded bird and I'll be the asshole vulture who treated you bad." I glanced over my shoulder seeing Carlos grab his car keys and walk to our door. He swung it open and before he walked out, he sighed out, and I stood up. Standing in front of the door was Steven who lowered his fist quick and glanced between Carlos and myself. "Scuse me…" Carlos shoved out past him and I shook my head setting my duffle down.

"Sorry Steven…just ignore him." He only nodded walking in slowly, staring at my bed probably at Kendall. Considering how my morning has gone, I figured I might as well tell him I'm gay and Kendall was my boyfriend, so I turned to Kendall urging him to stand. He did running a hand through his sort of messy hair and I sighed out. "Steven…I'd like you to meet my boyfriend Kendall." I glanced back to Steven who perked up a little and I shrugged. "I'm gay…have been since the day I came out of my mom. If it's going to be an issue that…"

"I had no idea. If I did I would have told you I'm gay a long time ago." I frowned watching him raise his hand and wave softly at Kendall who casually slipped an arm around me, oddly enough right after Steven said he was gay. "Nice to meet you Kendall."

"You too Steven. Logan talks an awful lot about you." I blushed gently pushing Kendall aside and went back down to packing an over night bag to go over to Kendall's.

"Well…I just wanted to come by and see if you wanted to do some studying tomorrow…I know you work tonight." I stood up after zipping my duffle and put it over my shoulder smiling.

"Yeah. I could use a study buddy." Steven smiled wide and nodded turning.

"Cool…I'll text you tomorrow." I nodded waving softly as he walked out, leaving the door wide open. I sighed out turning to Kendall who chuckled and glanced around my dorm shaking his head.

"So, I like your dorm." I laughed pushing into him and wrapped around his back. "So, my place then?"


	11. Chapter 11

As much as I loved medicine, and helping people and being in a hospital, right now, I didn't want to be here. After a morning and afternoon of having beautiful sex with Kendall, both in his shower, and in his bed, I couldn't believe I had to go to work. Work which would be enjoyable if I didn't have to be near my mom. Yeah, it was only from 2 to 8 tonight, but 6 hours in the same building as her, was too much. Thankfully she was usually too busy to come down to the front desk where I worked, but because of how today played out, she might change her schedule around just to harass me some more. I'd like to think my mother wasn't that petty, but she did basically say it was my fault my professor attacked me in a public bathroom, so who knows.

Like I have done everyday that I've come into work, I had my brown messenger bag over my shoulder full of school books and homework for the rare times I didn't have anything to do. I was clutching onto it as I walked into the hospital smiling at a group of doctors walking by. I had my badge on my hip that had a barcode that allowed me to enter restricted places. Like the offices behind the front desk, that had a door always locked from the outside. As I approached it, I raised my badge and waved it in front of the black pad grabbing the handle. Nothing happened. I frowned waving my badge again and jiggled the door knob, still locked. I let go of the handle and walked back around to the front desk smiling at one of my coworkers. "Hey Liz…my badge isn't working." She glanced up, turning slightly pale and stood up swallowing hard.

"I think you need to go speak to your mom Logan." I tensed up seeing her look down at a piece of paper. "You should defiantly go see your mother." I sighed out and nodded as she looked back up at me and turned walking to a flight of stairs. I was no longer sad about our fight. I was pissed at this point. For her to go as far as to make me look like an idiot at work and do something to my access into the building was taking it, just a little too far for my taste. I speed walked up the stairs, and down the hall, all the way to my mom's office not even bothering to knock. I turned the handle and shoved the door open, making my mom shoot up form her desk. I let her door slam hard into the wall behind it and clenched my fists down at my sides. I know my dad was sitting in front of her desk, they both looked like they were eating lunch, but I was pissed.

"Why doesn't my badge work?" My dad slowly stood himself up, staring at my mom who sighed out and walked around from behind her desk, pulling her doctors coat tight around her body. "Mom."

"Because you have been terminated." My mouth parted slightly, and I loosened up my muscles seeing my dad walk forward to my mom.

"He was fired? Why?" My mom looked at my dad and shook her head slightly.

"Because HR doesn't feel comfortable with the hospital director's son working here. It looks bad." I laughed out loud and turned putting my head back taking a few deep, easy breaths. "Think whatever you want Logan, that's the truth. I tried to fight it for you."

"There's a shock," I looked back to her and clenched my jaw shut tight. "How about this…" I stepped forward and she stood herself up straight looking down at me. "Since you seem to have this desire to want to interfere with my life, why don't I make it easier on you and not come around anymore? If you can't squelch your need to control my life, I don't need you in it." I turned and started to head for her office door but stopped. I breathed out hard and turned back to see her looking sad. Like I cared. "I'm fine by the way. After what Professor Smith did to me last night I'm good. I'm great in fact because I have an amazing boyfriend who cares about me, more than you ever have in your whole life. And for once, excluding dad, I have someone in my life who isn't ashamed of me. Who doesn't mind that I am who I am, and actually likes me for it." She looked down and started to rub on the cross necklace around her neck. "The funny thing about all this mom is, as ashamed of me as you are…I'm more ashamed of you." She looked up, tears in the corner of her eyes. I simply gave her one last disgusted look and turned, walking out of her office, closing her door hard behind me. It slammed shut but didn't affect me. I saw the few nurses walking towards me, jump when the door slammed, but I just kept walking past them. I yanked the badge off my hip of my scrub bottoms and threw it to the ground as I walked down the stairs.

I wanted to call Kendall and tell him I was coming back to his apartment but didn't want to take the chance of waking him from a nap he really needed. I wanted to call James and tell him I was coming back too, but as soon as I got in my car, all I wanted to do was drive in silence and think. Think about how not two weeks ago, my mother was one of my best friends. Sure, I knew she had her faults. When I came out to them, she had her worries. 'Oh Logan, the world is a cruel place. I'm going to be constantly worried about you.' But she never ever said I should change who I am. Her comment about wanting me to find a nice girl was new to me. It must have been something she kept to herself for a long time. As if I could just turn my gay off and settle down with a girl was how all this worked. She didn't know a damn thing about me, and instead of that thought pissing me off, it just made me feel numb. If I couldn't' turn to my mom for the things I used to…like life advice, or to just gossip about celebrities or talk about politics? Yes, my dad and I did have a tight relationship, but it was so different with my mom. And now, because of reasons that are her fault, I didn't have a relationship with her anymore. I could never look at her the same, ever again. And that made me feel completely hopeless.

I unknowingly took the long way back to Kendall and James's apartment, but when I finally got to it, I found my guest parking spot still open and parked fast getting out with my bag. I felt so sad and took my time walking up the stairs to the apartment looking down at my keys in my hand, fiddling with them. When I got to the door I knocked softly and glanced up sighing out. I heard a lock get clicked and shoved my hands into my pants pockets as the door opened and a shirtless James appeared. He frowned and looked down at the shiny gold watch on his wrist moving out of the way, for me to come in. "I thought you had to work?" I stepped in smiling small, but it left quick seeing Carlos standing up from the loveseat, putting a x-box controller on the coffee table. I looked him square in the eyes and shrugged.

"My mom got me fired." He stood up straight and stepped towards me as James got beside me.

"Why would she do that?"

"Because a supposed best friend of mine told her I'm dating a criminal and drinking heavily and being an all around bad son." I pushed past James and headed for the hallway to Kendall's room. I walked in pulling my bag off my shoulder and stopped by his dresser, seeing his room empty. "Where is Kendall?" I threw my bag to his bed and turned walking back out to the hallway. James and Carlos were walking towards me.

"We ran out of some stuff. He went to the store." I nodded leaning against the door frame and avoided eye contact with Carlos who got right in front of me.

"Logan…I'm sorry. I…" I put my hands back into the pockets of my scrubs and bit my bottom lip. "I should have never told your parents. Well…maybe just not your mom. I fucked up and I am so sorry it got your fired. All I know is that I care a lot about you and sometimes the things you do frustrate me." I looked up fast and James tensed up getting between us, but I remained unmoved. "But It's not my life." He shrugged putting his hands up and let them fall back down to his sides. "My biggest fear of you dating Kendall has always been that he wasn't good enough for you, and for some reasons my brain told me that, that meant he would lessen you. He would take away that huge part of you that James and I adore so much, and we'd lose you. But I realized, with the help of James that the huge part of you that we love is how kind you are. How sincere and genuine you are. I don't think anyone, or anything could change that." I felt a small smile tug at my lips and looked down quick shuffling my feet. "You are my best friend Logan and I will always see you as my little brother. When I heard you were attacked last night…something snapped in my head. So, I called your mom and me telling her what happened led to me telling her about your relationship with Kendall and I'm sorry." I looked back up and stood up straight pulling my hands out of my pockets nodding.

"It's okay Carlos. I forgive you." He sighed out loud and pulled me into him tight. I groaned quietly letting him hug me and shoved him off shaking my head. "I honestly don't think you did anything wrong. Sure, you shouldn't have told them without talking to me. But my mother is a champ at making people spill their guts. And ruining lives apparently."

"Yeah so what's up with that?" I sighed waving James off and walked down the hall towards the kitchen feeling my stomach growl. "How could she just fire you?"

"Well as she said, HR didn't feel comfortable with the hospital director's son working there but we all know that is total bullshit." I kicked my shoes off by the counter in the kitchen and walked in, going right to the fridge. "I'll just find another job somewhere else." I opened the fridge and leaned down grabbing a coke can and a package of string cheese. I shut the door and turned to see both James and Carlos giving me sad looks.

"Kendall told me that Professor Smith got fired." I swallowed hard looking down and walked to the island putting my stuff down. "I'm sorry he did that to you Logan. I wish I had been there to beat the shit out of the guy."

"You aren't alone in that." I glanced back up and shrugged. "It's over and done with." I said it quietly making them both look away and grab something close to them to fiddle with to distract them. I cleared my throat picking my soda and snack back up and started to walk to the living room. "So, can I play winner?" I walked past James who smirked and nodded walking out before me, right in front of me. I giggled walking next to Carlos who rushed to his seat and picked up his controller just as James did. As I sat down crossing my legs together and setting my soda in my lap and then went back to their gross, violent war game, the front door pushed open hard and fast. I jumped and turned to It smiling at Kendall who was carrying a lot of grocery bags on his arms. He sighed out glaring at his step brother and then quickly tilted his head to look over his sunglasses at me.

"No work?" I laughed standing up and set my snack on the coffee table as James walked by and grabbed some bags form Kendall. "Also…maybe answer your phone when I call and say I have a shit ton of groceries to bring in." James said nothing as he walked to the kitchen and I shut the door as Kendall followed him in. "I still have some stuff in the back of my car."

"I'll go get it Kendall." I smiled at Carlos as he walked to the door and out of it quick.

"So…how come you aren't at work?" I sighed out pulling myself up on the island watching both James and Kendall starting to put their food and random things away.

"Because my mom fired me. It's not big thing except I hate her and never want to see her again." Kendall straightened up handing a gallon of milk to James who had the fridge open. I smiled and put my hands under my legs swinging them. "I'll find another job. No big deal."

"It is a big deal when your own parent fires you." I tilted my head seeing him bend back down and go through some bags, his ass sticking up at me.

"God you are worse than I am." I snapped out of my dirty thoughts looking at Kendall's ass and grinned at James who was giving me a gross look. "Any more bathroom or laundry stuff?" I slid off the counter seeing James holding onto a bottle of detergent and an aerosol spray can of hair spray.

"Not that I can see." I walked past James stepping over some bags and bent down to start helping Kendall as he stood up straight holding jars of spaghetti sauce. As he got on tippy toes to put the jars in a cupboard a small zip lock bag fell out of his front pocket and landed by his feet. I frowned reaching out and grabbed it, standing up straight.

"What's this?" I held it between two fingers and eyed him as he looked down at me. I could already smell what it was but wanted to not believe it.

"A little bit of weed." He said it matter of fact as he bent back down, and I shook my head tossing the baggy onto the counter stepping back.

"I thought you weren't allowed to have that with your probation?" He laughed as he gently pushed me to the side and opened up the pantry turning on the light.

"Technically no one is allowed to have it, since it's illegal." I rolled my eyes crossing my arms over my chest and watched him move some stuff around on the shelves in the pantry, his back to me. "It's less than an ounce Logan. It's not a big deal."

"Maybe not to you but if a cop found that on you…"

"When would I ever be in that situation where a cop is searching me?" He turned back to me one eyebrow quirked up and I opened my mouth but closed it quick. "It's not a worrisome situation. Please don't."

"I just don't want you to get in trouble Kendall." He sighed putting a hand on my cheek and kissed my lips softly, and sweetly.

"Thank you for your concern. But it's alright." I watched him step back away form me and went back to grabbing grocery's. James walked back out to us, a sweater on now covering his body and I tensed up as he walked to the counter and picked up the little baggie of weed.

"Can Carlos and I take a bit of this?" Kendall nodded handing James a three pack of paper towels and James grinned big at me turning and opening the package putting one roll on the counter. "Logan you're staying here, tonight right? Cause Carlos and I want to have a movie marathon." I only nodded hearing the front door open and watched as Carlos walked in holding a 12 pack of beer and a few more bags saying something quietly to both Kendall and James, making them both laugh out loud. Carlos set his things down and pulled his phone out showing it over to James who whistled low. I looked away fast having a very strange, and unknown feeling course through me. It felt like jealousy, and anger and fear all wrapped in one. I didn't have a whole lot in common with Kendall, but I didn't let it get to me. Carlos and James have always been typical dudes, and the more I found out about Kendall, I learned he was too. But I didn't care. And I honestly didn't care if they smoked weed. I didn't, and they never cared that I didn't. But knowing Kendall was on a four-year probation and could get in serious trouble for having weed in his house, made me irritated. I glanced back over to the three guys who were helping each other put groceries away and lowered my arms to rest outside my body. They were talking and laughing, and I was standing there, silent and unmoving. They didn't even notice me.


	12. Chapter 12

I couldn't stop staring at my two best friends, sitting on the long couch, passing a joint to each other. This isn't the first time I've seen them smoke weed. It wasn't going to be the last either. And, honestly, the act of them smoking, didn't bother me. It was the fact that they were doing this in a house of a man on probation on a drug charge. If his probation officer cam by, or if a neighbor complained about the smoke, Kendall would go to jail. How either of them, even Kendall, could be so blasé about the situation irritated me. But I don't think I was ever going to say that to them. They were all grown up. They knew the consequences of their actions. But I wasn't the type of person to let someone I care about get in trouble. I wasn't called a goody good in high school for nothing. "Shit…Logan is the smoke bothering you?" I locked eyes with James who waved smoke away from his head as he leaned forward and passed the joint back to Carlos who looked like he was seconds away from falling asleep. I shook my head and looked back to the mind-numbing action movie they had put on not 20 minutes ago. "Okay…would you like some then?" I glanced back to him and watched him double over and start laughing hard falling to his side, clutching onto his stomach. "I'm sorry…I'm not laughing at you. I'm really hungry and remembered that time we went to Denny's after one of our hockey games and built that French fry fort!" He was laughing hard now, which was making Carlos laugh and I couldn't help but smile back at my idiot friends who were beyond stoned. I looked back to the TV snuggling deeper under my blanket and onto my pillow sighing out. "Fuck I'm hungry…I'm gonna make nachos. You guys want some?" I looked up fast watching James stand, and almost fall over. I quickly jumped up gently push him back down onto the couch and threw my blanket over him shaking my head.

"I'll make them. Just don't try to get up." He only responded by humming softly and I pushed the sleeves up on my too big sweater walking into the dark kitchen.

Because I'm a good friend I made really cheesy, meaty, and delicious nachos with extra toppings like jalapenos, and guacamole and sour cream. I baked them in the over long enough to melt all the chees and carefully scooped the hot chips onto three separate plates. I took Carlos and James out to them first and made sure they were sitting up to eat before I went back to get mine. As I grabbed mine, I opened the fridge and reached in for a soda but stopped. Next to the soda cans were bottles of beer and because I have had a shit day, I decided to have one.

When I walked back out to the guys, I pushed them apart a little and sat between them handing my beer to James to open. When he did, I titled it back into my mouth and squeezed my eyes shut, letting the very smooth liquid go down my throat. When I lowered it, the beer halfway gone, I set it on the coffee table, and pulled my blanket James was under, over me and sat back sighing, putting a hot cheesy chip into my mouth. I could tell both Carlos and James were looking at me, but I ignored them. I chewed quietly looking up at the TV and sort of leaned into James, lying my head on his shoulder, feeling Carlos do the same to me. We sat in relative silence. I would occasionally ask a question about the movie and get a short, informative answer back from one of them. By the time the movie was done, I was four beers in, and all the nachos were gone. I was sleepy and groaned quietly as Carlos started to go through the movies on Netflix, knowing when they said movie marathon, they meant marathon. "I'm sleepy…" I gave my best puppy eyes I could muster in my drunk state and looked at Carlos who only laughed and sat up slowly.

"You can go sleep in Kendall's bed. I know he'll like to come home to that." I smiled big turning to James who stood up stretching his arms over his head. "You think you can walk?"

"Of course." I said it through a grin and shoved the blanket off my body putting my feet on the ground. I pushed myself up off the couch and thankfully James was standing next to me, because I nearly pushed myself into the coffee table in front of me. He wrapped around me fast and scooped me up easily, letting me tuck myself in, under his chin. "Told you I could walk." I heard two different people laugh as I yawned loudly, and James started walking.

"You're such a light weight Logan."

"Shutupjerk." I know my speech was slurred. Because I was drunk and super tired. He didn't seem to mind. He simply walked me into Kendall's room and gently laid me on the bed taking my pheon out of my sweater pocket for me. I felt my eyes closing and knew I would be asleep within seconds and fell asleep hearing James tell me good night.

I was having a very odd dream. It was something about lying in Kendall's bed and feeling someone touching me. It wasn't a bad dream, and it wasn't a good dream. It was just a weird feeling that started to wake me up. As my eyes opened, I blinked a couple times seeing a light on overhead and felt something being tugged out from under me. I raised my head and turned it, smiling small. Kendall was almost completely nude, just in a pair of boxers. And he was trying desperately to get the blanket out form under me. "Hey baby." He looked up and smiled wide leaning in fast. He attached his lips to my hard and gently started to push me back, onto my back. I set one hand on his neck while the other went to his shoulder and I pushed gently. "How was work?"

"Fine." He started to trail his lips down my neck and I glanced over to the alarm clock frowning. It was only 2:30 in the morning.

"How come your home early?"

"Slow night…I was off at midnight but a few of my coworkers were going out for a birthday party and I went with them." I nodded running my hand up through his hair and sort of pushed his head up making him look at me. He still had that wide smile on his face that made my heart race. He went to lean back into my again, but I stopped him by putting a hand on his lips.

"What's wrong with your eyes?" His smile faded under my fingers and he slowly pushed off me sitting up. "You look…I don't know…different." I sat up slowly and frowned seeing him smiling again, looking down to my crotch. I sighed putting my hands up on his face and made him lock eyes with me again. "Are you high?" He laughed out and pushed into me, sort of rough, sending me back to my back on the bed. I turned away from his lips and let him start to suck on my neck. "Kendall…stop for a minute…"

"Baby I'm really horny." He whispered it into my skin and I closed my eyes as one of his hands pushed into my sweats and grabbed ahold of my flaccid dick.

"Did you get high when you got home?"

"Not when I got home…" His voice trailed off as he sat back up and started to tug at his boxers. I sat up fast and sat back pushing away from him. He sighed sitting back on his feet and stroked himself under his boxers. "The party got pretty nuts. Someone had Ex, and I took a few." I deflated a little and pulled my legs up to my chest wrapping around them. "I'm really horny Loges…"

"I don't want to have sex with you when your high Kendall." He groaned out leaning forward and nudged my head with his, knocking my head to the side. He started to push my legs apart and I quickly shoved him off me and shook my head. "I don't want to do this right now Kendall."

"You are always ready to fuck. What gives?" I scoffed, laughing quietly and started to get off the bed. "Is it because I'm high? That's why you don't want to do this? Cause that's pretty fucking weak." I froze staring at him, giving him, a very disbelieved look and he shook his head climbing off his bed. "Just one time, I wish you would lighten up." I sat back slowly and watched him walk into his bathroom turning on the light. "I would offer you some E, but I already know the answer to that." I looked away from him fast and started to crawl off the bed. I walked to my duffle on his desk and quickly shoved my scrubs into it zipping it fast. "Are you leaving?" I put my strap over my shoulder and turned seeing him leaning against his doorframe of his bathroom, looking at me.

"Well I wouldn't want to harshen your buzz Kendall." He laughed looking down and I stepped into my shoes hard bending slightly to pull them on completely. "I hope you remember everything you said to me just now. Because I will. And I hope you wake up tomorrow feeling like an asshole because you are one." I made a move to go to his closed bedroom door and he got in front of me quick. He put his hands on my arms and glared down at me. "Let me go."

"Don't be such a fucking pussy Logan. You act like I'm shooting up or snorting coke. Just relax." I shoved off him hard and rushed to his door biting my bottom lip, hoping James and Carlos were asleep, so they didn't see me crying.

I got into the safety of my car and cried out hard. I didn't put the key in the ignition or make any movements. I just sat there, thinking about the past 24 plus hours of my life, and felt like someone, somewhere in the universe, was fucking with me. They were watching everything around me fall apart and laughing about it. Between my professor, my mom and now my douche bag boyfriend, I didn't think I could handle much more. I didn't think I would be able to handle one shittier thing that happened to me because it might make me loose my damn mind. All I could hear him say is that he wished I would lighten up. I couldn't tell if that was something he only said because he was high, or if he genuinely meant it. I'd like to think it was only because he was high but just like I thought earlier, we had nothing in common. He liked to take E and get high. I liked to snuggle and watch romcoms. What the hell was I doing with him?

As I pulled out of his apartment complex something occurred to me. If I wanted to be with him, like I continuously told myself I did, maybe I should head his advice, and lighten up. How I would do that, I wasn't sure. But when I parked near my dorm building I felt a vibration from my phone and pulled it out of my pocket, having no other choice but to smile seeing Matt's name. He was calling me. At 2:30 in the morning. I quickly answered it and sat back, turning my car off. "Hello?"

"Hey tiny one! What you up too?" I snorted hearing loud music on his end and glanced around the dark campus.

"Not much Shrek. Just getting back to my dorm."

"Nice! You want to hang out?" I frowned slouching a bit and felt my anger rising again.

"I'm not really having a good night and I don't' really feel like hanging out with someone who is going to give me pity so…"

"Damn dude…I was just inviting you to this club I'm at that I can get you in, even though you're not 21. I thought it would be fun to get drunk and fuck around but if you don't want to, no stress." I closed my eyes putting my head back hearing someone yell on his end. "Never mind Logan I'll let you go…"

"Wait." I heard him sigh as I raised my head and smiled small. "Can I bring my friend Steven?"

"Hell, yeah dude." I quickly got out of my car and put my keys into my sweat pockets walking up to my dorm building. "I'll text you the address of the club. Let me know when you guys get here."

"Will do. Thanks Shrek."

"See you soon Tiny One!"


	13. Chapter 13

"Is this the first time you've ever been in a club before? Because it's my first time." I couldn't hide my smile from my awkward but adorable friend as he shifted slightly in the booth we were sitting it. He was wearing black skinny jeans and a plain black t-shirt. He didn't have his glasses on and his hair was slicked back some. For just being woken up by me at 3 in the morning and getting ready in 10 minutes he looked good.

"I've never been in a club either. And I'm not a great drinker so you may end up carrying me out of here." He glanced up shaking his head and sort of leaned in.

"How the hell did Matthew get us in here?" I shrugged sitting back, next to him, just as Matt came back to our private booth holding three different drinks. One was a dark brown bottle of beer, one was a bright orange drink, and the other one was a clear liquid in a whiskey glass. "I didn't give you any money for that Matt." I smirked seeing Matt shake his head sliding the bright drink over to me, and the clear one over to Steven.

"Because I'm a football player I drink free. Your money isn't needed tonight." I nodded liking the sound of that and grabbed my tall glass. "So that my friend is a tequila sunrise. It will knock your ass out until sunrise so drink it…" I threw the straw out of my glass and tipped the whole thing back into my mouth. I squeezed my eyes shut hard and swallowed all the liquid hard and fast. When I lowered the glass and opened my eyes, I wiped my mouth and shivered a little sitting back again. "Slow." I grinned big at Matt who leaned forward and frowned at me. Ever since meeting Matthew I knew he was attractive. He had short black hair that was so shiny and soft looking I wanted to run my fingers through it. He had big bright blue eyes that seemed to sparkle every time we talked. Because he was such a big dude, you would think his head and face would look small compared, but he was almost perfectly proportioned it was hard to look at. Unfortunately, I did look, and he caught me. I looked away from his soft pink lips and turned over to Steven seeing him sipping his drink.

"What's that?" I motioned to it as Steven lowered the glass and coughed a little handing the glass over to me. I took it cautiously and smelled it, getting nothing.

"It's vodka. It goes down smooth once you get used to it. Trust me." I nodded looking at Steven and raised the glass. He nodded, and I quickly took a sip. "God…I'm an awful friend. Getting two 18-year old's drunk." I swallowed the bitter liquid and handed the glass back to Steven coughing just like he did. "So, you want to explain why you were a rude potato to me on the phone?" I laughed sitting back and shook my head looking down at my hands in my lap. "Is there trouble in paradise?"

"You've met his boyfriend too?" I snapped my head up quick and locked eyes with Matthew who was looking at Steven. "Ya know…I've never been one to judge a book by its' cover, but that guy looks like all sorts of trouble. It might be the tattoo's though." I cleared my throat softly and pushed myself up, so I was sitting up straight and looked at Steven shaking my head. "What? What's wrong?"

"I didn't know you were gay Logan." I dared to glance back to Matt who was sitting back, raising one leg and set his foot on his knee. "It makes sense though."

"How's that?" He laughed raising a hand and shook his head as eh took a sip of his beer. "I didn't want to tell you until I found out if you were a typical jock who beat up gay kids." He lowered his beer and rested it on his thigh locking eyes with me.

"I'm not." I nodded looking back to Steven who I could tell felt bad. "You remember when I told you, you remind me of my little brother?" I glanced back over to him and he leaned forward smiling small. "He would have been a junior this year. He was only a year younger than me and already smarter, and better literally at everything he did. He was so irritating, but I loved him for his spunky care free, I don't give a shit what anyone thinks about me. Much like you." I turned to him all the way and scrunched my eyebrows together.

"You said he would have been a junior?" He laughed and looked out to the packed, loud club we were in and swallowed hard.

"Last year…my brother killed himself." I froze up seeing Steven shift awkwardly next me and I wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold this huge giant of a man. "He was bullied relentlessly. Because people found out he was in a relationship with a guy and teased him for it. They were so cruel…I tell myself everyday he's in a better place because no one should ever have to live like that." He looked back at me and I forced a small pathetic smile. "I walked into his apartment and found him lying in his bathtub with his wrists slit open. He was still alive…he was crying, and he kept telling me to not feel sad or sorry for him." He lowered his head and breathed in deep swishing the beer around in his bottle. "By the time the paramedics came, he lost too much blood and was dead." I closed my eyes and turned my head away from him swallowing hard. "If I had just been there 5 minutes earlier, I could have saved him. If I had gone to see him more often I would have known someone was bullying him and could have dealt with it before he…" I opened my eyes feeling Steven move next to me and looked back over to Matt who was staring at the both of us.

"People who contemplate suicide and are serious about it, don't usually back down. Even if you had said something to him or tried to help him…if he was set in his mind, it would have happened regardless." I looked to Steven fast and he smiled. "I'm not good with talking about emotions or anything like that but I do know your brother is in a better place and is probably really proud of you for being friends with two little gay freshmen." I chuckled looking back to Matt who was sitting forward, leaning against the table in front of us, smiling wide.

"You're both gay?" I nodded sitting back and he looked down. "And are you two…" He motioned between us and it made Steven spit into his glass, choking on the liquid.

"No. I am dating a guy named Kendall. I don't know who Steven is dating." I turned to him tilting my head and raising an eyebrow. He wiped his mouth, cheeks beat red.

"No one. You guys are the only people who talk to me. Unless someone needs help in class." I frowned looking back to Matt who looked at his watch and then up at me. He quickly downed the rest of his beer and stood up putting the bottle on the table.

"Then what the hell are we doing here?" He turned and walked own out of our booth, quickly disappearing into the crowd. I frowned and stood up, grabbing Steven as I went. I hurried into the crowd, looking for Matt and saw the back of his head, heading towards the bar. I sighed following as fast as I could with all the people on the floor, grinding on each other, getting in my way. When I finally got to him he was talking to a beautiful bartender, as they stood next to a door. I felt Steven get beside me, still holding onto his glass of vodka. Matt walked to us as the bartender opened the door they were beside. He bent down by my ear and gently held my arm. "You ever been to a gay bar?" I jerked back fast and shook my head feeling my cheeks flush. He smirked and nodded behind him turning. I felt all sorts of excitement race through me as I started to follow him into the bright long hallway. "So…the owner of that club also owns this gay bar. He's a nice dude…from what I understand he is not gay, but his oldest son is and lets him run the bar how he wants. When my little brother died I found out he had this huge group of friends he would hang out with here, and they would talk, support each other, and dance and just have a good time." He shoved open a door that led literally to another bar that was dark and someone how louder and more packed. For it being a smaller area, it still seemed like there were more bodies all around. And as I stepped in, flashing strobe lights lighting the place up, I started to realize that this place was had a much better atmosphere than the last. Every guy that walked by us, was drop dead gorgeous. And I even managed to recognize a few faces from kid sin my class. I smirked seeing Steven glance around the room still, holding onto his glass. "So, Steven…what's your type?" Matt looked down at him smiling big and Steven chuckled nervously. He quickly tipped his glass back into his mouth and down the whole lot of it. I giggled seeing him shiver as he slammed the glass down onto the bar and shove past Matt going right to the dance floor. Matt shook his head and gently pushed me towards a high table with two empty bar stools. I quickly sat down and glanced around seeing a few guys walk by us, and wave, and wink at me. I smiled at them, blushing seeing as they were shirtless and wearing tiny shorts. "You want another drink?" I looked over to Matt and softly shook my head.

"No…I am a huge lightweight. If I wake up with a hangover, I'll hate myself and you so…no." He nodded leaning forward and so did I, frowning. "So…you're straight, and you frequent a gay bar? And you also play football in a national spot light and you don't seemed worried about anyone knowing you're here."

"That's because this place…these people in here, aren't judgmental assholes like a bunch of my straight friends." I sat on the edge of my stool and put my arm son the table interlocking my fingers together. "My brother used to dance here, and once I found that out…once I found out that he had really good people in his life that cared about him, I wanted to be apart of that. All these guys came to his funeral and helped my mom and dad with anything they could. They even let them hold the reception here. They made it look real nice, paid for all the food and everything else." He shrugged looking towards the bar and nodded once. "They have more heart and soul than most Christian's I know that bullied my little brother to suicide. I'd rather hang out here…laugh with good people and hear stories of my brother I never knew, than have some slutty girl grind on my dick while my friends make stupid jokes." I nodded and turned just as a guy, who made me blush hard, walked up to us, holding a try full of shot glasses. The reason I blushed though is because he was shirtless and fucking ripped. Like Matt ripped. He had on black skinny jeans hanging low on his hips with a dish rag hanging from the front pocket.

"Is this a newbie?" He grinned big at me setting the tray on the table picking up a shot glass handing it over to me. "Are you 21?"

"Since when have you cared?" The guy turned to Matt and gave him a dirty look before turning back to me smiling wide. "This is Logan. A friend of mine. From what I've put together…he's having some love troubles." I sighed glaring at Matt as the guy put the shot glass in my hand and picked one up himself.

"What did he do?" He clinked his glass with mine and drank it fast. I swallowed hard and quickly raised the shot glass to my lips and tipped it back hard. When I lowered it. I covered my mouth fearing I would throw up, but I never did. I set the empty glass on the table and the guy leaned in shaking his head. "No one comes to a gay bar at 3:30 on a Sunday morning, unless they have love troubles. It is the bartender code to talk people through their problems, so tell me about it. What did he do to get you here?" I sat back a little and started to feel my head swim. The liquor was already working, and it made me open my mouth.

"I was sleeping in his bed when he came home from work. He tried to get in my pants and I told him no because he was high on E. He told me I needed to lighten up." The guy twisted his face into a disgusted look and stepped back shaking his head.

"Hell, no Logan. You don't need that shit. No one should ever make you feel unworthy just because you don't drop pills. No…not around here." I smiled small and he grabbed two more shot glasses giving me one. "You know what the best cure for a douchebag boyfriend who tells you to lighten up is?" I quickly tossed the shot back and swallowed it watching him set his empty glass on the tray and turn. "Getting up on that bar and dancing. Letting it all go and forgetting about every shitty thing he's said to you. If he wants you to lighten up, you should." I looked back at me and if had been any other day, any other situation, I would have said no thank you and gone on with my night. But Kendall's voice came into my head and so did my mothers. I looked over to Matt who was staring at me with eyes wide and I slid off my bar stool feeling my legs wobbly from the booze. I clutched onto the table as the guy grinned big at me and started to walk to the bar. "Clear the area! We got a new cute face who would like to take a turn on the bar!" A few guys turned to me and smile wide as I made my way to the bar feeling a few people touch me and sort of push me towards the shirtless hunk who was climbing up on the bar a mega phone in hand. "DJ! Let me get a sexy song for a newbie to dance to!" I couldn't' believe my body was climbing up on the bar next to this guy but when I was standing straight up and a lot more guys had crowded around the bar I felt sick. I shouldn't be doing this. Yeah, I was pissed at Kendall, but dancing on a bar in a gay bar wasn't going to prove anything. " _Just one time, I wish you would lighten up."_ Kendall's voice mocked me in my own head and something snapped. Once I heard the first few thumbs of a song playing loud, I told myself fuck it. I started to move my body marking the guys down below me erupt into cheers. I grinned big down at them, loving the attention and didn't feel sick anymore. All I knew was when Kendall found out about this, he would be the one who would feel sick. And I'd have the chance to tell him to lighten up.


	14. Chapter 14

**Kendall's P.O.V.**

I was a fucking asshole. I should have never, ever said something like that to him. I should have just come home after work. We probably would have cuddled. I would have gotten some normal sleep. Instead, I was up, at 5 in the morning, by myself, watching re-runs of Family Guy. This was defiantly not the life I wanted to live. In all honesty I should have chased after him and started to kiss his feet for forgiveness. I let him leave though, probably crying. I was a fucking asshole.

I guess the only plus side to all of this was that Logan wasn't going to put up with any of my stupid shit. Clearly. He wasn't going to stand for the weed, that was made very clear when it fell out of my pocket. Even though he didn't say it, I know he was pissed I had it. He was worried about someone, the cops, finding it and throwing me back in prison. I didn't blame him. I'd be upset too. Which…the more that I thought about it, why wasn't I upset? With myself? Why did I even buy the weed in the first place. I haven't smoked since high school and no matter what people say, it is a gateway drug. If my buddy from work, hadn't sold me the weed, he wouldn't have assumed I'd take E with them. Because if I didn't say no to the pot, I wouldn't say no to the E. Which I didn't. For the past three years, I've been doing really well. I have a full-time job, with benefits, and paid holidays. I have my own place and my own car that I pay for. One tiny fuck up and I could be back behind bars, or worse…dead in some crackhead's basement. I didn't want this life. So why did I buy the weed?

I think the obvious answer was my head told me, Logan was attacked, and you failed to protect him. I've never told Logan this, but I was going to make it my mission to protect him. And I didn't. I let him get hurt, and nearly raped in a restaurant bathroom. To me, to deal with that, the idea of being high was a great one. Weed calms me down. It helps me feel comfortable. No matter the situation. And sitting by myself in my room in the dark made me realize something. The easiest way to deal with this, is give the weed to James and Carlos and beg Logan to forgive me. And hope to God he could forgive me.

I saw the sun was starting to rise and knew eventually I would have to face Logan. The best way I could do that, was to maybe get some sleep and let him either text or call me and bitch me out. I'd let him call me every name in the book before I said one word to him, because I needed him to know I actually was sorry. I sighed out hard, and quickly got underneath my blankets and laid down hard still looking up at my TV. I yawned and turned a little facing my open window, letting a nice cool breeze come in. I blinked lazily at the TV and started to feel my eyes getting heavy. Just as I shut them, my phone rang loudly beside me on my bed making me jump up fast. I grabbed it and swallowed hard seeing the cute smiling face of Logan. He was calling me. At almost 5:30. Which meant he only needed three hours to cool down and start to yell at me again. I slid the answer button over and put it to my ear, laying back down, closing my eyes. "Hello?"

"Hey…umm is this Kendall?" I opened my eyes slow and looked up to my ceiling hearing soft music in the background of a voice I didn't recognize.

"Yes. Who is this and why do you have my boyfriends phone?" I sat up feeling my anger rising and kicked my blankets off my body.

"Well…this is his buddy Matt. From school. We sort of hung out last night…well rather this morning and…" I got out of bed fast and walked to my closet opening the doors. "He got pretty shit faced…he is lying on top of a bar, crying over you and wont leave until you get here. The bar security is getting pretty feed up."

"What bar?" I aggressively pulled on a pair of dark blue jeans while simultaneously slipping on a pair of slip on Vans.

"Do you know that gay bar over off 5th?" I sighed nodding and yanked down a plain grey hoodie. "I really need you to get here…they look like they want to call the cops, and Logan's not 21."

"I'll be there in 5 minutes." I hung up fast and slipped on my hoodie over my naked torso and walked out of my room putting my phone in the back pocket of my jeans.

I have never driven as fast as I had in my life, just to get to Logan. I hated to think he'd get in trouble at my expense. I hated to think that I got him so upset to the point that drinking was a good idea. And I hated to think that with him drunk, because he's tried it on me, he would do something stupid and try to sleep with someone. That thought alone made me drive faster and once I got there, I jumped out fast and basically ran to the open doors of the bar. As I walked in, I could easily recognize his voice. I tensed up walking towards the bar where two men were sitting looking at someone lying flat on his back on top of it. One of the men heard me and turned making me freeze in my spot. "I can't believe you're who this kid is so upset over." I glanced at David raising an eyebrow, seeing him shirtless and he walked to me. "How could you hurt such a cute innocent kid? You're a fucking scumbag and everyone knows that, but this kid deserves better."

"I'm sorry…do you two know each other?" I looked at the other guy who walked to us and tensed up seeing how freaking huge he was. But I recognized his voice. It was Logan's friends Matt.

"Yes unfortunately, we used to date. Worst two years of my life." I rolled my eyes at David just in time to see Logan standing himself up on the bar and dancing. Well…I'm not sure if you could call it dancing because he was too drunk to actually dance. He was just flailing his body around glaring down at me.

"Hi Kendall! You didn't expect this did you!?" I sighed walking between the two guys and went to the edge of the bar looking up at him.

"Get down Logan." He shook his head fast and spun around shaking his ass above me. I groaned out leaning on the bar and tried to calm myself down.

"Didn't you want me to lighten up Kendall? I would say I'm pretty light up here. I would ask if you wanted to join, but I think I know the answer." As I started to look back up, I saw his foot step on an ice cube and he started to slip. He started to fall back into me, and I simply stepped back and put my hands out catching him before he hit the ground hard. He giggled throwing his head back and gently slapped my face, keeping his hand on my cheek. I sighed out turning and adjusted him in my arms, so I was carrying him like a baby. David, a guy I hadn't seen in a little over a year was staring at us, giving me a sad look.

"You should know, even though he was pissed for what you said and did, he's crazy about you. Don't fuck it up Kendall. He's a good kid with a big heart and doesn't deserve to be hurt." I only looked down at Logan who was groaning quietly, eyes closed. One hand rubbed his left eye while the other clutched around his stomach. I shook my head softly as a hand gripped my shoulder and squeezed.

"Let me help you to your car…come on Steven." I raised my head hearing someone walking and saw a tall skinny, young looking kid walking towards us, sort of green looking. "I'm gonna help him get Logan in his car. You can get in my car and I'll take you to your dorm." The guy nodded taking the car keys from Matt who then walked out in front of me rubbing the back of his neck.

I walked us out to my car and carefully unlocked the doors letting Matt open the passenger side door for me. I very carefully kneeled inside and laid Logan in the passenger seat quickly pulling his seatbelt on. When it clicked in the lock I stood up and started to shut the door. When it shut I turned and looked at the huge guy who was glaring at me. Almost in a scary way. "This kid means a lot to me. If I find out you do anything stupid like that again I will hunt you down and kill you, you understand?" I remained unmoved and he chuckled looking in my car shaking his head. "Good luck with this." He thumbed into my car just as I heard Logan throw up, and groan loudly. Matt turned and walked away fast leaving me to look into my own car, seeing vomit down the front of Logan, and in a neat little pile on the floor by his feet. I sighed out hard and walked around my car getting to my door, and climbing in fast, rolling down the windows immediately.

It was a struggled to get Logan out of the car and into my apartment because he was fast asleep and covered in vomit, but I managed. It was just now 6 in the morning and the sun was almost all the way up. After I made sure my car was locked and I walked us up to my place, I went right to my room and shut the door quietly. I went into my bathroom and set Logan on the counter, carefully holding him up. I made it look easy, but it was rather difficult getting Logan's vomit covered shirt off him. When It was off his head, he was still sound asleep, and I accidently got vomit on his face and in his hair. I gently laid him back, onto my mirror and quickly wet a wash cloth. I was soft and gentle as I wiped his face free of vomit and got the chunk out of his hair, even going as far as to wet his hair and brushing it, to make sure nothing else was in it. When I deemed him clean, I took his socks and shoes off his feet and picked him up again walking him out to my bed. As I laid him flat on his back I undid his belt, and pulled his zipper down, popping off the button on his jeans. I carefully and slowly pulled them down his legs and because they had vomit on them, I balled them up and carefully threw them into my bathroom. I then tucked him into the blankets and gently kissed his forehead. I pushed off the bed and sighed out pulling my sweater, covered in vomit, off and picked up his clothes, walking right to my laundry room.

It had to have been an hour that I was working on cleaning my car. It was gross and a couple times the smell of it made me want to throw up myself, but I never did. I figured, as I knelt beside my car and scooped the vomit into a plastic bag, and then started to wash the floor, this was my punishment. Because I was a dick to him, taking care of him, and cleaning him of vomit was my punishment. I was okay with it. I mean…yes it was gross. But if I did this maybe it would be easier for him to forgive me. It was wishful thinking, but I still thought it.

After cleaning my car and throwing the wash into the dryer I decided to take a shower. I could still smell it on me and felt disgusting and knew if I didn't shower before lying down next to him, I'd regret it when I woke up. So, I took a short hot shower hoping I didn't wake him. When I walked out, only in boxers, he was still sound asleep, and now lying on his stomach, snoring slightly. I smiled to myself as I gently crawled in next to him. I laid on my side and put one hand under my head while the other rested on his soft cheek. He groaned quietly, and I removed my hand. He moved around a little, lying on his side facing me, and pushed sort of into me. I waited until he stopped moving and wrapped my arm softly around his back pulling him into me gently. One of his arms reached out, and held around me loosely, breathing softly into my skin.

I had a dreamless sleep. But it was a good sleep. When I opened my eyes, my room was bright and sunny, and I was lying on my back. I had an arm around a body…a body that was lying half on top of me. My other arm was bent slightly, and my hand was resting on my bare chest. I slowly glanced down to the body next to me and had to smile seeing Logan playing with the small pendent on the silver chain around my neck. I slowly rubbed my fingers over his skin on his arm. He moved his head and I dropped my arm from around his back and looked up at my ceiling. "Hey…" His hand dropped my necklace and rested on my chest as he yawned quietly.

"How do you feel?"

"Sore…I think between drinking heavily, and dancing on top of a bar my body is fed up with me." I smirked and looked down to see his bright brown eyes looking up at me.

"Wish I could have seen it." He laughed loudly pushing into me hard hiding his face from me. I softly ran my hand through his hair and looked back up to my ceiling. "I'm sorry about last night Logan. I acted like a dick…I said horrible things to you. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay…I figured you only acted that way because of the Ex." I cringed hearing how disappointed he was and closed my eyes. "You may not be all that wrong though."

"Everything I said was wrong Logan." He sighed making me open my eyes. What I saw made me slightly hard. He pushed up beside me while also taking off his boxers. I put my hands behind my head and stretched my back yawning slightly. When I felt him crawl over me, putting his legs outside mine I reached out and set my hands-on top of his bare thighs, squeezing softly.

"My whole life my mom has told me to color inside the lines…keep my nose clean and follow all the rules." He gently set his butt down on my clothed crotch and I tensed up feeling myself getting harder. "I don't think I'll ever do drugs. I won't say never, but it's not going to be happening any time soon. That doesn't mean I am going to make you stop smoking weed or taking E, but…" I sat up fast and covered his mouth with my hand shaking my head. He frowned and put his hands on the waist band of my boxers tugging softly.

"That shit is my past. I fucked up when I bought the weed because the guy I bought from knew I wouldn't say no. I'm not doing it anymore. I shouldn't have done it to begin with. I never, ever want you to change who you are just to make me happy. That's why I love you Logan. Because you stand up for yourself and what you believe in." His eyes grew about ten sizes and I quickly lowered my hand shrugging. "I…"

"Did you just tell me you love me?" I swallowed hard seeing him raise his hands and put them on my face leaning in quick. "I love you too." He whispered it into my lips before he kissed me and held onto my face roughly. I wrapped around his back and held him as he started to dominate the kiss. As I started to lay back, pulling him with me, there were soft knocks to my door and a throat being cleared.

"Hey Kendall?" James. I opened my eyes and gently pushed Logan off me throwing the blanket over him. He sighed out, happily and snuggled under the covers as I opened up a dresser drawer and grabbed random sweats. As I pulled them on, I opened my door and glared at James who looked like he was ready for work. "Just wanted you to know I was going to work, and a couple of guys are here for you." I frowned glancing over my shoulder and raised a finer to Logan who only nodded giving me the cutest fucking smile ever. I groaned to myself in my head and followed James out to our living room, hoping no one noticed my dick hard.

However, when I saw the three men standing by my couch, all saying goodbye to James as he walked out of the house, a black backpack over his shoulder, all I worried about was what they wanted. "Hello Kendall. Have a good nap?" I watched the door shut and tensed up seeing one of the guys step forward. I knew him as Michael. He was a thug. And not nice to anyone. "Think back a bit for me. Do you remember that gun you sold me?" I nodded seeing the other two step around beside Michael showing guns on their hips. "Did you know that when you sold it to me, it was jammed? And there for unable to be used?" I raised my head slightly and started to feel myself panic. "I can't possibly keep an unregistered gun that wont even shoot, especially because I lost two grand on it. So…" He pulled off his sunglasses and showed me his dark brown eyes, staring almost directly into my soul. "I want my money back."

"I don't have it anymore Mike. I had to pay something off." He laughed and glanced to his two goons shrugging.

"That's alright Kendall. I understand." I let out a low breath and he turned back to me, no longer laughing. "I think I'll just make a phone call to your probation officer, and let him know you got weed in here, and are buying liquor for your minor step brother." I tensed up shaking my head slightly and he raised both eyebrows. "Or…I'll fuck your place up, maybe go after that young-looking fag boyfriend of yours and get it from him." I made a step forward getting both guys to also move forward. Mike simply raised his hand, and everyone stopped moving. "I'll give you one-week Kendall. If I come back here, next Sunday, and you don't have my money…" He smiled small at me and turned slowly. "One-week Kendall." He opened my door and walked out, the other two following close. They slammed the door shut hard and I jumped swallowing hard. I ran a hand up and over my face, letting out a shaky breath.

"Is everything alright?" I turned fast watching Logan walk into the living room pulling a white shirt on over his head, as he walked to me.

"Yeah…" I forced a fake, big smile and he walked to me, wrapping his arms around my body, kissing onto my bare chest.

"Let's go back to bed." I nodded letting him take my hand and drag me back to my room. Ass I stared at the back of his head, I wanted to tell him I was in trouble but the way he kept looking back at me, with his bedroom eyes made me stay quiet, and start to plan on how I was going to get out of this.


	15. Chapter 15

**Holy poop. This chapter gets really intense. There are some very sensitive imagines in this chapter so please, please be warned. I am not writing this to upset anyone so please just read it with caution. I won't say too much but if sexual assault is too graphic for some to read, please don't read it. I do not want to hurt anyone with this, at all.**

The past couple of nights, I haven't slept in my own bed. I was with Kendall, every night, either lying next to him, or waiting for him to come home from work. Walking into my dorm room at 7:30 in the morning was weird because of that reason. All of my belongings were here in my dorm, but somehow Kendall's apartment felt more like home than any other place I've been. And as much as I disliked the idea that I was becoming so dependent on him, I didn't necessarily hate it. After every bullshit thing that happened to us this weekend we still wanted to be with the other. That spoke beautifully about us, more importantly me, being mature. No one has a perfect relationship, and if they tell you they do, there are lying. Everyone fights. Everyone disagrees at one point in their relationship. It's how we deal with it afterwards that makes us mature. I could have run the minute he tried to get me to sleep with him, even when I told him no. I should have run. But when everything settled down, and I made a complete ass out of myself, we had a mature conversation. Besides him telling me he loved me, and me saying it back, we talked about how he used to have a slight problem with drugs. He wasn't in deep with any hardcore drugs, but he really liked to smoke weed and liked to drop acid or take Ecstasy. The reason he got sober, was by being in prison for a year. When he got out, he told himself he was going to stay clean and for almost three years, he was. Until this past weekend. But when I found out the only reason he did what he did was because he felt helpless with what happened to me, I felt terrible. But I promised him I would get on his case if he touched any of it again and we made up and made love. It was magical. But it eventually had to end, and Monday morning came too quick. I untangled myself from him and gave him a few last kisses telling him I'd be by after class and left fast. I went to my dorm and got into a clean pair of clothes and had 20 minutes to spare before my anatomy class. I texted Steven, asking if he wanted to grab a coffee with me before class, and went down to the few little food carts that were always set up in the quad that served snacks and coffee.

I bought a coffee for Steven and sat down, making sure I had finished all the work I was supposed to have done before this next class. When it was all there, I sat back and took a sip of my hot black coffee looking up, to see Steven walking towards me a goofy grin on his face, and his back pack over his shoulder. I wasn't sure what it was, but the past week he must have been doing something different in his skin care regimen because his face was almost completely cleared up of any acne. And even though he was wearing his huge thick glasses, I thought he still looked very, very good. "How much was the coffee?" I frowned as eh sat down in front of the cup and lifted it taking a quick sip.

"Free. How do you feel?" He laughed into the lid of his cup before lowering it and sitting back shrugging.

"I researched how to get rid of a hangover and found a very fool proof way."

"Which is?"

"Greasy food and lots of water." I laughed nodding and sat back putting my bag on my lap. "How about you? You and your boyfriend okay?" I blushed looking at a few people walking by us and shrugged.

"I think because I made an ass out of myself yesterday, we are pretty even." He nodded looking at his watch and I got up grabbing my coffee with me. "You wanna head to class now? I heard something happened with Professor Smith. I want to see if it's true." He gave me a confused look as he stood up and walked along beside me clutching onto his coffee cup.

"What did you hear happened?"

"He got fired." I glanced up to see him frowning as he took another sip of the hot coffee. "You didn't hear anything?" He shook his head pulling the door open for me and I walked into the science building looking back at him.

"I had heard a student came forward and complained about something, but no one said anything about him being fired." I frowned looking up at the wide-open door of our anatomy class. I took in a low hard breath walking in and frowned. The class was almost empty, except for a few other students waiting. Steven and I walked to the same two seats we had been sitting in and sat down hard. I put my bag down at my feet and glanced around the room, seeing it mostly the same. The nameplate of his was still on his desk and that gave me a bad feeling in my gut.

We sat and talked quietly to ourselves about our night out with Matt at the gay club, while more students filed into the room, looking tired and not at all happy to learn. When the clock struck 8 my nerves crept into my head again as I heard hurried footsteps walking into the room. I tensed up sitting up straight seeing Professor Smith walking straight to his desk throwing a back pack onto it and turning to all of us. "Alright…I want everyone to get up, out of your chairs, taking all your belongings with you and stand up by the black board." I turned over to Steven who frowned and shoved his book back in his bag, me following quick. I put my bag over my shoulder and got up walking behind Steven, sort of shielding myself from Professor Smith. "When I call out your last name, I'm going to point to a seat, and that's where you will be sitting for the remainder of this semester." I swallowed hard looking at Steven who I knew had the last name of Brent, so we would be very far away from each other. "Alright…Adams…front corner." He pointed to the seat looking at a piece of paper and I swallowed hard resisting the urge to call Kendall and tell him to come rescue me.

It was odd. Everyone looked unhappy with the seating chart as they sat down, and because Steven left me so early, I was left standing by myself, hoping and praying he didn't say or do anything to me. I was so caught up in my fear that I hadn't realized he went way past the m's and by the time the last student took their seat I was left standing up by myself behind Professor Smith. As he turned to me I felt like throwing up, because he had the creepiest smile on his face. "Mr. Mitchell…I must have forgotten about you when I made this seating chart." I swallowed hard and looked down clutching onto my messenger bag. "Where shall I put you?"

"If everyone just moves down one, right before Logan's last name…" Professor Smith turned fast, and I looked up and over his shoulder seeing Steven giving me a sad look.

"Did I ask for any help?" I let out a shaky breath and bit my bottom lip as he turned back to me, still smiling. "Why not…for now, you go sit in the back, at the top. On the right-hand side." I put my head down quick and rushed past him holding my breath as I went. I started to climb the stairs to the last row of students and started to sit at the table behind a girl I didn't know. "I'm sorry Logan. I must have not been clear." I turned slowly seeing everyone giving me an odd look and he started to climb the stairs up to me. "I meant at the very top. In the corner." It felt like I was going to start crying, so I turned quick and rushed up the rest of the stairs to the top corner table, putting my bag down on top of it. As I looked up a tear leaving my left eye Professor Smith got right in front of me, putting his hands palm down on the table and leaned down into me. I sat back fast clenching my fists on top of my thighs and went still. "Did you honestly think I'd get fired? I didn't even do anything to you." His voice was so low, I could barely hear him, which meant, no one else could hear him. "But I will. I'm going to make you regret everything you've done to me. And when I'm done with you…" He leaned forward even more, and I lowered my head closing my eyes. "You won't want anyone else but me. I'll make sure of it." I saw his hands leave the table quick and looked up wiping under my eye, so no one could see the single tear I shed. "Alright…open up your books to chapter 6 and read quietly, to yourselves, along with chapter 7. Before you leave this classroom I expect three pages of notes handed to me, on my desk. If you do not get this finished within the hour, I will assume you don't have anywhere to go, and will stay here until it is complete. Understood?" There was a choir of yes professor around the room but all I could think about was getting out of this room and running as fast as I could.

I don't think I had ever read or wrote as fast as I had in that hour. I started to panic when I saw the hour deadline approaching but because I kept my phone in my bag, and kept my head down, it was easy to concentrate on my work. When I finished with just a minute to spare, I sat back and looked up to see a lot of kids already gone. I frowned and quickly shoved my book into my bag and stood up. I hated that I had to go down to his desk, but walked down to it anyway, seeing Steven already gone. I tensed up when he looked up from his work and cautiously approached his desk holding out my three papers full of notes. "That was quick." I swallowed hard as he took the papers from me and I turned heading to the door. "Hold on." I froze looking over my shoulder as he stood up. "Why is there only chapter 6 and 7 here?"

"Because you said only chapter 6 and 7." He smirked and looked behind him at the black board. Written in big thick writing was chapter 6, 7 and 8 notes due at the end of class. I felt my mouth drop open as he looked back to me tilting his head.

"Do you not know how to read?" I turned to face him completely and he handed me back my papers. "I'd suggest you get that last chapter read and understood Logan, or you will fail my class." I turned holding onto my papers and looked at the few kids still left, giving me wide scared eyes. I made my way back up to the corner table and sat down hard pulling my book back out from my bag along with a pen. "I'd also suggest writing a little neater Logan. It might help you our in the long run." I kept my head down opening up to chapter 8 and sat forward holding in a scream I wanted so desperately to get out.

I again, let my mind wander into a numb state, so I could concentrate on my note taking. Occasionally I would look up and see a couple kids leave but felt sort of safe knowing I wasn't the last one. It wasn't until I heard the class room door close, and I was thankfully done, that I realized I was the last one. When I looked up, Professor Smith was walking back to his desk and I stood up fast tucking my book underneath my arm and heading down the stairs. I slowed down quickly when I watched him walk to the few windows he had in here and close the blinds. "You know what was interesting Logan? The reason I got to keep my job is because of something your mom said to the Dean yesterday." I froze on the second to last step as he shut all the blinds and turned to me, in the sort of dark room. "I got called back to his office and was given an apology, not only by the Dean, but by your mother as well. Isn't that weird?" As he started to walk towards me I grabbed ahold of my messenger bag and clutched on to the papers in my hands. "I guess your mother told the Dean that you were going through an emotional time right now, and admitted to her, that you threw yourself at me, to get back at her. When you found out the mistake you made, you came up with this whole idea to get me fired and have it taken care of. Because your mother is a very wealthy alumni of this school, the Dean of course believed her." He took the one step up to me and I felt tears start to come out of my eyes. "Don't cry Logan. It makes my dick soft." Without being able to stop him or even see it coming, I was punched hard in the stomach, making me fall forward, to my knees and clutch around it. I didn't have much time to deal with the immense pain because the back of my head was grabbed, and I was lifted up. I was still left on my knees, my papers fallen around me and my bag off my shoulder. "You don't want a soft dick in your mouth, right?" I went to scream, and he saw it. He covered my mouth fast and lifted me to my feet, shoving me hard into the table next to us. "If you scream…if you make one sound I will kill you. And if you tell anyone about this I will kill you." He let my head go but still kept my mouth covered as he shoved a hand into my jeans, in the back. I squeezed my eyes shut hard and let more tears come out, as he pushed me down a little, taking his hand out from my jeans. "I know how to keep you quiet." He let my hand go and roughly shoved me down to my knees again. I opened my eyes and gasped quietly seeing him taking his belt off around his waist. I glanced over to the closed door of his classroom and contemplating running to it. But my face was grabbed softly and tilted so I was looking up at me. "Open your mouth." I closed my eyes again, crying quietly, and did as I was told.


	16. Chapter 16

_Hey…are you studying right now? - Kendall_

 _Weren't you going to stop by before your next class? – Kendall_

 _Are you doing okay? – Kendall_

I wanted so desperately to unlock my phone and text him back before he started to get worried. But I couldn't. I couldn't get out of my bed, and I honestly didn't want to. I was sore. My stomach hurt from being punched and my…well my whole body ached. Because there were rough hands that gripped onto me and held me down. I was…I couldn't even think the word because it made me sick to my stomach. That's why I was on my bed, under my covers, holding around myself, hoping and praying Professor Smith got hit by a bus. I had a feeling that if I told anyone about what he did to me, his threat would come true. He would kill me. And that scared me. Because while he assaulted me he continuously told me I was worthless. That no one would believe me again, and after what he did to me, no one would want me. I believed him. No way in hell Kendall would want to be near me again. And I'm pretty sure that was his whole plan anyway so why try to fight it. Why try to stop it?

I tensed up almost groaning out loud because it hurt my stomach, when I heard a key go into the door lock. I shut my eyes hard and tucked my head under my blanket hiding my face as best as I could so when Carlos walked in, he wouldn't see me. Hopefully, he wouldn't notice me. "I told you he was here Kendall…he's just exhausted from the weekend." I wanted to cry out and throw myself at him hearing two pairs of footsteps but remained still.

"It's not like him to not text though." Both of their voices were quiet and soft, and it made me want to cry. I felt the blanket get pulled down off my face but kept my eyes closed, and pretended I was sleeping. "Didn't he have his anatomy class this morning?"

"Yes, and he has his English class in an hour. Let him sleep." I cheered on Carlos for being an understanding friend and swallowed carefully.

"Does it look like he's been crying?" Carlos sighed out loud beside us and the hand on my shoulder holding back my blanket left and the body beside me got off the bed. "Fine…I'll leave him alone. Can you just have him text me when he wakes up please?"

"Right-O Kendall." I heard an irritated sigh from my lover as his footsteps walked away from my bed and the door shut softly. "Are you actually awake?" I could hear humor in his voice, but instead of playing along, like I usually would, I remained still. "He is actually asleep. Huh…" I heard my chair of my desk get moved beside me and relaxed a little hearing him furiously right something. When the chair creaked, signaling he was getting up I tensed up under my blanket hearing him over me. "get some rest buddy." It was a quiet whisper that made my heart burst knowing Carlos cared so much for me, but I still remained unmoved. I listened to him in the next couple minutes and figured out he was getting changed and ready for his next class. When I heard his wardrobe door shut, and he started whistling to himself, I opened my eyes and saw a piece of paper next to my head. I waited until I heard him open and shut the dorm door, and then lock it, before sitting up and glancing around my empty room. I sighed quietly and grabbed the piece of paper smiling instantly. Written in a red pen was a simple message from my best friend. "Hope you had a good nap! Kendall is like a lost puppy when you don't respond so throw him a bone and text him! See you tonight buddy! I'm off at 6 if you wanna hang out and get dinner." Underneath the message was a hand drawn picture of me and him stuffing our faces with pizza. I couldn't' help but laugh seeing the messy picture, knowing how easy it was for Carlos to draw and make it look good even in a short time frame. I set the paper down on my lap and looked around my dorm hearing my stomach growl. I looked at my watch on my wrist and softly kicked the blankets off me starting to slide out of my bed. I stopped quick however seeing the bruises on my thighs. I touched them softly and closed my eyes remembering being bent over the hard-wooden table and shoved into for several minutes. My thighs lined up with the wood and left nice and neat little lines on my skin. I got out of bed quick and walked to my jeans on the floor pulling them on fast. I figured if I couldn't see the marks and bruises, it would be easier to forget that they are there.

I had one destination in mind as I walked through campus holding one of my binders with my English paper I had finished the night I got the assignment. I really hoped my professor would see how sick I looked, because I really did, and let me be excused from class. As I walked into her classroom, thankfully she was alone, I went right to her desk smiling small. "Hello Logan! A little early don't' you think?" I laughed and pulled my paper out of my binder holding it out to her.

"Well actually I was wondering if I can be excused today? I got sick after my last class and still feel like I could throw up again." She got out of her chair quick and nodded taking my paper.

"Of course, Logan. Why don't I just give you your next assignment and let you go rest." I smiled nodding and watched her put my paper on her desk and pick up a book with a title I had never seen before. "Just read the first 10 chapters by next class so we can have a discussion." I nodded taking the book from her and turned quick. "Get some rest Logan." I nodded not looking back to her and put my book in my binder rushing out of her class.

I thankfully made it back to my dorm room without anyone stopping me, and when I did, I locked the door, shut off all the lights and put on a pair of sweats, and a long-sleeved shirt, just in case Kendall came back with Carlos and wanted to get in bed with me, he wouldn't see any of my bruises. I crawled back into my bed after getting a bag of chips and a bottle of Gatorade and my laptop. I plugged my headphones into it and numbly picked a movie on Netflix to fall asleep to. I ate a few handfuls of chips watching the stupid animation movie starting to play and made my brain go completely blank. My whole body was numb. Nothing that happened to me from this point on would bother me. I wouldn't feel it and wouldn't care anyway.

I fell asleep, not remembering when. I woke up because I could hear talking and felt someone moving around me. When I opened my eyes, I saw three people standing around me, and panicked. I shot up fast and backed away into my wall blinking my eyes fast pulling my headphones off my head. I heard my hard, heavy fast breathing and felt sort of better seeing Carlos, James and Matt standing around me. "What the hell are you guys doing?"

"You haven't talked to anyone today." James sat down on my bed and I quickly glanced at my watch, groaning. It was almost 8 at night. "Are you alright? You look…sick." I looked down quick and covered my arms fast, so they wouldn't see the hand prints covering my white skin.

"I got a little sick after my first class today, so I didn't go to my other one. I've slept almost all day." I was saying it to them, but I didn't understand it. Why wouldn't anyone come try to see me before now?

"Well I know Steven said something about your anatomy class…did something happen?" I looked up quick and locked eyes with Matt and shook my head. He nodded slowly and walked to Carlos's bed, sitting down softly.

"Anatomy?" I turned to Carlos and shook my head swallowing hard. I looked to Matt and back to Carlos quick and he sighed out looking at James who was giving me a worried look. "I heard…heard something about your anatomy professor getting fired because a student came forward and made a complaint."

"He wasn't. I guess the school didn't believe the student." Carlos laughed quickly and also walked to his bed sitting next to Matt. "It's no big deal. He's a great teacher." It tasted like venom coming out of my mouth, but I put on a fake smile to make them believe it even more. I slowly pushed the blankets off my body and got out of bed, stretching slightly ignoring the pain running up and down my spine as I took each step to my wardrobe. "Have you guys had dinner yet?"

"Uhm…yeah. But we can go out with you if you want." I nodded back to James and grabbed a new plain white long-sleeved shirt and slipped on my sneakers.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom really quick. I'll be right back." All three guys nodded, and I rushed out of my dorm, quickly going down the hall to the communal bathroom.

I locked myself into a stall and sat on the closed toilet putting my head in my hands. I had to keep myself together. Somehow, I had to make sure my friends, and Kendall whenever I got the courage to see him, all believed I was fine. That I wasn't mentally scarred and terrified of my own shadow. All I wanted to do was throw myself at any of them and tell them everything. But my fear of what he would do to me if anyone knew, outweighed my self-pity. So, I quickly changed my shirt, went to the bathroom, and washed my face, letting the cool water calm me down. When I finished I walked out of the bathroom and went to my dorm, a small, genuine smile on my face. Once the door opened, I smiled bigger at my three friends who all stood up and smiled back. I threw my shirt to my bed and grabbed my wallet and my keys, leaving my phone on purpose and turned back to the door. "Don't you want your phone? Kendall has been trying to get a hold of you." I nodded taking the phone from James quick. I slid it into my sweat pants pocket and walked out taking in a deep breath.

"We're following you tiny one." I rolled my eyes at Matt as he got beside me, and I led them out of the dorm building, not looking at any of them, any more.

I took them to a very small hole in the wall taco shop and ordered a chicken burrito and a soda, while the guys all ordered a plate of nachos to share. While we sat down at a table and I nibbled, not eating all that much of my burrito the guys started talking around me, about sports. I blocked them out mostly and after my third attempt to eat a piece of my burrito I shoved it aside and sat back pulling my legs up to my chest hugging around them. I set my chin on my knee and looked at the beautiful pictures of Mexico hanging on the wall. I felt my phone vibrate for like the 100th time and sighed pulling it out, seeing a slew of texts from Kendall. This last one however, was a longer one that got my attention quick.

 _I don't know if I scared you yesterday because of saying I love you. But it's the truth. And the truth is I am willing to do anything to prove to you that I am not that druggie I appear to be. In the next couple of days, I'm going to be working a lot because I need to get some money together for something, and I don't want you to worry about it. But if you don't want to be with me anymore because of it, I understand. I just want to see you, so I can beg at your feet for understanding and forgiveness, I know I don't deserve. – Kendall._

I stood up from my chair fast and quickly walked outside the restaurant, pulling up Kendall's phone number. I hit call, knowing, and not caring he was at work. It was a Monday, so I don't think the club would be too busy. I sat down on the curb right by a huge SUV and put my head in my hand hearing the phone click on the other end. "Logan?"

"Hey." I closed my eyes hard feeling like I was going to cry out and pressed my lips hard together.

"Are you alright? It's not like you to not answer a text Logan. I got worried."

"I'm fine." I shook my head hard hearing how sad and quiet my squeaky voice came out and pulled my legs up to my chest, so my feet were hanging off the side of the curb. "I…I got sick after class this morning. Haven't felt right since." That wasn't necessarily a lie. Telling myself that made me feel better for, in fact, lying.

"Can I do anything for you?" I laughed out feeling tears come out of my eyes and wiped them quick hearing the door open behind me.

"No. I'm okay Kendall." I felt someone get behind me and then someone sat next to me. "I'll let you get back to work. And I'll text you."

"Okay but…" I hung up fast and slipped my phone into my sweat pant pocket standing up. I smiled down at James who was sitting beside where I just was and stepped off the curb walking to the parking lot.

"Logan." I turned slowly and saw all three-guys staring at me, giving me concerned looks. "Steven told us your professor singled you out today. Put you in your own corner and spoke to you and only you, quietly. Is everything okay?"

"Of course." I started walking back to my three friends and gave a fake smile to Carlos who didn't look like he was buying it. "I got sick guys. It's nothing to worry about."

"So, everything that happened on Friday night at…"

"Can you please stop?" I stared down at James, hating that he thought he had the right to tell Matt my business. I didn't know the guy that well. I didn't want him to know the bullshit that went down Friday. "Why can't you just believe that I'm fine?"

"Because you have a fucking hand print on your neck." I snapped my head to Matt who stepped on the curb to me and glared down at me. "Who did it to you?"

"No one."

"Then I'll just call Kendall and have him find out for us." I watched James stand up and pull his phone out of his pocket. I made a movement to get to him, to stop what he was doing, but Matt grabbed me gently and held me back.

"He won't get anything out of me because there is nothing to get out. I'm fine." James only stared at me as he put his phone to his ear. I groaned quietly and yanked out of Matt's grip turning away from them. I saw the street we had walked down to get to this place, was pretty dark and scary looking but I wanted to go back to my dorm. I wanted to crawl into my bed and sleep for a long time. So, I took in a deep breath hearing James say hello quietly and started walking to the dark street.

"Logan!" I heard Carlos's very worried voice but kept walking. I heard running but kept my head held high and walked across the empty street to the sidewalk and made my way towards the school, which was only about five minutes away on foot. "Dude what the hell is going on?" Carlos got in front of me, and grabbed my arms, rough. I stopped walking and looked into his soft brown eyes shaking my head.

"Nothing. There is nothing going on. I just want my friends to believe me when I say it." He sighed out looking over my shoulder, but I reached out and grabbed a hold of his arms getting closer to him. "Why can't you just accept that I'm fine and if I needed you guys, I would go to you." He looked back to me and I pouted out my lip. "I feel sick again and just want to sleep. Can I please just do that?" I saw James get beside Carlos, no longer on his phone and he gave me a sad look. "Please?" Carlos let me go and turned to James who nodded once turning to look at the school. I sighed out hard, feeling very pleased with myself and gently bumped into Carlos as we started to walk back to the school. Matt got on the other side of me and I gave a fake reassuring smile up to him. He smiled back down to me, but it was gone quick. I looked to the front and down at the sidewalk as we continued to walk and only thought of one thing. Something Professor Smith told me right after he violated me one last time. He said no one would believe me. He told me wasting my breath on telling a story of how I didn't want what he gave me would be tragic. Because in the back of my mind…I did want it. He knew that I was attracted to him. And he knew I would eventually not see it as an attack. And more like love. I didn't believe any of it, but maybe, if I did believe that, it wouldn't hurt as much next time.


	17. Chapter 17

I never thought it was possible to fade completely into the chaos of a college campus. When I was in high school I thought it was going to be me, and everyone else. I thought this was going to be the time when I got out on top and everyone wanted to be with me. Everyone wanted to be my friend. But now, as I walked slowly to my anatomy class, I realized I was just another body on the campus, gently getting run into by random people. It probably didn't help that I was walking slow with my head down and my hood over my head. It also didn't help that I was trying to blend in. I wanted people to ignore me. The more people ignored me, the easier it was to be silent. I maintained that idea as I walked into my anatomy class on Thursday morning, and quickly made my way up to my isolated table and sat down hard seeing the one person I hoped I wouldn't notice. Steven was sitting down in the front row, looking back at me, giving me a sad look. I pushed my hood off as soon as Professor Smith walked in, and just like I had the past three nights he forced me to come see him, I went still and made my body completely numb.

No one knew that since Monday, every night I got a text from Professor Smith, demanding I come see him in his office, without saying a word to my dorm mate. I would leave the comfort of my room and bed, at 11 or so, never waking Carlos and walk to his office. His office was just a smaller room next to his classroom that had only one door, that connected to the classroom. And there was only window. Which meant that no one would hear me. They wouldn't hear him, and they would never know we were in there. After the first time he did it to me on Monday after class, I realized that the quieter I was, and the less I fought him, the easier it was on me. More specifically my body. Last night he didn't even hurt me. He was actually gentle with me, which scared me because what if my brain told me he was gentle, just so I wouldn't me so traumatized anymore. "Alright everyone…" I looked up from my desk watching him walk away from the chalk board and stop in front of Steven's table glancing around the room. "Who can answer the question on the board?" I glanced to it quick and read it carefully just, so I didn't miss anything and quickly raised my hand. He looked up at me and smiled wide. "Mr. Mitchell, the question just so you know, sense you're so far back…" There was humor in his voice that pissed me off, but I said and did nothing. "The question is what is the point in which an impulse is transmitted from one neuron to another neuron?"

"It's the synapse sir." He looked surprised I Had the answer and nodded giving me a look that my brain told me was pride. He was proud I knew that answer. And maybe he was happy I called him sir. I knew it was a turn on for him.

"Very good Logan. That, everyone is something, you should have learned when you did your note taking. If you don't remember it, I hope you write it down. Now…" I tuned him out quick sitting back and watched him go back to writing on the black board, giving me a chance to literally think about nothing.

I took very diligent notes, neatly, and by the end of class I actually learned some new things. I shoved my book in my bag, along with my pen, and notebook. I closed my bag yawning and stepped down the stairs seeing Professor Smith nowhere near his desk in the front of the office. As I walked out of his classroom, I felt a vibration from my sweats and knew it was him. I pulled it out quick shoving past people and tensed up seeing a rather long text.

 _Before you come by tonight, I want you to do something for me. Break up with your boyfriend and cut off all ties with your friends. If you don't and I find out, I will destroy their lives._

I stopped walking fast reading the text over and over, not fully comprehending it. How could he do that to me? As If what he's done wasn't enough…he wanted to make it that much more painful for me. I know why he wanted this. Because by myself I am weak and an easy target. With friends and a boyfriend around me, I have a higher chance of letting something slip. "Logan?" I looked up fast and swallowed hard seeing Steven giving me a very sad look. I quickly turned my phone off and shoved it in my pocket walking past him fast. "Wait…" He got beside me and gently grabbed my arm making me stop. "Did I do something wrong?" I avoided eye contact with him, looking at the wall behind his head and clenched my jaw shut hard. "Ever since Monday…you've been different. You aren't answering my texts and we were supposed to study yesterday and you never showed."

"I forgot." He nodded letting my arm go and I shrugged looking down. "Do you remember how the first day we talked, you told me you thought I was too cool for you to hang out with?"

"Yes." I laughed sort of loudly and looked up, staring him dead in the eyes.

"Well you were right. I don't think we should be friends anymore." His mouth parted slightly, and I stepped up to him, getting close. "The only reason I hung out with you, was because I felt bad for you. The only reason anyone talks to you is because you're a fucking nerd." He took a step back quick and I felt my heart break. I hated that I was doing this, but knew I needed to. "Has it occurred to you that you aren't just an awkward kid Steven? And that maybe you might be autistic? You should get that checked out." I started walking, running into him harshly to get my point across and walked out of the building shivering instantly at the cool breeze whipping around me.

"You're a fucking asshole Logan!" He screamed it behind me, but I kept walking pulling my hood up on my head walking tall and fast, only one place on my mind. "I can't believe you!" I was shoved from behind and almost fell to my face but caught myself. I turned only slightly to see Steven walking in front of me, seething with rage. "Every time we hung out you reassured me you liked me and wanted to be my friend. And now, like the switch of a light, you've changed your mind!" He was shouting down at me and it made me sad. "Well I'm happy about that then! Because I don't want to be friends with such a pathetic, easily spooked dickhead who only thinks about himself!" He shoved me again, hard by my shoulders and turned fast. I watched with an open mouth as he started walking to the parking lot. I know a lot of people were staring at me, but I ignored them and continued on my path to Kendall's house.

I didn't really put two and two together that Steven was walking in the same direction as me, until I saw him climb the stairs, taking them two at a time. I hurried up after him and got behind him just as the door opened and James stepped out. "Hey Steve! You alright dude?" Steven shoved past him into the apartment and I took a step forward. "is he alright?" I shrugged putting my hands into the pocket of my hoodie and he sighed. "I thought you forgot where I lived. Since you haven't been here in four days." I looked down clearing my throat and stepped forward.

"is Kendall home?"

"Of course. He's in his room. Don't bother saying hey or asking how I've been. Or God forbid asking if I wanted to hang out. Go see your boyfriend." I saw his feet move out of the way and I walked in fast going past Steven who was sitting on the couch. I looked up when I got into the hallway and took my hood off my head walking to his door. I put my hand on the knob but paused. I was really about to break up with him because a man who has been raping me the past three days, asked me to. And I felt nothing about it. No sadness or anger. Just…something I needed to do.

I turned the knob and slowly stepped in seeing him lying flat on his back, one arm covering his eyes while the other rested on his bare stomach. Unlike all the other times his half naked body would distract me with what I was saying or thinking, it just made me sad that a kind, gentle man who was a very generous lover with soft hands, was never going to touch me again. I shut the door softly behind me and took my bag off setting it on the floor by his door and walked quietly to him. I sat on the edge of the bed and took in a deep breath cautiously setting a hand on his arm over his stomach. The arm around his eyes fell off and he blinked lazily up at me. When his eyes adjusted, and he saw it was me, he smiled small and sat up making me look away fast and put my hands in my lap. "I won't bother you too long. I know you've been working a lot."

"You never bother me Logan." One of his hands gently rubbed on the back of my neck and I squeezed my eyes shut hard putting my head down. "What's…"

"I don't think we should see each other anymore." The hand left my neck and I looked over at him fast shrugging. "Why have you been working so much lately?" He looked away and I shook my head. "You either tell me what you've been doing, or I'm leaving."

"I needed to get some extra money." I frowned raising my eyebrows at him and he turned back to me swallowing hard. "I had to pay someone back."

"Who? For what?" He closed his mouth quick and I knew I had him. All I needed was one excuse to break up with him. As long as it was valid, my anger that is, no one would think Kendall was the good guy.

"I sold a gun about two weeks ago, and the guy wants his money back because the gun got jammed and can't be fixed. He gave me a week to get two grand to him, or he'd find another way to get paid." My mouth went dry hearing the truth spill out of his mouth and I felt like crying. I didn't think he'd actually tell me. Because I thought he'd be too ashamed like when he first sold the gun. But apparently, I was wrong. "I didn't tell you when he threatened me because I was scared." I looked away fast feeling helpless. How the fuck was I supposed to break up with him now? "Loges…talk to me." His hands were on my body softly and it made me jump up quick.

"I need to leave." I turned to my bag and bent down grabbing it.

"No…God damnit Logan stop." I was gently pulled back and watched him block my way to his door. "I haven't seen or heard form you almost all week and the first time I do you tell me you want to break up. What's going on?" I shook my head trying to walk around him, but he reached out and grabbed my arm tight and pulled me into him, wrapping his other arm around my back. As he did, something hurt around my lower back, above my butt and it made me hiss out loud and push him off me quick. "What? What's wrong?" I shook my head and again tried to move past him, but he grabbed my arms roughly and bent slightly looking me in the eyes. "What is going on?" His voice was sad, and low. It almost sounded scared too. "Carlos told me all you do is sleep after your classes. You haven't been talking to anyone, and anytime you change your clothes you leave the room, so Carlos doesn't see. What is going on?" A sob left my throat and I covered my mouth fast putting my head down, closing my eyes. My arms were let go of quickly and I was gently pulled into his body. With very shaky hands I touched his chest. His skin under my fingertips was the final straw that broke the camels back. A full-on flood erupted from my eyes and a loud cry left my mouth as I shoved hard into him, shaking, sobbing and screaming.

I'm not sure how he did it, but he got my body to his bed and pulled me onto his lap holding around me, gently rubbing me. After three long, torturous nights, and the initial time Professor Smith assaulted me, to be able to cry, and scream and be told I was going to be okay was overwhelming. He wasn't pressing me to talk to him just yet. He just let me sob on him, getting him wet from my tears. All I could do was cry and shake and hold onto him for dear life. I know his bedroom door opened at one point, but I was too focused on my screams to see who it was. My scream sounded so sad. It was like…all this pent-up anger and fear and sadness came out, all at once and it came out as this horrible scream. It made me put things into perspective. I needed to tell someone what's happened to me. Whether it was Kendall, who then told the cops, or I told the cops then, Kendall, it needed to happen. I couldn't do this anymore. I shouldn't have to do this anymore.

When my cries faded, and I wasn't screaming anymore, and the only noise I was making was the sound of my nose sniffling, I started to sit up on his lap. I didn't look at him yet as I wiped my face and took in a few deep breaths. One of his hands wiped at my neck, getting the trails of tears that were there and I lowered my head fast putting my hands in my lap. "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologies Logan." I gently pushed off him and stood on my feet feeling that same pain run up from my butt, to the top of my spine and turned to face him. When I looked at his face, he reached out and grabbed my hand interlocking our fingers together. I let him go quick and moved fast to take off the sweater and shirt off my body. When I pulled them both over my head I heard him gasp quietly and felt a hand on my ribs gently, on the right side. I threw my sweater and shirt to the floor I ruffled my hair on my head and looked up to his face. He was pale. His mouth was open, and his eyes were scanning over my torso. I know he was seeing bruises, welts, and probably bite marks. I just didn't know how he would react. "What…" He sat down on the bed, right on the edge and gently touched over a tiny welt above my belly button. I winced a little and he noticed looking up at my face. "Who did this to you?"

"Professor Smith." It was quiet and laced with fear. It made him stand up and take his hands off my body. "He threatened me. He got his job back and since Monday after class he has been abusing me. In more ways than hitting me, punching me, and using his belt on me." He closed his eyes sitting back down and covered his mouth with a hand putting his head down. "Today…he told me…" I paused and pulled my phone out of my sweats, opening up the messages he has been sending me. Every message I got, I never replied. I just followed orders and more times than not tried to block out the pictures he was sending to me of his dick. "Here…" I gently handed the phone down to him making him open his eyes. Once he took it I moved next to him and sat as close as I could get to him, holding around his arm as he started to scroll through the texts and pictures. I waited until he got to the text Professor Smith sent me, not 30 minutes ago. I looked up to his face and he turned to me, eyes wide. "I…I couldn't tell anyone because every night he told me to keep my mouth shut or he'd kill me." He reached out quick, putting a hand behind my head and pulled me into him. He kissed my forehead and set a hand on my neck, cupping it gently. "I need help Kendall." I whispered it under him and let a few tears leave my eyes as he moved his kisses down to my nose. When he pulled back we locked eyes, and he wiped my cheeks.

"I'm going to take care of this." I nodded putting my hands out on his sides and looked down. "We need to tell the cops Logan. So, I'm going to need you to come with me, so you can tell them, and show them what he's done to you." I nodded again keeping my head down and he kissed into my hair. "I need to make a phone call, but we will leave after that." I looked up fast and felt my stomach turn.

"How long do you have to pay off that guy?"

"Don't worry about that right now." He started to get up, but I grabbed his arm and held him down next to me. "Loges…"

"I can help. My dad can give me how ever much you need." He opened his mouth, but I shook my head scooting closer to him. "Please…let me help." He closed his mouth and looked away quick putting a hand on my thigh. I moved forward just a little and kissed onto his bare shoulder closing my eyes. "Please let me help you Kendall." I laid my cheek on his shoulder and he sighed out hard. For the first time since Monday morning when I left his bed to go to class, I felt normal. Normal-ish. I defiantly felt safe. And I for sure felt happy. I guess as happy as someone could be, in my situation.


	18. Chapter 18

No one ever says how cold police stations are. Whether you are sitting in an interrogation room or waiting up front…it's cold. My sweats, and my sweater were not doing any justice for how cold I felt. That also might be because of why I was here though. To report a crime. A series of heinous, disgusting crimes. Crimes that were committed against me. It was hard to talk about it. And the bitch of it all was they had to hear it from me, the victim. So, Kendall couldn't tell them for me. I had to relive all of it. And because I was finally talking to someone about it, someone who could help me end it all, I was emotional. I was crying and shaking again, but not as bad as when I told Kendall. And after they wrote down everything I told them, they asked to see any wounds or busies, so they could have photographic proof. Stripping down to my boxers was hard. In a room with two cops and Kendall, I felt scared. But Kendall helped me undress and held my hand as they snapped the pictures. It wasn't until they took the pictures they knew I needed to see a doctor. I turned them down. Because the hospital they would take me to was the one my parents worked at, and I wasn't completely ready to deal with them yet. So, they had a paramedic come check on me, and now, two hours later, here I was. Sitting in a cold, break room, on a couch, hugging around my legs. I was by myself, but only because Kendall went to get us some food, and the two cops who took down my statement went to arrest Professor Smith. I was given a big blanket incase I got too cold, but I couldn't move from my comfy spot on a soft brown couch. And I didn't want to move until Kendall came back because I was afraid if I moved, I'd lay down and fall asleep. I couldn't sleep until I knew Professor Smith was behind bars.

I was pulled out of my thoughts hearing soft knocking at the door and cleared my throat, lowering my legs and started to stand. "Come in." The door opened, and I smiled, thinking it would be a cop wanting to go on break, but it wasn't. I stood up slowly and grinned at Kendall as he walked in, holding two water bottles and a brown bag of what smelled like greasy hamburgers and fries. "That smells so good." He smirked and walked in but stepped back quick to show two people coming in after him. I swallowed hard putting my hands into the pockets of my sweats seeing James and Carlos approaching me, with wide, scared eyes. "Hey guys." James forced a smile as he walked slowly to me and I walked to him. "Sorry you have to come here…I think they want me to be here where it's safe until he gets arrested." James stopped walking short of me and I smiled turning to Kendall. "Can I have some food? I am starving. I haven't been able to keep anything down lately." Kendall nodded handing the bag over to me and I took it walking back to the couch. "Don't you guys have work today?" I sat, looking up at my best friends who were both staring at me, giving me sad looks. I sighed opening the bag and quickly took a couple fries out of it, shoving them in my mouth.

"Matt and Steven are here as well…but I didn't know if you'd want so many people in here right now." Kendall sat next to me, kissing my temple and I chuckled looking over at him.

"They can come in. I need to apologize to Steven anyway." He laughed, kissing my cheek, and stood up.

"Yeah he already told me what happened this morning. He said if you say sorry he's going to tickle you." I blushed looking down at the burger I just pulled out of the bag and he walked to the door. "I'll be right back." I looked up fast and felt my heart drop into my stomach seeing Kendall walk out once again, but hid my fear looking to my two best friends who were sitting in two separate chairs, staring at me.

"You guys want some lunch?" James shook his head looking down and Carlos turned away from me completely. I frowned sitting back, slouching a bit and opened up my burger. I took a small bite and ate as quiet as I could be hoping one of them would say something to me, so I didn't have to start the conversation myself. As I swallowed the first bite I glanced back up and saw Carlos leaning forward on his knees, his head in his hands. "Los…are you alright?" There was a soft chuckle from him that made me feel bad. I quickly put my hamburger down on the table and felt like running into on coming traffic.

"How can you ask me if I'm alright after everything you've been through?" I looked up to him fast and saw he was…crying. I don't think I had ever seen Carlos cry and I was starting to figure out why. It broke my heart. "I should have known something was wrong. I fucking live with you and the minute I saw your behavior change, I should have said something. I should have forced you to talk to me. I should have gone down to that fucking classroom and beat that fucker until he died. But I didn't. And now you're…" He glanced around and looked back to me shrugging. "I'm a bad friend and because of that, you got hurt. And I am so sorry for that. If you don't want to be my friend anymore, I get it. I wouldn't want to be my friend either."

"Los…" I stood up slowly and walked to him as he sat back in his chair looking away from me, wiping his face. I stopped between his chair and James's and looked down to James seeing him also crying, but not looking at me. "What happened to me is no one's fault but mine." I got both of them to turn to me fast and I dropped my knees putting a hand on Carlos's knee shaking my head. "I don't deserve a friend like you, or James. I don't deserve someone like Kendall. But I have you guys and I know how blessed I am because of that. Please, please do not let what happened make you think you did something wrong. Because you didn't. I wanted to shut you out. I wanted to shut everyone out because it was easier to fade into nothing then have to explain. You know just as well as I do, that even if you tried to get it out of me, we would have fought, and you would feel worse, and so would I." Carlos stood up fast, grabbing me, and pulled me up and into a big tight hug. I shoved my face into his muscular chest and wrapped around him breathing his cologne in deep. I heard a sniffle behind me and looked back reaching out. I touched James's shoulder making him stand quick and wrap around both Carlos and me. I kept my face shoved into Carlos's chest and closed my eyes feeling three different hands rub my back. I twisted my arm closest to James and wrapped it around his back pulling him closer to me. They both sighed over me and even though it wasn't Kendall holding around me, I still felt safe. I still felt like I was going to be okay.

We pulled away from each other, neither of them crying anymore and I quickly pulled them back to the couch with me, sitting between them. I ate my hamburger while they continued to stare at me, as if I was going to disappear or something. I said nothing as I ate, and they said nothing either. I wanted Kendall to be back, but I knew Matt and Steven would have to be checked in, and walk through the metal detectors, so I knew it would be a couple more minutes. In the meantime, I scarfed down my burger and got through almost all of my fries sitting back, sort of leaning into James. It was weird. As soon as my head laid on his shoulder, I pulled my legs up and Carlos gently set them on his leg, and just like that, I was sound asleep.

I know I didn't sleep long. Maybe 10 minutes. If that. When my body woke me up, because I heard a different laugh I didn't recognize, I panicked. I jumped up in my seat fast and glanced around the room searching for a face I knew. The first one I spotted was Kendall. He was leaning against a table, legs and arms crossed over each other. He was talking quietly to Steven who was sitting on the table next to him, both smiling in their conversation. I breathed out hard looking to who I was laying on and smiled at James who was giving me a concerned look. I waved him off and put my feet on the ground looking over at Carlos who was sitting up grinning big at me. I sighed out hard and sat back putting my head back on the couch, closing my eyes. "How you feeling tiny one?" I looked up fast and had to smile seeing Matt sitting in a lounge chair, phone in hand.

"How's it going Shrek?" He smirked shaking his head and looked over at Kendall as soon as I did. "Have they…"

"He's in custody." I let out a sigh of relief and laid back again rubbing my eyes softly. "They said you can leave whenever you want, but seriously suggest going to get checked out at the hospital."

"And if it helps your parents know." I looked over to James fast who sat up putting his hands up. "None of us told them. Because of the very delicate situation they had to call your folks. Kendall urged them not to come yet. To wait until you went to see them." I looked over to Kendall who was standing straight up looking down at me, smiling small. I mouth thank you quickly, and he nodded clearing his throat.

"Would you prefer your dorm or…"

"You're place." He nodded, smiling and I started to stand. "But we need…I need to go see my parents first. My dad will have a fit if I don't go see him. And my mom…we'll considering she's the one who got him his job back I don't care if I see her." I know all five of them looked at me like I had just told them the secret of life, but I didn't feel like talking anymore. I grabbed the water bottle on the table in front of me and walked right to Kendall taking his hand. As I dragged him to the door, I heard everyone else get up and pulled the door open, smiling.

"Just so you know…Carlos ate the last of your fries. I tried to stop him." I smirked hearing James, but the first step I took out of the room, I froze up quick. Walking, in handcuffs, was Professor Smith. He had a smug smile on his face and turned to me just at the right time. The smile grew ten-fold as he stopped walking, making the cop holding onto him, also stop.

"You're so fucking dead Logan." I fell back behind Kendall who roughly put me behind him and clutched onto his arm putting my head down. "Don't feel too bad for him guys…he asked for it. He loved it." I felt someone shove past me and looked up to see Kendall and Matt holding James back. "Matthew…ask your brother about how good of a fuck I am." I looked over Kendall's shoulder cautiously and saw Professor Smith being dragged back to a hallway. "Oh wait…you can't." Matt lunged forward and all of us went after him, holding him back. I heard Professor Smith laugh loudly as they pulled him down the hallway and gripped onto Matt's arm tugging gently. He looked back breathing hard and I tugged on his arm again.

"Come on…" He nodded once and gently turned me, putting me back in Kendall's arms pushing us softly to the exit, every single cop staring at us worried one of these huge guys around me, and Steven, would lose their cool.

I remained very close to Kendall even when we got in his car. I held onto his arm like it was my oxygen. He locked our fingers together and every now and then he would bring my fingers up to his lips and kiss my knuckles. I wanted to sleep. I would have done it in his car. But the police station wasn't that far from the hospital and as soon as I laid my head back we were there. I had him park in the back, with the employee cars and walked hand in hand with him. I led him through the place like I owned it and walked us all the way up to my dad's office, on the 5 floors. My dad was a heart surgeon and had his nice neat, little office on the same floor heart patients stayed on. As we walked through it and got to the end where his office was I let Kendall's hand go and pushed open the door stepping in quietly. My dad was on his phone but when he looked up and saw it was me, he motioned me in, and stood up nodding his head. "I'm going to have to call you back…no I understand. You too. Thank you." He hung up fast and walked around his desk going right to me. I put a smile on my face and put out my arms letting him hug me and pull me in tight. "Logan…" I shut my eyes and set my chin on his shoulder. "I am so sorry Logan. Whatever you need me to do…whatever I can do to help you just let me know."

"I don't want to see mom. Not right now, or anytime soon." My dad sighed as he pet through the hair on the back of my head and I opened my eyes. "I don't want her calling me or coming to see me. I just can't right now."

"Okay." He whispered it softly and I tightened around him lying my cheek on his shoulder. "What else? The police officer who called me said you didn't want to get checked out by a doctor. Is there something I can do?" I shrugged making me sigh and gently rub my back. "They told me that you said a rape kit wouldn't help because he used a condom every time." I tensed up closing my eyes shut hard and nodded pushing harder into him. "We can still perform an exam Logan…it might help further this sick fuck prison sentence." I shook my head hard and he gently rubbed my back and head rocking us. "Alright…it's okay." The one reason I didn't want to have an exam was because after four days of being violated in every sense of the word, the last thing I'd want is to have to go through it again, just this time by a doctor. "Is…"

"Kendall can you give us a quick sec?"

"Of course. I'll be right outside." I clutched onto my dad tight, waiting to hear the door of his office shut. Once it did, I slowly pulled away keeping my hands on his body. He put both hand son my cheeks and gently pulled me in, kissing my forehead.

"I need a favor." He pushed back and nodded, eagerly. "I need to ask to borrow some money and I don't want you to question to much. I need it for Kendall." He smiled and nodded chuckling, turning away. I wrapped my arms around my body and watched my dad take his wallet out of the top drawer of his desk and sit down looking up at me.

"How much?" I bit my bottom lip and looked down shuffling my feet.

"Two Grand?" He sighed out quickly opening up his drawer again and pulled out his check book. "I'll get it back to you as soon as I can dad. I promise."

"I don't need it back Logan. I don't care what it's for. I'm worried about what kind of trouble he got himself into, but I trust you, and I trust him. He's a good guy and seems to really care for you. That's all that matters to me." I nodded letting him walk to me and gently took the check from him. He put his hands into the pockets of his pants and I carefully folded the check sticking it into my sweater pocket. "I know your mom has said some awful things to you Logan. And I'm sorry about that." I laughed looking up at him and he raised an eyebrow.

"But…"

"Nope…there is no but." I frowned letting him pull me back into him. "I've been married to her for almost 22 years and still…I have no idea what's running through her mind half the time." I rolled my eyes hugging him tight for a few seconds before letting him go and stepping back.

"Thank you." I quickly raised the check and smirked. "For everything. I feel…tired. I'm going to go to James and Kendall's apartment and stay with them for a while. I'll come by and see you soon." He smiled big and nodded leaning in, kissing my temple. "I love you."

"I love you too son." I waved softly and turned to his office door opening it slowly. "Call me for anything." I looked over my shoulder as I walked out and nodded. I shut the door behind me, and looked across it, seeing Kendall standing up from a stool putting his pheon back in his jeans.

"Everything alright?" I smiled nodding and walked to him putting my hands in the pocket of my sweater.

"Yes. Thanks for letting me talk to him." He nodded putting his hands on my shoulders and I sighed out. "Before we go back to your place…we need to make one more stop." He raised one eyebrow at me and I smirked nodding. "Trust me."


	19. Chapter 19

( **So tbh, I was going to end this story after that last chapter, because I wanted to write a second one, with a sort of different flow, but somethings popped into my head and I must now, write them! I have loved the reviews I've been getting and seeing how many people have been reading this just further encourages me to write some more! Anyone who has read my other stories, knows when I say drama…I mean drama. So, buckle up for even more! Thanks everyone! I love you all!)**

 _ **One Week Later**_

The soft, slow warm hands on my back were making me very sleepy. The way he was working the lotion into my back while simultaneously kissing the back of my neck and whispering sweet little nothings into my skin made me shiver. The action and offer of him putting lotion on my healing back made my heart quiver. It wasn't super gross with cuts and welts. But I had bruises, and at the bottom of my back, above my butt were two separate welts from a belt hitting me over and over. He didn't seem to mind seeing them, on my body. In fact, before he started to lotion me up, he kissed onto each bruise, and welt whispering he loved me. If he wasn't careful I was going flip us over, so he was under me, so I could return this beautiful favor he was giving me. "Feel good?" I hummed a loud response making him laugh over me, gently pushing off me, putting his hands outside my head on the pillow it was on. "You hungry?" I opened my eyes raising my head up just a little hitting onto his.

"I could eat." He laughed in my ear before biting down on the lobe. "What are you gonna make me?" He kissed my ear quick as he pushed off me and slid off the bed turning to me quick. He put out a hand and I sighed rolling on my back over to him and let him take my hand as I got off the bed too. I grabbed my long sleeved black t-shirt and let his hand go, following him out of his room. I pulled it on hearing a loud eruption of cheers from the three grown children playing some ridiculous football game on the x-box. When my shirt was completely on my body, I looked out to the living room seeing Steven sitting on the black leather couch, between James and Matt, both who looked so much bigger than him. "Kendall is making dinner tonight." James grinned big at that raising his controller, pressing a button hard several times.

"Son of a bitch!" He jumped up throwing the controller on the ground and I rolled my eyes sitting at the island bar watching Kendall open the fridge. "What are we having?!"

"Spaghetti and meatballs. And probably garlic bread." My stomach growled just hearing it and leaned forward playing with a stack of mail. "You want a drink babe?" I nodded watching him grab a Coke can along with a carton of eggs, just as someone sat next to me putting a beer on the top of the island. I glanced over to see who it was and smiled at Matt who was grinning down at me.

"James told me you and Carlos are hanging out here tonight. He invited Steve and I. Hope that's okay." I nodded quick turning back to see a coke can put in front of me. I opened it and started drinking it as Steven walking into the kitchen, pushing the sleeves of his shirt up on his arms. James was right behind him and went to the fridge, pulling the door open. "Can I have another beer?" James grabbed two handing one to Steven. Steven popped the top off and got beside Kendall sipping from it. When he lowered the bottle, he sighed loud.

"What can I do to help?" Kendall chuckled and shook his head pushing Steven gently to the side.

"Nothing. I got this." Steven swatted his hand away form him and he dove into opening a can of chopped tomatoes. Kendall stuck his tongue out at him making Steven giggle in response, making me turn away fast and ignore the jealousy ripping through my chest. "Is Carlos going to be here for dinner?" I watched James nod as he pulled himself up on the counter by the sink and drink from a soda can. I sat back grabbing my own can and took a small sip. I turned back to Kendall to see him looking in the pantry reaching in for something I couldn't see.

"So…I was hanging out with my buddy David…you remember him, right?" I was nudged gently by Matt and turned to him, smiling small and nodded. "Well, I guess starting next month they are going to be trying this new thing out at the bar. It's called minors night. They are going to serve virgin margaritas, Shirley temples…and a slew of ridiculous named drinks I can't remember." I smirked sitting up and he looked at me raising his beer to his lips. "He asked me if I knew of anyone looking for work. Anyone under 21." I raised both eyebrows and he nodded taking the last sip of his old beer, before putting it down. "Your name came up Logan."

"I'm sure it did." I snapped my head to Kendall fast who was glaring at us, gently forming some hamburger meat into a ball. "A bar? You think it would be a good idea for him to work at a bar?"

"Why not? He'd make fucking bank at a gay bar. Not just from his starting pay, but tips as well. I know I'm not the only person in this room who saw Logan dancing on top that bar." Steven turned to me fast and smiled big, eyes wide. I blushed laughing quietly and turned to Kendall, noticing he wasn't not laughing.

"I think it would be fun." He shook his head going back to his bowl of meat and I rolled my eyes. "Would I be bartending?"

"No…stripping." Every single person looked over to Matt, including myself making me laugh. "Shit…that was a joke. Of course, you'd be bartending." I looked back at Kendall who was giving Matt a death glare, making me uncomfortable.

"Tell him I'm very interested." Matt nodded fast and I sat up, sliding off the stool grabbing my coke can. "Can I watch a movie out here?" I looked right to James who also got off the counter, nodding and walked out into the living room with me.

I sat right beside James, him letting me lay my head on his shoulder while I put a blanket over my body. I tried so hard to ignore the laughs coming from the kitchen because I wasn't usually a jealous person. But the past week I've had Kendall all to myself. He took a week off work to be with me because I asked him too, and every day, night, morning…second, I was by his side. Yeah, we would have meals with James and more times than not Carlos, Matt and Steven, but it was just us. We locked ourselves in his room, and while no one else knew this, we talked. He let me vent to him everyday about all the shit I went through at the hands of that sicko. It was almost like a therapy session. We'd lay or sit in his bed, I'd talk to him about my fears and trauma and he'd listen. He would wipe away my tears, gently run the bruises on my thighs and back. He was the perfect man to me. And maybe I had never noticed it before, but he was a huge flirt. Especially to Steven. Steven was attractive. And young and not a sick, used up victim who couldn't even think about having sex right now. It made sense that Kendall found him attractive and liked him. "I'll be right back." I was pulled out of my thoughts feeling James get up and watched him walk down the hall to the bathroom, closing the door softly. I sighed out reaching forward and grabbed my soda just as Matt walked out from the kitchen Kendall walking with him. I smiled up at the two and watched Kendall walk to me the whole way. He put one knee on the couch by me and one hand on the back of it, by my head. He bent down and kissed my lips softly before pulling back just an inch.

"I'm going to take a shower before we eat so I won't have to, before I go into work." I nodded reached out and up and pulled his face back down to me, kissing him hard. He groaned quietly in my mouth moving over me, pushing back into the kiss, putting a hand on my neck. I forced and shoved my tongue into his mouth making my point made that he should only want me. We probably would have gone the whole way and fucked on the couch if a throat hadn't been cleared. Kendall pushed away quick and I wiped my mouth breathing hard. Matt whistled low as Kendall walked away and I blushed watching him walk.

"God damn dude." I shrugged grabbing my soda a took a quick sip. There were three loud, sharp knocks to the front door that made me jump up. Before anyone could answer it, it was shoved open and Carlos walked in, beanie on his head, a plain black hoodie over his torso, over his work uniform. I grinned big up at him making him grin back and shut the door and quickly take the seat James had just abandoned. "How was work hombre?"

"Pretty fucked up. I had to transport a little girl up to the cancer ward in pediatric. When I started to leave she started crying. Cause you know…I like to bring a little light to these kids in the short time I'm with them." I nodded as he took off his beanie and threw it to the coffee table. "I guess she thought I was her big brother who has been overseas for the past three years and she doesn't remember what he looks like. But she said I had the same silly jokes as he did, and it made her sad." He looked to me frowning and sat back. "The girl has lung cancer and is sadder about her brother not being there then the fact she has to live in a hospital room for the next two months." I gently squeezed onto his arm and he sighed out hard, just as James came back out from the bathroom. "Also…a kid I sit next to in my psychology class was there today. His dad has pneumonia or something…I don't know. We only talked about how the Dean was arrested this afternoon." I sat back fast as James took the seat beside me, and Carlos avoided eye contact with me. "Professor Smith told quite the tale. He told the cops the Dean was involved and has been doing this to many students for the past five years. The Dean was the one who started it. Boys and girls. On top of that…" Carlos looked over at me and I felt my stomach turn. "They found child porn on his computer. On both of their computers. In a span of a week two sick, child predators and rapist were brought down. Thanks to you." I closed my eyes hard and stood up fast. "Loges…" I walked out of the living room fast opening my eyes when I got into the hallway. I shoved Kendall's door open hearing him singing low to himself with the water running hard. I shut the bedroom door softly and walked into the bathroom keeping quiet. I pulled myself up onto the counter by the sink and brought both legs up to my chest, hugging around them. I looked over to the shower at the closed dark green curtain and steadied my breathing. Something Kendall has been helping me with. I would sit between his legs while his hands rubbed my chest and he would breath softly and slowly in my ear, to get me to mimic his rhythm. I needed that right now. I wasn't sure why. What Carlos told me, was good news. But hearing about Professor Smith and the Dean made the past week of my life feel like a joke. My life wasn't okay. Because I still went through hell, no matter how hard I tried to deny it.

I waited the full 5 minutes Kendall took in his shower. When he got out his head was down, and he was already grabbing a towel. He stepped out of the tub and sort of roughly rubbed the towel around his head, no longer singing to himself. I sat back letting go of my legs, still keeping them up on the counter. When he raised his head, he started wrapping the towel around his waist but jumped slightly and cursed under his breath turning away from me. "Jesus Logan. You scared the fuck out of me." I smirked to myself looking down at his butt before he covered it walking to me. "You alright?" He walked to me tying the towel around his waist stopping in front of the sink.

"Yeah…Carlos is here. He said he heard the Dean got arrested for the same shit Smith did." Kendall looked at me as he grabbed his shaving cream and I shook my head. "Also had kiddie porn on his computer."

"Sick fuck. He's going to do really well in prison." I smiled watching him shake his shaving cream can looking at himself in the mirror.

"Don't shave. I like your stubble." He glanced back over to me and smirked nodding. He put the can back on the counter and took the towel off his waist starting to dry his body. "I got spooked out there I think. I had to come in here. Be near you." He nodded leaning into me and gently kissed my cheek. "You smell so good." I put my hands on his wet face and turned it to line up with mine. I puckered my lips and brushed them against his, just as he pulled away. My hands fell off his face and he walked quickly into his bedroom. My arms fell down by my legs and I swallowed hard putting my legs down onto the ground. I slowly walked into his room to see him in front of his closet, towel still around his waist. "Kendall?" He hummed a quiet response and I leaned against the doorframe clenching my fists. "Are we okay?" He nodded, keeping his back to me and I chuckled. "It sure looks like it." I walked quickly to his bed and climbed on it pushing the blankets back.

"Why are you looking for a fight?" I laughed loudly lying down and pulled the blankets up over my head pushing hard into the bed under me. "You keep making all these moves on me, like you want it to go further than making out, but I don't think you're ready for that."

"Your absolutely right. I forgot you make that decision for me." He laughed quietly, and I pushed the blanket off my face sitting up. He was pulling on black boxers still with his back to me. "Is it because I'm not Steven?" He turned to me quick, mouth hanging open and I shook my head at him. "I see how you are with him Kendall. You fucking flirt with him all the God damn time, right in front of my face. Is that why you pull back every time I try to kiss you?"

"No Logan. It's actually because I hear you every night as you cry and scream in your sleep because of your nightmares." I looked away fast pulling the blanket up around my chest. "I'm not flirting with him. I'm nice to him. There is a huge fucking difference."

"Not when you're putting ideas in his head that your interested." He turned back to his closet and yanked a pair of black jeans off a hanger. "And don't you dare try to tell me that you are afraid to touch me or be near me because of what happened to me. Incase you've forgotten, every single time that mad touched me…raped me, he told me no one would want me. He made it his mission to fuck my head up so bad that I can't even sleep without thinking he's coming after me or be afraid no one would want me. You pushing away from me is proof he succeeded." I kicked the blankets off my body and jumped out of bed going into the bathroom. I slammed the door shut hard and shut off the lights and fan, locking the door behind me. I slid down the door and put my head in my hands squeezing my eyes shut hard.

I kept myself locked in the bathroom for a good hour. I know James came to tell me dinner was ready at one point, but I ignored him. Kendall even came in, right before I got out of the bathroom and said he was leaving for work, and to call him if I needed anything. Like I would. I walked out of the room, seeing it completely dark, and feeling rather cold. I quickly walked to the bedroom door and shut and locked it. I turned back and went to the dresser turning on the light on it. Once the room was illuminated, I opened up the third drawer and looked down shoving his sweats and things aside. I found the pair I wanted, a simple pair of black thin fabric sweats and took them out. As I did, something fell onto the floor and hit my pinky toe on my left foot. I frowned closing the drawer and bent down but stopped fast. My head started to spin, and my heart went into my toes. I squatted down, feeling my breathing picking up speed and carefully picked up a needle. Inside the needle was a yellow looking liquid, not used. Yet.

 **SOOO don't hate me but tomorrow through Sunday night I am going to be camping with my pops and my sister, for Father's Day. Which means I will not be updating until Sunday night. I am hoping I can get one more chapter written tonight, but if not, I am so sorry I am leaving this at this point. I promise I will update as soon as I can on Sunday. Don't worry. I am coming back! Here's to hoping I can write fast enough to get another chapter in tonight! Love you all!**


	20. Chapter 20

I liked sitting in the darkness. It was soothing. There was no bright, blinding screen in my face, like my phone, laptop, or TV. There wasn't that buzz of electricity either. Everything was quiet, and still. It's been like this, since I woke up at 3:30 after getting a text from Kendall that he was on his way home. I gave a short, okay, response and went out into the living room hoping I didn't wake James. Steven, Carlos and Matt had left not too long ago, I could tell. But I was glad they were gone. Because I didn't want everyone in our friend group, to hear me break up with Kendall.

I turned slightly in my seat hearing the door open and watched him walk in, hearing the soft pitter of rain hitting on the roof. It was gone as soon as he shut the door. He didn't see me right away, which I was sort of grateful for. He looked so good in his sort of wet black t-shirt, that was unbuttoned down to the fourth one. His hair was slicked down by the rain as well and if I wasn't so pissed off, I'd be on top of him. But instead of letting him know I was there, I let him walk into the kitchen, turning on the light as he did. He kept his back to me walking into the kitchen that I couldn't see from my seat. I heard the fridge door open and waited almost a minute until the fridge shut and he reappeared. He looked out from the half wall over the sink and smiled big and wide. "Hi baby. I didn't see you there." I gave a small smile back as he walked out of the kitchen wiping his mouth. "Did my text wake you up?"

"Yeah…it's alright. I was thinking of watching some TV out here." He nodded as he got in front of me and bent down putting his hands on the arm rests of my seat. He leaned down and kissed my lips softly, getting up quick.

"Let me go change…and we'll snuggle and watch TV together." I nodded as he turned and made his way into the dark hallway.

I knew he was going to either, freak out over something he's lost, or act completely cool. I feared if he didn't react at all, I'd be even more pissed. Because then that told me he was going to continue to lie to me and act like everything was fine. And I knew nothing was fine at all. It became even clearer when he appeared out of the dark hallway shirtless, and only in a pair of boxers. He stopped in front of the coffee table and titled his head slightly. "Are you wearing a pair of my sweats?" I nodded pushing my throw blanket off my lap and he nodded quick, starting to turn.

"Is something wrong?" He paused, and I stood up grabbing the little Ziploc bag that was on the little table beside the chair, Kendall failed to notice. "Is something missing?" He turned fast, and I raised the Ziploc, my anger rising. "What the hell is this?"

"Not what you think."

"Funny…because what I think is you've been shooting up heroin." He made a step to come towards me and I stepped back putting the bag behind my back. "Have you ever told me the truth about anything Kendall? Like that money I borrowed from my dad for you…did that go to buy this?"

"Logan you don't know what you're talking about." I laughed nodding and looked down feeling my hands shaking. "Just give that back to me and let me explain."

"No." I looked back up in time to see him getting closer to me and I stood my ground. "You are lying to me, probably like you've lied from the minute we started dating. How could I have been so stupid to think that you weren't some druggie who was only using me for a warm body to be with every night?" He stopped walking, his face turning from, sad, to angry really quick. "Don't you dare try to tell me that you hiding a needle in your dresser isn't' what it looks like. You aren't holding this for a friend and you aren't going to try to sell it. Your fucking using, and I can't be with someone like that."

"Fuck you Logan. You have no idea what the fuck you're saying." He reached behind me quick and yanked the baggie out of my hand. I shoved him hard and watched him stumble back, still standing on his feet. "Calm the hell down and listen to me."

"No! No! I'm not going to listen to another God damn word you say!" I shoved past him hard and walked into the hallway my fists clenched down at my sides. I shoved his bedroom door open hard and walked to my sneakers by his dresser. I shoved my feet into them and quickly tore off the shirt on my body. It was his and smelt like his cologne. I hated it. I walked to my black duffle on his desk and dug through it looking for another shirt.

"Don't you think if I was using, this would be empty?!" His voice boomed over me, not even affecting me one bit. "Look at me Logan." I felt his hand on my arm and something snapped in me. I turned quick and shoved him as hard as I could. He stumbled back, to the point that he lost his footing and fell on his bed.

"Tell me again about the guy who sold you weed that one time, and then gave you Ex." He gently tossed the needle on the bed and pushed himself up slowly. "Tell me how the reason you took it and bought it, was so you would feel better about not being able to take care of me and protect me."

"That is not why I have this." He pointed down to the needle and I rolled my eyes sitting back on the desk. "I had to buy it to see my dad." I put my head back and clenched my fists again feeling irritated. "I found out my dad is selling again and somehow climbed the ranks and has become a full-blown drug lord. The only way I could go into his house is if I bought something."

"Please give me a fucking break Kendall." I looked back to see him moving towards me, cautiously. "Do you think I'm that stupid? Do you think I'm going to fall for some sad sob story about your pathetic dad?" He stopped walking and we locked eyes. "Why, if this is true, do you keep putting yourself in these situations where you end up getting fucked over by your dad? And honestly Kendall, if this was only so you could see your dad, why did you keep it?" His eyes fell fast, and I knew exactly why. "You have one chance to tell me the truth. Have you used heroin at all since we've been dating?" I saw his Adam's apple bob up and down a few times as he scratched at the back of his neck. "Kendall answer me." When he kept looking down, and not at me, I got fed up quick. I walked to him and gently pushed his head up. "Kendall." My hand was grabbed tightly, and he shoved into me hard, turning us. My back smacked hard into the dresser and my mouth closed quick seeing anger all over his face.

"You don't get it Logan. I'm not using because I want to. It's because I need to." I looked down at his tattooed chest I loved so much and shook my head. "Do you have any idea how much money I could get by selling this?" I closed my eyes feeling tears come out and went sort of limp in front of him. "I don't use it everyday and you've never noticed before now, so what's the big deal?" I sobbed out quietly gently pushing at his chest, getting nowhere. "I love you baby, and I'm going to take care of us. I promise." I opened my eyes crying out and shoved past him walking to the bed. I grabbed the baggie and quickly walked into the bathroom turning on the light. I opened the bag and pulled the needle out turning to look at the worried look on Kendall's face. "What are you doing?"

"Me or this?" I quickly opened the toilet lid and hovered the needle over it crying quietly. "Make the choice we both know you want too. Because I'm tired Kendall. I just want to have one night of peaceful, plain sleep without having any worries. So, choose." I cried out again and watched him step in towards me and I dropped the needle fast. He lunged forward to try to grab it, but before he could I flushed the toilet and walked out of the bathroom going out past him. I went back to my duffle, found a shirt and pulled it on. I put my duffle over my shoulder and turned heading to the door. Kendall was standing in my way.

"Why would you do that to me?" I wiped my face and continued walking, pushing past him. Before I could walk out of his room, my arm was grabbed tight and I was pushed hard into the door. I gasped out looking up at his face. "Why can't I have both?" He growled it down to me letting my arm go, just so he could better grab both arms, holding me tight against the door. I heard another door open and wanted to call out to James, but he bent down and shoved his tongue into my mouth with force. I shut my arms hard and tried to get my arms out of his grasp, but he was too strong. Because I knew he was Kendall, and he loved me, and I loved him, I didn't see it as an attack. Until he bit down on my tongue, hurting me. So, I did the only thing I could think of. I raised my knee and hit him right in the dick and balls. He let me go fast and fell down to his knees in front of me. Because of how mad I was, and everything that has happened to me the past two weeks, I made a tight fist and hit him hard in the face. He fell back into the wall behind him and I pulled my duffle up on my shoulder stepping over him, and out of the room. James was staring at me wide eyed only in boxers and I shook my head.

"Can you give me a ride? My car is on campus and it's starting to rain hard." He nodded looking around me at Kendall on the floor groaning in pain. I turned quick and walked out into the dark living room. "I'll be waiting outside by your car."

I waited out on the curb, getting soaked by the rain, not caring. I wasn't crying. I wasn't upset. Just…tired. I wanted my life, for once to go right. I wanted to feel like I wasn't going to end up crazy. Everything that has happened thus far, was not doing anything to help that. I heard car keys jingle behind me and stood up fast turning around. James was walking to me, in slippers, sweats and plain black rain coat pulled up over his head. He walked to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in tight. He walked us quickly to his car under a carpark, and put me in the passenger side, of his two door Benz. I shut the door hard and shivered putting my duffle on the floor at my feet. When he got in, I pulled my pheon out and sent a quick text. To my dad. Asking if I could come over for the night. He started his car pulling his hood off his head and started to back out of his spot, putting his seatbelt on. "Your dorm?"

"No. My parents house." We locked eyes as he looked over his shoulder to make sure nothing was behind him and nodded. "Did you know Kendall was shooting up heroin?" He shook his head fast as he turned his car, and drove slowly down the road, sitting back. "He tried to lie to me. And tell me he only bought it to see his dad. I…I almost believed him. But then he told me he didn't need it. That he wanted it. I…I got so pissed James. And then he kissed me, after shoving me into his dresser and then his door. I had no choice but to hit him."

"Good hit too. He's going to wake up sore tomorrow." I sat back, wanting to smile but couldn't. "Are your parents cool with you coming home?"

"I hope so. I texted my dad. But I have a key, so I'll just let myself in." He nodded slowly and we both went quiet. I let the soft pitter patter of the rain lull me into a thoughtless state as James carefully drove through town, up to the hill my parents house was. We passed his dads house and I spotted a car in the driveway I didn't recognize. When we finally pulled up to my parent's house, I sighed out taking my seatbelt off and saw a light on in the living room. James parked on the side of the street, right in front of my two-story house and turned his car off.

"DO you want me to go in with you? Just in case your mom…"

"No." I turned to him smiling small and reached out pulling him into me, for a hug. "I'm just going to ask to go to sleep, and hope they respect that." We let each other go, and I pushed open my door. "Thanks. For driving me and being an awesome friend." He laughed nodding and turned his car back on. "And I'm sorry for whatever kind of asshole he'll be when he wakes up later today." He waved me off and I got out of the car quick, shutting the door hard behind me. I clutched onto my duffle and ran up to the front door, seeing it open. I walked slowly up the front steps seeing my mom and dad standing in the doorway, holding their robes around them. I stopped in front of them and shivered again smiling small.

"Are you alright?" I nodded quick to my dad and he gently moved out of the door taking my mom with him. "Do you need dry clothes?"

"No…I could use some food though and just a bd to sleep." I heard my mom gasp as I shut the door and turned to look at her, tears in her eyes. "I don't want to fight…I don't want to talk. I just want to eat and go to sleep." She nodded, covering her mouth and I set my bag on the floor by the couch looking at my dad. He sighed out rubbing my moms back and motioned me to the kitchen.

"What can I make you Loges?"


	21. Chapter 21

It doesn't matter how long I've been sleeping, or how deep asleep I am in. If I smell something, anything really, like food cooking, something burning, or the cat taking a poop in the liter box, I will wake up. My nose is that of a blood hound. I remember waking up extra early every Sunday before my family went to Church, because my father would get up early, and he would spray on this cologne that was my signal I had to wake up. At least before my mother came in and yanked me out of bed. So, it doesn't matter what the smell is. As long as it is relatively close enough, and strong enough for a long period of time, I will wake up to the scent. As of late, more like the past week, usually what woke me up was my own scream and hard breathing from the nightmare that just played out in my head. However, as I opened up my eyes, for once, it wasn't because of the screams and tears. It was because of that cologne my dad wore before every Sunday morning church service.

After I opened my eyes and realized I was somewhere safe, like my bed at my parents' house, I rolled onto my back and looked up at my ceiling yawning quietly. I couldn't tell what time it was. Outside my window was an overcast, dark and grey sky with heavy loud raindrops. I honestly didn't know where my phone was, and because I was at my parents' house, I knew eventually one of them would be in to check on me. And I bet if whined enough and gave a sad enough look my, they would bring me food to eat in my bed. Well, maybe not my mother but I know for sure my dad would.

Just as I had the sudden need to pee, there were three soft knocks on my closed bedroom door along with a throat being cleared. My mothers. I sat up in bed and sighed out bracing myself to see her. "You can come in." I watched the door swing open softly, and to my surprise, both my parents walk in. What really got me was the tray my mom was holding. There was a steaming cup of coffee, next to a short glass of OJ. Sitting in the middle of the tray were two pieces of French Toast, with strawberries and whip crème on top, next to eggs, bacon and sausage. My stomach immediately started growling as soon as my mom sat on my bed and set the tray on my lap. "Did you guys read my mind? I'm starving." My mom smiled big at me, so I nervously glanced down to my food and sniffled my nose picking up my fork. "Thanks for letting me crash here tonight and eat your food."

"Logan this is always going to be your home. And you can always eat here." I shoved a forkful of eggs in my mouth and looked over to my dad who was sitting at my computer desk. He grinned at me and pushed his glasses up on his nose, looking over to my mom. I also glanced over to her, out of curiosity, and saw tears in her eyes. I held back my instinct to roll my eyes and looked back down at my plate stabbing a sausage link. "You know us…usually we would force it out of you, but whatever brought you home at 3:30 this morning, seemed rather serious. Against my better judgement, we let you sleep. But now I want to know who did what to you."

"Chuck…give him some space." I couldn't hide my chuckle as I shoved more food into my mouth and my mother sighed. "I'm happy to see you Logan. And whatever you need from us, please let us know." I looked back up to my mom and swallowed a piece of bread shaking my head.

"How's your good friend Michael doing?" Her mouth dropped open and she wiped her eyes sitting up straight. "I just didn't want to go to my dorm last night and…"

"Did something happen between you and Kendall?" I turned to my dad, suddenly my hunger gone. Just hearing Kendall's name made me remember that he admitted to me he was doing heroin, and that he kissed me with force, and I hit him. "James called this morning. You were still asleep, but he wanted to see how you were doing without hovering too much. He's worried about you since everything that has happened to you, and now you breaking up with Kendall."

"Why do you guys always seem to get information out of my friends? It's my life okay. When I'm ready to talk to you, I will."

"No, you won't. That's the problem Logan." I glared my dad down watching him sit forward resting himself on his knees staring directly into my eyes. "I know that you think people helping you, and being there for you is bad, but Carlos and James care about you. They worry about you Logan, much like your mother and I do." I scoffed loudly putting the tray to the side and kicked my blankets off my body.

"You may care about me dad, but I know mom doesn't. And there is a such thing called personal space. No one around me seems to fucking understand that."

"Of course, I care about you Logan." My mothers soft, tear filled voice made me turn to her, and give her the nastiest look I could think of. She wiped under her eyes again and looked down at her lap. "What I said to you that Saturday Carlos called me and told me someone attacked you, broke me. It hurt me so much I didn't know how to deal with it. My initial thought was to drag you back home, and never let a single person hurt you ever again. But then…"

"You went to my Dean the next day and told him I made it all up. You told him that I was emotionally fucked up and what I say shouldn't be taken seriously. And then you got the job back of a man who abused and raped me. Don't you dare fucking try to tell me you care about me." She looked up fast, wide eyed as more tears started to pour out. "Does dad know you did that? That Sunday after Professor Smith got fired?"

"Logan, she did no such thing." I laughed loudly starting to stand up, but my dad was faster and grabbed my arms pushing me back down onto my bed. "I know your mother has said some bad things to you, and there is nothing in this world that will take any of it back. But she would never, ever, let someone like that around you. She never talked to your Dean at all after that."

"Then how the hell did he get his job back?" I said it quietly and angrily looking right up at him. He quickly squatted down and held my vision softening up.

"Because, no matter how disgusting it is to hear, those men were doing this for a long time. Working at that university was like a buffet for them. They found victims and did whatever they wanted, because they were in a position of power. If Professor Smith got in trouble, and no one reported him, the Dean would sweep it under the rug while providing a false sense of safety to the victims. No one ever reported those assholes because they were afraid." I felt tears leave my eyes as my dad moved his hands to my own hands and squeezed. "They knew how afraid you were Logan. And they used it. And they filled your head with these ideas that the people around you, like us and your friends were the ones who would end up hurting you. They made you believe that your own mother turned against you because they knew it would work. And I am so sorry for that. I am so sorry for all of this. But you have to realize that at the end of the day, your mother and I will always love you. And will always, always be here for you." I sobbed out loud, covering my face fast with both hands and cried loudly in them. I heard my dad grunt as he got on the bed next to me and wrapped an arm around my back pulling me into him. I cried even louder it seemed like, when I felt my mother also put an arm around my back and did something that surprised me. I turned quick and threw myself into my mother arms letting her wrap tight around me and rub my back kissing into my hair. She whispered softly how sorry she was for all the horrible things she said to me, and that she loved me. That made me have a full-blown sobbing episode, that honestly felt really good.

I never thought it was possible that Professor Smith lied to me. I think that was the fear. But of course, my mother didn't help get his job back. She would never do that and as I calmed myself down and she wiped my face free of tears, I felt bad. She was in just as bad of shape as I was. Well, I guess not as bad as me, but she has probably been feeling horrible these past two weeks, and all I've done is shut her out. When he hand left my face I pulled myself up further on my bed and reached back to my tray grabbing a sausage link. "No matter what I said to you in your dorm room that Saturday, I want you happy." I chewed on the sausage link and locked eyes with her feeling my dad still rubbing my back. She smiled small and held my free hand squeezing my fingers. "From everything Jennifer has told me about her son, he is a great man. And when he finds someone he loves, he will do anything for it." I looked down fast, swallowing hard. Of course, as soon as I break up with him, my mom likes Kendall. "What happened?" I shrugged softly and looked back up to my sort of empty bedroom. "You can take your time on telling us, but I want to have a valid reason to tell the police when your dad kills him." I chuckled turning to my dad who grinned big at me before looking around me to my mom. I looked back to my empty walls and sighed out.

"You know how…when I start to enjoy something, I go all out for it. Like…I started playing hockey, and because I loved it, I went every day after school to the rink with Carlos and James to make sure I was the best." I looked back down to my hands and shrugged again. "I wanted to be a doctor like my parents because I love to study and love to learn about medicine, so I read every book I could get my hands on and studied for the fun of it." I looked over to my mom and smiled small. "I was so in love with the idea of being in love…I ignored everything. I put all my energy into another human being, just to get fucked over in the end." I could tell my dad tensed up hearing that and I turned to him shaking my head. "He didn't cheat, and he never hit me dad. But he was a criminal. And I didn't care. He smoked weed and took Ex. He looked at other guys, in front of me, and flirted with them and I still didn't care. And then last night it smacked me hard in the face. All of it came full frontal as he flirted with one of my friends, and I found a heroin needle in his dresser drawer." My mother gasped loud beside me and I turned gently grabbing her hand. "I threw it in the toilet and flushed it. He freaked out on me. He tried to lie to me about it, admitted he was using and then shoved me into the door, forcing his tongue in my mouth. I kneed him in the groin, punched him in the face and asked James to bring me here." I looked back out to my empty wall and shrugged. "I'm done feeling like someone else controls me. I'm done letting other people dictate how I fell or what I do. I was with the guy for less than a month and suddenly my whole life was wrapped around him. I never wanted that." One of them grabbed the back of my neck and squeeze gently. I felt my mom kiss my temple and I closed my eyes shivering softly. "All I want to do is go to school become a doctor and be happy. And I can only do that myself. No one else can do that for me."

"You're right with that Logan. And I am so happy you stood up for yourself last night." I opened my eyes looking at my dad as he stood up smiling. "I think the minute you decided to do this for yourself was the minute you decided you were going to be okay." He glanced down to me and put his hands in his light blue jean pockets smiling small. "And I have never been prouder of you for that." I smiled too, looking down, not feeling all that great. A breakup is still a breakup. It still fucking sucked.

"Sweetie I think your phone is ringing." I turned to my mom to see her pointing to my pillows. I turned quick and grabbed it frowning at the number. "Is it Kendall?" I shook my softly and quickly slid the answer button over putting it to my ear, standing up.

"Hello?"

"Hi! This is Logan, right?"

"Yes, who is this?" I walked slowly to my computer desk and sat down turning back to my parents giving me a concerned look. I shrugged hearing the guy laugh and leaned back.

"I'm not surprised you don't remember me. But I'm David. I own Bar Top…I met you a few weeks ago, when you danced on top of my bar and got so drunk you had to be carried out." I blushed instantly and turned away from my parents looking at my empty desk. "Anyway…Matt is a really good friend of mine and gave me a call this morning, telling me you would be very interested in working for me on my minor nights." I smiled quick and sat up.

"Oh my God yes." He laughed on his end and I started to feel excited.

"Well that's great news because from what I remember about you and what Matt has told me, I'd like to hire you. On the spot, right now." I frowned sitting back.

"No interview?"

"Well how about we do a quick one right now. You have any experience in this industry?"

"No."

"Are you able to provide documentation that you can legally work in this country?" I laughed turning slightly to my parents who were both smiling at me.

"Yes, I can."

"Awesome…last question and this will make or break you Logan." I laughed again and nodded hearing him laugh. "Would you like to work for me? I can't guarantee you'll get to dance on my bar every night, but I can offer a part time job that pays 12.50 an hour, if you have any business classes, I can help you get a credit, and you will be given tips." I put my head back sighing out and bit my bottom lip. "I also might be able to offer you a chance of some management training. You're a smart kid from what Matt told me. I might be able to use your brain to train and run my minor night."

"I don't think you need to work this hard David. I'd love the opportunity." He laughed again and I sat up smiling big at my parents.

"Then let's set a date. On Monday, stop by at about 9:30, or 10 in the morning. Bring two forms of identification and that charming ass personality of yours and we'll get you started on some training."

"Sounds great. Thank you so much for the opportunity David."

"Trust me Logan it was not a hard decision. See you Monday and don't worry about dressing a certain way. Come as you are!" I hung up fast standing up even faster and couldn't help myself.

"I got a job!" My parents both jumped up and grabbed me pulling me in tight. "You'll never guess where!" I pulled back a little and couldn't help the little devilish grin that spread across my face. "A gay bar!"


	22. Chapter 22

I don't think, in my whole life, I would have ever felt this free. Being able to do what I want, when I want is the ideal life. Not being tied down by my parent's rules, or whether my wants would interfere with my boyfriend's schedule was perfect for me. I liked to go out and hang out with friends and see movies or take trips to the lake. But I also liked to stay at home and read until my eyes hurt. Spending the good part of Saturday, staying the night again, and then the good part of Sunday with my parents really helped me realize that. They were over the moon that I would spend the weekend with them. We stayed up late on Saturday and watched movies all night. We went out to breakfast on Sunday, went to Church together, and then had a small trip to the lake that was about 45 minutes from us. We had lunch out at the lake and by the time we got back into town, it was almost 5 at night so we just went out to dinner too. When it was all said and done, and my parents were driving me back to campus, I felt like I had my mind cleared. My dad constantly told me how to break someone's bone (Kendall's) if they tried to do anything stupid. And my mom was reassuring me she loved me and wanted me happy. I felt like it was the one thing I needed. To spend some time with them and sort of voice my opinion on my life at this current point. And I got away from Kendall and everything associated with him. Unfortunately, it wasn't going to last forever.

After saying goodbye to my parents, telling them both I would be coming by at least once a week to talk, I walked up to my dorm, with the few shopping bags I had. The great thing about my parents, and being an only child, was when I'm sad or in a bad place, they deal with it, with talking and bribing me to talk, with new clothes. Or shoes. Anything really. I walked down the hall to my dorm and frowned immediately. I could hear a loud offensive rap song blaring from my room and knew at any minute, the RA would come and yell at them. Instead of getting upset about it, I smiled wide and shoved the door open glancing around. As soon as I walked in, the music turned down and four pairs of eyes went right to me. I shut the door soft and set my bags next to my wardrobe smiling up at James who was standing up from my bed. "Hey dude." I waved soft and looked to my desk where Steven was sitting with Sam right next to him, in Carlos's desk chair. "We were just going to call you. We've missed you." I laughed gently pushing him back and got on my bed pulling my legs up to cross them over each other.

"Someone won't let me go kill Kendall." Sam got out of Carlos's chair and jumped next to me wrapping around one of my arms.

"Carlos or James?" She laughed glancing to James and I looked up at him smirking as I started to untie my tennis shoes. "I'm doing okay. And I feel great. I actually don't have any feelings towards him. I don't care who or what happens to him. I know he's your step brother, but I could care less." James laughed walking to Carlos and sat next to him grabbing a water bottle. "I had a long talk with my parents and got to re-find myself. And the guy I found is someone who will not take shit from anyone anymore and will no longer let someone use him. And I am going to have an amazing college experience, so I can become a doctor and have the best life I deserve."

"Will you marry me, please?" I turned to Steven and smiled, lying my head on Sam's as she laid hers on mine. "I went over to pick James up to go to the gym on Saturday and…"

"Wait…" I raised a hand and turned to James, one eyebrow raised. "You take him to the gym and not me?"

"First of all, every time I tried to take you, you said you had to study." He mocked me in a silly voice that made everyone laugh including me. "And second…Steven wants to get healthy, not just get muscles." I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed turning back to Steven, as did I.

"Anyway…as I picked him up, Kendall was the one to answer the door and he did something really…"

"Stupid." I looked to Carlos concerned who got shoved by James, but Steven cleared his throat loudly.

"I really like you Logan. You are my best friend." I turned to him smiling small and he looked down pushing the glasses up on his nose. "Kendall tried to make a move. And because I have the self esteem of a teenage girl who didn't get asked to prom, I didn't push him off right away." I went still, and he looked up horrified. "When I realized what was happening, I pushed him off me and told him I couldn't' do that to you. When he told me you guys broke up and you hit him, he said he was on the market and wanted to…" He shrugged, blushing and looked down. "James thankfully got out to us in the living room and I left never looking back. I needed to tell you because I don't want you to think I would do anything to hurt our relationship." I sighed out looking over to James and Carlos who were giving me a sad look.

"I would never ever be mat at you Steven, especially because of something that asshole did." James smirked looking away and I turned to Steven, smiling big, locking eyes with him. "I'm never going to tell you he's a great guy and you should defiantly date him, but if you want to have something with him I can't stop you."

"I don't. Not after what James told me." I gave James a quick side eye look making him look away once again. "I just didn't want you to hear anything from anyone else and think I was a scumbag doing something behind your back." I shook my head softly and gently patted Sam's leg hearing her yawn quietly.

"You tired baby?" I felt her nod and watched Carlos get up slipping his phone into his jeans reaching down for her. "I'll walk you to your dorm." She slowly got up, pulling me up with her. I got up fast and pulled her in, hugging her tight kissing her cheek softly. When we pulled away, she gave a quick kiss to Stevens cheek and waved at James as she got pulled out by Carlos. As soon as they were gone, and the door shut I bent down and quickly retied my shoes.

"So, you were given this next week off, right? The school said you didn't have to go to class until you were ready?" I stood up straight and nodded to Steven who sighed. "I've missed you in anatomy." I smirked as he stood up at the same time James did. "Well…I have class at 8 tomorrow morning. I should probably get going. I'll text you tomorrow guys." I nodded at him as he grabbed a black back pack by my desk and headed for my door. "I'll meet you in the quad in the morning for our run James!" He grinned big at him as he walked out backwards, making us both laugh. As soon as the door shut again, I turned to James and went serious.

"I want to go to your place and get the rest of my stuff." He sighed out, pulling his car keys out of the pocket of his tight black jeans and nodded.

"Okay but he's home. And if he does or says anything to you, you have to promise me you will stop me from killing him." I nodded crossing my heart, making him frown at me. I tugged on his arm and pulled him hard to my door.

We walked quietly down to James car, me shivering slightly at the fall air surrounding us. As soon as we got in, he turned on the heater, and I was gently reminded of Saturday morning when he drove me away from his place where my dickhead ex was, and to my parent's house. It was moments like this where I was reminded I was a lucky guy to have a friend Like James. He was protective, fun and very easy to talk to. We were polar opposites…a jock and a nerd but we got along better than anyone else. Carlos came close to me, but James was a guy I knew I could always go to with no judgement. He was the first person I came out to. And just like now, he was supportive and helped no matter the situation.

When he parked, and we walked up the steps to his apartment I suddenly felt very worried. The last time I saw Kendall, he was on the ground holding his dick and face because I hit him. What if he was still mad…mad enough to try and hit me? I knew James would not let it happen but what if he was strung out and wanted to come after me? That might break my heart just a little more. But I spoke of none of these fears as James opened his apartment door and stepped in. I heard soft music playing, and once I looked around James's huge body, I saw that the living room was clean and organized. A candle was burning on the coffee table and the place smelled like fresh brewed coffee. I frowned not recognizing the place as one two guys lived in and scoffed shaking my head. The place never looked this good when Kendall and I were dating. "There you are. I tried calling you but…" Kendall walked out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a dish towel, staring right at me. I ignored the fresh out of the shower look he was rocking. He was still wet and was shirtless. He had grey sweats hanging low on his hips and his hair was a mess. But it was those damn tattoos on his neck and chest and arms that made me so miserable I wasn't going to touch him ever again.

"Uhm…he said he had some stuff here still and wanted to get it." He nodded looking down fast and turned walking back into the kitchen. He didn't say one word to me and that sort of made me mad. However, I ignored him ignoring me and pushed past James gently, going straight to the hallway, and in Kendall's room. Again, as I walked in, it was like a brand-new place. Somewhere I was not expecting to be, nor somewhere I had never been. Kendall's room was spotless. His bed was made, there was no laundry in the laundry basket by his closet and it looked like all his furniture had been dusted. Sitting pretty on top of his desk, which was clean and organized as well, was a few folded shirts I knew were mine. I swallowed hard walking to them and picked them up slowly. Next to my pile of shirts, was a stack of paper with my hand writing. It was school work. I frowned picking that up as well and looked up seeing his bare wall feeling like my heart was being ripped out of my chest all over again.

"Did you find everything of yours?" I jumped and turned fast watching him walk to his dresser, head down. I swallowed hard again, feeling like I was going to cry out as he pulled on a plain white t-shirt. "I cleaned this whole place to find all of your stuff and that was all I found. I think you have a few of my sweaters and shirts and sweats and whenever you can get them back to me, that would be great." He looked over me, so I looked down fast and leaned back on his desk, hugging around my papers and shirts. "Is there something else you need?" I squeezed my eyes shut hard and felt my lip quiver. "Whatever…I need to go to the store, so just leave whenever you wish." I looked up fast feeling a tear leave my eye seeing him leave.

"Are you even sorry?" He froze in the doorframe and I stood up straight. "DO you ever care that you destroyed every idea I have ever had of love?" He turned fast and took two steps towards me.

"Every single second I spent with you were the truest, most honest moments of my life. I slipped up and did something I never wanted to do ever again in my life, because I felt useless to you. It was comforting for me. And the moment you found out, you jumped to conclusion and assumed I was a druggie who was shooting up every day, every fucking hour. So, this bullshit little victim role you're trying to play is pathetic. I never ever once did anything to you Logan. I never lied to you. You just never asked me how I was feeling, or if I was alright, because you were too busy with your own life." My mouth parted slightly, and my tears suddenly dried up.

"I was too busy with my own life? You mean dealing with the fact that someone tortured and raped me?" He sighed out putting his hands on his hips and looked away from me. "Fuck you Kendall. I am so sorry you need a fucking babysitter to make sure you don't shoot up."

"Get the fuck out Logan." I laughed quietly and wiped my face pushing off his desk. I walked right to him and stopped right beside him looking up at his face. He glared down at me, raising one eyebrow and I shook my head.

"Tell me again how you never, ever flirted with Steven or saw him in any other way, except a friend. Because he told me what you did. So, fuck you, and you saying you never lied to me." I walked out fast and rushed out into the living room. James was sitting on the couch, keys still in his hands. He stood up when he saw me, and I gave a small smile. "Let's go." He nodded and walked to me putting out his hands for my stuff. Just as I started to hand them to him there were soft knocks to the front door making me stop. James sighed turning fast and went to the door fast. He pulled it open and I glanced over his shoulder frowning. I recognized his face easily because he was hot. It was David. "David? What…what are you doing here?" James stepped out of the way and to my surprise I saw a bottle of wine in his hands. I shook my head softly just as someone walked past me. Kendall.

"Hey. Thanks for stopping by. They are just leaving." I glared at the back of Kendall's head and felt some cogs turning in my brain.

"How the hell do you two know each other?" David laughed quietly as he walked in and handed the bottle to Kendall.

"Typical Kendall. Hiding shit from someone he cares about."

"We aren't dating anymore." Kendall glanced over his shoulder to me as he walked to his kitchen. "Weren't you leaving?" I scoffed loudly as David got in front of me, no longer smiling.

"This is probably super uncomfortable, but Kendall and I used to date." I felt my stomach flip as I looked the guy up and down hating how good looking he was. "Kendall called me and asked me to come over to talk. About why our relationship went so south so he could try to fix his current one." I looked out to Kendall to see his back to us, opening up the bottle of wine. "I seriously hope this doesn't ruin you still wanting to come work for me." I turned back to David and felt my mouth form a smile. Something I wasn't really wanting to do. He smiled back down to me, and gently clapped my shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow morning Logan. Have a good night."


	23. Chapter 23

_Are you nervous? -James_

I smiled down at my phone quickly entering my short response. No. And that was the truth. From what David told me, I already had the job. This was technically my first day. So as far as I was concerned there was no need for me to be nervous. Unless of course, the man who was going to be my boss, used to date my ex. That's the only thing that would make this awkward and uncomfortable. Thank God I didn't have to worry about that.

I shoved my phone into my brown messenger bag and got out of my car fast, shutting the door hard. I clicked my lock button and put my keys into the front pocket of my bag taking in a deep breath. I walked quickly up to the closed doors of the bar I vaguely remembered ever being in. From what people have told me, I put on quite the show in this place and it made me slightly embarrassed. Then again, I think whatever I did that night, helped me get this job so no harm no foul. I pulled the doors open fast and walked in just as a loud thunder clap echoed overhead. I quickly rubbed my hands together and glanced around the bright lit bar, and small dance floor area. There were a few different guys sitting at the bar, none of them turning to look at me. I took one step further in, just as a door behind the bar opened and David came walking out. I couldn't help but smile seeing him because no matter who he was, in relation to my ex, he was fucking handsome. He had the softest looking skin I wanted to touch. He had sort of long black hair, he always had gelled back, and shaved on the sides to sort of give that faux hawk look. He had sort of large gauges in his ears and a cross tattoo on the left side of his neck. And then everything down below his face was like a rock was sculpted into a perfect human being. He was solid. And the tight black shirt he was currently wearing was doing wonders for my imagination. I wanted to jump on him and kiss and suck every inch of his skin. "Good morning Logan!" He walked right to me extending his hand and I took it fast, shaking it. "Thanks for getting here on time. You would not believe how many people I've had to fire for being tardy." I frowned as he gently pulled me towards him and turned. He let my hand go and started walking to the bar, me following close. "Were going to get some paper work done before anything else. I'll have you fill out some information on the computer for a background check and then we will start making a game plan for your exact title." I frowned again as I stepped behind the bar with him and walked through the door he just came out of. I waited in the hallway as he grabbed what looked like two coffee mugs, and quickly walked in front of me, heading down the long hallway.

"Exact title? I thought I was going to be bartending?"

"Yes, on most nights I'll need your help with that when we get busy. But…" He pushed open a door halfway down the hall and stepped in, urging me to follow. I did, quickly taking my messenger bag off my shoulder, my mouth hanging open. The room we walked in, was huge. And covered with pictures of half-naked and some full naked men, in nice big frames. I swallowed hard glancing around to see a corner of the place with a huge flat screen TV, surrounded by a matching couch and love seat set, all leather. "You can set your bag and coat anywhere." I looked at the back of David's head as he walked to a counter with a sink, a fridge, a coffee pot, and microwave. I glanced to the other side of the room seeing two medium sized tables pushed together with chairs all around it, and walked to it, eyeing a desk up against a wall covered in papers, and a nice expensive looking laptop.

"Is this your office?"

"Yes, but it's also the break room. You can come in here for your breaks and lunch and help yourself to anything in here. The fridge is always stocked with drinks and food, and you can watch TV, do homework...whatever you need to do, you can do it in here." I nodded setting my bag on the table and gently pulled out a chair taking my coat off. I set my coat on the back of the chair and slowly sat down. "How do you like your coffee Logan?" I glanced to him smiling small.

"Black." He turned fast and walked over to me, holding two steaming mugs of coffee. "This place is incredible. You have a great bar." He smiled wide as he took the seat next to me and set a black coffee in front of me.

"Thank you. I've worked my ass off in here for the past 5 years. I've come a long way and finally feel like I've accomplished something great." I nodded grabbing my coffee and took a small sip ignoring the burning. "So, before you leave today, I need you to write down your class schedule, so I can make my schedule accordingly." I nodded setting my mug down and opened my bag pulling out a binder. I opened it fast and pulled out a copy of my class schedule I made before I left my dorm this morning. I slid it over to him and watched him pick it up nodding. "Wow…these are some intense classes Logan. I defiantly made the right decision with you." I blushed grabbing my mug again as he set the paper down and pointed to something. "Is this the sick fuck who is on his way to prison?" I looked down quick and nodded swallowing a hard lump in my throat. "I'm really sorry about that Logan. I heard it on the news and felt so sick to my stomach. I wish I could have done something to help you." I looked up fast and forced a smile.

"You're giving me a chance to work. If I'm working, it might help me get my mind off things." He nodded fast and I sat up a little holding around my mug. "Can I ask you something?"

"About Kendall and me?" I laughed and nodded sitting back, relaxing a little. "Kendall got out of prison when he was 19. When he was released he was immediately out looking for a job, because he wanted to get his life back on track. Well, I had this gay bar, and my dad runs the bar next door and because I thought Kendall was the hottest thing to walk this Earth, I made my dad give him a job." I nodded as he leaned forward setting his mug on the table shaking his head. "No one wanted to go near him because of his record and that just made him even more attractive to me. We started fucking around and dumb old me got attached. We moved in together and had the cutest little life. We got a little kitten together and made all sorts of plans to take on the world. Until I came home one night and found him snorting coke off one of my bartender's ass and I dumped him." I went still, and he glanced to me smiling small. "I was so pissed because the guy wasn't even 21 yet, and I was just 24. I thought he was going to be the last guy I was ever with, that was how in love I was with him. And he ruined it all."

"So, he's always had a drug problem?" He shook his head fast as he sipped from his coffee again. I frowned and wanted to laugh at the thought, but he spoke up.

"If there was one thing I knew about him, was when he told me something, he was telling the truth. He got out of prison and after seeing what the drugs did to his dad he never wanted to even touch the stuff. But because I was going through something in my life, he couldn't take care of for me, he spiraled. My mom died, and I went into a disturbing time. I contemplated suicide and developed a nasty drinking habit. He watched from the sidelines, unable to help because it was something I had to fight through by myself. So, his next best thing was to turn to something he could help. His own wants and needs. He tried coke once with one of my bartenders, the same one he cheated on me with, and it went down hill from there." I looked away, off to the corner of the room with the TV and couldn't help but think all of this sounded very similar. "I don't want you to think I'm butting into your life, but he told me last night what happened with you guys. Between you and I, I don't think you made the wrong decision. He is a selfish jackass who doesn't know how to deal with real life and turned to a nasty drug he swore he would never use. But…" I turned back to him and he leaned towards me gently setting a hand on my arm. "If he hadn't gone to see his dad, who put it in his head that he wasn't any better than a drug dealer and criminal, he would have never touched it. His dad tricked him into going to go see him, so he could ruin his life once again."

"And I walked away and broke up with him, when he could have used my support the most." He shook his head softly turning completely to me and put both hands on my arm.

"Don't do that Logan. Kendall made his bed and he has to lie in it. He fucked up. Not you. No one in their right mind would be with a person who turns to drugs to deal with his problems. If Kendall doesn't wise up from this and realize his problems are his alone, that's his issue. Not yours. You gotta live your life according to you. No one else." I nodded turning my head away from him quick and swallowed hard. I hated hearing about all of this stuff with Kendall, but in the back of my mind, maybe it was better that I heard it. It might make me rethink what happened over the weekend.

After talking a little bit more with David and giving him my drivers license and social security card to copy for proof of age and residency, he set me in front of his laptop and had me fill out a tax questionnaire and fill out my consent to do a background check. I spent a good thirty minutes going through the questions and finally finished when he walked back into the room, with a thick full yellow folder. He sat back down at the table we had been sitting at earlier, and I sat across from him. "So…what jobs have you had before?" I blushed feeling embarrassed because the only job I ever had I worked for a week before I was fired.

"Just one. If you can even call it that. I worked at the hospital where my parents work and did some clerical work, answered phones, that kind of thing. It was only for a week." He nodded as he started to write something down and I leaned forward. "I have some experience dealing with being in charge of people though." He glanced up eyebrows raised, and I nodded smiling. "My church does this summer camp every year. As soon as I was a freshman in high school I was a counselor. I would plan activities for the day and make up things for the kids to do." He sat back smiling small and tapped his pen on the table top.

"Now I see it." I frowned, and he chuckled glancing over his shoulder at a noise we both heard. "I see why Kendall is so into you." I laughed shaking my head and looked down at my hands. "If you were just a little older, you could probably have me wrapped around your finger." I looked up, feeling my cheeks flush and he chuckled sitting back up. "That reminds me. Don't dip your pen into the company ink. It causes too many problems." I nodded sitting back and felt my stomach start to fill with butterflies. "I think you are going to make a terrific manager in training Logan Mitchell. I sort of have this 2-month training program planned out for you, that if you can make it through, you'll get a promotion, a pay raise and be able to run my minor nights for me. That is if you want it." I laughed loudly making him look back up at me, smiling small.

"How do you have all this confidence in me? We barely know each other. You've never even seen me work or do anything except drink and dance like an idiot."

"Well isn't that the point of a bar?" I rolled my eyes sinking in my chair a little making him lean forward. "You don't know this Logan but it's because of you I went to hear my ex out last night." I tensed up a little and he shrugged. "I know Kendall. I know how intense he is, and how hard of a life he's had. I know that his shitty past has turned him into this cold, bitter man who thinks he is only worth something to people if he's bending over backwards for them and getting shit on in the end." I smiled small and nodded knowing how all too true that was. "But with you…he got hit in the face hard. And I don't mean when you punched him." I blushed covering my face hard making him laugh. "He saw a fragile, small guy who he knew he didn't have to try hard to impress. He knew you were into him for who he was, and not what he's done. And that changed him. For the better." I lowered my hands and he shrugged sitting back. "If you can turn someone like that into a nice, happy and honest man, can you imagine what you could do with my bar?" I chewed on my right cheek and slowly pushed myself up, so I was sitting straight up. "So, to have confidence in a guy like you with my life work is something I will never ever second guess. Because you, yourself, have this air of confidence that whatever you touch, will turn to gold. I admire the hell out of that."

"And you got all of that from my ex?" He nodded looking back down to his paperwork and I sighed out hard. "Well then…" He looked back over to me and I grinned big. "Let's start this training."


	24. Chapter 24

I don't think I've ever been this exhausted. After working, on my feet for most of the day, for 8 hours, I was done. I wanted to cry and collapse onto my bed. Which is what I planned on doing as soon as I got to my dorm. I wanted to take a shower because I was sticky and smelled like sugar because I spilled one too many drinks in my training, but my tiredness out weighed my cleanliness. That's why when I unlocked my dorm door, I didn't even hesitate to already start kicking out of my shoes and pulling my jacket off. I stopped though when I saw Carlos and Steven sitting at our two desks pushed together, heads down over a book. I frowned throwing my jacket and bag to the ground by my feet. I crawled on top of my bed and plopped down hard on my stomach looking up at my two friends who were giving me small little smiles. "How was your first day buddy?" I groaned closing my eyes and pulled my pillow over my head.

"I miss working behind a desk. Now all I do is stand on my feet and lift bottles, that you wouldn't think are heavy, but after a while get really fucking heavy." I heard Carlos snicker but had no energy to argue with him. "Can you make me dinner? Or pick something up for me?" I pushed the pillow back off my head and watched him push away from his desk, nodding.

"Sure. I haven't eaten yet either. What you craving?"

"Something I don't have to put a lot of energy in to eating it." Carlos shook his head shoving his feet into his shoes and I looked at Steven. "You want something? Carlos takes requests." He turned slowly in my desk chair and grabbed his wallet out from his jeans.

"Whatever you guys get sounds good to me. I'll give you 15 bucks for mine." Carlos shook his head walking backwards and waved softly.

"You better be awake when I get back Logan. You promised you'd help me study." I groaned loudly turning my head to push into my bed. I closed my eyes hard and listened to him laugh and shit the door before I stopped groaning and opened my eyes.

"Sorry you had a rough day. Anything I can do for you?" I turned my head slowly and watched Steven stand up and walk to the fridge at the bottom of Carlos's bed. He opened it and walked back to me after grabbing something. He set two bottles of water on my desk and I smiled pushing myself up slowly.

"Thanks friend." He smiled big as he twirled in my desk chair opening his own water bottle. "What are you guys studying?" I motioned to the open books and loose leafed paper on our desk and he sighed glancing over to them.

"Carlos's English class. He was to write a paper on the Loving Day and is having a hard time grasping the concept of what the book is about." I nodded taking a long sip of my water, tilting my head back closing my eyes. I embraced every drop of the cool liquid that ran down my throat and was super tempted to just lay back as soon as I finished swallowing. But when I lowered the water bottle and started to cap it, seeing Steven staring me down, with a weird look in his eyes made me sit still. "Can I ask you something? Sort of personal?" I nodded wiping my mouth setting my water bottle back down on my desk. "What was your first kiss with a boy like?" I smirked sort of blushing and folded my hands in my lap.

"It was awkward and horrendous. I tried to study the art of kissing because it was something I wanted to be good at and ended up being way too stiff and had no emotion involved at all." He nodded slowly looking down and I frowned. "How come you ask?" He looked up quick before looking at his hands in his lap.

"I am going to bet that this won't be a surprise to you, but I've never kissed anyone before. Kendall, I guess, was my very first kiss. I just didn't know if all kisses were going to be like that." There was a small bomb that went off in my head hearing Kendall ruining Steven's idea of a kiss. I stayed cool and calm as he sat up straight pushing the glasses up on his nose. "Don't get me wrong…Kendall is super-hot and had super soft lips but…it wasn't what I was expecting."

"Because you didn't want it to happen?" He nodded looking up and I frowned. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry he did that to you and that he ruined your first kiss." He shrugged opening his water bottle and I sighed out. "They all aren't going to be strong and forceful. A lot of the times they are slow, and soft and sweet. And when you throw in a tongue or two it gets even better." He laughed quietly drinking from his water fast. I sat back in my bed and yawned out feeling my stomach growl.

"Do you think you could give me some pointers?" I raised an eyebrow watching him sit back and his cheeks flushed. "I don't mean physically…I just…I have a date tomorrow night and I'm nervous and worried about kissing him." All my fatigue, anger and sadness left my body and I sat up fast getting on my knees leaning into him.

"Tell me all about him! Who is he?!" He rolled his eyes shoving me back slightly and climbed on my bed with me, pulling me down next to him. "I cannot believe you've waited this long to tell me. I'm actually hurt Steven." He shoved me gently again and pulled his long legs up to his chest hugging around them.

"You know that kid Max Adams in our anatomy class?" My eyes widened as I turned into him and he smirked as he looked down playing with the hole in his denim on his knee. "I overheard him talking to Jessica and he was talking about how he knew of no gay guys at school and that made him sad. You know me. I was awkward as hell and blurted out I was gay. The look he gave me was like I told him Chris Hemsworth is gay." I frowned sitting back and he shrugged looking up in my eyes. "He asked if I wanted to go out, and I said yes. We are going to the movies and going to have dinner tomorrow. And he slyly mentioned he doesn't have a roommate in his dorm and that made me nervous. Because I haven't even kissed anyone yet. Minus Kendall." I nodded slowly reaching out and grabbed his hand squeezing softly.

"First of all, he is adorable and you two would be so cute together." He glared at me and I squeezed his hand again. "Second, no matter how much pressure you feel, or how much you think he'll like you more if you kiss and touch and do stuff you're not ready to do, don't do it." He nodded slowly sitting up and I smiled small. "Third and final…he clearly likes you for you. The nerves are normal. And actually, help you out in the long run. I know when I'm nervous my brain stops thinking and I blurt out things I would never say. Sometimes I benefit from that." He breathed in hard and looked out over to Carlos's bed. "You ever watch those silly romantic dramas, where the girl always gets swept off her feet, and they have this big giant romantic kiss?" He turned back to me and I shrugged. "If you want to kiss him, and you want to make it look like you are a pro, I have a fool proof way." He sat up fast licking his lips and I scooted closer to him. "Gently, ever so gently touch his face." I raised my right hand and set my fingertips on his smooth skin. I saw his Adams apple bob up and down a little bit and I started to lean in. "Lean into him, but don't kiss him right away. If he tries to kiss first, pull back. Act coy. Play it cool." I moved back, making him tense up. I raised my other hand and cupped his neck, tracing little designs on his face with my other hand. "Tell him something sweet…like he has the deepest dark brown eyes, and every time you look in them, you feel like your falling for him." I started to move back in again, and his eyes shifted down to my mouth. "And just as he's an inch from your mouth, maybe even less, pucker your lips and lightly brush them against his." I saw his eyes closed and stopped moving seeing him puckering his lips. "After you let him get a taste of what your lips taste like, gently bite at his bottom lip and let him know you mean business." I gently pushed him back and sat back putting my hands in my lap. His eyes reopened, and he stared at me, dumbfounded. I smirked gently patting his cheek and laughed as he sat up shaking his head.

"No way I can be that sexy and cool." I rolled my eyes and turned my body, so I could sit right up against the wall next to him. I stretched out my legs and yawned gently lying my head on his shoulder. "Thanks Logan. You are a great friend. I don't know what I would do without you."

"You would be out on that date having a great time and have an awkward first kiss like the rest of us. You're welcome." He laughed loudly over top of me and started to squeeze onto my thighs making me jerk back. "Stop it you punk!" He quickly started to move over top of me, tickling every inch of my body he could get to. I threw my head back putting my back on my bed and squeezed my eyes, feeling my stomach hurting from laughing so hard. "Steven! Stop it!" He laughed evilly over top of me and just as I started to fight back and push him off me, my dorm door shoved open hard. Steven got off me fast, and I sat up frowning at James as he walked in fast, almost out of breath. "Dude…you gotta knock."

"Why haven't you been answering your phone? I've been calling you for an hour now." I slid off my bed seeing him in his work uniform and stood in front of him stretching my back.

"I started my new job at Bar Top. What's wrong?" He closed his eyes running a hand over his face and up through his hair. "James?" I reached out touching his stomach and he glanced over my shoulder, at Steven, and then looked back down at me. "What?"

"I was at work when they got a call in ER. Someone was being brought in from a car accident." I nodded slowly, and he swallowed hard looking down. "They said over the radio a Mustang GT flipped three times trying to swerve out of the way of a semi. It drove over a medium and ended up, upside down in a ditch." My stomach flipped, and he shook his head softly. "It was Kendall. He's been in surgery since he got there. They said he had multiple broken bones, and severe head trauma." A hard breath left my mouth and he looked up reaching out. "My dad and his mom are there. I think you should go Loges." I shook my head softly backing up to my bed, sitting down hard. "I know you guys broke up but…"

"I can't see him like that James. I can't." I locked eyes with him and he nodded also backing up and sat down on Carlos's bed. "He's going to be okay and I'll see him when he gets home, but I can't see him like that." James's head feel down, and he put it in his hands shaking it softly.

"My little step sister…his sister, is there and she is so distraught. I need to go back and…help Jennifer and Katie. I guess I'll call you when I find anything out." I watched him stand and before he turned to the door we looked at each other one last time. "Please, if you think you can come, come." I only nodded once as I felt my bed move and Steven climbed off, stumbling a bit.

"Do you want me to drive you? You don't look that great." My heart felt like it got torn out of my chest and stepped on seeing James nod his head and Steven quickly pull his shoes on. That was probably something I should have offered to do for him. Because I was his oldest friends, and after all the times he's been there for me, I couldn't be there, just to at least drive him to see his hurt step brother. Just because we had a bad break up. "Tell Carlos I'll be back in a bit to help with the studying." I only nodded watching Steven pull on his jacket and gently push James out the door, closing it softly behind him.

I sat for a few minutes, by myself, just thinking about all the things I wanted to say to Kendall. Like I'm sorry, and I'm an idiot for breaking up with him. And the big one…I loved him. What if I never got the chance to ever say it? What if he died from his injuries, or complications, and I never got the chance to tell him I was wrong, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him? What if he died thinking I hated him and was happy he got in his accident? The questions had obvious answers, but they broke my heart. I could never live with myself if I didn't at least talk to him one last time and tell him how I felt. And then what kind of guilt would I live with? I understand that question was selfish, but I knew myself too well. This would eat me up inside. I would go crazy with the idea that I could have made this all better. And I would have countless sleepless nights, where I would blame myself, somehow, for him being in his accident. Especially if he died.

I jumped slightly, after sitting in my own depressing thoughts hearing my phone ringing from my bag on the ground by my bed. I went to it quick, wiping my face of the tears I didn't know I was shedding. I frowned at Carlos's number and quickly answered it, sitting back on my bed. "Hello?"

"Dude…James just called me. Why didn't you go with him? He really needs you right now. He needs us." I closed my eyes lying back on my bed and groaned quietly. "Put your feelings aside about Kendall and get your ass down to that hospital and be there for your best friend. You are not this selfish Logan. Don't prove me wrong." He hung up fast and I opened my eyes laying my phone on the bed beside me quickly rubbing my eyes. I hated this. I especially hated how bad Carlos made me feel as I pushed myself up in bed and grabbed my car keys, phone and jacket, walking out of my dorm room.

I drove fast, just trying to get to the hospital as quick as I could. Because the less time I was there, the worst I felt for letting James go by himself. I was a shitty friend. And hopefully, he'd forgive me. If not, I guess I would have to work my ass off to get him to eventually. I parked next to Stevens old Jeep Cherokee and quickly walked into the hospital I knew like the back of my hand. I rushed to the ER waiting room and tensed up seeing Chris, James dad, standing in front of the desk, quickly writing something. I approached him slowly and cleared my throat. He looked up and gave me a huge smile, walking towards me. "Logan…thank you so much for coming. James isn't doing too good. You know he's never had to deal with anything like this since his mom passed three years ago. And you were there for him like no one else could be." I smiled small walking to him fast and hugging him tight.

"I'm sorry about this Mr. Diamond. If there's anything I can do for you, or Jennifer, let me know." He laughed over me, gently rubbing my back and sighed.

"You sound just like your parents. I'm okay Loges, and so is Kendall. They have very high hopes for him, and actually he just got out of surgery, so it won't be long until we can see him." I nodded pulling away and he gently set a hand on my cheek frowning. "Your dad told me about you and Kendall breaking up. I'm sorry to hear it. You are a great kid and quite the improvement over his last guy. It's a shame." I frowned stepping back just as I heard high heels walking towards us, form behind Chris. He turned quick and I glanced around him, smiling instantly. Walking towards us was a woman I never thought I would meet. Especially since Kendall and I broke up. His mom. "Jen…this is another one of James's good friends from childhood. Logan…"

"Mitchell. I've heard quite a bit about you." I blushed and extended my hand noticing the black lines of makeup running down her face. "I'm so sorry it took this for us to finally meet. When my son tells me has met the man of his dreams, and I have yet to meet him, I get concerned." We let each others' hands go, and I put my hand son my hips clearing my throat softly.

"It's nice to finally meet you too. And he's probably in the best care in the world with these doctors here, so I know he'll be okay." She smiled small and turned slightly wrapping around Chris who sighed out. "I'm going to go check on James. Let me know if I can do anything for you guys." They both nodded and smiled. I turned and started to walk to the waiting room, hearing soft laughter from familiar voices. Just as I made a movement to go to them, the double doors to the ER opened and I saw several closed off rooms. I swallowed hard quickly walking to them and snuck in, breathing out hard. I knew exactly where to go to get patient information. I walked to the nurse's station and with no one there, or around, I quickly grabbed a clipboard showing all the names of the people, in their specific rooms. I saw Knight, and ER 12, gently setting the clipboard back on the counter. I took in a deep breath and walked quickly down the hall, hoping no one kicked me out. I walked past rooms 9, 10 and 11, and stopped short at the room at the end of the hall, closed up by curtains. I clenched my fists down at my sides and walked to the curtains cautiously. I pushed them to the side, softly, and stepped in, as quiet as a church mouse. Once I was completely in, I froze in my spot seeing his still body, lying on a bed, his left leg, braced and casted up. There was a huge neat clean gash on his forehead and from what I could see he had a cast around his stomach and the better part of his chest. I covered my mouth with one hand, while the other wrapped around my stomach clutching tight. I stopped at the end of his bed, and slowly walked around the bed, going to the side of his body that had the unhurt leg. I carefully raised his arm and sat on the edge of the bed, putting his hand in my lap. I lowered my hand from my mouth and softly brushed hair out of his face sobbing quietly. His face and many tiny little cuts here and there, and it made me sick. He also had a bandage over his nose, and both his eyes were black and blue. Just as I moved my hand off his face, his eyes fluttered open and he groaned turning his head away from me. "Kendall?" I said it as quietly as I could making him turn back to me. He blinked fast and reached up quick to pull the tub out of his mouth that was probably there to help him eat while he was in here. "It's alright. Don't' touch that. You're okay." He closed his eyes and groaned again as I easily held both his arms down with my strength. "What happened babe?" He opened his eyes slowly and I sobbed out letting tears fall out of my eyes and hit his face. "I'm so sorry. About everything. I never wanted to lose you." He nodded slowly, and I leaned down quick pressing my lips into his forehead. "I love you so much. I'm sorry I left you. Please…take me back." I felt one of his hands on my back and I moved down his face a little locking eye with him and putting both my hands on his face. "I love you. I can't be without you." He nodded again and closed his eyes, groaning something out that sounded like, I love you too.


	25. Chapter 25

"You look exhausted Loges. Why don't you get some sleep?" For the first time since I first saw him lying in his bed, bandaged and broken, I looked away from Kendall and smiled. James walked into the room, holding two coffee cups, with Kendall's mom right behind him. I sat up straight and let James stand beside me, handing a coffee cup down to me. "Black. Just like you like it." I smirked taking a quick sip and looked across the bed to Jennifer who was also sipping from a cup, looking at her son, as she sat down in her seat. "My dad took Katie home, so she could get some sleep since she has school tomorrow. But he asked me to thank you for being here. For me. For us." I nodded and looked away fast, just as Jennifer looked across to me. "Also…" James quietly pulled a chair up next to me and sat down hard pulling his phone out of his pocket. "I got ahold of his boss…when they found out Kendall was in an accident while he was on his way to work, they asked if they could do anything for us. I said I'd let them know." I heard Jennifer shift across from us and looked down at my lap holding onto my Starbucks cup.

"Everyone who knows him has been so sweet. I don't know what I would have done with myself or Katie if we didn't have this support." I glanced up smiling small and she smiled back. "When he wakes up, he is going to be so happy to see you. You would not believe all the texts he's sent me since Friday night." My smile fell, and she leaned forward putting her hand on Kendall's. "He promised me, just like I hope he promises you, he's going to quit. The drinking, the smoking…the drugs. All of it. He was devastated seeing you walk out." I quickly raised my left foot and set in on my right knee and swallowed hard knowing they were both looking at me, waiting for me to say something. Probably about how I hated him and glad he was here. But I didn't. Because none of that was true. And neither of them knew about me coming in here, him waking up and me telling him I loved him, and I wanted him back. "I know this won't help but I do believe him going to see his scumbag father is to blame for his slip up."

"I know." We locked eyes and I furrowed my eyebrows remembering hearing Chris say something to me when I first got to the hospital. "David, who I work for now, told me they had a long talk. He said his dad told him quite a few things to make him do what he did." I couldn't miss Jennifer roll her eyes and sit back casually sipping her coffee. "If you don't mind me asking…did Kendall go to prison because he was helping his dad?" She nodded, lowering the cup from her mouth and set the empty sounded cup on the table by Kendall's bed. "And is dad now running a huge drug operation?"

"From what Kendall told me…and from the nasty death threats I've been getting from Donald, yes." My stomach turned as I pushed myself up a little and raised my coffee to my lips. "His father is a bad, bad man. His life was garbage from the minute he left the Navy and blamed everyone around him. Including his first child. Kendall was never good enough for him, and convinced him from a very early age, he was worthless." She paused sighing softly as she reached up and brushed hair back on Kendall's forehead. "I've begged and pleaded with him to never see his dad again, but he has this sad, sad need to help everyone he comes into contact with. When he realizes he can't help everyone, he spirals?"

"Is that what happened between him and David?" She turned to me quick and I sat forward. "He didn't ever tell me about any of his ex's. He really didn't tell me a whole lot. I think I blame myself for that…because so much has happened to me lately, I was sort of selfish." Quickly she reached over her sleeping son and grabbed my arm. I gave a small awkward smile and raised my arm letting her intertwin our fingers together.

"Kendall needs to help everyone he comes into contact with Logan. You made me feel like he had a purpose again. Like he was worth something, at least to you." My smile fell, and she squeezed my hand. "I know our pride stops us a lot of times, but just once Logan, if you end up going back to him Logan, let him know you need him and want him to help you." I nodded slowly as she sat back in her chair and I kept my hand on Kendall's bed. "I'm going to call Katie, and make sure she's alright. I'll be right back boys." I nodded, standing up along with James as we watched her stand as well. We remained standing in tell the door to his room was shut. I carefully set my coffee cup on the table by his bed and gently sat on his bed, looking down at his cut up face, eyes closed tight.

"You doing okay?" My right shoulder was gripped tightly, and I shrugged gently rubbing my hand on his chest that was wrapped in cast. "I wanted to say sorry for coming into your dorm earlier tonight. I was freaked out…I wanted to hear from you, everything was going to be okay." I glanced over my shoulder too see my best friend looking down at me, guilt washing over his face. I turned carefully still sitting on the bed and reached out. I roughly pulled him into me and hugged around his broad body, wrapping my legs around the back of his thighs.

"I should be the one saying sorry. I was also freaked out and ignored your feelings because I didn't want to have to see him like this because I knew it would break me down." He sighed hard over top of me and put one hand on the back of my head, while the other rubbed my back soothingly. "I love him James. And I'm on the fence on whether that's a good thing since I've only been with him for what…a couple months?"

"My mom always used to tell me love is never wrong. It can be scary, But not wrong." I turned my head to shoved my face into his chest, closing my eyes hard. "Hey…I think he's waking up." I pushed away fast from James and turned back to Kendall feeling my heart swell. "I'm going to go get Jennifer." I nodded sliding off the bed and bent down fast getting close to his face. I set a hand on the side of his face and smiled seeing him stare up at me, blinking lazily. He no longer had the tube down his throat, but he was still attached to an oxygen tank. He started to raise his hand and at first, I thought he was going to try to take the breathing tubes out of his nose, but he gently set his hand on my face and closed his eyes shaking his head softly.

"I thought I dreamt you were here." His voice was scratchy and horse. I quickly leaned down and kissed the tip of his nose gently. "Can I have some water?" I pushed up slowly and nodded reaching over him to the other side of his bed for the jug of water, and a foam cup. "Are you the only…one here?" I could hear the pain in his voice form his breathing and quickly poured the water setting the jug down on the table beside me. I carefully put the cup to his lips and he raised his head a little as I slowly poured the water into his mouth.

"No. James and your mom are here." He closed his eyes swallowing hard, and I took the cup away from his mouth setting it on the table beside the jug and quickly sat back down on the bed letting him put his arm in my lap.

"So, you met my mom?" I nodded watching him try to wiggle his way up into a seating position and sighed.

"Just lay down babe." He groaned, giving up and laid back raising his other hand, to push the hair off his forehead. "How's the pain?"

"Pretty basic right now." I nodded casually linking our fingers together making him squeeze around mine. He turned his head towards me and gave me a little smile. "Can I have a kiss? Make the pain go away?" I chuckled nodding as I leaned down to him. I softly put my lips on his and let him raise his hand to cup the back of my neck. I pushed hard into him and closed my eyes squeezing the hand of his, I was still holding. My other hand reached out and set on his chest as he moaned into my mouth. I think we would have made out until we were blue in the face but a door opening behind me made me shoot up from my spot on the bed and cover my mouth, wiping it. I stood beside his bed letting him wrap his arm around my waist as his mother and step-brother walked to the other side of him. Jennifer threw herself down onto her son and I swallowed hard keeping my hand over my mouth looking at James. He was grinning big at me. I grinned back lowering my hands and grabbed his hand that was resting on my hip, while his arm rested over my butt. "I heard you finally met the love of my life." My heart burst hearing Kendall's deep raspy voice and watched Jennifer stand up straight, smiling big at me.

"I did." I blushed looking down to Kendall who was smiling small up at him mom, his eyes closed. "I think before he just lets himself in, you should know someone else is here to see you." I glanced back to Jennifer who gave me a sad smile. "David heard from a few friends of yours. He wanted to come by and check on him." I sighed hard and shrugged looking back at Kendall who rolled his eyes and turned his head to me.

"Isn't there a way, I could put him on some list, so he can't come in to see me?" I giggled letting Kendall pull me down to him gently. I put both hands on his face and heard the door to his room open. My brain, acting on nothing but love, told my mouth to move forward, and kiss the life out of him. So, I did. I heard a throat get cleared, but quickly pushed my lips into his and kissed him with everything I had. He moaned quietly into my kiss and I gently bit down on his bottom lip. He opened his mouth and I swiped my tongue inside making his other arm wrap around my back and run up to the back of my hair. He tugged gently, making me pull away from his mouth, but stay very close to him, keeping my hands on his face. "David…" I sighed tracing over his bottom lip with both of my thumbs and he but his head back, closing his eyes.

"How you doing Kendall? I can see your in great hands right now." I slowly turned my head and forced a smile to David who was standing beside Jennifer who was busy on her phone. "Just wanted to come check up on you man…and let you know Logan, if you need to take some time to be here with him, just let me know." I slowly stood myself up straight and frowned.

"Are you serious?" He smirked and nodded walking forward gently putting a hand on Kendall's unhurt leg. I looked down at it and looked back up at his face quick. "He's going to be in and out of sleep the next couple of weeks. I think I can come in for my shifts still." He raised both eyebrows as I removed one of my hands from Kendall's face and locked our fingers together. David nodded slowly and looked away from me for a moment, to look down at Kendall. I tensed up, feeling jealousy rattle a cage inside my chest, warning me if this guy did one more thing…if he touched Kendall, looked at him or said one word, I was going to lose it. "Thanks for coming to check up on him David." David looked back up to me and nodded slowly taking his hand off Kendall's leg.

"I'll see you tomorrow Loges. I'll have a coffee for you. And prepare to take notes." I smirked and nodded as he gently touched Jennifer's arm. She turned up to him quick and leaned into him, kissing his cheek, as he did hers. When they separated, He gave a nod to James and walked to the door stepping out slowly. I watched the door close all the way and breathed in hard glancing back down to Kendall who was smiling up at me, in a very cocky way.

"You're cute when you get jealous." I raised an eyebrow gently sitting on his bed next to him, turning my body in a way that I could see Jennifer and James. "He's an ex. That's all. A shitty one at that." I slumped a little in my seat and let Kendall wrap his arm around my stomach pulling me closer to him. Avoiding his casted leg, I raised both of mine and bent them at the knees holding both his hands, in both mine. "I should tell you something…the other night, when David came over we got really lost in our conversations and had a few drinks…he made a move." I froze turning my head down to him, but he quickly let my hand go and raised his up to my face. "I pushed him off and said I didn't want to go down that road again, and he left in a huff. I just thought…if were going to pick things back up, you should hear shit from me before your imagination runs wild." I rolled my eyes turning back to see James smirking at us from behind his coffee cup. "I've missed you." He whispered it into my neck, and I don't think either James or Jennifer heard him. I shivered into the whisper and sunk down into the bed getting closer to him. Once I did, his lisp attached to my ear and I closed my eyes. "I'm sorry about all the shit I said the other night." I nodded playing with his fingers in-between mine and yawned quietly. "Will you stay the night?" I opened my eyes, seeing Jennifer smiling big at us, looking rather happy. I chuckled and nodded again making him squeeze tighter around me. "Will you give me a sponge bath?" I laughed loudly turning my head and shook it reaching up to grab the side of his face. He pouted his bottom lip out and I smirked kissing him quick.

"I'll let the nurse know we're going to need another cot in here." I eyed Jennifer as she stood up and turned walking to the door. She left, wrapping her deep red cardigan around herself, leaving the door wide open.

"James…can you give us a minute?" He chuckled and nodded, standing up stretching his arms over his head.

"I actually was going to head out. You are in super good company tonight and I don't really want to watch you stick your tongue in my best friend's ear." I blushed watching him walk to the other side of Kendall, and get take his hand, doing the bro hug type thing. "Let me know if either of you need anything. I work tomorrow so I'll stop by before my shift starts." We both nodded as James stepped back quickly pulling his keys out of his jeans.

"By buddy." He waved over his shoulder as he walked out of the room, closing the door softly. "So…you wanna tell me about you and David? And why he hates you but has no problem eye fucking you?" He laughed loudly pulling me tight into him, kissing onto my neck softly. "Ken…"

"I fucked up when I was with him. I cheated on him and got into some drugs. He wanted to help me get through it and tried to control me. I told him to fuck off, and we broke up. That's all." I closed my eyes, turning slightly into him, letting him kiss on my neck again. "He likes to think I was the only bad guy in that relationship, but he was just as bad as me. And I dumped him…not the other way around. Don't let him fool you. He's really smooth."

"Super-hot too." He pulled away from me quick and I looked down at his face shaking my head. "I think I have a really good chance of moving up high with him. At the bar. I like it there. It's a lot of work but I like it. And I want you to be okay with it."

"I am. I just don't trust him." I rolled my eyes pulling him back into my neck where he started to suck and lick on it again. "You'll tell me if he does anything stupid?" I hummed a low response running my hands through his hair kissing his forehead. I wasn't sure what he meant by stupid but decided to keep his comment about if I was older, I'd have him wrapped around my finger, to myself. Having Kendall back in my life, meant my life could go back to normal. I really hoped David didn't ruin that.


	26. Chapter 26

I was watching with hopeful eyes as he sipped from the bright red drink, leaning against the bar, his free hand in the pocket of his jeans. I inhaled sharply when he lowered the glass and licked his lips and then clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth. I crossed my arms over my chest and set my hip on the bar as he turned to me, smiling. "Delicious." I exhaled hard and turned so my butt was up against the bar and put my head back closing my eyes. "I think your lack of sleep has helped you out with this." I laughed as I felt him put the empty glass behind me. "You've mastered four of the 6 drinks, but given how well you've done today, and the fact that your boyfriend is in the hospital, I think we'll call it a day." I turned my head to him and gave him a small smile, just as I felt his hand touch my back. Ever so lightly. "Great job today." I nodded once as he took his hand off my back and turned around, putting his back to me. I stared at the back of his head and swallowed hard. I had a million things to say to him. The first one was stay away from Kendall. The second would be I know he broke up with you not the other way around. But nothing came out. "Here…" He turned back around to face me, and I glanced up to his face seeing him staring at me, while also holding out a piece of paper. "This is the number to my house. I have two roommates, but if for some reason I don't answer my cell, you can call me here if you need anything." I nodded gently taking the paper from him and carefully slid it into my front pocket of my black skinny jeans.

"Thanks…" I said it quietly making him grin and turn, walking into the open doorway leading to the long hallway that connected the two bars. I watched him walk all the way, disappearing into the break room, before I sighed out and pulled my cell phone out of my back pocket. As soon as I turned it on, I frowned seeing it was almost 8 at night, which meant I had been here for almost 9 hours. Which meant I had spent the majority of my day learning how to make drinks, learning how to properly pour drinks, and work the POS machine. I was on my feet almost all day, except when I took my breaks and had lunch. I wouldn't be too distraught over that fact, but I barely got any sleep last night, since I was on a cot, or curled up in a ball next to Kendall. I was too worried about him, because every time he would fall asleep, he'd groan out and start having trouble breathing. It broke my heart to see him like this.

"Excuse me?" I turned and jumped quick, smiling at the voice on the other side of the counter. "Can I get a beer?" I opened my mouth to tell him I couldn't' serve him just as a hand touched my lower back and got beside me.

"What kind of beer man?" I looked over to the new voice and had to look up to see the face of the voice. It was a black guy who, to my surprise and pleasure, was shirtless. He had a thick, growing long beard on his face and had the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen.

"I'll take a Miller light." The guy nodded and looked down to me smiling small.

"Hey…I'm Tony. David said you can't serve alcohol."

"Not 21. I'm going to be working the minor nights." He nodded fast as he bent down and opened a fridge, grabbing a beer bottle. "Let me get out of your way." I pushed off the bar and started to turn as he gently grabbed my arm.

"Nice meeting you Logan."

"You too Tony." He let me go and slid the beer to the guy leaning forward and saying the price of the beer. I quickly walked into the hallway and made my way down it, going right to the break room. I grabbed my phone again and opened it up, to the messages. As I walked over to the couch, that had my coat, and bag on it, I started a text to Kendall. I told him I was going to go to the dorm, take a shower and change, and if he needed anything to let me know. I hit send and looked up stopping at the back of the couch putting my phone in my back pocket again.

"So, tomorrow Logan…" I raised my eyebrows turning as I pulled my coat on and stared at the back of David's head as he sat at his computer. "I'm starting my hiring process of getting some 18 to 21-year-old bartenders, and I want you to be involved. So, if you wouldn't mind coming in at 8 tomorrow morning, so we can start the day long process of interviews, that would be great." I nodded zipping up my coat and pulled my bag on over my shoulder. "My last interview is at 4:30 so after it's done, you'll be able to go."

"Okay. Sounds good. I've never done any interviewing before." He turned in his chair putting his hands over his head and stretched cocking his back in a way, that his shirt rode up on his stomach. I swallowed hard seeing his abs and looked down at my feet as I started walking towards him.

"It's super easy. I'll print out the sheet I'm going to using so you can take notes on each candidate, and as each one goes on, you'll see how I ask the questions and what questions I ask, and maybe even ask some of your own." I nodded again looking up as I stood about two feet from him. "And again…I'll have coffee for you tomorrow morning, and I'll buy lunch since we'll be back here about all day." I smiled and quickly pulled my bag over my head and hung it on my other shoulder.

"Alright…I guess I'll see you tomorrow." He nodded as he started to turn back to his computer and I started to walk away. However, something on his desk caught my eye and set an atomic bomb off in my head. "Can I ask you something?" He glanced over his shoulder nodding and I pointed to the picture I just saw for the first time on his desk. It was a picture of him and Kendall. Kendall was behind the wheel of a car with David leaning into him, kissing his cheek, snapping the picture as Kendall stuck his tongue out. "Do you still have feelings for him?" He sat up straight and looked to where I was pointing, putting his back to me.

"No Logan…I…" He stood up grabbing the photo and turned to me. "I thought I did. Because when he came to the bar that morning to pick you up, all these feelings came back up to the surface and I thought we could try to work things out. But then he invited me over to his apartment and we had a few drinks and he threw himself at me. After telling me how much he missed you and loved you. And I realized he was the same guy I dumped two years ago." I sat up straight clenching my fists down at my sides. I knew he was lying. Because I refused to believe Kendall would hurt me or lie to me anymore.

"SO why keep a picture of him on your desk?" He sighed out looking down and shrugged. "I've gone through a lot of shit since I started college and the one thing that always seemed to make me stay focused and feel better is that man. And no matter what you've heard about me…I'm not going to stand by and let something ruin that." We locked eyes and he swallowed hard nodding his head. "I'm sorry. I hate to sound like that typical gay guy who gets way to protective and likes to claim his man as his own but…"

"You don't have to explain anything to me Logan. I'm the one who should be sorry." I sighed out hard and unclenched my fists. "I like you Logan. I thin you are an amazing human being and all the shit you've gone through would make the strongest man, crumble and give up. But not you. I admire the hell out of that." He looked back down at the picture and gently tapped on the back shaking his head. "You don't have to worry about me. I may seem like a jackass and a tough guy, but I'm not. And because of all the things I've heard about you from Matt…I just want you to be happy. It seems like Kendall makes you happy." He looked back up and smiled small. "I'm sorry." I shook my head walking to him and gently set a hand on his arm.

"It's a right. Just some shit I had to get off my chest." He chuckled and nodded looking back down. "Well…I should be going. I am in desperate need of a shower. I'll see you tomorrow morning." He nodded looking back up and I gently squeezed his arm. I let him go and turned, walking out as fast as I could.

Above all else, I learned something very important from my boss today, that had nothing to do with work. He was a liar. I wanted to call him out on it so bad, but I figured having a good relationship with him, would be better than him thinking I think he's a liar. Honestly, he should know by now at least, Kendall has told me about his relationship with his ex. So, David either thought I was fucking stupid, or he was too embarrassed to come clean. Either way, I had very little trust in him. As I walked into my dorm, I was half expecting to see Carlos, either nose in a book, or sleeping, but he wasn't even there. I quickly set all my stuff down and grabbed my shower bag and a change of clothes walking quickly to the huge bathroom. I contemplated calling Matt and asking him about his friend. But I was worried if Matt thought I hated this guy he'd tell David. Because I didn't really hate David. I just didn't really like him. And I wasn't about to throw my friendship away with Matt because of my boss who lies, and defiantly, still has feelings for my boyfriend.

I took a quick shower and changed just as fast, after brushing my teeth and shaving the little bit of stumble growing on my chin. A few other guys had come into the shower while I was in there, but none of them said anything to me. Because I haven't been going to class in a long time, I wondered, very suddenly in front of the mirror, shirtless with just my sweats on, what the students knew about me and what happened. I figured rumors were spread. Everyone probably thought I was just a cry baby who got caught trying to get an A through sex. But it made me wonder what they all thought about the Dean getting arrested and them finding kiddie porn on his computer. They had to know, at least some of them, that I wasn't making anything up and the horrible things they heard, were true. I really hoped no one said anything to me about it. Ever.

I walked back to my dorm seeing a few texts from Kendall, begging me to hurry so we could cuddle. I kept my head down as I replied to him, telling him to be patient and blindly opened my dorm door. Before I took one step inside I heard a loud female gasp, and the squeak of a bed. I looked up fast but turned around quick, shutting the door hard behind me. I squeezed my eyes hard keeping my hand on the door knob trying to get the image of Sam's naked breast out of my head. She was sitting on Carlos's bed, taking Carlos's pants off, as he stood in front of her. "Loges?" I opened my eyes and turned feeling the door open behind me. My cheeks were red, but so were Carlos's as he got in the door way. "Hey…I thought…I thought you were at the hospital."

"Not yet. I wanted to shower and get some school work. I just need to gather my things and I'll be on my way." I quickly walked in past him and avoided his side of the room at all costs. I could sort of tell Sam was covered but didn't even take the chance to look over at her. "Sorry guys." I said it quietly as I threw my bathroom bag on the floor by my bed and quickly picked up my bag and a black sweater. I walked to my desk, scooping up papers, and books and spun fast. Carlos was giving me a worried look as I walked to the door shoving my books and papers into my bag. "Bye." I kept my head down as I walked out past him and left fast, slamming the door shut hard behind me.

I know I looked ridiculous as I walked through the store, grabbing snacks and drinks for myself and Kendall, because I felt it. I've seen naked boobs before, but only ever on my computer when I was getting to the gay porn, to jack off. They did nothing for me, obviously, but it was still embarrassing to see, especially because Sam was one of my very good friends. And to even think about her and Carlos having sex made me want to crawl into a hole and die. I knew they were active but to actually see it…it was almost traumatizing.

By the time I made it to the hospital, I had sort of calmed down walked up to Kendall's room shivering from the intense storm that had started after I left my dorm. I saw his door wide open and quickly stepped inside, smiling wide. He was by himself, the TV remote in hand, lazily looking up at the screen. When he saw me, he smiled big and set the remote on the table attached to his bed. "There you are. My mom hated leaving me alone, but I promised her you'd be with me tonight." I frowned walking to the chair beside his bed and set all of my things on it. I put one knee up on his bed by his casted torso and set a hand on his face. I leaned in quick and kissed his lips softly closing my eyes. "Mm." I pulled away frowning and he put his hands on my sides, giving me a very obvious bedroom face. "You smell so good. And you're all clean shaven." I laughed and nodded getting off the bed and turned to my messenger bag, and two bags of snacks and drinks. "What did you get me?" I shook my head as I pulled out a huge Smart Water, water bottle and untwisted it, walking around his bed, to see if my cot was still over there. It was, and I quickly started to chug my water. "Fuck…you're so God damn sexy." I swallowed hard covering my mouth and furrowed my brows at him making him chuckle. "Every little thing you do…turns me on so bad." His eyes slowly closed, and he turned his head smiling.

"Did they already give you your pain killers?" He nodded slowly, and I smirked walking to him. I pulled myself up beside him and kicked my shoes off turning so I was lying with him. I lifted his arm and curled up into his side reaching over him to put my water on the table beside him. I sighed out as his other arm reached around me and gently rubbed my hip. "You feeling alright? Am I pushing too hard into you?"

"No baby. You're perfect right there." I smirked snuggling up under his chin and gently raised one of my legs to rest over the leg of his that wasn't broken. I looked up at the TV and yawned resting one arm over his stomach while the other curled up under my head. "Mm…you smell good." I smirked hearing how drowsy he was and nodded.

"Thank you, babe." His hands rubbed fast for a few seconds before he stopped altogether and moaned out quietly. Knowing he was fast asleep, and not complaining about anything, made me close my eyes and faster than I wanted, I was asleep.

It felt good to get more than 30 minutes of uninterrupted sleep. But when I woke up, probably 2 hours into sleeping, mostly from being uncomfortable, I felt a wave of fear race through me. I sat up fast looking up at a man who was looking down at us, glaring me down. I swallowed hard looking to see Kendall still sound asleep and looked back to the man standing way to close to us. "Who are you?" He sighed out hard and quickly turned on the light by Kendall's bed. I blinked hard and set a hand on Kendall's leg, just incase this guy wasn't friendly. But when I looked up at his face illuminated in the light, something about him made me not as worried.

"I'm his father. Who are you?" I breathed out hard and relaxed a little not knowing how okay with the fact that his son was gay, he was.

"I'm his boyfriend. Logan." He nodded slowly, and I saw his jaw lock into a tight hold and I found my voice and bravery. "I don't think you should be here."

"He's my son. He was in an accident. I'll see him whenever I God damn want to." I tensed up seeing him look down at his son. I took the chance to look at the tall skinny man beside my sleeping love. He had huge bags under his eyes, and a thick beard growing in on his cheeks and chin and neck. He was wearing a black leather jacket and a grey shirt underneath and while he looked normal, knowing what I knew about him made me very aware he wasn't normal. "Why did no one call me? I can only assume it was that bitch Jennifer." I cringed hearing the foul language from the man who was still looking down at Kendall and again found my brave voice.

"Actually, it was Kendall. He doesn't want you here." He snapped to me fast and I jerked back a little. "You need to leave. Before I call security in here." He chuckled darkly and turned fast, walking out. As he left, I saw a red bandana hanging from his back right pocket. I tensed up watching him grab the door and as he walked out, he roughly, and very aggressively slammed the door shut behind him. As soon as the door shut, I felt Kendall stir beside me and as much as I wanted to comfort him and hold him, I couldn't stop looking at the door.

"Loges…what was that?" I felt his hand rub my back and closed my eyes breathing out slowly. "Babe? What's wrong?" I turned my head as I opened my eyes and looked down at his very concerned face. "What?" I shook my head and set a hand on his neck. How was he going to react to knowing his dad was here, and scared the shit out of me? Probably not well.

 **Wow. Why can I never make anything nice? Lol. I told you guys it would be heavy drama. I'm not going to disappoint anyone with the lack of drama. Also, usually my stories are smutty, and not so much this one. Not yet anyway. Would you like to see some smut thrown in? also…this probably like one of my longest, continuous stories, without it being broken into several stories, and I'm curious to know what you guys think about that. Let me know! And thank you so much for reading!**


	27. Chapter 27

Kendall was giving me look right now, that could only tell me one thing: he didn't want me to leave. I hated that I had too, but I had too. I had work, and I was actually really excited about going in today. I didn't want to tell him that because I know it would probably make him feel worse and think the reason I was excited to go to work, was to be near David. After telling him about how David had the picture of them on his desk, Kendall literally asked me to quit. I laughed in his face and we moved on, but I could tell he was still upset about it. That's why, no matter that Kendall's mom and James's dad was with us, I got up on his bed beside him and leaned into him, grabbing his face softly. I heard Jennifer and Chris talking quietly to themselves and smiled small before pushing my lips into his softly. He seemed to push up harder into me making me quietly moan into his lips. I know both of us were feeling rather…clingy. We haven't had sex since before I was assaulted by Professor Smith. That was damn near two weeks ago. I wanted to…so bad, because I worked with a lot of hot guys at the bar and I'm a guy. I was horny. But, he was casted and bruised all over, and his mom was in the room with us. So just as he started to try and French kiss me, I pulled away and sighed over him. "Tease." I closed my eyes resting my forehead on his shaking it softly. "What time will you be off tonight?"

"Around 5. I'll bring dinner." I opened my eyes feeling him nod his head. We locked eyes and I bit my bottom lip. "I don't like that your dad knows you're here." He quickly reached up, groaning quietly and cupped my face softly.

"He won't do anything to me. Maybe yell but he's not going to hurt me Loges."

"We won't let him." I stood myself up and turned to Chris who was standing next to Jennifer who was sitting down. He was holding a travel cup of coffee with one hand while the other gently held around one of Jennifer's shoulders. "I already talked to your dad Logan. They are going to be monitoring Kendall's room closely, and he gave me the numbers to get directly through to him and your mom. Donald wont even be allowed in here." I nodded looking back down to Kendall who was only staring up at me. "By the time you get off, hopefully they will have made a plan about maybe moving him up and getting him to start to move a bit." I smiled big at that and Kendall groaned turning his head away from me. I moved in quick and kissed over the bright and beautiful tattoo on his neck, closing my eyes ever so slightly. "Now I know why James didn't want to come." I shot up fast and gave Chris a dirty look making him laugh and bend down kissing the top of Jennifer's head.

"Okay…I'm going to go." I turned back to Kendall and smirked pushing his hair back on his head making him smile. "Call me if you need anything."

"Okay. Have a good day. Don't work to hard." I laughed and nodded turning to my bag and coat on the cot beside me. "Love you."

"I love you too." I glanced over my shoulder as I quietly said it, both of us blushing. "Don't let this guy annoy you today. Cause he's really good at it." I stuck my tongue out at Chris as I walked by him making him reach out and gently shove me.

"Actually…I'm going to walk you out to your car Logan…" I frowned at Chris as he set his mug beside Jennifer who was smiling big at us. "Be right back." He kissed her cheek softly and stood up straight turning to me quick. He put a hand on the back of my neck and led me out the door, as I waved to Kendall over my shoulder. He waved back smiling small. My heart exploded.

"You know how weird you are right?" I glanced up to Chris as he offered to hold my bag for me as I pulled my coat on.

"Ouch. That hurts coming from a little punk like you." I rolled my eyes carefully not letting my coat ruin my hair Kendall helped me style this morning. As best as he could. "I wanted to tell you, because Jennifer and I talked after you called us last night to tell us about Donald…he's not a good guy Logan." I sighed out gently taking my bag back from him and nodded.

"I know…Kendall said he's heavy involved with dealing now."

"I don't mean just about that." I frowned looking up to him as we started to walk down the stairs. "Besides him being a loser drug addict, he was abusive. To Jennifer and later on to Kendall. He never touched Katie, thank the Lord, but he put his hands-on Jennifer too many times. He has threatened her life since she divorced him. Probably before then too." I shivered at the thought of Donald coming near either Kendall or Jennifer and shoved my hands into the pockets of my coat. "I want you to be very warry of the people around you. Jennifer is worried that now he knows you, knows what you look like and that you and Kendall are together, he'll try to get through you, to get to Kendall. So please…as someone who has been apart of my family, and because you've been like a second son to me for most of my life, I want you to be careful." He pushed open the door leading out of the hospital for me, and I stepped out, looking up at his face.

"I will be." He sighed out and nodded reaching into the pocket of his dark blue jeans. He pulled out a piece of paper and pushed it into my chest.

"That's Jennifer's phone number. She's nervous about telling you, you can call her whenever." I frowned making him smirk and shrug. "I don't understand it either. But I gave her your phone number too, in case something changes with Kendall."

"I didn't even think about that." He nodded laughed and pulled the door open, to go back into the hospital. "Hey…I thought you were going to walk to my car with me?"

"You're already halfway there, and I'm cold." I rolled my eyes turning and walked to the parking garage. "See you later Logan!" I waved over my shoulder pulling my hood up on my head, smiling small.

It was weird. It was like every time I blinked, another hour passed, and that hour turned into a day that just flew by. Before I even had time to register anything in my life, two weeks had passed. In those two weeks, I helped hire 5 guys to work during the minor nights and had a very important discussion with the university in regard to not going back to school just yet. Instead of still putting it off, they allowed me take online classes, in comparison to actually going to class. Any labs or presentations I would have had to do, were instead left until I felt comfortable going back to school. Honestly, I didn't mind going back to class, since Professor Smith was gone. It was the fact that Kendall was going to be coming home, and I wanted to be there for him as much as I could. Which meant, I even took a week off of working at the bar, which to my surprise David was okay with. We still had a week before the minor nights started, and he was actually using this week before to train the new hires. So, for once since I started school, I felt like my life was starting to feel right. And I was genuinely happy.

After blowing up at David, at least that's how I pictured myself, he seemed to back off a bit. He never brought up Kendall unless to ask how he was doing, and our relationships turned into that of a mentorship. I watched his every move behind the bar and paid attention every time he did something on the computer. He sort of turned into this man I could look up to, and even though I wasn't going to change my whole life, he made me see maybe a different career choice. Nothing was set in stone I knew that, but I really did love the bar life. And not for the drinking and acting stupid. For the thrill of owning a business and interacting with people. I knew I would end up being a doctor, but you never know.

With everything else that was going on, not one person heard from Kendall's dad. In the two weeks Kendall was in the hospital, he never came to see him again. I honestly put him in the back of my busy mind and ignored that fear that he would do something to hurt Kendall. Or even me. Because no one even brought him up. It made it very easy for me to focus on the most important thing: Kendall finally coming home. With the help of James and Carlos (neither of us, ever bringing up that I walked on him and Sam about to have sex) we decorated the apartment and invited a few people over to have some dinner, and be joyous Kendall was alive and doing very well. Because I am who I am, I worried the whole time we were setting up, and cooking, Kendall being able to climb the stairs. He was on crutches for his broken leg, and still had a huge thick wrap around his torso and chest. He had a few broken ribs and one of the broken ribs scrapped along his lung, which explained why he was always having a hard time breathing. But the doctors were confident Kendall was healthy enough to go home and he didn't hesitate to take the chance. His mom and Chris picked him up from the hospital and reassured me they would let us know when they got there so James could go down and help them. When I heard James, phone go off as I stood in front of the stove, slowly stirring a huge pot of chili (Something Kendall requested) my stomach filled with butterflies. Carlos left with him, to help with whatever else they needed, and I quickly ran into the living room right to his chair. I made sure his pile of blankets and pillows were straight, and that he had all the remotes and game controllers near him. I smiled big looking to the front door and not two minutes after Carlos and James left, it opened. I grinned even bigger at Jennifer who was smiling just as wide, stepping in, holding the duffle I had packed for Kendall not three days ago. Coming in right behind her was Chris who was walking backwards nodding his head. "You're doing great kid." I tensed up as Jennifer stood right next to me, linking arms with me. Kendall walked in, on crutches, head hanging down low. He was groaning and breathing heavy with every step and it worried me. My smile fell as he walked all the way in and went past myself and his mom walking out to the dining room table. Quickly Chris pulled a chair out for him and took the crutches from him as soon as he sat down. I slowly walked over to him, with Jennifer clinging to me and I frowned.

"You alright?" He looked up quick mouth hanging open as he breathed hard and nodded.

"So good. It smells great in here." I smirked just a little and as his mom let me go, I moved forward and set a hand on his left shoulder and ran my other hand up from the top of his head, down to the back of his neck. "My breathing is out of control right now." I bent down kissing his lips softly making both his hands reach out and grab my sides. "That doesn't help." I chuckled pulling away and stood up straight looking down his body. His left leg was in a huge white cast, while his torso and stomach were wrapped up, and he had a black zip up hoodie over it. I looked back up to his face seeing the line of stiches on his forehead and carefully rubbed under the black line sighing out.

"Can I get you anything?" He looked down and around my body as one of his hands slipped into the back pocket of my black skinny jeans. I blushed looking over my shoulder seeing Jennifer in the kitchen with James, and Chris and Carlos in the living room, looking at the TV talking. I looked back to him and reached behind me, taking his hand out of my pocket. "Anything besides that?" He chuckled looking back up at my face and shrugged.

"I could use a drink. But I don't want you to feel like you need to get it for me. Or do anything for me." I rolled my eyes letting his hands go and turned walking into the kitchen fast. "Thank you." I nodded walking right to the fridge getting right behind James, a smile as big as the entire apartment complex on my face.

The night went by in a blur because everyone was happy and laughing. A few of his buddies from work, came by as well as Steven and Matt. His sister was there as well, and after dinner and desert, Katie helped me with dishes. We talked for a little while about her school, and she had some stories about her big brother. His family were the first to leave, and once they did, one by one, everyone else followed quick. When it was just myself, Kendall, James and Carlos sitting around the dining room table, we all sat around each other, quietly talking. I was sitting in my own seat, but I was sitting very close to Kendall. I was practically sitting on his lap, without actually sitting on his lap. He had an arm around my back as I leaned into him and smiled at whatever Carlos was saying. I honestly didn't remember what he was talking about. I was way too focused on the fact that Kendall and I were so close and how difficult it was going to be to keep my hands to myself once we got in his bed. No doctor said he couldn't have sex, but it was just a matter of whether he was ready too. With how little walking he had to do and how out of breath it made him, I don't think he'd be ready to have sex.

I shamelessly let my body curl into Kendall's side, and once my head was resting in the crook of his neck, my eyes closed, and I was out. I had both my legs pulled up to my chest, as my arms wrapped around them and one of his hands rubbed my back as he talked quietly with James and Carlos. His voice was the last thing I heard before I was asleep. And it was the thing that made me wake up. "Loges…" My eyes shot open and I sat up glancing around the table seeing it empty. I looked over to Kendall covering my mouth from the yawn that crept up on me. "Let's go get some sleep." I nodded standing up fast and set a hand on his shoulder closets to me, while I grabbed his crutches on the wall behind him. "James and Carlos just left." I frowned as he grabbed the crutches and pushed himself up, closing his eyes, groaning out just a little. "I think they went to a party." I nodded rubbing his back while also pushing his chair back and he started to walk. "I hope you're going to lay in my bed with me."

"Why wouldn't I?" He chuckled nodding down to the huge cast on his leg and I shook my head following behind him close. "I'll just sleep on your other side. Or you can sleep on the floor." He raised his head laughing as he made it very slowly down the hall to his room. "You get enough food?"

"And then some." I grinned as he turned slowly into the room and went right to his bed, on the side that was closer to his bathroom. I watched him sit himself down and gently took the crutches from him. He slowly laid himself back and rubbed over his stomach sighing out. I carefully set the crutches against his night stand and unzipped the sweater on my body.

"I'm going to go clean up a bit and lock up."

"No baby you don't have to do any of that." I nodded as he raised his head up at me and smiled. I turned and walked out of his room, ignoring the sigh and quiet way he called me a stubborn jerk and quickly walked down the hall pulling my sweater off.

I didn't have to do much cleaning because Jennifer and Katie had helped with most of it. I just started the dishwasher, wiped down the kitchen counters and the table and then made sure the front door was locked. After I turned all the lights off, I grabbed a glass of water for Kendall, so he could take his pills for the night. As I walked into his room I had to stop. The sight of him lying on his side, his casted leg, underneath his unhurt one, and both his hands under his head was too much. He was sound asleep. I walked quietly to the other side of him. I set his glass of water on the nightstand and carefully crawled on top of the bed gently putting a hand on the side of his face. His eyes opened, and he quickly rolled onto his back rubbing his eyes. "I wasn't sleeping." I laughed quietly and scooted closer to him gently putting a hand on his chest. "DO you know what I've wanted to do all night?" I tilted my head smiling small and he raised a hand resting it on my face. "Just kiss you." I laughed throwing my head back closing my eyes. "Why is that funny?" I looked back down to him and carefully twisted my body, so I could lay down next to him. I put my head on his shoulder and took in a deep breath.

"Because…you had your hands on me all night…you had your lips attached to my neck and my lips every chance you got."

"Yes, but it's different now." I looked up at him as he turned back onto his side and while holding my gaze with his, he put his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. "We're alone…and in bed. I could trap you under my bum leg all night and you wouldn't be able to do anything about it." I chuckled putting my hand on his cheek and nodded.

"You think so tough guy?" An evil smirk spread across his face and surprising to me, he pushed himself up slowly, and put himself over me. He bent his good leg next to my body while his hurt leg stayed straight out next to me. I swallowed hard as he laid over top of me gently and set one hand outside my head on my pillow. "I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"I don't have any plans on doing that at all." I moved my hands to his face fast as he leaned down into me and pulled him closer to my mouth. I smashed our lips together just at the same time he harshly pushed his groin into mine. I closed my eyes tight and turned my head away from his mouth and moaned out loud, as his lips moved down to my neck. "I missed you." I shivered at his whisper as he peppered kisses between each word and opened my eyes. "I missed touching you…kissing you. I missed holding you after we fucked for two hours straight." I smiled as one of his hands rubbed down my side and pushed back up under my shirt. "Tell me if you don't feel comfortable with this. Because of Profe…"

"Don't say his name. Please." He moved his face back over mine and we locked eyes, as I still held onto his cheeks. "I want this. Especially because it's with you again." He nodded slowly and glanced down our bodies kissing over my black t-shirt. "I love you." He looked back up at me as he pushed off me and laid on his back beside me. I sat up fast and turned, climbing over his body gently sitting down on his lap. He quickly put his hands behind his head and smirked as I slowly moved my crotch over his.

"I love you too babe."


	28. Chapter 28

**(Warning: Extremely smutty ahead! Enjoy!)**

I could tell how hesitant he was. And at first, I didn't notice it because I thought it was just him, trying not to hurt himself. But when I got off his lap and just hovered over him, with my legs outside his body, he still laid there stiff as a board. He was afraid of touching me, because of what Michael Smith did to me. That irritated me. Not enough to stop kissing him, but enough to make me think we shouldn't do this. As I thought about it, his hands, which were originally holding onto my face, moved down to my ribs and held me gently. I opened my eyes and pushed myself up, kneeling on my knees pulling my shirt up, off my body. When it was over my head, I felt his hands tug at my belt buckle and move me forward just as I threw my shirt to the floor beside the bed. I ran a hand through my hair and gently sat back on his groin, panting slightly. He sighed hard and shook his head. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Do you not?" He stopped moving and I raised my eyebrows tugging on my belt buckle. "I have to think…with you asking if I'm sure, maybe you're not sure. And with you not putting anything into the kisses and barely touching me, I think I know the answer."

"I don't want you to feel pressured."

"Does it look like I feel pressured?" I yanked my belt off from around my waist and threw it to the side, right in the bathroom actually. He gulped hard raising his hand and put them behind his head. "I think I'm so horny right now that if you don't want to have sex with me, I'll just go jack off in the bathroom. And if you are in too much pain or…"

"Stop." I did. I set my hands on the bottom of his white shirt. He took one hand out from under his head and quickly shoved it into his sweats. Because I was right over his dick, when he started to stroke himself, he touched me simultaneously. "I don't think I can do a whole lot of moving." I smirked putting my hands outside his body on the bed and swung one leg over him, getting off the bed already pulling down my zipper.

"Leave it to me." He laughed as he continued to stroke himself and ran his other hand over his face.

"This bossy, needy, greedy side of you is a fucking turn on." I blushed as I pushed my jeans and boxers down off my legs and he turned to me biting his bottom lip. As I gently climbed back on the bed putting my hands on his hips, I was reminded of the last time we had sex. He undressed me, slowly taking off every piece of clothing I had on me. Then he put me on my feet, pushed me face down into his bed and we had sex standing up. He was rough that night, but I liked it. However, as he lifted his butt off the bed just a little for me to pull his sweats and boxers down, so I could get his dick out, I knew tonight would be different. We weren't going to talk dirty. We weren't going to pull each other's hair. And he wasn't going to be in control tonight. I was.

After I got him out of his confides, I got on the other side of him and laid down next to him, kissing his mouth hard, as I started to give him a hand job, getting him hard. He kept trying to turn over, or push me back, but for once I was a lot stronger. Just as I was stroking him, he started stroking me. We were both moaning loudly, and a few times I thought he was moaning because of pain. But after every moan he would bite my lip, or my tongue and I knew it was a pleasurable moan. After a good five minutes of touching and kissing, He pulled back and laid on his back panting, as he let me go and gripped the blanket underneath us. I sat up fast and turned just a little, so I could put his dick in my mouth. "Fuck…" One of his hands gripped onto my hair as I took all of him in me at once. I slowly rubbed one hand up, under shirt, while the other went down his leg, rubbing gently. He groaned loudly as his hand that wasn't on my head, guiding me up and down as I sucked him, went under his shirt and locked his fingers with mine. His unhurt leg which I was rubbing started to raise and he tugged gently on my hair. "Baby…get up." I came of him with a pop and quickly reached across him, to his nightstand. "I don't have any condoms in there. Bathroom." I shut the drawer just as soon as I opened it and gracefully jumped over him walking quickly to his master bathroom stroking myself as I turned on the light. "Top drawer closest to the door." I nodded opening it fast and reached in grabbing the condom box. I let go of my dick and pulled a condom out of the box. When I put the box back in the drawer, I grabbed the black bottle of lube and shut the drawer with my hip, turning myself back around. As I went to flick off the light, a little smile spread across my face seeing him pushing himself up, into a sitting position. He put his back up against the headboard as he stroked himself, and put his head back, breathing out slowly. "You find them?"

"Mmmhmmm." He turned his head to me slowly and we locked eyes as he beckoned me over with one finger. "You look fucking amazing right now." He chuckled sitting up slowly and started to pull off his zip up hoodie. Once it was off, and I was standing by the bed putting the lube and condom on the nightstand, he was pulling off his shirt. I reached out to help him, but he grunted and swatted my hand away. I sighed carefully climbing back on top of him, making sure to put his dick in front of me. He threw his shirt to the floor and breathed out hard sitting back closing his eyes.

"Yeah…you're going to have to do a lot of the work." I nodded reaching for the condom, while kissing softly onto his lips. "You made me really hard." I smirked sitting back and looked down to my hands opening up the condom wrapper. "James was telling me something…ugh…" I looked up at his face as I slowly, very slowly pushed down the condom on his dick. "Something about how you walked in on Carlos and Sam fucking." I froze with my hand on the base of his dick and we locked eyes. "Carlos said you saw her bare tits." I groaned falling forward and gently put my face in his chest rubbing him again.

"It was like seeing my sister nude Kendall." He laughed kissing into my hair and gently rubbed my arms. "I always knew Sam was beautiful…but now I understand why Carlos is so into her."

"Why?" I sat up and watched him grab the lube handing it over to me. I quickly opened it and squirted some on to his dick, and in my hand. He quickly rubbed the liquid around his dick and I slowly put it on and around my hole. I groaned falling forward again and sort of messaged myself. "Because 0she has huge tits?" I laughed out loud and nodded sitting back up. He chuckled putting a hand on my hip, gently pulling me forward. "You ready?" I nodded sitting up on my knees and scooted up, so I could sit down on his dick. "Fuck…your so sexy." I shook my head as I reached behind me and grabbed a hold of him. His hands rubbed over my arms as I put him at my entrance, and slowly, very slowly sat down on him. Our moans echoed around the room at the same time and once he was completely in me, I stayed still for a few seconds before moving forward, and rising off his dick. "Oh God…" I set my hands on his shoulders and opened my mouth into a little "o" as I started to fuck myself on him. "Fuck…Jesus…I don't think I'll last long Loges." I nodded closing my eyes, and bit my bottom lip, throwing my head back. I was already feeling really good…great even. But when I felt his hand grip around my dick and start squeezing as he stroked me, my euphoria went beyond cloud nine. I've never been high before but from what James and Carlos and Kendall have told me, it feels fantastic. Much like this. This has got to be what it feels like to be high.

Even though Kendall said he didn't think he could last long, we did. I moved my hands from his shoulders, to his neck and he'd grip onto my ass and help me bounce on him without being too rough. The whole time we held eye contact. Unless I was leaning down into him to kiss his lips, or suck on his neck. More than once as I sucked on his neck, he gently and playfully pushed me away and told me no hickeys. I didn't listen. Above his colorful tattoos on his neck, I left tiny little marks indicating to any and everyone, he was taken. And the way he was squeezing onto my ass and hips and thighs told me he also wanted people to know I was taken. At least we both were on the same page for once.

Because of the wrap around his stomach, and because he came first, when he pulled out of me, I laid on my back next to him, pulling him with me, so he was laying on his side. He kissed onto my chest and to my pleasure played with my balls as I rubbed myself to satisfaction. I came hard and loud and as I did, white spots came across my vision as I squeezed my eyes shut. I know I yelled loud, but I don't think Kendall cared. And I know I probably made a huge mess of myself, but again I don't think Kendall cared. When I got myself calmed down and my breathing as normal as I could get it, I opened my eyes and with my not cum filled hand, I wrapped my arm around Kendall and let him lay on my shoulder as he pushed into me hard. I wanted to get up and clean myself off, but his breathing was far worse than mine and he seemed rather content with just lying here. So, I rubbed his arm and looked up at the ceiling licking my lips. "If you wanna get up, I'd do it now. Or else I'm falling asleep on you." I laughed as he pushed away from me and rolled back onto his back, groaning quietly. "Jesus…if we did that once every day, I'd get a good work out in." I smirked as I crawled off the bed and walked into the bathroom starting to clean myself. "Have you seen my phone?"

"I think it's still out on the dining room table. Along with mine." I glanced out to him to see him nodding as he struggled to pull his boxers and pants back up on his legs. "Need some help?"

"Nah…I'm alright baby." I smiled, loving hearing him call me baby and finished cleaning myself. Once I was done, I took another wash cloth out to him and wiped at the few drops of cum he had on his arm from me. Once I was finished I threw it into the hamper and walked to his dresser opening the drawer. "Were gonna cuddle right?"

"Yes. I just need to get some clothes on."

"Or you don't. That little ass is so fucking cute." I turned around to him fast, feeling my cheeks flush and he chuckled as he pushed himself up, just a little grabbing the TV remote next to him on his nightstand. "I need to take my pills." I cursed quietly and turned quickly pulling out a random pair of sweats of his and slid them on, forgetting my boxers. I grabbed the sweater he was wearing all night and pulled it on as I walked out into the hallway. As I approached the dining room table I heard a vibration from a phone and frowned. I grabbed the small prescription bag that was sitting right next to our phones and perked up a little seeing it was my phone that was ringing. I grabbed all three-feeling weird seeing Sam's cute picture of her and I on my screen indicating she was calling me. I swiped to answer and turned back to the hallway putting it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Logan?" Her voice was filled with tears and fear and it made me stop dead in my tracks. Right in the middle of the hallway. "I…I need you to come pick me up." I took in a sharp breath and rushed into the room getting up on the bed next to Kendall quickly putting my phone on speaker. "I messed up…and…and Carlos and James got in a fight because I was drunk, and I had sex with James." I locked eyes with Kendall who whistled low widening his eyes as he took his pills form my hand.

"Where are you Sam?" She sobbed out quietly, and in the background, I heard a loud car honk. "Sam?"

"I left the house where the party was at, after Carlos walked in on us…I'm walking down the road. I think I'm by that shopping center where I get my nails done." I sighed out as I leaned in, and kissed Kendall's cheek. He pouted as I climbed over him for like the 100th time tonight and went to my duffle by his dresser.

"Okay…go to that Taco Bell that's in that center and wait for me there, alright? I'll be there in like 10 minutes."

"Ok…thanks Logan." I turned to Kendall as I hung up lifting my duffle with me.

"Is it alright that I bring her here tonight? She'll be too distraught by herself."

"Of course, but what happens when James gets home? And Carlos comes over to vent to you…because you know he will." I sighed out grabbing a pair of plain black Nikes from my duffle and a pair of black socks.

"I'll be able to deal with it. I am sure there is an explanation for all this."

"Doubt it." I gave him a dirty look as I threw my duffle to the floor and started to put on my socks and shoes. "When a best friend fucks his best friends girl…it's never good. And From what I saw over the summer with them, Carlos is really in love with Sam. It's not going to be good."

"I'll force them to make up." He chuckled urging me to him and once I tied my shoe, both of them now on, I went to him and let him hold my face, so he could pepper kisses to my lips.

"Be careful. Come back soon." I nodded kissing him back and pushed away zipping up the sweater of his I had on. "Please tell me you are not going out there in just that?" I smiled big and turned heading out the door fast.

"Love you!"

I drove as quick as I could getting pissed at the amount of traffic on the road. It was Friday, so everyone was out but when one of your best friends calls you, drunk and sobbing, everyone needs to get the hell out of the way. I wanted to call either Carlos or James, but decided against it, until I could get Sam calmed down. When I finally got to where I knew she was I felt something odd come over me as she walked out of the restaurant towards my car. She was wearing only a tiny little black dress that barely covered her ass. For one, she must be freezing. And two…I knew exactly how this conversation between Carlos and James went. James probably said something stupid about how if Sam wasn't dressed the way she was and wasn't drunk he wouldn't have made a move. I knew that's what he said, because he's said it about many girls.

She got in my car quick and slammed the door shut hard quickly rubbing her bare arms from the cold. I reached out pushing hair off her fac and she eyed me, tears still coming out. "How you doing?" She looked away from me fast shaking her head. "Do you want to come hang out with Kendall and I?" She nodded fast and I sighed out sitting up straight in my seat and quickly put my car in reverse. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Nothing to talk about…I fucked up. James said all the right things and Carlos had just left because he thought I looked too slutty and…" I genuinely felt bad for her because like Kendall said, they were in love. But just because you get into an argument with your boyfriend doesn't mean you jump to the closest thing.

We said nothing as we drove back to Kendall's apartment. When I parked, I said nothing as we walked past James's little sports car and let her hold around me as I walked us up the stairs. When I pushed open the door, I was expecting to see a dark living room and a dark kitchen. However, it seemed like every light was on in the house, and so was the huge flat screen. And sitting in front of it was a shirtless James eating from a cereal bowl, with Kendall sitting in his huge chair, the recliner up. James stood up fast as he looked between myself and her, finally stopping on me. I opened my mouth to ask him to just leave her alone, but Kendall beat me to the punch. "Sam…I put some clothes on my bed for you in there. If you want to lay down in there, you are more than welcome." I looked around James at Kendall who had his unhurt leg up, his arm holding his phone, resting on it.

"Thanks Kendall. I think I need to lay down." He looked up smiling small and nodded. Sam let me go, put her head down and quickly walked to the hall, her heels softly digging into the carpet. Once she was gone, and the bedroom door shut, I shut the front door and rushed to James shoving him as hard as I could.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He sighed out sitting down and put his head in his hands. "New fucking low James." I spit it out at him as I kicked my shoes off and walked over to the love seat by Kendall's chair, sitting down hard.

"I honest to God didn't mean for it to happen. We were both really drunk. And she was pissed off at Carlos and I only think with my dick so…" I rolled my eyes looking over at Kendall as I pulled my legs up to my chest. He looked over to me and shook his head before turning to his step brother.

"Have you talked to Carlos?"

"Not since he swung on me and hit my jaw." I turned slowly to James and felt just a little bad. "I tried calling him, but he stormed out after shoving Sam into a wall. And then she stormed off, not saying a word to me, and I came home." I looked up at the TV and swallowed hard shoving my hands into the pockets of my sweater.

"Well one of two things is going to happen right now." Both James and I turned to Kendall who reclined even more in his chair and stretched carefully. "Carlos is going to storm over here and kick your ass and you'll let him." I sighed making him turn to me and grin. "Or…nothing. He'll go to bed and cool off. You'll go to bed and have a hard-long discussion with yourself about how you could do that to one of your best friends. And Sam will sober up and figure out what she wants. All the while Logan and I finally get some much-needed sleep." I chuckled lying my head back and yawned as I stared up at the TV.

"Yeah…all that would be awesome except there is a small little detail you two don't know." I eyed James as he slowly stood up and eyed me, going extremely pale. "I didn't have a condom and I came inside her."


	29. Chapter 29

No, I wasn't distracted by the TV on in front of me. Because it was a football game, I could have cared less about. And Kendall continuously asked if I wanted him to turn it off. I said no. I should have said yes. My history paper wasn't going to write itself. But if we had the TV on, and for whatever odd reason I couldn't think of anything to write for this research paper, I could watch the guys in tight pants run around and tackle each other. Not such a bad idea actually.

I looked up at the screen and leaned forward, reaching over Kendall's head on my thigh. The place he's been ever since we woke up this morning, and I told him I had homework to do and I needed to study. He's been mostly in and out of sleep, waking up every now and then to shift or take a sip of his coffee. As I grabbed my cup again, seeing it almost empty, he woke up once more and yawned loudly reaching back for me. I sat back, putting my cup to my lips as he rubbed my chest. "How's it coming?"

"Almost done." I sipped as he turned his head and looked back at my laptop sitting on the arm rest of the couch. He laughed putting his head back down and lowered his arm. "This is due tomorrow. I have to write five pages, and so far, I have five paragraphs. I'm fucking screwed."

"Then I'm going to turn this TV off and help you." I raised my eyebrows as I set my coffee back down and watched him quickly turn the TV off. "James recorded it for me. I can watch it whenever. So…what is this paper about again?"

"Well because it's so close to Halloween…it's about Halloween. Or rather what Halloween was originally about."

"Ouch. That fucking blows." I laughed reaching out and gently rubbed his chest shaking my head as I laid it back on the couch. "You have all these big ass books in front of you. Are they not helpful?"

"No, they are. Super informative. But I have too much on my mind." He put one of his hands-on top of mine still rubbing his chest and raised it to his mouth kissing it gently. "Carlos still hasn't called me. James and Sam won't talk to me, or anyone else. Matt has been so busy with football I don't even see him, and Steven is dating this kid who demands all his attention I never see him. On top of that, my boyfriend, who I honestly believe is the love of my life, is still way more worried about me, and my mental state rather than his own health."

"Guy sounds like a dick." I took my hand out from his and raised my head looking at the black screen. "You do know that it's not your job to make everyone around you happy right?"

"When it comes to you, right now, yes, it is." He sighed, and I looked down at his messy blonde hair. I raised my leg that his head wasn't lying on and wrapped one arm around it, while running my other hand through his hair. "You realize about two weeks ago, you were in a car accident?"

"Actually, I forgot." I gently pulled his hair, back and he looked up at my face smiling wide. I let him go smirking and quickly got up form the couch, making his head fall down on the couch under him. "Hey…did you forget I was in a car accident two weeks ago? I'm fragile." I rolled my eyes quickly climbing on top of his long body and set my butt down on his crotch making him smile even wider. "I know you think you have to have your eyes on me at all times, but you don't. And I know that because of all the shit that is currently going on around us, it's easy for you to ignore the pain you're still feeling from what that son of a bitch did to you." I frowned pushing up the long-sleeved shirt he had on and gently traced over the wrap on his stomach. "Baby…I want you to feel safe talking to me. And I want you to have a healthy mind set."

"Who says I don't?" He laughed running his hands up and down my thighs making me tense. "Did I ever tell you about the first night he text me, and told me to come to his office?" He shook his head softly and I sat back a little looking down at his hands on my legs. "He told me he had something to talk to me about an assignment from class. I was curious about it from the start because it was 11:30, and he told me to tell know one where I was going. But I went anyway. Because he had already raped me in his classroom." I glanced up to his face to see him blank and pressed on. "When I got to his office, he grabbed around my throat and threw me into the wall by his desk." He swallowed hard looking down at my hand son his stomach. For some reason that made me smile. I think I did smile, because he wanted me to talk to him, and I had no problem with that but the stuff I wanted to talk about, he didn't want to hear. Why would he? "Before I blacked out, he let me go and threw me to the ground. He made me promise him something. That no matter what I did or said, if I did something to piss him off and it led to him hitting me, hurting me in a spot someone would see, he'd kill me." He looked back up to my eyes and I pushed off his crotch putting hands on the couch outside his head. I hovered over him brushing my lips across his. I stayed over him and locked eyes with him, still smiling small. "He literally blamed me if I was too loud…or I fought him too much. He hit me. He whipped me with a leather belt multiple times because I was crying too much. DO you have any idea what that does to someone? For someone who is terrified…who is weak and is afraid of being even more hurt, to be told if they continue to do that, they will just get hurt even more…to be told that…" I shrugged and moved one hand up cupping his neck looking down at his red lips. "My mind is far from healthy Kendall. I feel safe talking to you…I really do. But I don't feel safe thinking about what he did. Because it makes me think things that are way too dangerous."

"Like?" I looked back up to his face and he slowly, and carefully pushed up on his elbows and held himself up rubbing our noses together. "Do you have any suicidal thoughts?" I tugged harshly on my bottom lip and shrugged again still looking into his beautiful green eyes. He sighed out hard and leaned up to my lips kissing me softly. "What can you do…what can I do to help you?"

"Let me be here with you. For you." He pulled back a little and I nodded sitting up. I didn't sit all the way back on him, but I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed them up to hold around his ears. "I'm going to be okay Kendall. But I don't want to even think about anything right now, except you getting better." He gently laid himself back down on the couch and put his hands behind his head shaking it.

"Okay. I'll let you take care of me. But I want you to promise me something Logan." I nodded quick putting my hands back under his shirt. "If you start to have any kind of bad thoughts…or anything like that, please come to me." I nodded again, and he sighed out looking over to the coffee table. "You need to finish this paper…it's due tonight." I groaned sliding off him, and quickly sat on the floor right in front of Kendall, pulling my laptop down setting it on the coffee table. I heard him sigh behind me as I stretched my legs out in front of me, under the table. "Okay…how can I help with this?" I smirked as I looked over my shoulder just as he pushed his body down the couch a little and put his head right next to me, leaning in to kiss my ear.

After a solid hour of typing and having Kendall read important dates and whatnot to me, I had a really good, juicy five-page paper written. As I finished it up, I realized I hadn't heard anything from him in a while and once I saved the document, and sent it to my history professor, I looked back at him. He was lying on his side, with a throw pillow under his head. He was sound asleep. Once I made sure my paper sent, I closed my laptop and slowly and quietly got up. I grabbed both our empty coffee cups and walked out into the kitchen seeing it was almost 11 in the morning. Which meant James was still sound asleep from his crazy night. I didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing. When I walked into the kitchen I sighed at the slight mess I left form making Kendall and I pancakes this morning and set our cups on top of the mess in the sink. I turned to the stove to grab the pan I used when I saw a sticky note on the fridge. In messy Kendall hand writing, I read a grocery list of dish soap, butter, milk and bread. I frowned gently taking the list off the fridge while opening it and glanced inside. They had a fairly well stocked fridge and pantry, but k was craving something sweet. And because I had their grocery list in hand, I shut the door and walked quietly to Kendall's bedroom, hoping I didn't wake either of them up.

I managed to leave the apartment without either noticing. I left a note for Kendall telling him where I went, and hurried to my car, trying not to get completely soaked form the rain. As I got in my car and turned on my heater and put music on, I started talking to myself in my head. I honestly couldn't believe I talked to Kendall about my depression I guess you could call it. We didn't really dive into it too much because I didn't want too. But I basically told him I had scary thoughts. I never, ever thought I would do that. Again, it's not like I told him I've tried to kill myself, because I haven't. But a thought has crossed my mind before. It actually occurred to me the last night Professor Smith ever touched me. I wanted to die every time he did, but it was that final night…right before I turned him in the following day. I figured out how easy it would be to just swallow a bunch of pills. I knew it would look like an accident and everyone would believe it was an accident because I would have never told a soul about what was happening to me. But since then, all I've thought is how much better things are now. Especially because he's in prison. He can never do it to me, or anyone else ever again. But the damage was done. And what bugged me the most is how worried Kendall was about me. I understand that's pretty hypocritical since I was worried about him, but my worry was about his broken body. His worry was literally for something I could do nothing about right now.

I drove to the closest supermarket, in no real big rush. I had finished all my homework, essentially for the week. I just had one last anatomy assignment I was putting off, for I think, very obvious reasons. And I knew once I got back home, Kendall would still be sound asleep, and I'd be left to sit by myself. Which meant maybe I could get some reading in. As I walked into the store, getting a cart and making sure I had my list, I walked down the first aisle I got too and sighed out glancing around. I noticed the first thing I saw was cleaning supplies and walked to them searching for the dish soap. "Logan?" I turned fast hearing someone come behind me and sucked in a hard breath. Walking towards me, pulling a hood off his head was Kendall's dad. "Please don't worry. I'm not going to do anything. I just wanted to talk." I tensed up as he got a couple feet away from me. "I saw your car leaving the campus and followed you. Not to be creepy or anything…I just want to know how Kendall's is doing." I stood up straight and found my voice behind a wall of fear.

"He's fine. Still doesn't want to see you." That was a lie. Kendall really didn't care if he saw his dad or not. He wasn't a huge fan, but he knew eventually he'd have to see and talk to him. Because as far as his dad was concerned, he was down a sucker who bought drugs from him.

"Yeah…that's funny. That's not what he told me." I met his eyes and frowned seeing him smirk. "He told me he wouldn't mind me stopping by. He just knows James's dad wouldn't like me going to the apartment he shares with James so…"

"You're a liar. He wants nothing to do with you." I turned fast, as a matter of factly, and reached for a blue bottle of dish soap. I threw it in my cart and started to push it. However, because I was just trying to get away from him, I hadn't noticed the two guys standing in front of my cart. Once reached out and grabbed ahold of my cart and grinned big at me. I felt someone get right behind me and tensed up.

"How about this…you drive back to his house, and there will be no harm and no foul." My left arm was grabbed roughly, and something hard poked my back. I sucked in a hard breath and started to glance over my shoulder hearing someone in the other aisle. "You do not want o fuck me over Logan." I saw Kendall's dad right by my face and started to open my mouth, just as the person in the other aisle over, came into ours and froze. I turned to them fast just as my arm was let go of, and all three men started to back away from me. "Give Kendall my best wishes." I spun fast watching Kendall's dad walk away fast. I saw the person who was coming down our aisle approach me but turned back to my cart fast and pushed it hard gripping the handle even harder.

I did the rest of my shopping fast, thankful I wrote everything down I needed. When I finished I was almost hesitant to get back in my car and drive to Kendall's apartment, but knew if I got there, before them and could warn Kendall maybe it wouldn't be that bad. So, I drove fast back to him and grabbed every bag in my car and hurried up to the stairs, noticing no one around me. I frowned as I walked up slowly to the door, realizing I didn't see anyone follow me into the complex. I chuckled quietly, knowing I was being paranoid and quickly pushed the door open trying to be quiet. As I walked in and gently kicked the door shut I saw the couch abandoned and Kendall's crutches gone from the chair they were leaning on. I walked into the kitchen looking down the hall seeing James's door still shut tight, and Kendall's wide open. I sighed out hard setting the bags down and walked to the hallway, unzipping my coat. "Babe?" I walked into his room, and heard faint running water. I panicked a little, but it went away once I walked into this bathroom. He was leaning on his crutches, shirtless, and the wrap off around his stomach. He was wet. He took a shower. By himself. "What part of you need someone here to help you, don't you understand?" He smirked as he brushed his teeth, looking at himself in the mirror. "How'd you shower?" He bent quick and spit the toothpaste out into the sink. He finished up brushing his teeth, rinsing his mouth and stood back up wiping his mouth.

"I took one of the chairs from our patio…" He motioned to the sink and I glanced in raising my eyebrows. "I sat in there, while I rested my leg on the tub. I washed myself and didn't hurt myself once." I pouted leaning against the frame hoping he knew I was upset because I wanted to give him a shower and he turned to me shaking his head. "However, next time I want some company, so you can really get every inch of me." I rolled my eyes letting him kiss my mouth softly. "I would have gone to the store with you."

"I know…but I figured since I've been here so long, and I'll be here for a little longer, I wanted to contribute." He nodded as I walked backwards watching him carefully and quirked up one eyebrow. "You'll never guess who I ran into at the store."

"Ummm…. the president?" I frowned at him as he walked to his dresser and groaned quietly. "Who?"

"Your dad." He looked over his shoulder fast and I nodded getting on the bed watching him. "He said you guys have talked. He said you wanted to see him but was worried about Chris finding out he was over here."

"And you believed him?" I sighed out softly and couldn't help but smile. I knew he was lying about talking to Kendall. "Look…my dad is still my dad. But because he scared you that night in the hospital, I don't want him anywhere near here. More specifically you." I nodded kicking out of my army boots and he shook his head looking back at his dresser.

"Yeah I think I know why. I'm pretty sure he had a gun to my back." He turned back to me, mouth wide open and I jumped up laughing. "Relax. He left…he's all talk anyway, right?" He frowned, and I shrugged. "I'm alright. He didn't do anything except scare me. It's alright. Please don't do anything okay?" I rushed to him, kissing his face softly putting my hands on his face. "I love you."

"I love you too." I nodded pushing his wet hair back off his face and sighed out.

"I think I'm going to go talk to James. See how he's doing." He nodded again and as I started to walk out past him to the hallway to get to James's room, I saw him reach into his sweats pocket. I looked over my shoulder as I walked out of the room slowly and saw him starting to text. Furiously.


	30. Chapter 30

"I don't feel comfortable leaving you all alone." I walked out of the bathroom turning off the light looking at the half naked, stubborn man of my dreams, sprawled out on the bed we've shared for the past 6 days.

"Babe…I'm good. You deserve a night out." I rolled my eyes and walked to the edge of the bed reaching out and ran my hand through his hair, tugging gently. I looked up at the movie he had just started and made a disgusted face at the nasty gory scene. "Besides…you hate these movies, and your best friends need you." I looked down at him, to see I was being looked at and breathed out hard. "You'll be a phone call, away right?" I nodded, and he pushed himself up fast putting a hand behind my head. He pulled me down, to his lips and kissed me hard making a loud smooching sound. I giggled and pushed him away stepping away from the bed.

"You ready Loges?" I rolled my eyes turning to the door and watched James walk in, pulling on a leather jacket. "Carlos said he's already there. With Steven." I nodded and grabbed the black coat on the end of the bed, pulling it on. "You good bro?"

"I'm good. Have fun guys." I smirked over my shoulder at Kendall and nodded blowing him a kiss. He blew one back and as I turned walking out, I heard his voice very softly. "Just watch him for me, will ya?" I tried to stop walking, to hear what James's response was, but was gently pushed out of the room, into the hall, with no one saying another word. I tried to give James a dirty look for taking orders from my boyfriend to watch me, but he didn't even look at me. He just walked us out to the living room, grabbing his keys on the way to the door.

As we drove down the dark road, music playing softly from James's car stereo, neither of said a word. Every now and then, I would get a text from Matt, or Steven (never from Carlos) but other than that, the engine of the car was the only noisy thing. We weren't talking to each other because just a few days ago, the fight of all fights ensued between him and Carlos. And several times through the fight, they asked me to take a side. I told them I would not take either, and now they were both pissed off at me. But it didn't stop them from both agreeing on coming out for a guy's night out with our two other friends. Kendall wasn't wrong. I did deserve a night out. From school work, going into actual work, even though David insisted I didn't, and taking care of my broken boyfriend, I was due for a fun time out. Even if that meant us going out to Sushi and having a few good laughs. It wasn't a lot, but probably exactly what I needed. And I wasn't as afraid to go out thinking Kendall's dad would come after me again because literally the night after he threatened me and had a gun to my back, he was arrested on a drug charge. If that wasn't the sweet kind of karma everyone always talks about, I wasn't sure what was. "You coming?" I snapped my head over to James to see we were in front of the Japanese restaurant and laughed nodding. "Just so you know…" I got out of the tiny sports car at the same time as James and shut the door fast looking over at him as I buttoned my jacket up. "Carlos assumes, since you've been with me, well Kendall, that you've taken my side."

"What did I tell you guys?" He laughed as we walked up the five steps to the doors, that opened as soon as we walked to them. I smiled at the young-looking girl pushing them open for us and walked in front of James walking to the front podium.

"I know. I tried telling him. After he called me every name in the book, I told him to take it up with you himself." I sighed up at him as he got next to me and cleared his throat. "Hi. We're here for a reservation under Garcia." The middle-aged guy nodded and grabbed two menu's walking away quick. I followed after with James right beside me, and automatically smiled. Sitting around a round table, were to my surprise, four guys. Steven noticed us first and stood up waving large, smiling just as large. I rushed to them, and because I haven't seen him in a long time, I hugged him hard.

"Hi buddy!" I smiled over his shoulder and squeezed him tight before pulling away and glancing around the rest of the table. I smiled at Carlos who was looking down at his menu, and then looked to Matt, who was sitting back down after shaking James hand. He sat down right next to David, who I noticed was looking awkward but happy to be here. "Hey guys." Matt grinned big up at me as I took off my coat and set it on the back of my chair and sat down, right next to David. "I didn't know you were coming." I sort of leaned into him, scooting in closer to the table. He sipped from a wine glass and pointed to Matt who was quietly talking with James.

"Matt invited me. He said he didn't want to be the only real adult who would be drinking." I snorted picking my menu up and sighed out hard sitting back.

"So…how's Kendall doing?" I looked up to Steven and smiled small at my charming, sweet friend who was sipping from a glass that looked like it had a soda in it.

"Good. He's moving around a little easier. His breathing is pretty normal now a day too." He nodded, and I saw Carlos sit back, still not looking at me. I looked over at James who was too busy with his menu and figured I'd do the same. "Thanks for asking Steven."

"Of course. That guy is way too sweet to be in any kind of pain." I nodded in agreement and just as I wanted to raise my head to say something to get Carlos to talk to me, I felt on my left side, where David is, a foot gently kick my leg. I looked down quick but looked back up to see David glancing down.

"Shit…sorry…I thought your leg was my chair leg." I laughed as he looked up and I shrugged him off. We gave each other one last look before turning back to our menu's both of us smiling.

It seemed to me anyway, that our dinner was slowly turning into the last time all of us went out. We had one extra person and I was confident no one was going to attack me in the bathroom, but everyone was sort of still on that same track: being friends and laughing about stupid things, talking about girls, or guys and talking heavily about sports. The only thing that wasn't brought up, was James screwing Sam and that she might be pregnant. I was okay with that. However, I noticed as we all sort of got close to finishing dinner, David had been relatively quiet. He would say something every now and then and engage in a conversation or too but was fairly quiet. It made me feel bad. For as close as I've gotten with him, from work, I've learned a lot about him. He's a really nice guy, who looks out for his friends. And super easy on the eyes. As I thought about how good looking he was, since the guys started talking about the game Matt just played on Friday, I glanced over to David to see him smiling behind a wine glass looking over at James and Matt who were the ones telling a story. Without even thinking about it being anything other than me trying to get his attention, I reached out and put my hand on his thigh. He jerked to me quick and his smile left. I took my hand off fast and leaned in, putting my folded arms on the table top. "How are the new bartenders for Monday?" He chuckled and took the last gulp of his wine before setting it down and leaning into me.

"Nervous. You know that guy Christian. I swear to God every time I went to check up on him, he was fixing his hair, or checking himself out in the shaker." I rolled my eyes looking down and chewed on my bottom lip. "But they all are excited. Monday will be difficult but fun. And that's all that matters." I looked back up, smiling and nodded as he gave me a sweet small smile. As I looked at him, I only thought of one thing. Kendall.

"Oh, fuck you James." I snapped my head to Carlos fast and swallowed hard seeing my two best friends glaring each other down. "If you were sober you still would have done it. Just because you have everyone else fooled doesn't mean I am."

"Los…" Every head turned to me and I leaned forward, keeping my voice down. "Can we have this sort of conversation in private? And not in a very public place?"

"Why? We all know you're going to take James side anyway." He grabbed his glass of water and quickly downed it. I shook my head looking at James who was looking at me.

"I'm not taking either of your side. I think you both have some serious problems you need to…"

"What fucking problem do I have, you asshole? My girlfriend cheated on me, and I can't get my best friend to have my back about it." I leaned even more forward glaring at him, hating how loud he was getting. Thank God he wasn't drunk.

"You and I, and everyone else knows how you treated her. Like she was your piece of meat you showed off to every guy who came to the BBQ. You never respected her, and you never wanted anything else from her, except sex. Don't you dare act high and mighty compared to James. Because he isn't that high up either." I looked over to James fast and narrowed my eyes. "Who the fuck sleeps with his best friend's girlfriend? If that wasn't bad enough for you, you didn't use protection and might have gotten her pregnant!" I shoved my chair back hard seeing them both giving me a dirty look and stood up, fuming. "Why is it that when it's you two who should be getting yelled at and treated like shit, it's me?" I yanked my wallet out of my back pocket and pulled out two twenties. I threw them to the table and grabbed my coat, turning, and walking away from the table fast.

I didn't realize I hadn't driven myself until I walked outside into the blistering cold wind and didn't feel my keys. I groaned and tried to get myself to calm down and decided to just call a cab and have it take me back to Kendall. Just as I pulled my phone out to make the call I heard the door open behind me and someone come right up behind me. "Leave me alone, unless it's to apologize."

"For?" I jumped fast and turned smiling at David who was lighting a cigarette breathing in deep.

"Sorry…I had this stupid idea in my head that my idiot best friends would try to make things right with me. Apparently not." He smirked as he exhaled away from my face and lowered the cigarette. He put his free hand into the pocket of his jeans and took a step towards me.

"James said he drove you here. Would you like a ride?" I sighed out looking down at the ground, wondering how awkward that would be for Kendall. If I showed up in his ex-boyfriend's car. "You can say no Logan. Just offering." I chuckled and looked up shrugging.

"Thanks. I was going to just call a cab." He shook his head fast, gently putting his hand on the small of my back and led me down the stairs, to the parking lot. "I don't understand it. I have been those idiot's friends since we were babies. When they fuck up, I'm there to help fix it. But I can't fix this one. And suddenly I'm the asshole."

"Well…if you want a third-party perspective opinion I did go to college for psychology." I raise dan eyebrow up at him as he walked me to a nice and tiny sleek two door black sports car. He walked me to the passenger side and opened the door for me quick. I got in immediately smelling his cologne and let him shut the door as I pulled my seatbelt on. Before he climbed in as well, he took a few more puffs of his cigarette throwing it to the ground and got in. Once his door shut, he slid the key in the ignition and turned to me smiling. "Carlos feels betrayed. One of his very best friends fucked his girlfriend. Part of him blames himself. That pisses him off." I nodded as he put his own seatbelt on and sat back. "So, he reflects that anger onto you, because you haven't come out and said you guys should just drop James as a friend. He wants to hear that." I nodded again, and he shrugged as he slowly pulled out of the parking spot. "Now James knows how bad he screwed up. He wants his very smart and attractive best friend to tell him he'll make it better for him. Because you haven't' done that…"

"I'm the asshole." He chuckled, and I sat back shaking my head. "Idiots." He laughed louder this time and I put my head back watching the street go by us suddenly remembering him say something just now. About how I was attractive. I turned to him and swallowed hard as he gently scratched the beard on his chin. "Can I ask you something?" He turned to me and nodded stopping the car at a red light. "Have you dated since Kendall?" He turned away from me slowly and slumped a little gently shaking his head. "I don't get it. You're quite the catch." He snapped his head back to me and I turned away looking at the back of the car in front of us. "Before James and I left tonight, Kendall told James to look after me." I went quiet and twiddled my fingers on my lap. He carefully stepped on the gas and drove slowly behind the car in front of us.

"Is everything okay between you two? If that's too weird to answer no stress." I laughed and shook my head looking back at him.

"I love that man more than anything. He has helped me through a lot of shit. And I'd like to think I've helped him a lot too. But…" I paused and shrugged to find the right words to say. "Ever since Professor Smith did what he did to me, he's been different. He doesn't touch me like he used to. He doesn't trust me like he used to. It's like I'm a fragile little China doll. It's irritating."

"It's Kendall." We locked eyes before he turned back to the road and drove. "He likes control Logan. And I know…I know this isn't a conversation you want to have, but it's true. He has to feel like the man, if that makes any sense." I sat back breathing out hard, and knew, exactly what he meant. Before if David had said anything to me about Kendall, I chalked it up as David being bitter. But with something like this, it was hard to dispute. "I remember the fight Kendall got in one night at my bar, because he saw me dancing on the bar, with some random guy trying to pull me down. He nearly beat this guy's skull in before anyone got to them. And then when we got home we had the craziest, nastiest hardest sex we've ever had. And he was vocal about whose dick I should want." I looked back to him, debating whether I should believe him, just as the car stopped slowly and he turned to me putting his car in park. "Can I ask you something?" I nodded as I pulled off my seatbelt noticing we were at Kendall's apartment. "Have you been flirting with me tonight? Or did I miss read something?" I chuckled turning to him, looking down. "Logan…"

"I have a least a billion things running all around my head right now…one thing I know for sure is that there is one person in this world who does not treat me like a victim. Or a child to protect." I glanced back up at his face and unlike how before I would only see Kendall, and want to be near him, with him, I didn't. I just saw David, who was giving me the most innocent look I had ever seen. It broke my walls down. And I probably did the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life. I reached over quick and pressed my lips softly into his. He went still and so did I. Our eyes stayed open and we just stared at each other. Until one of his hands reached up and touched my neck. I shut my eyes hard and pushed harder into him. He cupped my neck and opened his mouth on my lips reaching out with his other hand. I felt my jacket get tugged and took the hint to get closer to him. I sat up in my seat and started to climb over to his lap. Our mouths were both open and we were sticking our tongues inside each other, not being clean with the kiss. I would have very well climbed on top of him, but I felt a vibration from my jacket, and a loud ring echoed out of it. I groaned pushing off him fast and sat down breathing hard. As soon as my phone got pulled out of my pocket, every breath stopped coming out of my mouth, and all the blood in my veins froze. I was looking down at Kendall's smiling face, as he called me. I swallowed hard looking up and out to the dark street in front of his apartment. As I hit answer on my phone and raised it to my ear shakily, I turned to David. "Hello?" He looked away fast wiping his mouth and I closed my eyes.

"Hey baby…I just got a strange call from James. He said you got a ride home from David and should be home, like right about now." I lowered my head and felt my free hand form into a tight fist on my thigh. "Is…"

"I'm actually going to go into work with him for a few to help with a small emergency." Everyone around me went quiet, and I opened my eyes feeling the strength of a thousand men enter me. I was slowly getting sick of being treated like I needed someone to hold my hand and have eyes on me at all times. And now, as he questions why it was taking me so long to get home, it all came up to a boiling point. "I'll be home a little later. I just need to do some last-minute things to prepare for Monday night." I looked back over to David to see him still looking straight ahead. "I'll call when I'm on my way." I heard a sigh from Kendall and watched David look back at me, only the moonlight on his face. "Are you doing alright?" He chuckled quietly and looked down. I did as well and watched one of his hands reach out to me and set it on my thigh. I tensed up and swallowed hard hearing Kendall talk.

"Yeah…I'm good. I just don't really feel comfortable with you bending over backwards for him Logan. He's going to fuck it up in the end."

"He is, or I will?" David met my gaze as I set my hand on top of his and I shook my head. "Honest Kendall…did you not trust him, or do you not trust me?"

"I don't' know what kind of question that is…how I can trust someone who wont talk to me about anything." I turned away from David fast and looked out my window. "I think it's great you love your job so much but this week you were supposed to have off and look where your going. Again."

"Fuck you Kendall. I'll talk to you later." I hung up fast and threw my phone down to the floor at my feet. I breathe din hard and chuckled at the same time. I couldn't look at David, because as pissed as I was at Kendall for assuming I'm fucking around on him, right now, it wasn't all that farfetched. But that just made me feel worse. I said nothing as I felt the car move, and watched as he quickly sped down the street, going down to the back of the apartments where there was extra parking, and no other buildings around. I let him park, and waited until his car shut off, before looking over at him. He was already taking off his seatbelt and to my surprise, taking off his jacket. I took the hint quick. I took off my own coat and kicked out of my shoes and socks. As I tugged my belt off, and pulled my jeans, and boxers down, I heard him groan beside me. I turned back to look at him, and saw his dick out of his jeans, already rock hard. I felt myself grow as I struggled getting my clothes off and decided to leave my shirt on. When I was naked from the waist down, I got up and climbed over to David, getting on his lap. I put one hand on his shoulder, while the other reached behind me, and grabbed his dick. Without saying a word, I put him inside me. He put his head back closing his eyes and put his hands on my hips. I kept looking at his face as I slowly sat down all the way on him. Once he was inside me completely I let out a low, soft moan making him look back up at me. His hands moved from my hips to my ass and slowly raised me, just to slam me back down. I groaned loudly falling forward and put my face in his neck, closing my eyes only thinking of one thing. I hoped Kendall thought I was doing this exact thing right now.

 **I am so sorry. Please bear with me. I have a very clear picture on how this story goes, and this needs to happen. Hang in there. I promise everything will work out!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Just…I am so sorry.**

I couldn't move. Nothing in my head made any sense. Everything around me was ice cold. Not because of the cold weather. Well that played a part in it. But it was because not 5 minutes ago, I was in a warm steamy car, on top of a man who touched me like it was his first time. It was raw and passionate sex that made me realize a few things, that I never thought would be of interest to me. He fucked me like I was just a guy. There was no need to feel any love. We didn't say we loved each other every two seconds. He pulled my hair and he slapped my ass telling me to ride his dick. It was a kind of sex that I had never thought about having before. But I loved it. That's why I hated myself for it. Because I enjoyed it. And it wasn't with Kendall. Just the thought of being without Kendall made me realize something else. As I looked up from my hands and stared out into the dark road in front of me as I sat on the stairs leading up to Kendall's apartment, it hit me. I didn't care if I wasn't without Kendall. I just didn't want to feel like I was weak anymore. Or like I needed to be looked after.

I felt my body shiver as a wind gust whipped around me and pulled my legs up to my chest. I hugged around them, debating how much longer I was going to put off telling Kendall what I did. I was literally feet from him and I couldn't get myself up. No matter how hard I tried, or how many times I told myself the quicker it happened the better. I couldn't move. The shellfish part of my brain told me, it's because I wanted David back near me, so we could fuck again. But the real part of my brain told me it was because I felt bad. I knew how pissed off Kendall would be. I knew he would dump me. He would throw me out of his apartment and rightfully so. I wasn't ready for that. But I very well couldn't stay outside all night. "Logan?" I turned slowly and looked over my shoulder seeing Carlos walking down the stairs to me, zipping up his coat. "What the hell are you doing out here in the cold?" He got right down next to me and sat down pulling his hood on his head. "Kendall said you guys got in a fight. Cause he accused you of cheating." I couldn't help the chuckle that left my mouth as I looked back out to the street. "Come on man…he didn't mean it. He is just hopelessly in love with you." I quickly put my elbows on my knees and set my head in my hands breathing in deep. "Look…at dinner tonight…you were right. James and I took shit out on you that's not your fault. I'm sorry." I eyed him from my hands and saw him shrug. "It hurts…it hurts that, whatever her reasoning for doing what she did, she didn't think she could come to me first. How was I supposed to fix the problem if she didn't ever tell me the problem?" I raised my head slowly and waited to speak until he turned to me. When he did I swallowed hard and just said it.

"I did cheat on Kendall." His mouth fell open slowly and I looked back out to the street. "I had sex with David tonight. That's where I was. We didn't go to work…in fact we went just down there and fucked in the first seat of his car. It was the first time…I've never done that before." I slowly rubbed my hands up and down my shins and closed my eyes hearing him move around next to me. "I want to go back to that first night Kendall and I had sex. He wasn't gentle with me. He didn't tell me how much he loved me as we fucked. He just…we just screwed. There were no serious feelings and emotions attached to any of it. It was just sex. I want to go back to that, because back then I had no idea how hard love could be. And I had no idea how painful it is to fall in love with someone so quick." I turned to him, opening my eyes slowly, and smiled small. "Or how painful it is to fall out of love with someone so quick." To my surprise, instead of getting up and leaving me, or yelling at me, telling me I was a scumbag, he pulled me into his side. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in hard, hugging me tight. I quickly wrapped around him and held him tight putting my face in his neck.

"When did you realize you didn't' love him anymore?" I shrugged, and he gently rubbed up and down my back. "You could have told him Logan. You could have just told him, you didn't want to be with him anymore."

"As he sits inside his house all day with a broken body? Pretty fucked up."

"Cheating is a better option?" I pulled away fast and felt my eyes starting to well up. He shook his head putting a hand on the back of my head and looked down. "Your reasons for doing what you've done is your own. I can't say that I agree with your methods of ending a relationship but you're my best friend. I want you happy Logan. And with time, Kendall will see that." I shook my head setting my hand on Carlos's leg softly.

"No, he won't. He goes from 0 to 100 in five seconds or less. This isn't going to be good." He pet through my hair on the back of my head and I smiled turning to him. "When we started dating…you told me you didn't want me to be with Kendall because you thought he wasn't good enough for me and you thought he would lessen me." He smirked looking away and took his hand off my head. "Still think I'm sincere and genuine?"

"Actually, even more so now. And no one likes to say this but, I told you so." I shoved him playfully making him laugh. "The Logan Mitchell I used to know would have never cheated on his boyfriend with a 26-year-old bar owner. I can't, and neither can you, deny that Kendall didn't have anything to do with that." I sighed standing up at the same time he did. "You have reasons to do what you did. That is all that matters. Kendall either accepts it or doesn't." I turned looking up at the door to the apartment and felt a lump in my throat. "And you either tell him, or you don't. The choice is your Logan. Because it's your life, and no one should ever tell you how to live it. And you sure as hell shouldn't live it for anyone else." I turned to him and he smiled patting my back. "Good luck buddy. Call me if you need me." He turned and took one step down.

"Los?" He looked back up at me and I started to shift awkwardly. "I don't think this is going to end well. Can you come in with me? I could use a friend's support."

"James is in there." He nodded up to the door, frowning but I shook my head.

"I need your support." His mouth parted a little again before he took the step up to me and touched my back.

"Of course. I'll be right behind you."

Like he said, Carlos was behind me. From walking up the stairs, and letting me push open the door, he stayed very close, keeping a hand on my back. When I walked in the apartment, I was expecting to see a dark house. But the lights were on in the living room, and TV was on. It looked like James was playing a game on his x-Box. When I stepped in fully, I couldn't help but look right at Kendall as he sat up in his recliner, pushing it down. He looked tired. But he also looked worried. That pissed me off. "Hey…there you are. I've been trying to call you." And I've been ignoring your calls. I wanted to say it so bad but bit my tongue. "You alright?" I nodded walking slowly over to the loveseat by his chair and sat down swallowing hard. James had paused his game, and all three guys were staring at me.

"I need to tell you something." I looked right up to his green eyes and he deflated a little smirking.

"Does it have to do with that red mark on your neck." Unlike how I would react before, covering my hickey up, I didn't move. He nodded looking down and cleared his throat. "Can you guys give us a minute?"

"I want them to stay." He looked back up at me and I shrugged. "You and I both know what is going on Kendall. It doesn't need to be a long-drawn argument where we scream, and I cry. I just wanted to tell you I was leaving, and to get my stuff." I couldn't believe the words as they came out of my mouth, but I couldn't take them back. His face was blank, and for a minute a regretted everything I've done. Because he looked so heartbroken. But he pushed himself up further in his chair and opened his mouth shaking his head.

"How many times did you fuck around behind my back?" I looked down at my hands, but his hands grabbed my face and turned it up back to face him. I bit my cheek on the inside and he shook his head. "How many times?"

"Just tonight." He let me go quick and his shoulders fell.

"Why?" I turned to look at my friends and saw them both giving us a sad look. I know they were uncomfortable, but I felt if they left my side, I'd cave and beg for forgiveness. I didn't want that. "I don't believe you." I snapped back to Kendall quick and he sat back shaking his head. "I don't believe that you would do this just because. I know David somehow…in some way forced you into this." The whole apartment went quiet and all the anger I felt toward him, came back to my head.

"That's right Kendall." We locked eyes and I laughed. "I'm a helpless little twerp who gets used and abused because I can't fight for myself. I can't make my own decisions and do what I want, with whoever I want because I'll get hurt or fuck it up somehow." He narrowed his eyes and I stood up fast. "You don't get to tell my best friend to watch me, before I go to hang out with him. I'm not your fucking property. I can talk to whoever I want, hang out with whoever I want and do whatever I want. Or whoever I want." He looked down slowly his breathing picking up speed and I clenched my fists down at my sides. "I engaged David first if it makes you feel better. I wanted it a hell of a lot more than he did. Because I knew I could. There was no one there to stop me from fucking a really hot guy. Being with you, does stop me from that. And I don't want that anymore." I spun fast, avoiding eye contact with James and Carlos and went right to Kendall's room. I flipped on the light and went to my duffle on the desk. I unzipped it and picked It up turning. Standing in the doorway was Carlos and James. I froze and felt my eyes widen seeing them both giving me odd looks. "What?" James looked down quick, and Carlos stepped in around him.

"Do you want some help?" I set the bag on the bed and looked down at the half empty duffle. "I can grab your toothbrush and stuff." I nodded not looking back up and quickly moved stuff around in my bag. I herd James walk in and in the corner of my eye, watched him walk to the desk, picking up my messenger bag as he went. I swallowed hard and walked to the dresser knowing Kendall had cleared a space in his top drawer for some of my boxers and shirts. I opened it fast and started to grab them hoping the tears coming out of my eyes, wouldn't spill. As I turned to walk back to the bed, I heard Kendall walking around on his crutches, and knew I heard them coming closer. As I went back to the bed I saw his figure come into the room and stop by the dresser. I remained looking down as I shoved things inside my bag.

"You were never just some twerp to me Logan." I looked up slowly at him and felt my heart snap in two. He had tears rolling down his face. "You were the first guy I fell in love with, who I could see my whole life with. I wanted to live with you. Marry you. Have kids with you." The tears that had been threatening to come out, finally fell out and he shook his head. "If you can't come to me…if you don't' feel good enough with me, to tell me your fears and when your angry, then I can't help you. If you don't want my shoulder to be the one you lean on, then I can't help. And if you have to leave, and don't want to be with me, I can't stop you." I looked down fast letting tears hit hard into my bag and on my hands. "I understand your James's best friend and will be around him, so I'm not going to do anything to ruin that. But if I don't have to see you, I don't want to. Because every time I see you, from now on, all I'll see is a man who was too wrapped up in himself to see how loved he was. And I'll all be reminded of is a heartbreak, I never thought I would have to feel." I looked back up and watched him turn, slowly on his crutches, and walk out of the room. I remained silent, hearing him grunt a few times at pain. I only moved when I heard the patio glass door open, and then close. I glanced around to my friends to see them both staring at me, almost in an angry way. However, they still helped me grab the rest of my stuff and pack my bags.

By the time I had my duffle and school bag in my trunk of my car, I was no longer crying and that guilt and regret I had felt earlier was in full force. I slammed my trunk closed hard and turned sighing out. Looking at both James and Carlos who were bundled up in scarves and beanies and big coats. I sighed out shoving my hands into my jean pockets and shrugged. Carlos chuckled and looked at his watch on his wrist smiling small. "You guys got any plans?" Both James and I gave him a stupid look and he laughed. "When was the last time, all three of us were single, and hung out?" My mouth smiled just little and he shrugged. "We could go grab some coffee…maybe talk about the shit going on in our lives." I looked over to James fast who quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket and started texting. We both frowned at him, but when he lowered his phone, mine buzzed and so did Carlos. I pulled I tout quick and laughed seeing a text from him. All it read was 'If Logan's driving, I call shotgun.' I looked up fast feeling a few tears leaving my eyes as Carlos shoved James and quickly ran around to the passenger side of my car. I couldn't help but laugh as I wiped my face and walked to the driver side unlocking the door for James, of course, to get in the front seat next to me. Before I got in, I looked over my shoulder up to the patio Kendall was still sitting on and saw him looking down at us. He was crying still, silently, and my heart broke even more. I got in fast and had only thought. What the fuck did I just do?


	32. Chapter 32

No one around me wanted to admit it, but I was an asshole.

Ever since I left him crying, and alone and cold on his balcony, I have regretted every decision I made since that night. I didn't want to lose him. I didn't want to hurt him and cheat on him. But I did. And there is nothing in the whole wide world I can do to fix it. I tried to call him the next day, but he let the phone ring and ring. I sent several texts asking if we could talk, and he ignored me. I tried that for the first couple of days after our breakup, but by the fourth day, James Carlos and I were going out to breakfast and James had a message for me, from Kendall. He didn't want to talk, and he wanted me to just leave him alone. That killed me, but I agreed. To make sure I actually did it, Carlos deleted his number from my phone along with all our pictures and messages we've sent to each other. It helped. Sort of. It helped me realize I fucked up and now I have to suffer. But it didn't help because it just made my friends, and parents when I eventually told them, act like everything was fine.

On the outside, I was fine. I was going to school functions, and parties. I was going back to school normally and worked almost every single night except Friday Saturday and Sunday. I kept myself busy and kept in close contact with my four closest friends. Matt and Steven were great. When I couldn't hang out with James and Carlos, I was always with one of them. Matt introduced me to almost the whole football team and became friends with a few of them. They treated me like an equal. They invited me to frat parties and more than a few times, were helping me do keg stands. And when I was partying it up with Matt and James and the football team, Steven and Carlos were hanging out with me, going to movies and studying. Carlos and Steven had a lot in common. They were both huge Star Wars fans and loved anime. They would drag me to weird movies and go hang out with other people who were into some odd shit. But I went because it wasn't that bad, and I loved hanging out with my friends. For the two and a half months after Kendall and I broke up, I looked, and acted normal. But I was far from it.

Because I was going to so many frat parties, I got a large appetite to get drunk. I loved the feeling. I was completely free, and no one seemed to care how much I was throwing back every night. No one really questioned how much I was drinking because I was getting really good at holding my liquor. So even when I wasn't getting shit faced at a party, I was getting shit faced. I somehow managed to get David to buy me alcohol for myself. Well, I know how I did it. When we weren't working, we were fucking. Any and everywhere. I loved it. Because he was super vocal, and super handsy. I loved the way he treated me. Because there was no love. And we weren't worried about our label. We just were friends who fucked each other a lot. And he was my boss. I digress. David was buying me liquor because I asked him too. And when I was feeling down, or wasn't all that ready to go to school, or work, I would take a swig of Jack, or Smirnoff. I have even gone as far as to get my own flask and keep it in my bag, which I took everywhere with me. I wouldn't say I had a drinking problem. I would just say that drinking is the only thing that makes me feel better. And reminds me that life isn't as shitty as I've been led to believe.

I was regretting not coming into work tonight, without taking a shot or two. I had been running around all day helping my parents with last minute Christmas decorating and shopping. For the three weeks we got off for Christmas break, I was going to go home with my folks, and reconnect with them. They were ecstatic. But because of all the prepping and planning we've been doing, I wasn't able to take a drink. And when I walked into the already packed bar, 10 minutes before my shift started, I wanted to kill someone. However, I put on my usual fake smile and walked behind the bar, smiling big at the three bartenders who were already working. I shoved open the door leading into the back room and walked down the hallway fast going right to the break room. I untangled my scarf from around my neck and walked to David, who was sitting in front of his desk, typing fast on his computer. "Hey." He glanced over his shoulder smiling at me, before looking back to his computer. "It's fucking packed out there already. Wall to wall." He nodded, and I gently set my bag on the desk beside him glancing at the email he was writing.

"Yeah I know. I was going to try to leave early tonight but it doesn't look like I'll be able too." I smirked setting my scarf on my bag. "How was your day with your parents?"

"Nice…I got some last-minute shopping done and helped them finish decorating their house." I pulled a chair up next to him and unbuttoned my black pea coat. "Speaking of shopping…I got you something, and because I know you're going to be out of town for Christmas, I want to give it to you now." He stopped typing and turned to me, frowning. I laughed and quickly opened my bag, pulling out a small square box, with dark green sparkly wrapping on it. I had a big red bow in the center and gently set it on David's keyboard. "It's nothing weird or extravagant. Just open it." He sighed sitting back and started to unwrap the paper, making me smile. When the paper was off he started to throw it to the ground, but I caught it, and balled it up making him laugh. He opened up the drawer on his desk and pulled out a box cutter. He started to cut at the tape job on the plain brown box and I put a goofy smile on my face. Once the box was open he looked in and immediately started laughing, putting his head back on his chair.

"Logan Mitchell, I swear to God." I giggled like a little school girl as he reached in the box and pulled out the small gift set of a box of Magnum extra large condoms, and three different bottles of edible lube. We locked eyes and I blushed shaking my head.

"That isn't the real gift. Look under the tissue paper in there." He sighed out looking back down and set the box of condoms and lube in his lap, reaching back in. He felt around a little and slowly his face scrunched up into a confused look. When he finally pulled the thing out, I sat back continuing to unbuttoning my coat. He lifted the medium sized picture frame and smiled small looking down. It was a picture of the two of us. It was a selfie I had taken one day while we were tangled up in each other's arms, lying in his huge bed. He had just told me a really stupid joke, trying to get me to feel better after yet another cry fest about Kendall. I took the picture because I wanted to be reminded of how happy I was trying to make myself without Kendall. I never thought I could be happy without him, yet here was the proof.

"This is a great picture of you." I looked up at his eyes as I shimmied out of my coat blushing again. "Thank you. This means a lot to me. More so than this." He raised the gift set and I chuckled standing. "How you doing today? About all that?" I shrugged walking to the coat rack and set mine on it, on an empty hook. "Well since you seem to be sort of alright, I guess now would be a good time to tell you." I spun fast and tilted my head putting my hands on my hips. He carefully place the photo frame on his desk and slid the gift box into the top drawer of his desk along with his box cutter. When he turned to me he mimicked my body language and stepped up towards me. "Matt is coming by tonight. He's making Carlos, James and Steven come as well." I nodded smiling, but he shook his head. "James invited Kendall who accepted the invite." My smile fell, and I felt like I got hit by a bus. "From what I understand, Kendall just wants to hang out with his step brother and friends and doesn't have any plans on seeing you." I looked down fast and swallowed hard, nodding. "I will try my hardest to make sure everything stays calm, but I know your friends will want to see you work." I nodded again as two big warm hands held either side of my neck and soft lips kissed on top of my head in my hair. "It will be alright. Just ignore him if you want, or if you want to talk to him, talk to him. But don't let him get you down. You've come really far emotionally." I nodded raising my head and stood on tippy toes. I quickly kissed his lips putting one hand on his chest, before I pulled away and walked to the little kitchenette we had. "I'm gonna go head out and make sure were doing good." I glanced over my shoulder as I stopped in front of the coffee pot and nodded smiling big.

"Okay. I'm going to make some coffee and clock in. I'll see you out there." He smiled big and turned walking out of the room, leaving me alone. All by myself with my thoughts.

I took my time making myself a strong cup of coffee knowing this was going to be the last busy night of the season, since everyone would be mostly going home for the holidays. I wasn't looking forward to another crazy big crowd. Especially because Kendall would be in that big crazy crowd. But if we had people around us, maybe he wouldn't do or say anything stupid. I could only hope. I took just a few sips of my coffee before setting it on David's desk, and quickly clocking in. Once I was on the clock, I put my apron on, around my waste and pushed up the sleeves of my dark green long-sleeved shirt, walking out into the hallway. I tensed up hearing another loud offensive rap song blaring from the dance floor and took in a deep breath pushing the door open, to get to the bar. Once I did, I shut it quick and let my eyes adjust to the bright blinding neon lights around me. I saw dozens of guys around the bar waiting patiently to get a drink and stepped forward gently touching the back of one of my fellow bartenders. His name was Andrew, and had to have the cutest, sweetest face I'd ever seen before. He looked down at me and bent down getting to my ear. "You wanna go out with the shots?!" I yelled it in his hear making him nod quick and step away from the bar, tightening the apron around his waist. I quickly stepped up to where he was standing and grinned big at the few guys in front of me. "What can I get you guys?!" One of them leaned forward over the bar and I leaned back into him.

"Three cokes!" I nodded pushing off the bar and bent slightly grabbing three bright neon plastic cups opening up our ice bin.

"Hey Logan!" I looked up and down the bar at another bartender walking towards me, smiling wide. "Someone here to see you! He's really fucking cute!" I swallowed hard and stood up holding all three cups. "Let me get these. What are they?"

"Cokes!" He nodded and gently took the cusp from me. He gently nudged me down the bar to the other end, where I couldn't see all that well. I wiped my hands off on my apron and made my way down the bar squinting in the darkness. When I got close enough I felt my breath picking up speed. However, as I got closer, I couldn't help but laugh. Sitting at the bar, looking very comfortable was James, who once he saw me, stood up on his bar stool leaning over the bar.

"Hey buddy!" I walked to him and got up on one of the many little blocks we used to get closer to people to hear their orders. "This place is fucking sweet!" I laughed nodding and put my hands down on the bar top.

"Glad you like it! Have you gotten drinks yet?!" He shook his head and leaned right into my ear.

"Kendall is here!" He yelled it in my ear making me shaking my head and shrug. I pushed back, and he rolled his eyes bouncing to the beat of the song playing overhead. "I think I was supposed to get their orders first, but I wanted to warn you." I sighed out, and quickly got off my block, and lifted the partition to get out tot eh floor.

"I'll go with you to get the orders!" He nodded gently pushing past people and I followed close smiling at a few guys I recognize because they were regulars. When James walked me over to a corner of the bar, with two tables pushed together, I started to panic. I saw Carlos, and Steven and Matt, but I only had eyes for the smiling handsome man sitting at the end corner by himself. When James got to the table, I stopped short as soon as Kendall spotted me. The smile he had on his face fell and I took the final steps to the table, tearing my eyes away from his. I grinned at my three other friends who grinned just as big as me. "Hey guys! How you doing?!" Matt leaned forward first and shook his head.

"It's packed tonight! You must be making bank?!" I rolled my eyes leaning up on the counter and continued to ignore Kendall's eyes burning a hole into my skull. "What do you suggest for a few straight guys?!"

"Well we have this drink called the university that everyone seems to love! Super fruity and sugary!" Matt gave me a thumb up and nodded I looked to Carlos and Steven who also nodded, and then stopped on James.

"I'll just take a Coke!" I laughed and nodded, finally turning to Kendall, smile gone. I raised an eyebrow and he looked over my head at the bar.

"I'll…I'll go up there with you. Not quite sure yet." I swallowed hard and pushed off the bar nodding.

"I'll be right back with those guys!" My friends all gave me a small smile and nodded as I turned and walked back to the bar. I could tell Kendall was right behind me and it made me so fucking nervous. I went back under the partition and stood behind the bar seeing Kendall lean against the bar staring right at me. "You want to see a menu up close?!" He shook his head softly and I frowned grabbing four separate cups. I set them up on the bar and grabbed the ice scoop tossing some ice into each cup.

"I'll just take a Coke." I looked up frowning and he chuckled looking over his shoulder. I grabbed a fifth cup and filled that with ice. When Kendall looked back at me I grabbed the soda gun and hit Coke, putting it in the last two cups. When I put it back down, he leaned forward again and swallowed hard. "You look good Logan." I froze with my hand on the jug of OJ. He straightened back up grabbing one of the cups of Coke and I felt my cheeks blush. I opened my eyes, to say something hopefully that didn't come out too desperate but enough to get my point across. But I was interrupted. By a body being thrown on the bar before me. I jumped back into one of my fellow employees, as soda and juice came flying at me. I closed my eyes and wiped my face hearing yelling and opened my eyes in time to see someone now on top of the body, lowering a fist.

"No!" I lunged forward and grabbed the guy's arm, tugging. He turned to me, seething and as I tugged him off the guy on the bar, he fell down on top of me so hard my legs buckled under me, and we both fell to the ground. I saw the other bartender reaching for us, but before anyone could stop him, I was punched hard. In my right eye and then just as quickly as the first, I was hit in the nose. My eyes closed hard, and I heard a small crack. Before the guy could hit me again, I felt him get lifted off of me, followed by loud boo's and a lot of people yelling. I dared to open my eyes, and saw David and the other bartender, dragging this guy out from behind the bar. Once they were gone, I groaned and covered my face, feeling blood rushing out of my nose. I closed my eyes feeling someone get down on the ground next to me, setting a hand on my chest.

"Logan?! Are you alright?!" I lowered my hands quick and opened my eyes staring up at Kendall who was inches from my face. When he saw my eyes open, he went back a little setting a cold hand on my face. "I think your nose is broken!" I shook my head softly and reached back up covering my right eye. "You want to get up?" I nodded slowly and shamelessly let him put his hands under my shoulders and pull me up.

"Logan?!" I looked up over Kendall and saw David walking towards us, is whole face, pissed off. "Kendall get him on the couch in the back. I'm shutting this place down until the cops get here and we get this taken care of." I groaned quietly and let Kendall easily lift me. He put one of my arms around his neck and held my hand gently, while his other arm wrapped around my stomach.

I was slow to walk, even with his help. My head was throbbing, and I had blood trickling into my mouth from my nose. I felt nauseous and thought I may have a concussion. As Kendall walked me into the break room, going right to the couch, I shamelessly let myself curl up into his side, up until he set me on the couch. I laid back fast, flat on my back and wiped at my nose hissing at the serious amount of pain. "Let me get you some ice." I watched him walk away and reached into my apron for a clean dish towel I always had on me for spills. I carefully set it under my nose and closed my eyes, feeling a few tears spill out. My right eye was already swelling up and it hurt like a son of a bitch. I wiped my face free of the tears, so Kendall didn't see them, and when I heard the freezer door, shut I opened them back up and waited for him to get back beside me. Once he was, he knelt down beside the couch and set a dish towel wrapped bag of ice on my eye and gently pushed my hand off the towel under my nose. I quickly put my hands down outside my body and breathed out shakily and slowly. "I don't' understand why you tried to intervene?" I laughed looking over at him with my left eye and he smirked.

"Because…if I let some fight break out in front of me, I would get in a lot of trouble."

"So, you decided to take the beating yourself?" I nodded and laughed again making him shake his head and look up over the couch. We went quiet for a few minutes as he held the ice and towel on my face, carefully. It wasn't until I heard fast talking, and quick footsteps, did I realize Kendall and I were in the same room, and we weren't screaming at each other, or crying. It was nice.

"Loges?" I smiled down the length of the couch seeing Carlos and James breathing hard looking down at me. "Holy shit that's a lot of blood." I closed my eye sort of turning to face Kendall some more. He didn't move away from me which I thought was a good sign.

"I know…" The ice was taken off my eye and I reopened them, working with a hurt right one, and stared at Kendall as he looked me in the eyes. "I think it's broken. And his eye is fucked up." I closed both eyes again and let him put the ice bag back on my face. "Did someone call 911?"

"Yeah…David did. He has the guy being held in a storage room with a few bouncers. And he's shutting the club down but let us stay." I opened my eye again and saw Kendall was staring at me again. Without a lot of thought going into it, I reached forward and gently touched his chest. He swallowed hard looking down. I was going to ask James and Carlos if they could give us a minute but the loud running, and booming voice made me stop.

"Logan!? Where is he?" I watched Kendall look up and stand quickly as David walked in and got on the floor, taking the spot Kendall just left. Kendall's hands left my face, and David replaced them with his. "I am so sorry Logan. I couldn't get to that asshole in time." I forced a smile and shook my head as he took the towel off my face and sighed hard. "Fuck…you think it's broken?" David looked up behind me, probably to Kendall and I clenched up.

"I think so. I'm pretty sure he has a concussion too. He needs to go to the hospital." David looked back down to me and shook his head.

"Okay…just stay here until the paramedics get here, alright? Do you need anything?" David sort of leaned forward and as he did I saw in my peripherals Kendall step away from the couch and walk away. I swallowed hard and looked back to David, who was smiling small at me. I forced a smile back and shook my head softly. Except there was something I needed. Something I couldn't have.

Kendall.


	33. Chapter 33

I couldn't stand the blinding white light hanging over me, or the loud busy hallway right outside my closed off room. I thankfully was alone, but I would have rather been alone in my dorm, in my own bed, doing nothing. Well that's a lie. I wanted to be in Kendall's bed, holding him and listening to him tell me he wanted me back. But if I couldn't have that, my own bed would be sufficient enough.

I knew that once I was put in my own little room in the ER, I had a concussion. And because I'm the son of the hospital director, everyone here, took very good care of me. I didn't have to ask for a thing. That sort of irritated me, but I remained quiet just hoping I could leave soon. They bandaged my nose and iced my eye, but the ER doctor was still worried about me having a concussion and weren't going to let me leave any time soon. So, I took my shoes off, and curled up into a ball looking at stupid videos on my phone. I sat there for at least 10 minutes by myself, very near sleep when I heard the curtain pull back. I glanced over my shoulder and even though I wasn't seeing who I wanted, I still smiled. David and Matt walked in each holding a cup of coffee. I pushed myself up and turned my phone off forcing a yawn to go back in my throat. "How you feeling kid?" I shrugged crossing my legs over each other and watched Matt as he sat on my bed with me, extending the cup of coffee to me. I frowned taking it and opened the lid. "It's just a plain boring gross black coffee." I smiled big and put the lid back on and drank from it slowly. "So, James and Carlos drove Steven back to his dorm. I figured I'd stay here and drive you home once you got released."

"Like you're a wild animal going back home." I glared at David who was sitting on a backless stool rolling over to us. "So, my insurance covered all this. Because it happened while you were on the clock and all. And I'm letting everyone get paid for their full 8 hours since I closed everything down." I nodded smiling small at him and he sipped from his coffee.

"What happened? Like…what was wrong with that guy?" Matt glanced over to David and shook his head fast. I slouched feeling my head pound and stuck my bottom lip out. "I hate when people do that. Just tell me." Matt looked over at me and I looked back to David who leaned forward, putting a hand on my knee closest to him.

"The guy was high on PCP. He was completely wacked out of his mind. From what the cops got from him, he said he say that guy he threw on the bar, dancing with his boyfriend. He wanted to kill him. I guess once you grabbed his arm, he snapped and also wanted to kill you." My eyes widened, and he nodded. "It gets better. When the paramedics dropped you off here, I told them thank you, and they told me, if Christian and I hadn't pulled him off you, he very well could have bashed your skull in."

"Dude…" Matt reached back and slapped David hard making him sit back. "Just…all you need to know is that you are okay, and once they check you out one more time, you'll be able to go home and get some sleep."

"Is the other guy okay? The one who was thrown on the bar?" The both nodded quick just as my ER doctor walked in, in just scrubs, holding a clipboard. "Please tell me I can go home." The younger looking doctor looked up and smiled, nodding.

"Yes. As long as you can do this one last test." The doctor got right beside me, and raised a finger, squinting at me. I sighed out, and looked at the finger, following it slowly. "Okay…I think you're going to be alright. I am going to suggest keeping ice on your eye and not getting into any more bar fights." He dropped his finger and I frowned stretching my legs out in front of me.

"Please tell me you didn't write this up as a bar fight. Because my parents will kill me." The doctor backed out slowly, smiling wide and shrugged.

"I'll be here to treat those wounds if I need too." I rolled my eyes slipping off the bed and pushed my feet into my shoes bending slightly. I groaned quietly as Matt took my coffee for me and I struggled putting my feet actually in my shoes. When I stood back up, Matt handed my cup back to me while David grabbed my jacket on the end of my bed and handed it over to me making me smile small. As happy I was to have David and Matt by myside as I walked out of the hospital, and to Matt's huge truck, it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be going home to Kendall. Again…I knew it wasn't going to happen.

I was put in the backseat of Matt's truck and laid down as soon as I was inside. I yawned loudly, shivering slightly and closed my eyes hearing the truck's engine rev, and the heater turn on, full blast. The next time I opened my eyes I saw the front seats empty and I raised up feeling concerned, but just as I was sitting up all the way the door to my right opened and the cold snowy air filled the cab of the truck. "Come on buddy. We're at David's place. Carlos isn't at the dorm and I didn't feel comfortable leaving you alone in your dorm." I nodded slipping out of the truck letting Matt help me down. "If you want me to take you somewhere else…" I chuckled shaking my head walking up the short walkway to get to David's house seeing the front door open. "Okay, just call me if you need anything Loges." I stepped inside frowning and looked over my shoulder seeing Matt not right behind me.

"You not going to hang out for a bit?" He laughed but shook his head softly.

"Nah…I…" Before he was finished there was a hand on the small of my back and David appeared next to me. "See ya guys." Matt turned quick and walked back to his truck as I was gently pulled into the house. I thought it was a little odd, how Matt was acting, but ignored it feeling the warmth from David's house.

Usually David's roommates were out in the living room, being loud and obnoxious, so we were usually in his room. Also, we were always fucking when I was here, so his room was the only choice ever. But I vaguely remember hearing him say something about his roommates going home for Christmas which was in a week and was sort of grateful for it. I took a seat on the big dark brown couch, and kicked my shoes off, while also unbuttoning my coat. David, walked to the fireplace and knelt down quick, opening up the grate. "Thanks for letting me crash here." He nodded, not looking back at me and I gently threw my coat to the end of the couch sitting back softly. "And thanks for taking care of me tonight. I know I'm not usually good at accepting help, but tonight I guess I wort of needed it." He laughed standing up just a loud crack of the fire echoed through the empty house. He closed the grate back up and turned wiping his hands off on his black jeans. He walked quickly to the couch beside me and set one arm up behind my head while the other rested gently in his lap. I wanted to look in his eyes, but he wouldn't look at me. "You alright?" I set a hand on his thigh making him tense up and nod slowly. "You don't look it." He turned to me and I grinned. I moved in fast and smashed our lips together already starting to climb up on him. I figure, Kendall wanted nothing to do with me, I might as well get it from where I could. However, as I started to straddle his waist, like I had done many times before, he pushed on my chest with one hand, while the other gently held around my neck.

"Wait…slow down Logan." I pouted sitting back on his thighs and set my hands on his huge pecks. "I…I can't keep doing this with you until I get some things off my chest." I nodded sneakily working on the zipper on his sweater. "I feel like the last two months have been great, because I've been getting laid almost every day." I chuckled and nodded carefully grinding down onto him. He sighed out setting his hands on my hips and we locked eyes. "But I feel like you Kendall breaking up is my fault." I let my smile fall off my face and he sat up a little shaking his head. "I know…we've talked about this before and the breakup was something you wanted but…I saw different tonight. And I can't help but think about how happy you would be right now if Kendall was still your boyfriend." I slowly pushed off him and turned sitting next to him, pulling my left leg up to my chest, hugging around it softly. "Which is why I need to tell you…I haven't' been honest with you. About a lot of things. And I value you as a person too much to keep lying." I glanced up to his face feeling like I was going to throw up. "Kendall didn't cheat on me Logan. He wasn't snorting coke off one of my bartender's asses. It was the other way around." I quickly scooted away from him, feeling like if I was close enough I would tare at his beautiful black hair. "I fucked up so bad with him and not just because I was a coke head, fucking everything that walked by. I managed to get every single one of our friends to turn against him. I told everyone he was the one who screwed up, and because of his record, people believed he was this huge drug addict who fucked every living creature who walked on two legs. I nearly destroyed him." I looked away clenching one fist and put it over my mouth seeing my whole world crumble down around me. "All the shit I've told you about him…isn't true. He never beat a guy up at my bar…he never tried to fuck a 17-year-old kid. I told you all these things because I wanted you to dump him. So, I could try to get back with him." My head turned to him slowly and I watched him sit up straight reaching out for me. I however yanked my hand back and he looked down shaking his head. "When he came to the bar that morning to pick you up, I forgot about how much I loved him, and fell for him all over again. And to me…you were just a road block in getting him back. Honestly…that's why I wanted you to work for me. So, I could plant these horrible images in your head, so you'd leave him, and I could scoop in. And then something odd happened." He looked back up and of all things…smiled. "I fell for you instead." I shot off the couch and walked around the coffee table to the other side, glaring down at him.

"You've been lying to me this whole time?!" He also stood up and gave me his best puppy dog look ever. "How could you let me think all of that shit about a man I loved?! And then turn around and make me trust you blindly!?" He went to step around the coffee table to walk to me, but I jumped back quick, and raised both hands giving him a dirty look. "Stay the hell away from me. Don't call me and don't' come around looking for me. You can fuck yourself David. I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me, because of you! Because of your soft sweet demeanor and your ability to make people feel sorry for you! You fed me lie after lie just to get in my pants! And before that, to get in Kendall's! Everything we talked about…all this time was a fucking joke!"

"No Logan! Because I actually fell for you. Hard! I'm in love with you!" He reached out to me, but I aggressively shoved him away and walked to my coat, and shoes. "Logan…"

"Save it for your right-hand asshole." I shoved past him hard, shoving my shoes on my feet, walking to his front door.

"Are you going to walk?"

"It's better than being here you fucking prick!" I threw his front door open and walked out pulling my coat on.

"Logan wait! You're going to freeze to death out there! Let me give you a ride God damn it!" I hastily walked out of the house, into a mini snow storm happening and shoved my hands into my coat pockets after buttoning it up. I heard footsteps behind me but then heard a car door open and slam shut. I shivered feeling my anger boiling over, and my tears threatening to spill out. Ever since I started working with David, he had a new horrible thing to tell me about Kendall. And I think after a while it got to me. I let it seep into my brain and force me to make a choice. Do I want to be with the guy who hasn't told me half the shit his ex has, or do I break it off and make it me hurting him before he hurt me? I think it was pretty obvious which path I went down. And I fucking hated David for it.

I literally just started walking back to the faint bright lights of the city I could see. David's house was sort of on a hill, and about 20 minutes away from the city. Which meant if you were walking, it was well over an hour to get back to the university. Or even the bar. I didn't care. I purposely walked on the opposite side of the street so David couldn't follow me, harassing me. And he tried. He drove on the other side of the street from me and begged me to just let him drive me. But I ignored him. And when he realized he was blocking traffic he had to speed up and turn around. He tried to stop on the side of the road, but there really wasn't anywhere for him to do that. So, he left. And I was able to just walk peacefully in the snow, my thoughts the only thing keeping me company. I hated my thoughts right now, because they were telling me I was an idiot. I was an idiot before because I fucked a guy behind Kendall's back. But now it was worse because he basically manipulated me into this relationship with him. He made me secretly hate the man of my dreams and all by the soft sound of his voice. He mind fucked me, and got away with it, because no matter how many times Kendall warned me about him, I ignored him. Because David told me it was something Kendall would do. He would try to turn it around and make everyone else to be the bad guy. And I fucking fell for it. "Logan!" I froze in my spot hearing my teeth chatter and looked over my shoulder seeing a figure walking towards me, across the very empty street. That mini storm was turning into a full-blown blizzard and I was shivering and freezing my balls off. But the figure running towards me carefully approached me faster, and suddenly I was getting warmer. It was Kendall. "What the hell are you doing out in this fucking blizzard! You're going to catch your fucking death!" He gently grabbed my upper right arm, and turned us, walking us back to his car. "I don't' like getting a call from your fuck buddy that you are walking to town because of a stupid fight. I shouldn't be the one who has to come out and rescue you every time!" I yanked out of his grasp hard and pulled my hands out of my pockets. "Get in the fucking car Logan! I'm taking you back to your dorm and then I'm going to go back to my normal life where I didn't have to fucking worry about you!"

"I never asked you too Kendall! I never wanted you to worry about me!"

"Too bad! That's what you do when you love someone!" He got right in my face and screamed it into it. I clenched my fists down at my sides and he shook his head, his lips chattering. "Come back down to Earth for a minute Logan! The reason I was always worried about you…the reason I hated watching you leave every fucking time was because I was terrified you were going to get hurt again. That another person was going to try to take you away from me! And I got fucking crucified for it!" I shoved at him hard pushing him back into his car door hard.

"You acted like I was a helpless mouse in this big giant cat world! I couldn't be trusted to go out anywhere by myself! Do you know how fucking insulting that is!?" He breathed out hard and I shivered violently closing my eyes. "I was told, by David, that you were this drug addict, control freak, abusive asshole and panicked." I opened my eyes back up and wiped at the cold tears on my face. "He told me lie after lie about you and my brain told me to run. If I didn't sleep with him Kendall, I still would have broken up with you. Because I thought you were someone different. I was scared."

"And you don't think I was?" His voice was quiet, and he shrugged standing up straight. "You scared the shit out of me Logan. Because I changed everything about who I was, because of you. I cleaned up my act and found out what it means to be in a real adult relationship. And everyday it scared me and all I thought was I was going to fuck it up somehow." I looked down sobbing/shivering and shoved my hands back into my coat pockets. "You're going to get sick out here…let me take you back to David's." I looked up fast and shook my head. "Logan…"

"I don't want to see him. I want to go…" I paused knowing I would get nowhere telling him I wanted to go to his bed and swallowed hard. "I just want to go to my dorm." He nodded and turned opening his car door getting in fast. I slowly walked around the front and opened up the passenger door, like I had done so many times before, just on happier occasions, and slid inside. Once my door was shut, I sat back closing my eyes, letting the heater cover me entirely. He pulled off the side of the road, peeling out making his tires screech and I looked over to him. He had his left elbow up on his car door, his hand holding his head up by his chin. His other hand was up on the top of the steering wheel gripping tight. I looked away fast and pulled my seatbelt on, while wiping my tear covered cheeks onto my shoulders still covered in snow.

We sat in his tiny warm Mustang not saying one word to each other. He drove through the storm like a champ and got to the University in under thirty minutes. When he parked in a spot, he didn't kill the engine, or take off his seatbelt. He didn't even turn to me. I took it as my sign to just get out of his car, and never see him again, so I did. I yanked the seatbelt off and stepped out into the almost empty parking lot, slamming the door shut hard. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my coat and quickly but carefully made my way up to my dorm building. It was a slow process to get there, since everything was turning to ice, but when I made it inside, I was sort of grateful everyone was almost already gone for the break. No one was going to question about my face, or why I looked like I wanted to cry in a corner by myself. And as soon as I got to my room, I unlocked the door and felt relieved not seeing Carlos lying in his bed. I shut and locked my door softly, and started kicking out of my shoes, and taking off my coat. I hung my coat up on the back of my desk chair, to dry and pulled my super soaking wet socks off, hanging them off the window seal. As I peeled my green shirt off my body, I yawned loudly. I threw my shirt to my hamper and just as I started to work on my belt, there were three soft knocks to my door. I froze and felt panicked but walked to my door quick. I unlocked it and swung it open ready to yell at whoever was going to ruin my peaceful night of sleep. But nothing could have prepared me for seeing the man in front of me. Kendall had red cheeks and a red nose, and snow on his head and shoulders. I swallowed hard, opening my mouth to question what he was doing but never got the chance. He moved into me fast, putting one hand on my bare back, while the other cupped my neck. And he kissed me. He kissed me like his life depended on it, while walking us into my room. I jumped and pulled away from his mouth when I heard the door slam shut and let him pick me up quick, underneath my butt. I gasped putting my hands on his shoulders and locked my legs behind his back. He breathed in hard and again before I could question any of it, he shoved his mouth onto mine and walked us back to my bed, not needing to tell me what we were about to do.


	34. Chapter 34

I felt weird. My body was enjoying every kiss, and touch. But my head was telling me to stop this because it wasn't healthy. But every time our lips would part, he was dragging his over my neck and chest. If I really wanted too, I could push him off me and ask him what all this was going to mean tomorrow. But I was afraid to ask. Because one, I didn't want to ruin our current situation. And two…I didn't want to be heartbroken. Just the thought of what I've done to him, and why we were in this predicament to begin with, dawned on me and I pushed him back gently. I turned my head away, even though he continued to suck on my skin trailing the kiss down to my right here. "Kendall…" I moaned his name, running my hands up through his hair, trying to get him to look at me. Instead of pushing off me, his hands moved from under my head on my pillow to the waist band of my jeans. His mouth started to move down to my chest and I wrapped my legs tighter around his back. As he hovered over my right nipple he glanced up at me with big green eyes and my heart melted. "What…"

"Do you really want to ask any questions right now?" I frowned putting my hands on his face and he shot up quick, pulling his shirt with him. Since he came to my dorm, all we've done is make out and touch each other. He took off his coat and sweater, but the black long-sleeved shirt was still on him. Until now. When he threw it off to the side on my floor I gasped quietly sitting up putting my hands softly on the skin over his ribs.

"Fuck…does this hurt still?" He glanced down to my hands on the bruises covering his body and he shrugged sitting back putting one hand on my shoulder, while the other started taking the belt off from around his waist. "How does your leg feel?" I looked at his face and we locked eyes. He shook his head leaning into me, but I pushed back just a little and shook my own head. "Kendall, we need to talk. About a lot of things."

"Like how you fucked my ex behind my back to get back at me for treating you bad?" I looked down quick swallowing hard and he laughed over me. "We can either have another argument or just…"

"Pretend like nothing happened?" I looked back up at him and he sighed out pushing back away from me, sitting down hard onto my bed leaning against the wall running his hand up through his hair. I took a moment to notice how much he's changed in the two months since I've seen him. He had grown out a very attractive, thick beard and mustache along with some sideburns. He wasn't super hairy on his face, but it was thick enough for me to swoon over. His hair had also grown out and as he pushed it back off his face I noticed a new tattoo on his forearm. It was of…a teddy bear? I wasn't quite sure cause he lowered his hand quick and sighed out hard. I looked up at his face and crossed my legs over each other, putting my hands in my lap. "I'm sorry. For everything I did. For everything I've done." His eyes fell down to his legs and he interlocked his hands together. "My whole world…it felt like it was caving in on its self. I panicked. And throughout all of it, you told me, over and over, to not work at that bar. To not even associate with the guy and I ignored you."

"Because you're a grown man who can make his own decisions for himself." We locked eyes again and he carefully reached out, touching under my sort of swollen right eye rubbing gently. "I didn't think I would ever forgive you for cheating. Because I never thought you would be capable of doing something like that to me. And there will never be a day where I say…it's okay you fucked him." I sort of pushed into his hand on my face and closed my eyes at the slight pain from the new pressure. "But hindsight is twenty-twenty. And even thought you say you would have broken up with me, even if you hadn't cheated, I don't buy it for a minute. I know you too well Logan. I know eventually you would have lost you shit on me, called me out for being an overprotective asshole, and we would have worked it out. Just like we're going to do right now." I opened my eyes back up and saw him lowering his hand form my face, gently patting his lap. I was hesitant to go towards him because in the back of my mind, I knew this was going to be some kind of trap. He was going to pull me in close enough to make me taste it, and then yank it back whenever he wished. However, because my eye and nose was hurting, and I missed him I got up on my knees and slowly crawled over to him, straddling his lap. Both his hands went to my neck and held me in place as I tucked my fingers into the waste band of his jeans. I set my forehead on top of his and let tears fall out of my eyes. "I'm not going to ever lie to you Logan. I am still really fucked up over what you did." I squeezed my eyes shut hard and a tiny sob escaped my mouth. I went to cover it with my hand, but his lips pressed softly into mine, silencing me. "That doesn't mean I don't love you with all my heart." That made me feel worse, and I shoved hard down into him and put my face in his neck, avoiding my broken nose. I turned my head a little, so my unhurt eye side could lay on his skin. I wrapped my arms around his body and closed my eyes again, crying out. One of his hands cupped the back of my head, twirling my hair in his fingers, while the other rubbed up and down my back. "I missed you. And I never stopped loving you." I nodded against him letting more tears spill out, not caring that they were running down his skin. "I want to take you back Logan. But…" I sobbed out harder pushing into him knowing this was exactly what was going to happen. He wasn't going to take me back. He lured me in with kisses and soft talking, but at the end of the day, I fucked up and have to pay for it. "Shh…baby stop…shh it's alright." There were kisses to my head and his fingers moved quick over my skin, rubbing me softly. "I want to take you back Logan, but I need to hear you promise me something." I opened my eyes feeling my bottom lip quiver and breathed in and out hard nodding. "You have to promise me to not keep me in the dark about your feelings. Even if you think it's going to piss me off and we fight. I want to know about it. Because I want to be able to fix my mistakes." I nodded turning my head and put my face over his skin kissing gently onto his neck. "And I want you to promise me that if for some reason you ever think of doing something like this ever again…" I pushed away from him quickly and we locked eyes as he quickly wiped at my face shaking his head. "You will kill me before you ever make me feel that kind of pain, ever, ever again." I sobbed out, closing my eyes and nodded fast as he pulled me down and gently kissed my forehead. I moved my own hands up to his neck and held onto him, as I cried out loud, and softly shook over him. "Babe…it's gonna be okay. Just breath slowly. It's alright." He started to pull me back onto him, but I didn't want to move. "Loges…baby calm down." I shook my head pushing forward quick and wrapped my arms around the back of his head putting his face sort of in my chest, by my shoulder. He sighed under me as I continued to cry and without using a lot of strength, he pushed off my bed, still holding me, only to turn back around and lay me flat on my back. I let him go wiping my face, ignoring the blinding pain from my nose and eye, and watched him kick out of his snow boots, and tug at the blanket under me. I got up fast and pushed them back, sliding back in. I laid on my side watching him get in beside me, also lying on his side. I immediately pushed into him putting my head under his chin inhaling his beautiful cologne. "I love you Logan." I glanced up to him, no longer crying as hard or as much and nodded clearing my throat quietly.

"I love you too Kendall." He smiled at this and ran a hand up and down my side, going into my jeans on the last time his hand moved down. "And I promise. I promise to not keep you in the dark about my feelings, and I promise you I will never, ever do something like that to you again. Ever." He moved in quick and kissed my forehead wrapping his arm around my back. I quickly kissed onto his Adam's apple and wrapped around his arm, turning fast. I shoved my back and my butt into his front and hugged around his arm kissing on his fingers and knuckles. There were soft kisses to my head that made me absolutely lose it. But no matter how horny I was for him because it's been too long, the pain I was feeling in my face was making me sleepy, and as soon as I went still and just let the vibration form his heart in his chest, thump into mine, I was out.

I couldn't have been out for too long though because when I opened my eyes next, my room was still fairly dark. But the reason I woke up was because I could feel Kendall moving behind me and heard soft knocks to my door. I raised up slowly and gently touched his back, as he climbed out of the bed, groaning quietly. "I got it babe." I nodded rubbing my left eye and closed my right one, yawning quietly as he pulled the door open. "Sam?" My eyes shot open and I sat up straight seeing Kendall moving out of the way. Sam was standing in front of the door, covered in snow, shivering. "Come in…" He motioned her in and she did, shaking snow off her.

"I'm so sorry guys…I can come back later this morning. I didn't know you…" She paused looking at me, as I slipped out of the bed smiling small.

"It's alright. What…uhm what time is it?" Kendall looked at his watch on his wrist and chuckled.

"Almost 2:30 in the morning." I frowned as Sam walked to me, pulling off her beanie and scarf.

"Is everything alright? Usually visits at 2:30 in the morning, end with tears or fighting." She laughed and nodded gently sitting down on my bed while Kendall sat across from her on Carlos's. I quickly sat beside her and brushed snow off her shoulder, not caring it was getting on my bed.

"Honestly if Carlos was here, it probably would end up with fighting." She looked at me with big brown doe eyes and reached into the pocket of her coat biting her bottom lip.

"Are you hurt or anything like that Sam?" We both turned to Kendall who looked very concerned. I smiled small, happy and so in love with that man as Sam chuckled and turned back to me.

"No. But what's this…" She reached out touching my face below my eye and next to my bandaged nose.

"Nothing. Just broke up at fight at work."

"With your face?" Her and Kendall laughed, and I smiled shaking my head at her, raising my eyebrows. "Uhm…well I can see you guys were fast asleep, so I'll just make this quick. I guess…" She trailed off, looking down and reached in her coat again. This time however when she pulled her hand out, she was holding onto a medium sized Ziploc bag, rolled up. When she unrolled it raising it up in front of my face, I felt my stomach drop into my toes. I reached out quick and examined it closer hearing Kendall standing up.

"Is that a pregnancy test?" I lowered the bag, my mouth wide open, and we locked eyes. She was crying. I didn't blame her. "Are you pregnant Sam?" Sam turned up to Kendall and nodded slowly sobbing out. She lowered her head fast and covered her mouth. I reached out and scooted closer letting her fall into my chest crying out quietly. "Do you know who the dad is?" I shot Kendall a dirty look as he knelt down in front of her, putting his hands on her knees. He ignored me clearing his throat softly. "When did you take this?"

"Tonight…I…I missed my period. I panicked and bought a back of three pregnancy tests. All three of them came up positive." I tensed up feeling bad for her and let her put a hand on my leg pushing herself up to sit up straight. "I am about…99.99% sure James is the dad." She turned to me and breathed in deep and hard. "Carlos is going to lose his mind."

"Carlos will get over it. And whatever you decide to do, James will support you. He's already made that clear." She looked down sniffling a little and I rubbed her back looking at Kendall. He rubbed her knees gently and stood up walking back to Carlos's bed.

"I already know what I'm going to do." She looked back at me and shrugged. "I can't have an abortion…I couldn't live with that. And I can't give the baby up for adoption. It would be too hard. So…I'm going to keep it and raise it. With or without James. Or…" She paused and looked over to the two computer desks and I followed her gaze stopping on a picture of Carlos and I, on our high school graduation day. "Carlos." There was an immense amount of pain in her voice that broke even my heart. I pulled her into me and eyed Kendall as he sat quietly, looking at the crying girl in my arms. "I miss him so much. And I wanted those tests to come back negative because I knew if I wasn't pregnant we'd get back together. But now…he's never going to look at me ever again."

"That's not true." She gave me a stupid look and I smirked pushing hair out of her face. "Carlos is a hot head who only sees red when he gets pissed off. But I think he's cooled down quite a bit. I think if you guys had a long talk you could work things out." She laughed shaking her head and gently patted my thigh. "And…I don't want you to think I'm telling you what to do, but I think you should tell James. Like as soon as possible." She looked back down at her lap and nodded.

"I tried calling him. It kept going to voicemail. Probably because he's with Carlos."

"He is…they are at my apartment. Playing video games." We both turned to Kendall who smiled small at Sam. "If I know them, they are still wide awake. I can drive you over there, if you'd like." I glanced back to Sam who closed her eyes breathing in hard and deep nodding ever so slightly. "Okay…and Logan and I will be there to stop any pissing contests and if they get too aggressive, I'll kick them out." She laughed opening her eyes and wiped under them.

"Thanks Kendall." She turned to me and put a hand on my face rubbing under my unhurt eye. "And thanks Logan. You are the only guy I know who would let me cry on him at 2:30 in the morning because I'm pregnant." I laughed pulling her into me and hugged her tight.

"You're one of my best friends Sam. I'm always going to be here for you." She nodded against my face and we pulled away, me standing up, going to my wardrobe. "Just remember something. If James and Carlos freak out over this, you can always live with me."

"Yeah this dorm will do really well with a kid in it." I gave Kendall a dirty look as he pulled on his boots and I grabbed a pair of thick warm socks.

"I get what your saying Logan. And I appreciate it." I hopped over to my boots, pulling my socks on hearing my bed squeak, meaning Sam was standing herself up. "So are you guys…back together or…" I stomped hard into my left boot and looked back over at Kendall as I tightened it. He smirked as he picked his black shirt up off the floor and started pulling it on. "I guess it's none of my business but…"

"Yes. We are back together. After all the shit I put him through and he still took me back." I gave Kendall a sad look as he smiled and walked to his sweater and jacket hanging on the back of Carlos's desk chair. "It was stupid that we broke up in the first place. But all that matters is that we're together again." Sam made a small little awe noise as Kendall got next to her, pulling his coat on. I rolled my eyes grabbing a plain white long-sleeved shirt from my wardrobe quickly pulling it on. "Besides…do you see how cute he is? I would be stupid not to be with him." I turned to them fast, my shirt halfway down my face. Both of them laughed as I struggled to pull it down completely, making them laugh even more. When it was down, I pouted at Kendall who was holding my coat out to me, shrugging. "I love you." I slipped my coat on walking backwards to the door and pulled it open letting Sam walk out first. As Kendall walked by, to follow her, I grabbed his arm and pulled him into me. I put one hand behind his head and kissed his lips softly. When I pulled back he sighed quietly slipping a hand into the back pocket of my jeans squeezing softly.

"I love you too Kendall."


	35. Chapter 35

Between clutching onto Kendall's arm, and squeezing Sam's hand as we made it very slowly up the stairs to his front door, I couldn't help but smile as big as I could. Not just 12 hours ago, I was sad and depressed about my life. I was (unbeknownst to me) with an asshole who lied every chance he got, feeling more and more depressed everyday and slowly losing grips on reality. And now I was clutching onto the love of my life and laughing at how many times we all almost fell in snow and on the ice with one of my best friends. Kendall was having neither of our shenanigans, and hurriedly shoved us up the stairs, holding both of us softly, so we wouldn't fall too hard. By the time we got to the top of the stairs, we had stopped laughing, but were still smiling as we let Kendall walk past us going to his door. He opened it quick and I wasn't surprised to see the lights on, and smell weed. Heavily. I sighed out linking arms with Sam, and leading her in, putting her sort of behind my back. James and Carlos both stood up from the couch and while Carlos set a game controller on the coffee table, James put down a rolled joint, and lighter. I slowly revealed Sam to both of them, Carlos softening up quick. "Sam…" She tightened around me and I cautiously looked to Kendall who cleared his throat, taking off my coat. Before he spoke James walked around the table, staring directly at me, looking worried.

"I thought you had a concussion? You shouldn't be up walking around." I rolled my eyes letting Sam go as she walked to the loveseat and I started to take off my coat. "Also…David said he was going to look after you? Where the hell is he?" I heard Kendall snicker as he walked to the couch, sitting beside Carlos, his coat still on. I glared at him as he sat back yawning loudly. "Did you two drive here? Together?"

"Yes, with Sam who needs to tell you two dickheads something, and then wants to go home so just shut up for a minute." Everyone turned to Sam as I stepped back and leaned against the wall yawning. When I did yawn, my nose hurt just a little and I was really, really craving Kendall's warm bed.

"Are you alright?" Carlos walked quickly to sit next to Sam who kept her head down, and gently started to bounce her left leg. "Sam?" Carlos put a hand on the side of her face and titled her head up to him. She was crying again, and it made me sad. "What's going on?" Sam jumped up fast and rushed to me. I stood up tall and let her shove her face into my chest, wrapping tight around me. I held around her, still holding my coat. "What the hell is going on?"

"Sam…do you want me to tell them?" I whispered it softly in her ear, and she shook her head roughly. I sighed and glanced over to Kendall. "Do you want Kendall and I to leave?"

"I'm afraid if you're here, they won't be honest about how they feel." I chuckled and nodded pushing her off me, holding her face gently. "I'll yell for you guys if it gets out of hand."

"And just come get Kendall. He said he'd drive you home." She nodded, and I gently kissed her cheek. She turned away from me and I quickly grabbed Kendall's hand, and tugged him towards the hallway. I checked over my shoulder to see Sam wiping her face sitting next to Carlos breathing out hard. I also saw James giving Kendall and I a weird look but ignored it as I turned back to the front and walked into Kendall's bedroom. I let his hand go and immediately crawled onto his bed yawning loud again. I laid down flat on my stomach and extended my arms and legs out, stretching softly.

"You really trust them to behave out there?" Kendall's bedroom door shut softly, and I raised my head, quickly rubbing my unhurt and un-swollen eye. There was a hand that went up from my calf on my right leg, to the back of my thigh, as he gently got between my open legs on the bed. The hand then moved up to my butt, and he grabbed a hold of my cheek squeezing softly. I glanced over my shoulder and eyed him as his other hand did the same to my other cheek, and we both smiled. "Fuck I forgot how much I loved this ass." I rolled my eyes, lying my head back down on the bed closing my eyes.

"I can't believe it. Sam is going to be a mother, and James is the dad. I would have never thought I would say that sentence out loud, ever, in my whole life." He chuckled as he started to place kisses to my neck making me open my eyes. "Thanks for being so helpful. And supportive. I know you don't really know Sam and all…"

"It doesn't matter how well I know her. Even if that was the first time I met her, I'd still help. She's a human being and needs as much support as she can get." I nodded relaxing a bit as his hands started to rub and message over my tense back. "All of this has got me thinking though."

"Oh?" I closed my eyes fearing this conversation was going to end badly. I wasn't sure why. We already said we were back together, and we loved each other. But I still had that thought in the back of my mind, that I had fucked up so bad, he changed his mind and didn't want me.

"Yeah…and I want to ask you something." I felt him move around over me hastily, and it made me open my eyes. His hands went to my left side on my ribs and tugged gently. I took the hint and rolled onto my back sitting up fast and stared at him as we both got comfortable sitting on our butts, facing each other. "If someone told me yesterday I was going to be taking you back today, I would have thought they were nuts." I smiled small and looked down playing with my hands, feeling my chest hurt from what he said. I deserved it though. "But now that I have you back…and I know you love me just as much as I love you…I can't help but want to be with you every chance I get." I looked back up and he grinned putting a hand on my face, rubbing under my bruised and swollen one. "What would you say if I asked you to live with me?" My mouth dropped open and he sat back putting both hands in his lap. "I love you Logan. It's that simple." I closed my mouth and looked down fast wringing my hands together. "Are you going to say anything or are you just going to leave me in this horrible mindset that you don't want to live with me?" I couldn't help but laugh as I looked back up at him and quickly got up on my knees. I crawled as close to him as I could get, and gently pressed my lisp into his. Both his hands went to my face and pulled on me. I climbed on top of his lap and set my hands on his shoulders pushing away from his mouth.

"I would love to live with you." We locked eyes as he moved his hands down to my sides, and then slowly wrapped them around my back. "I love you so much Kendall. I am never, ever going to lose you again." I set my chin on top of his head and let him put his face in my neck. "You will never know how much it means to me that you took me back and are giving me a second chance."

"I do know. Because I know how much we love each other, and how important this is to us. I know we are never going to let anything ruin us, ever again." I nodded running my hands up through his hair and tugged gently as he softly kissed onto the skin on my neck. "I want to show you something." I nodded pulling back form him and gently sat on his lap, wrapping my legs around his body locking my feet together, behind him. He pushed up the sleeve on his long-sleeved shirt and raised the arm looking at me. "You should consider yourself special. You're the first guy I've ever gotten inked for." I frowned grabbing his arm and looked at the tattoo's he had shaking my head. "It's the little brown teddy bear." I looked up at him and couldn't help but smile.

"A teddy bear? That's supposed to be because of me?" He nodded lowering his arm and put both hand son my butt easily lifting me to pull me closer to him. I set my hands on his neck and shook my head. "I don't get it." He laughed looking down and shrugged.

"Well…it's a brown bear. Your eyes and hair are the most beautiful brown I've ever seen. Easy color choice." I nodded running my fingers over the hair on his chin and he smirked. "And it's a teddy bear because you are my Loggie bear." I froze in my movement and he laughed leaning in pressing a kiss to my lips. He pulled back and nodded. "You are soft and sweet like a teddy bear. My teddy bear."

"It's not very manly." He rolled his eyes getting up fast forcing me to wrap tight around him. He turned us so when he laid me down, I was at the head of the bed. I laid down flat and sighed out watching him moved down my body, pushing my shirt up on my body. His lips went to the skin below my belly button and I closed my eyes quickly putting my hands on the top of his head. "I've missed your touch Ken."

"I missed hearing you scream my name." I opened my eyes and raised my head watching him tug at the belt on my jeans. I smirked as he hovered over my skin and started to undress me.

"Good to see you haven't changed too much." He laughed sitting up and let me go quickly pulling off his shirt. "You know you still have to drive Sam back to the dorms?" He stopped halfway, giving me an excuse to look at his toned and delicious abs making me weak.

"I'll make James or Carlos take her." I rolled my eyes as he tore the shirt off the rest of the way and threw it to his floor. "Besides…once she tells them, after they talk or do whatever, they need to start making plans on how they are going to support her." He put his hands outside my head on the bed below me and gently pushed his crotch into mine. I put my hands on the skin on his neck and held him over me as I wrapped my legs around the back of his thighs. "I hope Carlos doesn't loose it again." I shrugged, suddenly not caring just as he leaned down into me and shoved his tongue in my mouth. I closed my eyes and dropped my hands from his neck reaching down for his pants. As I tugged on the belt buckle, I heard three soft little knocks to the closed bedroom door, making both of us pull away and sigh out. I gently pushed Kendall to the side and jumped off the bed, pushing my shirt down, and wiping my mouth. I opened the door and smiled small at Sam who was looking up at me, with surprising to me, no tears.

"Hey…you alright?" She nodded crossing her arms over her chest and I noticed the, she wasn't wearing her jacket. "How did they take it?"

"Well…Carlos left." I sighed leaning on the wall and she shrugged. "James chased after him. He said it's way to thick out there for him to be able to drive so hopefully he comes back." I nodded, and she shrugged. "James said I could sleep here tonight since no one should drive and I just wanted to ask Kendall for a spare blanket or something." I nodded fast and started to turn. I reached out for one her hands, but as soon as I turned, I ran right into Kendall who put a hand on the back of my neck and squeezed gently.

"You want some dry clothes?" I looked at Sam who nodded and laughed at the same time, out of awkwardness. "The couch out there pulls out to a bed. I'll get it ready for you."

"Thanks." Kendall nodded and turned going to his dresser. "I think after a while we should go looking for them." I sighed out and nodded opening my mouth to say I would go out there right now, but we both looked down the hallway hearing the front door open.

"I'm going to go talk to them. Stay in here." Sam nodded stepping out of my way and I rushed down the hallway seeing James and Carlos taking off coats and kicking off boots. "Guys…" Carlos looked at me first and I heard a tiny little crack go down my heart. He was crying. He looked destroyed. "Are…"

"He gave Sam an ultimatum." I frowned at James as I stepped closer and James glared down at him. I put my hands into the pockets of my jeans and swallowed hard. "He said he wanted to take her back…but he can't do that if she's having my baby." Carlos looked away quick and wiped at his face. "He asked her to get an abortion to get back together with him, or he wanted nothing to do with us. Or the baby." My mouth dropped open and Carlos shrugged sitting down hard.

"And guess what she chose. It just goes to show she doesn't love me and is in love with him."

"Los…" I raised a hand at James and stepped closer to them getting right in front of Carlos, feeling my anger rising.

"Are you stupid?" He looked up at me, mad but I ignored it. "That girl has loved you since the first day of 5th grade. You have been the only man in her world who has made her feel safe and loved. She fucked up Carlos. But she didn't do it because she doesn't love you and loves him. If you honestly think that, you are a lot dumber than I thought." Carlos jumped up from the couch and I stepped back knowing how pissed he could get.

"Of course, you are taking her side. One cheater has to have other cheaters back." I went still, but raised my eyebrows seeing him glaring at me. "That's why you didn't want to take either of our sides. Because you already picked a side. Sam was like a hero to you. It was the final push of encouragement you needed to cheat on Kendall."

"Fuck you Carlos. You don't know shit about my relationship with Kendall." He laughed turning away and I took in a deep breath. "For your information, we're back together." I saw James turn to me a small smile on his face and I nodded. "he took me back. After every shitty thing I did to him, and said to him, he took me back. Because knows people make mistakes and if you really love someone second chances are possible."

"Well I guess I'm not as good of a man as Kendall is."

"I think we can all agree on that." We all turned to Kendall's voice seeing him standing next to Sam who had a hand on his arm. "How fucking dare you ask a woman to get an abortion. It's bad enough you asked Carlos, but to know that, that child isn't yours makes it worse." Both James and I saw Carlos step forward, radiating anger and we reached out holding him back. "I don't' know why she still wants to be with you. You're a fucking asshole, who only cares about having the hottest chick on his side. You can't get it through your thick skull that mistakes happen. You don't love Sam. No…because if you did, you wouldn't ask her to do something she doesn't want to do. And if you did love her, you wouldn't ask her in the form of a fucking ultimatum. You're a piece of shit and she deserves better." I looked back to Carlos too see tears rolling down his face and let him go just so I could wipe away his tears. "If there wasn't a huge storm outside right now, I'd kick you out. But like you said, I'm a good man. You can sleep in my room Sam. Away from him." Kendall turned quick, putting a hand on the small of her back and quickly walked her back down the hallway to his room. I lowered my hand from Carlos's face and swallowed hard.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you Carlos. I'm sorry." We both turned to James who took a step back away from Carlos and shrugged. "I was drunk. She was drunk. We had quick sex in someone's closet. It meant nothing and still means nothing. But if she keeps that baby, I'm going to help her take care of it. I have no other choice. This are the decisions I made, and I need to live with them. If we can't be friends because of that, I'm sorry." Carlos looked down fast wiping at his face. I looked back to James who sighed out and nodded turning. He quickly disappeared down the hall leaving me alone with a still and quiet Carlos. I wanted to reach out and hug him. I wanted to tell him a billion things, but nothing came up. I just stared at him, not really recognizing the guy in front of me. He wasn't the same goofy kid I grew up with. He was a bitter, angry adult who was in between a rock and a hard place. I felt bad for him.

"Los…" He looked up fast, and thankfully had softened up a bit. "I…"

"I'm so mad at her Logan. And, yeah it's because she fucked my best friend and got pregnant by him." He shrugged sitting slowly down and I quickly got next to him, putting a hand on his back. "I'm mad because no matter how hard I try, I can't forget about her. I have a war inside my head every day I see her…hear about her. I want to tell her to fuck off, and never see me again. But another part wants me to grab her, tell her I love her no matter whose baby she is carrying. And it fucks me up." I nodded letting him sort of lean into me as he put his head in his hands. "Kendall is right. I am a piece of shit and after what I said to her, she'll never take me back. But why am I not allowed to be upset."

"You are Carlos." He turned to me quick and I shook my head. "But do you honestly think, if she got an abortion, everything would go back to normal?" He turned away fast and swallowed hard. "She still fucked your best friend. Nothing will ever change that. No one will ever forget this, and what's done is done. But how you handle it from here on out, you have control over. You can decide to be a dick and say fuck you to Sam and James." He looked down again running a hand through his hair. "Or you can face the facts, buckle down and be there for them. Because I can guarantee they are both scared out of their minds. And could use all the support they could get right now. Including yours." He sobbed quietly and shook his head.

"I love her so much." He said it between sobs and I quickly turned him and put him in my arms hugging him tight. "I thought she loved me too."

"I know buddy…I'm so sorry." I let him cling onto me as he sobbed, and I ran my hand through his hair. I wanted to tell him to not loose hope…that one day they would be together again. But I couldn't even believe it myself, how would I convince him? And before I could even say one word of that thought, a figure reappeared in the hallway frame, slowly. Sam walked towards us, in a pair of Kendall's sweats and her long sleeved dark red shirt. She was crying quietly looking at Carlos in my arms and I felt near tears myself. I motioned to him and she nodded slowly getting right by us. "Here…you guys should talk." Carlos pushed off me fast and looked up at Sam who covered her mouth and closed her eyes. I slowly got up and walked even slower to the hallway looking at them. Carlos stood up and as Sam said she was sorry under her breath in-between cries, Carlos reached out slowly and gently pulled her into his chest. She wrapped tight around him and they both sobbed out at the same time. I smiled small and turned, heading straight back to Kendall's room. When I got to it, it was halfway closed, and I walked in quietly shutting it behind me. I smiled small as I walked to Kendall and James who were both sitting. Kendall was at the end of his bed, and James was sitting at Kendall's desk, a stupid grin on his face.

"So, you two?" I blushed pushing into Kendall sitting on his lap. He wrapped around him tight and nuzzled his nose into my neck. "Also…your eye looks gnarly bro. You feel okay?" I nodded pushing my hand up under Kendall's sleeve and yawned. "Also, also…" I chuckled watching James lean back and put his hands behind his head, to hold it up. "Kendall said he asked you to live with him. Does this mean you guys want me out?"

"Yes."

"No." Kendall and I both said it at the same time and I raised an eyebrow. "We're not making him move out Kendall." Kendall pouted looking over at James who laughed. "I am not going to just encroach on your place. I still have my dorm anyway. And it's not like it's going to happen overnight anyway."

"Says you." I rolled my eyes turning to James who was smiling.

"I don't mind either way. I sort of had an idea anyway. Now that I know Sam is pregnant." I raised my eyebrows shivering as Kendall pushed a hand up, under my shirt, and rubbed up and down my back. "Well…to be as supportive as I need to be, we should probably live together. I know my dad is going to flip out on me, but in the end, he'll help us out. We could probably even rent an apartment here. Not have to move as much."

"Or, Logan and I could move out, and let you and Sam live here. This place is huge." James nodded slowly and shrugged at the same time. "Whatever happens, you know you can always come to me man. For anything. I don't know a whole lot about babies, but I'll try my best. Beside's I'll have Brainiac with me, so we'll help however you need." I laid my head down in Kendall's neck and closed my eyes yawning again.

"I appreciate it man. And the first thing I'll need help with is making sure my dad doesn't kill me when I tell him tonight at dinner." I opened my eyes hearing the chair creak and frowned. "You should come Loges. And invite your parents. We're having Christmas dinner early sine my dad and Kendall's mom are going to the Bahamas for the holiday." I nodded sitting up straight and watched James and Kendall do the bro hug thing before James started walking to the door. "Night Loges. Good to see you back in this house." I looked at him over my shoulder smiling small and waved.

"Night buddy. See you in the morning. Or later this morning." James laughed as he walked out of the room, shutting it quietly. I stayed looking at it for a few moments before the hand of his that was under my shirt on my back, moved around me, pulling me into him gently. "So…" He laughed over me, slowly lowering us back onto the bed keeping a tight hold of me. "Again…thank you so much for being so sweet to Sam. And sort of putting Carlos into his place."

"It's better I do it, rather than you or James. He can hate me a lot easier than he can hate you two." I nodded quickly moving over him, straddling his waist. I sat up and quickly ripped my shirt off my body. I heard him laugh under me as I threw my shirt to the side. Once it was off my body, I ran a hand through my hair and let him run his hands up and down my exposed body. "You think we'll finally be able to fuck now?" I laughed nodding making him sit up and shove a hand into my jeans in the back, and under my boxers. His hand grabbed a hold of my bare ass cheek and pulled me down into his mouth. I moaned feeling his hand move slowly to my hole and put my hands on his shoulders as he started to gently push his finger inside me. I pushed away from his mouth and groaned loudly sitting up a little, so he could start to take off my jeans with his free hand. "I love you Logan." I ran my hands up over his face, and through his hair closing my eyes as he started to pull his finger out, and push it back in.

"I love you too Kendall." I pushed his face into my neck and let him gently start to bit along it. "Fuck…take my pants off baby." He pulled his finger out of me and quickly undid my belt pushing me off his lap. As soon as my feet were on the ground, and I started to kick out of my socks, there were three soft little knocks to the bedroom door.

"Seriously?" He said it quietly, but I shook my head taking my belt off all the way, but quickly zipping myself back up and buttoning my jeans. I rushed to the door breathing hard and turned off the overhead light, so they would know we were trying to sleep. Hopefully. When I pulled the door open though and I saw Sam and Carlos, clutching onto each other I quickly turned the light back on and frowned. They were both smiling.

"Hey guys. Everything alright?" Sam nodded fast and stepped forward, still holding tight onto Carlos.

"We have something we want to tell you!" Her voice was very high pitched, and it worried me. I leaned against the heavy bedroom door and nodded slowly watching them look at each other, oozing excitement, and then looking back at me. Even before they spoke again, I had a feeling I knew where this was going. Before I could stop them, I saw James appear from out of his room, looking worried. Even though he had no feelings for Sam, I knew a very small part of him was happy he was going to have a baby. And what they said next might very well kill him. Because it would mean he would get shoved out of the picture altogether. As they opened their mouths, both at the same time, I saw James's face fall and watched him get crushed. Hard.

 _The End_

 **Hi guys!**

 **I feel so freaking happy at how well this ending turned out. I know, I know, I know a lot of people will hate this ending. But fear not! I will write a sequel! I just wanted to make it juicy, because you know I love that. And I wanted to end it at a point where you think you know what happened, but you may not! Also…I had written this last chapter at least 7,000 times and was happy with this one the most so, there you go! Love you all!**


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